Has "Tinderization" Destroyed Dating for Average Guys?

chasingstatues · 2015-06-27T22:13:01+00:00

I think that the medium and design of Tinder in itself is going to set unattractive people up for failure and disappointment regardless of their gender. It makes dating as literal and superficial a game as it can be. You're just scrolling through photos and making quick judgments, so it's obviously not designed to create or spark any other real connection but physical. That's why it's mainly just a hook-up app; it's not trying to match compatible personalities, it's purely attraction-based. If you're unattractive, you're gonna have a bad time on Tinder, regardless of your gender. You'll either have little to no options and/or will likely be unhappy with the options you do have. If you are attractive, you will have more options, and can also afford to be choosey.

Amethhyst · 2015-06-27T20:59:39+00:00

My thoughts are that the same thing could be said for men. I've heard my female friends complain about Tinder dates flaking on them.

The problem is that it's Tinder, and I'm pretty sure that's the point of Tinder. I don't know how many people use it expecting to find a lasting relationship...

haircombsnightmare · 2015-06-27T20:05:10+00:00

You paint it as if the "poor guys" didn't have any other option than offering themselves for sex, when both men and women who go to Tinder usually both want sex. I don't see anything wrong with it, but I don't think Tinder guys are poor guys hoping for a relationship.

I don't think it's terrible. I mean, having sex is easier. More frontal and direct. People who want to settle still can, but probably have to look somewhere else.

[deleted] · 2015-06-27T19:50:08+00:00

If online dating doesn't work for you, don't use it? I mean, is it really that hard? Lots of people date in their social circle.

rulenumber303 · 2015-06-28T17:40:27+00:00

In the past a woman would stick with a decent guy from her social circle after a good date because she had no other prospects lined up. Now she's more likely to stray.

The thought that "a good date" means seeing anyone else after that date is "straying" is ridiculous and I'm saying that as a somewhat sexually conservative woman in her forties who was raised in a very different era by parents who were born in the early 1930s and who has had ever first date she's gone on turn into a serious relationship. A person who has one date with you then dates and maybe even fucks someone else is only straying if that person has given you a clearcut commitment to exclusivity. True, a lot of people, male and female, decide to date exclusively from the first date and are looking for similar from a partner. But it is not a generally acknowledged social expectation.

Women can get casual sex now with less risk (Tinder has its flaws but it does allow somewhat more screening than picking someone up in the street does) and if you've been running your life so that you have a first date and then you've got the engagement ring picked out, I'm sure that's galling to you. But you might want to consider for a moment whether your expectations were reasonable to start with.

mcconnelldemasi · 2015-06-27T20:37:54+00:00

Online dating and IRL dating are two different things. Online dating have a lot more misses than hits due to the nature of not really knowing who they are going on a first date with.

IRL dating are people who already know each other from school, friends and work. There is already a foundation of attraction which boosts the rate of success.

Women are too chicken shit to tell men that they are not interested. Men are too but they are more than willing to stick around for sex.

Cbus_anonymous · 2015-06-27T21:42:53+00:00

In terms of online apps and new ways to meet partners, they each have different approaches, hopefully one of which is tailored to your desires.

Tinder: Hookup. Virtually no info other than face provided.

pof: Between hookup and relationship. Not very meaty profiles.

OKC: Matching algorithms, based on forced-Likert/binomial questions and some seemingly arbitrary attractiveness rating. Substantial profiles possible, for theoretically high quality matching. Free, though, so accessible to bullshitters and scammers.

Match: Costs $$, which decreases the number of people who are just fucking around, in theory. Moderately informative, match seems to appeal to people who want to marry in the near future.

eHarmony: Theoretically performs a personality test to help you find partners.

Speed dating: Gives chance to test chemistry, without the burden of the guy having to pay for a bunch of dates with a bunch of different people. "Dates" are limited in length, with the longer ones leading to better ltr perspectives.

etc.

Basically, if a person, man or woman, isn't all that good looking, Tinder will select against them in general, but I've known people who've successfully hooked up off of it in spite of that. Other options are still good, though.

max_peenor · 2015-06-28T16:23:37+00:00

This phenomenon is unprecedented in human history.

Unprecedented in occidental civilizations.

Enjoy the decline.

relationshipdownvote · 2015-06-28T16:56:19+00:00

Yep it's ruined it. Dating is going to suck way more for average men and it's going to be way better for above average men. You can choose which you want to be.

adrixshadow · 2015-06-28T20:17:59+00:00

The simple rule of online dating is don't use online dating.

It has absolutely no value.

parabadamasamba · 2015-06-27T19:48:17+00:00

Wait, what? What's so bad about Tinder? I'm a man, and I haven't really had any problems with it.

Or are you just speaking from your own personal experiences?

HappilySingleWoman · 2015-06-27T19:52:43+00:00

So the problem is that women have options ?

A 1000 rejections in the real world would cripple a man. A 1000 rejections in the virtual world mean nothing.

Exactly . That's why I believe online dating actually helps average looking people and socially awkward people .

BowlOfCandy · 2015-06-27T21:57:36+00:00

Confirmation bias

DStoo · 2015-06-28T10:25:16+00:00

I'm fully average.

I met my wife on PoF ~10 years ago. She messaged me because "I looked interesting" and had photos up from a lot of my travels.

I had my profile for months before sending or getting any messages. And then bam, wife.

wazzup987 · 2015-06-27T21:45:02+00:00

I am fat i do just fine in online dating. Granted i do better IRL at coffee shops or really anywhere except the gym, the gym is scared.

cxj · 2015-06-29T05:05:28+00:00

In the past a woman would stick with a decent guy from her social circle after a good date because she had no other prospects lined up.

I think there is a lot of truth to this.

Online dating already is mainstream, though.

abualhob · 2015-06-29T14:59:10+00:00

Obviously. But as TRP puts it, the 80/20 rule tends to apply. TRP is insane on most things but this isn't. I even did an experiment where i posted two fake hookup ads on craigslist. One was for a 19 yr old woman looking for sex, the other was of a 19 yr old man looking for sex. I posted the exact same text in each advertisements. the ad for the women asking for sex recieved 112 replies without spam while the ad for the man recieves only two spam replies. TD;LR tinderization has destroyed the market for sex for the vast majority of guys.

gianttribble · 2015-06-29T15:54:08+00:00

Tinder is a cesspool of hoes and manwhores I strongly recommend against it.

[deleted] · 2015-07-02T13:30:17+00:00

Any girl with a POF/OKC/Tinder profile has a stready stream of suitors knocking at her smartphone.

These are very much looks based apps. If you go for women primarily due to their looks, of course have no chance because guess what they also go for the men for the looks and choose the washboard abs guy over you.

The solution is to focus on using dating apps that are personality based such as Willow, not looks based.

Anecdotally a woman told me once she simply removed the picture from her OKCupid profile the amount of knockers went almost to 0.

So put yourself into a no-pictures situation and then it works.

The issue is largely with the average guy who still thinks average i.e. fat women are undateable. He reaps what he sows.

fzed1199 · 2015-06-27T20:53:09+00:00

Limiting swipes doesnt help and the fact that 200lb girls think they can pull a 6~7 guy spells disaster.

canadiandesiinusa · 2015-06-27T23:23:37+00:00

I very recently came face to face with this harsh reality.

After my move to the countryside, one of the relatively few dates I got was with an OK-looking girl, perhaps a 7 or 7.5 tops. For one of the less attractive girls I dated since I started gaming, she was very iffy and flaky before the date. When the date did happen, it went very well, yet she was strangely non-committal, then flaked from the next date and nexted me.

I wasn't sure why it happened. A couple of weeks later, I realized online is fairly popular in my new location, so I went online, and ran across her profile in one of the popular dating sites. She has good pictures that hide her flaws and emphasize her strengths, upgrading her looks to 8-9. I could tell she was very popular there, getting a ton of messages from attractive guys every day. Mystery solved.

Seduction is based on the exploitation of inefficiencies: guys don't approach enough, so an 8-9 can't get her equal, because her equal doesn't have the balls / gumption / resolve to approach her. So she goes with the less attractive guy who did. Inefficiency presented opportunities for us less attractive guys to get laid far above our level of attractiveness, both qualitatively and quantitatively.

Online makes the dating market efficient, so the girl above doesn't have to settle for a less attractive guy. She can have her pick of guys at her own attraction level, or even higher if she is willing to settle for pure sex - which is exactly what most of us are after. It's especially a problem for players like me, who get laid purely on balls, because balls mean nothing online. You don't need balls to send a message, so me and a guy who can't say hi to a stranger offline are put on equal footing. My advantage has been effectively neutralized. Online makes dating much easier for good looking guys, and cancels the advantage of ballsy guys who approach.

sumant28 · 2015-06-27T22:50:44+00:00

Tinder and online dating in general is terrible for attractive women (ew all these creeps keep messaging me, yuck) and unattractive men (beta bucks) quickly get filtered out. If you're in either of the two demographics you're going to have a bad time

ExpendableOne · 2015-06-28T00:25:58+00:00

Online rejections can take their toll too. It's the same rejection, just experienced in a different way. Women can also be especially brutal online, simply because they don't have to deliver that rejection face-to-face, or because they often take for granted the fact that there is another person on the other side of that screen.

fundude1 · 2015-06-28T18:16:34+00:00

The basic economics of the marketplace doesn't change. Tinder only increases their chances of having short term sexual relations NOT good long term, high status males.

Women are more "flakey" due to modern feminist brainwashing and "special snowflake" syndrome.

0473332002285 · 2015-06-27T23:58:46+00:00

Online dating is a boon for guys who fit the media-promulgated aesthetic ideal (tall, muscular, white).

Hey, i'm only two of those and....yeah, its true, online dating has made me way more of a player than I would ever have been without it

Title	Has "Tinderization" Destroyed Dating for Average Guys?
Author	canadiandesiinusa
Upvotes	5
Comments	69
Date	June 27, 2015 7:45 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3bbzsj/has_tinderization_destroyed_dating_for_average/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/has-tinderization-destroyed-dating-for-average.281378 https://theredarchive.com/post/281378

Comments