How would you react to this stuff from your partner/husband?

goatismycopilot · 2017-05-25T23:45:20+00:00

If I was in the scenario Archwinger described, I would eventually walk out. Some of the women in these MRP scenarios are also trad coms who wanted to be SAHW, they don't work, or they have jobettes, have been out of the job market for a long time and they are worried about getting divorced and having to go back into the job market with stale or no marketable job skills with a 10 or 20 year old university degree. Or, they could get in the job market with a lot of struggle and a very reduced lifestyle that they like so they stay with these guys especially the ones who make very good money and adapt. It is a win/win, the terper guy gets to claim victory with his new tactics and the the wife does not have to make huge lifestyle changes. She still rolls her eyes at him internally.

LSTW1234 · 2017-05-25T23:23:53+00:00

The aspects that would "work" on me are:

Standing my ground, telling her "no" any time I didn't feel like doing or not doing something

going out without her and doing my own shit

I can't date "yes men." It's appealing in the beginning but I've learned that I need my SO to stand his ground, say no to me, make decisions for himself, have his own life etc. So this is good advice from my perspective.

Everything else he listed would make me too insecure or frustrated to continue the relationship. I already know he has options - I have eyes - and that's enough to keep me on my toes when it comes to sex. I could not deal with feeling desperately worried that he's gonna cheat on me, I wouldn't be able to take it. I'd leave him. I have options too!

Though it is worth noting that I'm young-ish and not married. I wouldn't be surprised if this strategy was more effective in a marriage than a LTR. If I was in my 40s and married - and especially if I was financially dependent on my spouse - maybe I'd be more desperate to keep him and therefore more willing to accept this sort of behavior? Maybe I will turn into a frigid bitch after popping out a couple kids and losing my beauty/figure? Of course I balk at the possibility now, but who knows.

ArthurMacArthur · 2017-05-26T00:20:56+00:00

Standing my ground

I mean, duh. I don't want to be married to a doormat. If Mr. Arthur didn't stand his ground as a way of life, I wouldn't have dated him, let alone married him.

telling her "no" any time I didn't feel like doing or not doing something (and sometimes telling her "no" just for fun)

Okay? "Mr. Arthur, could you please hit the supermarket? We need milk." "No, I've got to get this shit graded." Okay, no problem. And sometimes he says no just because he doesn't want to do something. This is no big deal; so do I. Neither of us refuses the other when we're in serious need of help.

ignoring, laughing at, or blowing off her shitstorms and complaints

We both do this. Neither of us is high-drama, but everyone gets pissed off about stupid bullshit sometimes. Both of us routinely do that A&A thing that TRP is always going on about as though it's the Secret to the Universe. We obviously don't do it about serious stuff.

making fun of her for her bullshit

We tease one another all the time.

going out without her and doing my own shit

We both do this. Mr. Arthur is at the gym four or five days a week. I'll head to Starbucks on a weekend or evening if I've got work I need to do and being in the house is too distracting.

and best of all, getting her desperately worried that I was cheating on her and that she actually stood to lose me

Nope. This is where I draw the line. He has never done anything that would make me doubt him, and neither have I. That would be a big fucking problem.

Of course, we don't have a dysfunctional shitstorm of a marriage where things like having boundaries and not being joined at the hip 24/7 are considered to be weird or abusive.

Edit: And both of us have strong personalities. Our relationship isn't really adequately characterized by any of the possibilities here, but is closest to HHH. Neither of us needs much emotional tending-to, which no doubt affects the way we relate to one another.

questioningwoman · 2017-05-25T23:40:07+00:00

I'd do the same thing as him. It would be cold war 2.0

wub1234 · 2017-05-25T23:53:05+00:00

Many people on here believe the following:

Women are inherently hypergamous all of the time and are always on the verge of leaving you, so you should never have a LTR.
Only 'chads' (I hate using that expression) get laid, or at the very least you absolutely must lift weights in order to get laid. Even though 75% of the population is fat.
Men are not more violent than women generally speaking.
When women end a marriage it is their fault and when men end a marriage it is also the woman's fault.
Men are not more violent than women generally speaking, and men are more vulnerable to domestic violence than women.

I could go on. I wish I'd made a list and not just made mental notes.

Treating every relationship that you enter like an unending strategic game, and every woman you come into contact with as someone who is about to dead bedroom and divorce-rape you because you're not alpha enough, is not among the most stupid views I've seen advanced here with all sincerity.

Lyanina · 2017-05-26T13:43:38+00:00

It sounds like a very specific situation. You ask how we would react to this from our partners -- but I don't think most or any of us are in a situation similar to what Archwinger described.

Whenever the woman in your life becomes the source of 99% of your aggravations, the answer is always more women.

I, personally, really don't care if that is true, because I never want to be the source of 99% of my boyfriend's aggravations. And I know I'm currently not. So, in the case of my relationship:

One: holy shit I would not react well to this. But I'm not married, and my relationship with my boyfriend is pretty great. So if he started changing his behavior this drastically I'd be pretty miserable since I wouldn't recognize the man I love anymore. Standing his ground? I mean, I don't stop him from doing much. He's his own person and "stands his ground" just fine, but it's not like he needs to with me. Telling me 'no' just because? I'd be irritated and bring it up if I noticed it being repeated, but that's a pretty big 'if'. Ignoring, laughing at, or blowing off my complaints? No. We talk about our problems/concerns. If he stopped taking those seriously I'd want to talk about that too. I don't even know how I'd react if he ignored me because we don't do that. Again, I'd feel like he wasn't the man I love. Making fun of me? I mean, I'm okay with being teased. Going out without me? Sure, that's normal. Getting me desperately worried that he's cheating on me?* If he gave me reason to believe that, I'd feel sick... and ask him about it. If he laughed it off huuuge problem. I like that my SO values me and wants me to be happy. I'm too young to waste my time with someone who acts like he doesn't give a shit about me. Getting me desperately worried that I stand to lose him? He accidentally did that once. I ended up dumping him before he could get to it (what can I say, I'm immature), so I guess for us it would not be a great strategy.

Two: Yes. Specific women in specific situations.

Three: I'm not sure if it will backfire for most relationships, but enough of them that the steps should only be implemented if the relationship is so awful your only options are that or leave. Personally I find it hard to understand why you wouldn't just leave, but let's say it's a marriage or there are kids involved.

Four: If I fought with my partner too much and my sex drive plummetted my feelings would be pretty strained already. I don't think this would push me in the right direction... But eh, it's hard to say without knowing the relationship.

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basebool · 2017-05-26T12:46:25+00:00

You use the appropriate dread necessary to the situation. In arch's situation, he was at the end of his rope and 180'd himself to turn himself into a man. Essentially not letting his wife have any control of him.

Obviously most of you are like "but I would leave him if he ever did that to meee". First of all, actions > words. Secondly, you are probably already in happy enough relationships, with a happy sex life, that anything like this would turn you off obviously.

What a man should do is have the basic levels of dread in even the happiest of relationships/marriage (take care of your body physically, grooming, good social skills, etc). When the sex or whatever is changing negatively, you amp it up a bit (talk to other girls while your out, show her other girls want you) and adjust depending on the results.

It's like a disease. The doc gives you 1 dose of medicine A to treat you. If that doesn't work, he amps it up until your cured. Once you're cured, you stop taking the treatment. Same shit.

oneandforall · 2017-05-25T23:28:08+00:00

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ClarityofDisaster · 2017-05-26T02:31:21+00:00

One: Whether you've experienced it or not, what reaction would the things described by Archwinger make you react?

If my guy just randomly did these things to me? I'd probably assume he started taking some kind of medication for his depression or his ADD and it had royally fucked up his brain chemistry. If it continued for more than 48 hours, I'd think he didn't love me anymore and I'd ask if he wanted to break up. The only parts that wouldn't phase me at all would be him talking about/acting like he'd been with other women recently...We have an open relationship, and either of us could fuck other people if we decide to, so I'd congratulate him on getting some new tail and ask for details. But things like saying no just to be difficult, starting fights, mocking me, ignoring me, etc? Sorry, I don't fly that way. I expect the same amount of respect and mature behavior from a partner as I show them. Equality isn't something I compromise on.

Two: Would you agree that "this stuff works" only on select women? As in, women who have been treating their partner badly and suddenly realise it (due to the threat of losing him)? Or women who have very low self-esteem and who don't believe they can get another man.

Yes to all three.

Three: Would you agree that for most relationships, these steps will only make things worse and will backfire?

Unfortunately, no. I know waaaay too many guys who think being in a relationship means handing over your balls. Newsflash: that just means you turn into a neutered dog who believes in "happy wife, happy life". It's more than a little sickening, how some of my friends just roll over when their wives demand something. I can easily see how...in that specific type of relationship where the woman is bitchy, nagging, and stops the sex...a guy reminding her that he has options would help. Is it making your SO think you're cheating, even when you might not be? Yes. Is it entirely moral? Imo, no its not. But I also don't think that taking away your SO's sole sexual outlet for non-medical reasons is moral either. I wouldn't stay sexually loyal to a guy who wasn't giving me any, so I really don't expect a guy to.

Four: Would it turn your feelings towards a man you loved (but fought with too much, to the point your sex drive plummeted) into feelings of active dislike/loss of love?

My bf and I have fought less than a handful of times in our relationship so far, but then again there's so little to fight about since we don't live together. I honestly can't imagine us getting pissed with each other to the point I actually lose my love for him. I mean, the last fight we had was 4 years ago, and after I took a walk to cool my head/prevent myself from raising my voice, we talked it over and then I pushed him on the bed for some reconnection sex. Idk, I always thought that if you truly love someone and they love you back, you don't let that die. He'd have to actively abuse me to destroy how I feel towards him.

SeemedGood · 2017-05-27T11:51:42+00:00

I divorced him and not for one day ever wanted to go back. When he learned I was leaving him, he started to get violent. Exactly the kind of guy the red pill predicts young women will stay with.

Not at all. You clearly don't know much about RP philosophy. Your guy showed himself as weak because he:

Fought and argued (RP never suggests that as attractive to women, it states quite the opposite and advises stoicism)
Didn't just let you leave without any opposition (RP also suggests that that's absolutely the wrong attitude - if a woman wants to leave, she should feel absolutely free to do so and you shouldn't try to stop her. Who wants to be with a woman who doesn't want to be in the relationship?) and
He got violent (RP suggests that this is the ultimate sign of weakness)

Title	How would you react to this stuff from your partner/husband?
Author	IckyStickyPoo
Upvotes	8
Comments	248
Date	May 25, 2017 10:59 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/6dd5in/how_would_you_react_to_this_stuff_from_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-would-you-react-to-this-stuff-from-your.267907 https://theredarchive.com/post/267907

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