Question for all : Has anyone ever somehow gotten worse at dating than they used to be?

Slipthe · 2023-10-22T14:45:22+00:00

The pandemic genuinely made me worse at small talk for awhile.

I swear all of 2021 I would leave a social situation thinking, "Wtf, why do I suck at talking?"

princedune · 2023-10-22T16:18:02+00:00

I've always been bad at dating but as I've gotten older I get less and less matches. Going from 23->24 made a huge difference, I'm guessing most women have a filter there. Plus graduating from college gives me less opportunities to approach.

Sisstasia · 2023-10-22T15:57:01+00:00

I've seen on other subs people saying they've noticed post-pandemic people are more rude on dates and that dating is way harder now than before covid. Got to remember we've had an absolutely mad few years with lockdowns and all kinds of social restrictions. It's had a huge impact on how people date.

13choppedup2chopped · 2023-10-22T15:15:29+00:00

I used to be married and dating now legit scares the shit out of me. Anyone my age who is single has crazy baggage and anyone younger than me grew with social media on their phone and I am certain that has destroyed their minds. I have had the most success dating and sleeping with married co workers whose marriages are “just for the kids,” women i meet at my local coffee shop or gym I go to, or random women I know with through mutual friends. The first second we need to push through something, I pull the ejection seat and start talking Kevin samuels and Andrew Tate. Works every time and they just stop calling/texting.

PsychicImperialism · 2023-10-22T15:31:07+00:00

And I’m talking within a shortish space of time, and with no change in looks.

Yes, absolutely. I stayed in a relationship too long that I should have left once a line was crossed. I'm a fairly strong person when it comes to dealing with other people's issues, and I figured I'd just roll with it because I personally can handle it. That was a mistake. She needed to be single and deal with her issues, and not with me anymore and I should have let her go.

Immediately after that relationship I noticed I was way less tolerant of others' baggage and issues. Sexual attention wasn't a problem, but I wasn't on my A-game in fostering the caliber of secure, healthy, communicative sexual relationships I'm usually up for leading. Usually I provide safety, understanding, and proactive open communication to my partners, and I'm very patient hearing them out and learning what they want. After that relationship, I found myself being a lot less interested when my partners weren't already coming pre-packaged with those skills themselves. I felt more inclined to increase my standards on communication skills particularly, and expecting my sexual partners to be considerate in how much they were putting on me before it was mutually earned. I felt more inclined towards the idea that people should take their myriad of issues to their therapists, and not to the man they're sleeping with. Some of those boundaries are healthy, but I felt like it was going too far.

This unsurprisingly made me less compatible with more people. I didn't like that I could tell someone who badly needed a shoulder to lean on and get everything out to, who I was sleeping with, that they didn't have a safe space to do that with me. That they were unwelcome to open up as much as they wanted to. I knew I should have a limit on that when it reached an excess of someone using me emotionally, but I was over-correcting and I just didn't feel like I was offering the same kind of compassion I'm used to. For me, continuing on that path would have felt bad. I found myself unable to move forward with two women and turning down another because of that, even though they weren't asking for a relationship and it probably would have just been comfortable hanging out and sex for a while to start. It took some time for me to regain my patience and compassion that made me a better partner and made me more comfortable going forward.

During that time period, I was absolutely a worse dater. Less tolerant. Less patient. Less caring. I just felt worse in dating in general, like I was dipping down to a different pool of man in dating and different quality of man too. A lower standard of man. I still had plenty to offer, and still met the bar of how you should treat people you're with, but I just wasn't the quality of partner I had been. Ultimately all I needed was time, and figured out I was just burnt out emotionally. I needed to recharge my batteries for dealing with other people's issues, and needed easy partners who didn't have many issues in the meantime. After that, my standards went up and I still have some additional boundaries when it comes to emotionally draining partners, but it's more reasonable and doesn't sap my ability to be compassionate and as caring as I'd prefer to be.

Digimobster95 · 2023-10-22T18:07:51+00:00

Stopped dating for a year to focus on nerdy endeavors.. that will do it

DoinIt989 · 2023-10-22T15:48:12+00:00

Yeah I've gotten a lot rustier than I used to be. Vibe shift in the last 2 years or so.

Spyro7x3 · 2023-10-23T01:33:14+00:00

I think its natural to have dry spells I often go 6 months between meeting a fwb or something and I don't attribute it to getting worse its just the way things fall into place.

wtknight · 2023-10-22T15:01:06+00:00

No, things got easier when I got older as long as I was trying to date age appropriate women and not women who were too young for my age.

Unhappy-Yak-8648 · 2023-10-22T16:29:47+00:00

My dating life never began.. but I am curious to know what experiences did others have

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Rach1943 · 2023-10-22T16:06:41+00:00

after my last relationship ended last summer, and taking a break, I approached dating all starry-eyed, newly updated pictures, I was also more confident / etc and definetely looked better than when I used online dating before.

it was a complete shit show - but in a weird confusing way. it's not like I had no success - I had way more success in some areas, and way worse in others than before.

I'd get way more matches, but the dates would be worse. or I'd have really good dates where I felt chemistry, and even sleep with them early, only to have them suddenly leave. consistency was impossible. Whenver I felt like I was into someone, they were never into me, even if they were previously into me. Also, women wanting to sleep with me but not see me regularly/be in a relationship with me (like hitting me up every 3 months to have sex) - this was something that did not really happen before -usually FWB turned into something. but women now were treating men like men treat some women - I was in their "rotation".

I just kind of gave up on it all and embraced it. now I date for fun, with no expectations, and no intention of settling down unless someones chases me.

MidoriEgg · 2023-10-22T16:55:02+00:00

It could be for any number of reasons, you could just be really unlucky.

If you have any close friends maybe ask them if they think you have changed at all in looks of demeanour. If you know anyone else who’s also dating around like you, maybe ask if they are having similar issues.

zaqariah9999 · 2023-10-22T17:29:32+00:00

can't believe some people still use the term friendzone in 2023.. i can't

GodspeedHarmonica · 2023-10-22T17:52:37+00:00

Datings has it's ups and downs.

When I date I usually have no problem going on 2-3 dates a week and at least one of them a first date. Sex on the first date happens about 80% of the time. The rest happens on the second.

But some times I run into a dry spot (no pun intended) and I have to struggle to just get one date. I don't put much thought in it since I usually get back to my mojo after a while. Actually I kind of enjoy the pause :)

campskills21 · 2023-10-22T18:56:45+00:00

I stopped drinking and lifting, dropped 25lbs and got skinny within 2 months. I still got online dates, but girls didn't want to get with me and I didn't get 2nd dates. I went back to drinking and lifting and picked back up 40lbs, getting girls to go home and get with me went back to normal. I look like a wuss when I'm skinny and girls didn't want me.

obviousredflag · 2023-10-22T20:31:07+00:00

Are you happy with yourself?
How you see yourself currently plays a huge role in how other people see you.

Nihi1986 · 2023-10-23T01:19:26+00:00

I somehow became better even as my life was getting shittier and I was becoming older... I think that social skills matter way more than people here seem to believe.

BrummieAMN19 · 2023-10-23T09:28:02+00:00

No not really personally aside from personal reasons why I reduced the number of women I’m seeing.

But I see where you’re coming from I think it’s totally normal for guys who sleep around a bit to come to a dry spell which is usually short lived. If it’s more than 9 months then something is off with you interacting with them.

GoodMongolianWorm · 2023-10-23T12:42:37+00:00

Yes, i got fatter and older, pretty simple

Title	Question for all : Has anyone ever somehow gotten worse at dating than they used to be?
Author	Cjaylyle
Upvotes	5
Comments	102
Date	October 22, 2023 2:32 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/17dulyv/question_for_all_has_anyone_ever_somehow_gotten/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/question-for-all-has-anyone-ever-somehow-gotten.1236027 https://theredarchive.com/post/1236027

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