Question for BP: When is the right time and context for a man to approach a woman?

Fuschia19 · 2015-07-09T18:14:16+00:00

if you're attractive you can approach a woman at any time.

if you're unattractive just give up already....

madscientistlove · 2015-07-09T20:23:48+00:00

Anywhere and anytime you feel like it, with these caveats: Be respectful (i.e. don't say "mmm, hey girl, lemme hit that" to a stranger). And take "no" for an answer. If she says she's not interested, respect her answer and time and move on.

I promise you almost no one will think you're an asshole if you do this. (And if they do, maybe they're the asshole.)

If you want better results: Anywhere socializing is generally expected. A club or bar will get you further than bothering people in a grocery store. Parties, concerts, anywhere where people are there to have fun and aren't specifically trying to get productive shit done.

Edit And be careful about hitting on women while they're working. Generally speaking, they're a "captive audience" and have to be nice to you even if you're pushing their boundaries and making them feel uncomfortable. I'm not saying don't do it, but I'm saying be mindful of the inherent power imbalance in the situation.

[deleted] · 2015-07-09T18:33:51+00:00

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SpaceWhiskey · 2015-07-10T01:02:33+00:00

I feel like there've been a lot of these theads in this sub, but I'll bite again.

For me personally, any time a guy would approach me when I was in the middle of something was an instant no, no matter what he looked like. If I'm reading, have headphones in, am on my laptop or phone, odds are good I'm genuinely busy and don't want to talk to a stranger. And any persistence once I've declined pretty much kills any shot of a second chance later.

Again, this is just me, but being hit on at work is also an almost guranteed "no". I don't work customer service anymore but when I did, I was basically not allowed to walk away from people who made me uncomfortable and had to keep smiling and just bear it. Any guy who can't pick up on body language and social cues isn't attractive to me.

Social events are the way to go. Bars, parties, school (college) related social functions, activity clubs, concerts, conventions... the list goes on. Plus there's always the internet, that seems to be the way of the future.

Also, learn how to deal with rejection. This is actually a pretty common theme I see on the TRP side and it's something that I agree with. Granted I don't think it should be coupled with "....because AWALT." When I find myself rejecting someone (i.e. continuing to do what I was doing) it's not because I'm a hypergamous whore who totally would have put that book down for Putin/George Clooney/Chad Thundercock, it's because I was fucking in the middle of something and ignoring boundaries is a gigantic turn-off. Who likes being interrupted? Who likes having another stress added to their work day in the form of a customer (or worse, co-worker who you have to see every day) who won't stop hitting on them? Life isn't a movie and women are human.

[deleted] · 2015-07-09T17:48:32+00:00

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Cbus_anonymous · 2015-07-09T17:09:10+00:00

Any time you can offer a genuine behavior-based compliment is a great time to approach, the context almost doesn't matter. "What you said in class was really insightful. Thanks for pointing that out.", "I was really impressed with how you responded to Robert in the meeting; I never know how to handle it when he does that.", etc.

Chatting with people in public during forced interactions is fine too. Are you next to someone in line at Chipotle or at the bar waiting for a drink? Are you both evaluating cantaloupes at the grocery? Nothing wrong with that.

Be socially conscious. People sitting in a group at a restaurant will likely find it bizarre if you try to cut in to hit on someone. If the woman you're approaching isn't receptive, lay off. Approaching is ok, persevering in a situation where you see discomfort is creepy.

With friends the stage is already set, but of course, there's complexity in that. Are you willing to lose the friendship?

buartha · 2015-07-09T17:33:59+00:00

If you want to go all out flirty, bars, nightclubs, gigs, the mix and mingle bit during the break at theatres/ operas, any time when people are dressed up and open to chatting.

I think it's grand to hit up someone during the day if you're able to strike up a conversation naturally (i.e. not run after them like some kind of creepy psycho to catch up with them,) but you should be very receptive to her not being into and back off if she's not overtly enthusiastic. My cousin's pretty hot and she gets hit on a lot, and she's had guys do things like block her way when she tries to leave, which is bad in any context, but is particularly shitty if someone's just trying to get on with their day and wants to be left alone.

CursedLemon · 2015-07-09T19:19:50+00:00

What is this question, even?

"When is it okay to walk up to someone who you've never met before, insert yourself into their personal space, tell them the only reason you're talking to them is because they're hot (or lie and try to talk about something else), and start asking them questions?"

And TRPers wonder why this only works when you're attractive? Because nothing else is involved in the exchange, that's why. You have no idea what she's like, she has no idea who you are, you went over there because you were thinking with your dick and are hoping that in that moment, she's thinking with her vagina.

This is high school shit.

Pleb-Tier_Basic · 2015-07-09T21:09:39+00:00

There is no "right" or "wrong" time. There's better and worse, but no 100% yes or 100% no.

Better context would be in social situations such as bars, clubs, parties, classes, etc etc. Worse would be in non social situations, such as walking down the street, a quiet library, the women's restroom, etc.

But with that said, there's so many exceptions that it's basically useless to divide them like that. Sometimes, you can approach people on the subway, or in a quiet library, or whatever. And sometimes, you can be in the most social situation ever (bumping house party) and the person you approach just doesn't want to talk to you.

It's honestly on a case specific basis. I just try to feel out each situation; I know when a girl is checking me out and I trust my gut, so it's never been an issue for me

dispensation · 2015-07-10T09:34:43+00:00

Social events are the only time I would approach a woman. Wouldn't bother them randomly on the street or whatever because I wouldn't like to be bothered randomly on the street myself.

GridReXX · 2015-07-09T17:43:13+00:00

Some people don't want to be bothered. Some don't mind an interruption. Some relish it.

I guess that's the risk of approaching.

Do you kid.

relationshipdownvote · 2015-07-09T19:20:11+00:00

It's simple

DStoo · 2015-07-10T01:12:37+00:00

Personally. Never. But I don't cold approach. I get annoyed when people cold approach me.

The 'right time and place' is doing something you enjoy that happens to have women at it that enjoy the same thing.

Want to learn to Swing Dance? Sign up for a class. Want to learn to cook? Sign up for a cooking class. People make small talk and get to know each other. Sometimes they bring their friends, other times you run into them out at the bars or in other social settings. You chat a bit. They have another friend there. Just by association you're already not a creep and weirdo.

I have never cold approached anyone and had no problem with meeting women.

The "Nice Guy" approach, why you should never cold approach and why you don't know enough lesbians.

belletaco · 2015-07-09T17:04:32+00:00

I don't know why people insist on getting upset that women don't want to be approached on the street and even then, we are talking harassment. Just leave us alone and let us walk from A to B. Anyway, bars are the best place because a good majority of people go there to meet other people. I don't think there's anything wrong with striking up a conversation in an everyday situation. You see a girl reading a book, you can say "what are you reading?" You can ask what someone thought of a movie or play post-show, or for suggestions at a video game store. It's all about how you approach and if they are uninterested, taking a cue and leaving them alone.

terminator3456 · 2015-07-09T19:16:15+00:00

Isn't TRP all about not caring what others think? Why do you guys constantly seek approval of your actions?

To answer - in any intentionally social environment.

[deleted] · 2015-07-09T17:19:39+00:00

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taiboworks · 2015-07-09T18:02:51+00:00

in social meat market type bars, it's ok to approach, but when they clearly do not receive you well well quickly move on (unless you like wasting your time and theirs... and looking aspie/clueless). honestly, you can usually tell if they stare or smile at you in the first place, or if you approach before getting those signals you can see their face when they notice you coming, or at least when you say hi. if it's not positive they don't fancy your appearance... and unless you want to be with people who you have to win over with your personality (work for) because they don't find you physically appealing, get out of there. in all other settings of life, i would advise not approaching unless you get some signal of interest, sustained staring, smiling, i.e. it's clear they fancy you. cold approaching without that in non bar/concert settings is just going to annoy way more people than it's worth.

wombatinaburrow · 2015-07-10T12:48:47+00:00

I don't respond to cold calls. A lot of women prefer to date a known entity (friends of friends, siblings of friends, etc) rather than risk someone who just wanders up to them. It's protective behavior.

Title	Question for BP: When is the right time and context for a man to approach a woman?
Author	Johnny_B_
Upvotes	10
Comments	119
Date	July 9, 2015 4:56 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3cp16g/question_for_bp_when_is_the_right_time_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/question-for-bp-when-is-the-right-time-and-context.281143 https://theredarchive.com/post/281143

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