Realistically, is the only way to avoid becoming a betabuxx achieved by simply staying single until you've had enough partners that you feel "qualifies" you to no longer be one?

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2023-11-06T01:44:38+00:00

I’d be more afraid of alienating someone I have a genuine connection with than preemptively assuming all women are just out to get me. I’d rather be hurt and used 100 times than hurt other people out of a fear they might hurt me, when they’ve never shown me any reason that they would act that way. Because, why else would I be with them? It sounds like a self fulfilling prophecy and holding yourself back. And maybe I’m naive and maybe my trauma with relationships was so normalized that to me it happened, we broke up, I tried again. But i dont know, this is the fatal flaw in a pill ideology in my opinion.

Spyro7x3 · 2023-11-06T01:51:56+00:00

I got news for you and even Chads can be turned to betabuxx all that needs to happen is that you take her seriously and then she finds a guy whos better, then your "main" becomes his "side chick" and its one of the worst feelings. This is just the world we live in.

I'm apparently a naturally attractive guy and I've had women do it to me and I've had the chance to do it to other guys. The world is just broken and it won't get better until we reel in womens sexual power through either culture/shaming or law. Societies that operate the way ours currently does never stand for long when you give women absolute freedom and prop up an artificial system that cranks out "educated" women and neglects men all while wealth disparity soars everything goes to shit.

My suspicion is that this has happened many times before in history and that is why our ancestors put brakes on women and had the fathers and family arrange marriages and stuff because when you turn a woman lose she will ride the hypergamy train into the ground taking all of society with her. They simply cannot help it.

Its like giving 5 yearolds nuclear weapons it never ends well

John_Oakman · 2023-11-06T01:15:03+00:00

Humans are one of the few creatures endowed with capacity for higher thinking than mere survival and spreading of genetic lineage (along with dolphins, which wasted theirs, but that's beside the point). The concept of the BB is valid only in the context of hyperlogical/rational view of survival and genetic perpetuation.

In other words there's more to life and relationships than getting dick wet and spreading genes.

Whiskeyjack1982 · 2023-11-06T01:05:46+00:00

Its true you should clap a lot of cheeks and get experience before you look for love.

Its somewhat of a paradox because after this you will learn theur true nature, become callous and jaded and you wont be able to love.

This is still better than being an oofy doofy betabux and getting your heart broken though.

The only way to find a virgin is to geomax. There are a lot of traditional societies out there with women who are not Thots you just have to leave the west.

AFuzzyMuffin · 2023-11-06T15:27:38+00:00

I have the same issues as you. I think you have to be a bit selfish when you get to the point sadly.

Any woman who can step up and “invest” in you before you truly hit your stride where you can get any woman is one you should really be focused on.

BUT any women after you totally hit your stride, you need to vet them very hard. You gotta be tough on these women the same they were on you. No mercy. Be direct and tell them what you want. Have strict boundaries because at this point you are the prize. You want anal once a week say that. You want read receipts on always say that. Hold nothing back otherwise you will poison any relationship with resentment of “could be better”.

Just remember before you commit to any woman have your fun for at least 3-6 months safely, but be honest while you do it. If you truly hit prize high end man relish in it, but keep looking for the girl who “deserves” and “matches” you.

You work out 5 days a week so does she etc.

Some of this goes out the window if a girl can see ur value and jump on your company stock as it’s growing and not before your top tier man but…..doesn’t seem like that’s gonna be your case most women don’t possess the skill to pull this off and it’s super risky tbh

George69143 · 2023-11-06T16:08:35+00:00

Yeah. If women never found you attractive before. And they magically do once you get money. They are gold diggers. I have similar feelings but I just decided after I make money I won’t talk to women ever again. If they actually liked us they would have before we got wealth

safestuff987 · 2023-11-06T20:16:34+00:00

A huge part of the solution is about having standards and boundaries for yourself when it comes to what women you allow to be your romantic partners, and not wasting time with women who don't satisfy your standards.

Vetting potential partners early on in the dating stage is crucial to this. Make sure she shares the same values as you, that she appears to like you, that you like her, whether or not she invests effort back, that you both have good sex, how she treats other people, etc.

Believe it or not, most women are actually horrible at hiding their contempt for you (if it exists) in the long run, and many even in the short run too. They'll often tell on themselves through their behaviour and actions. Generally speaking, the men who end up settling with these women are either willfully ignorant, tolerate it, or simply don't care.

Unfortunately there's no way to completely avoid wasting your time with a woman who doesn't love you the same, so the idea is to minimize the damage they can do.

jesustan1989 · 2023-11-06T01:21:14+00:00

Your self esteem is your problem and yea you do need to fix that first. There are many kind of women in the world. I think that you are seeking approval from these women that you don't even respect and want love from. You say you are bitter that they didn't want you when you were younger, and now that they are becoming desperate, they finally picked you. It's difficult to see but you shouldn't even entertai attentions from these women in the first place. You can't tell me that there aren't women out there who didn't chase after pretty guys. Were you attracted to those women? Or did you only want attention from the permiscuous one? Yes, you have self esterm issue, and if you true want genuine love, you need to start paying attention to good women.

KorinTowerFreeloader · 2023-11-06T12:46:16+00:00

Reading your post, OP, there are a lot of men out there in the exact same situation. Firstly, all of your concerns are fully justified. Now, what are you going to do about it? My advice is as follows:

1) Stop looking for a long-term GF. I know that's what you have always wanted, but as you have already experienced, it hasn't happened for you, and it sucks because you probably have a lot of love to offer, and you would make someone out there really happy.

2) Give yourself a little timeline. For starters, based on your lack of experience, give yourself 5 years (to 30) when you do not pursue any LTRs. Just focus on looksmaxing, statusmaxing, geomaxing, etc.

3) Try to get experience. Start small, go to a nightclub, and try to kiss a few girls. I know that's not what you wanted. I was a "romantic" type myself. I always wanted everything you have wanted. I think most men want that. Nevertheless, I had to "settle" for my first kiss on a drunk night out, first sex after a drunk night out with a girl who didn't even remember my name after. It doesn't matter, though. All of these experiences will help you get to the stage where you can actually attract someone you can be serious about. I am 29, and I get girls in their early 20s interested in me for LTRs. Give yourself a chance. It's up to you to make that happen, though. Good luck!

Lower-Conflict5394 · 2023-11-06T01:37:15+00:00

That's really something that worries me being a virgin at 24.In my family we are told that unless we are the first of our first couple, we will never have anything so serious, much less marriage. It has almost always ended badly for both men or women of the family.

The solution is to date a lot of women casually until you know how to look for red flags and have at least one or 3 times where you have had your heart broken before you get very serious with someone.

I know there are good women out there who wouldn't take advantage of their partner for a huge difference in experience, money, etc.

I personally have been rejected for being a virgin when I was between 20 and 23 so I wouldn't like the idea of having someone dating me hating my inexperience just because I make up for superficial things Like physical appearance or money, which makes me sick just thinking about it.

I recommend having standards that are basically finding a woman who is the same as you in those superficial aspects How much money you earn, your physical appearance, educational level and not making conceptions and holding on to them like a burning nail.

Having wasted 4 years studying stem and then working to use that money for be someone else's bank teller when they considering me just the bottom percentile of all their partners they have had in attraction.... I can't imagine someone making concessions on her standards To set someone and it ending well.

jverveslayer · 2023-11-06T01:37:08+00:00

Putting dumb incel-culture labels on yourself is not going to help you. Interpreting everything through the insecure lens of "am I a betabux" once you get into a relationship will hurt whatever relationship you get into. People don't exist in these black-and-white categories or have formulaic relationships based on them.

I feel like the only way to get over these insecurities is to stay single and somehow become a guy that women want and have sex with some to finally know what it's like to be desired.

You just need to go actually meet and connect with women and have real experiences, so you can forget all this dumb shit you read on stupid subreddits like this.

What do you really want? Do you want a serious relationship? Do you want to explore and have casual relationships? Figure out what it is and go make it happen. Yes, this should involve improving yourself and you should start now.

For a long time I was holding onto the dream of finding someone special to be my first time and we lose our virginities to each other and be each others first boyfirend anx girlfriend. But I realize at my age that is too unrealistic.

This is not that unrealistic, but I don't think this will be a good thing for you to focus on either. Your first relationship doesn't need to be a disney fairytale. It will be special and meaningful for you anyway.

and also because I will be very insecure/bitter that she got to experience sex/dating at that age while I never did.

This is a really self-defeating way to look at things. You have the rest of your life ahead of you. If you start now, you can have whatever dating and sexual experiences you want in life. Why let yourself stay insecure and bitter?

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-11-06T00:45:26+00:00

For a long time I was holding onto the dream of finding someone special to be my first time and we lose our virginities to each other and be each others first boyfirend anx girlfriend. But I realize at my age that is too unrealistic.

i dont understand, are all men or girls?

YveisGrey · 2023-11-06T02:55:55+00:00

Honestly, I think this whole theory is just really warped. The idea that these promiscuous women chasing pretty boys suddenly change and desire Betas is a quite the exaggeration.

Not saying this could never happen, but it’s really not the norm at all. Most women who chase pretty boys just continue to do that or they become single moms. They don’t suddenly have a change of heart and get with a guy who they don’t find attractive but is stable. I mean look around there are plenty of single moms just casually dating f boys into their 30s.

The type of women who seek the stable, secure types either we’re late bloomers themselves and didn’t date that much when they were younger or were just always more serious minded and didn’t really go for the pretty playboys as a rule.

There are plenty of women out there that don’t have a string of “playboy” ex-boyfriends. In fact, just because a woman had a relationship before it doesn’t mean much you would really have to find out about that relationship and the actual specifics because lots of women in their 20s get into LTRs. LTRs don’t always work out so you know but the idea that every woman’s just sleeping around in their 20s casually with all these men and then settling down with a beta it’s just ridiculous. It conflates two different type of women into one woman.

Most women are not gonna date man they’re not attracted to at all regardless of their age unless they are a literal professional gold digger or something. And most men worried about this don’t have the type of money that would merit a woman to do such.

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ktdotnova · 2023-11-06T02:31:37+00:00

This is pretty spot on on how I feel and one of the big reasons my last relationship failed.

DerayRevan · 2023-11-06T04:49:55+00:00

Most men are in the betabuxx role, so don't know how you can separate yourself from majority of the population

obviousredflag · 2023-11-06T10:42:24+00:00

who just wants to be desired and have a normal sex/dating life like a chad.

Chads are having super extreme outlier sex/dating lifes. You are closer to a normal sex and dating life, than Chad is to a normal sex/dating life. I see this idea in so many men and it's probably due to manosphere content creators: as a man you should have regular casual sex and going on lots of dates or something is wrong and needs fixing, by listening to my content and buying my stuff.

But having A sex and dating life is definitely something you should strive for, even if this will "just" result in <5 sexual partners over a lifetime and 1-2 girlfriends/wives over a lifetime.

How I will achieve this, I don't know. I'm shy and socially awkward.

By realizing what kind of woman you want and what this woman will want in you. By making a list of things you need to be, to be desirable for her and things you can't be, to be desirable for her. And then by radically changing your life, going out of your comfort zone, overcoming fears and inhibitions, to reach your goal state within a reasonable time frame.

An engineer friend of mine did this. I just met him after he made the change in his late twenties. He wasn't successful with women, although not to the extreme like you. He wasn't attractive physically and not for his lifestyle/traits.

The essence is: you cannot get different results while staying mostly the same. You and your whole life are resulting in your lack of success with women. It's not just "going to the gym". It's the people you hang out with, it's your hobbies, the way you walk, the clothes you wear, the time you go to bed on weekends, etc. It's the topics you talk about, the books you read, the place you live, and the subreddits you follow. It's also to a large part the social life you have.

You think "but that is who i am" and that is just plain wrong. You can be someone very different and you want to, because you want a different result with women.

As a start, if you are a gamer, drop gaming completely. Sell your gaming rig. Drop reddit. And just wait and see where you are drawn to, to fill the time void that opens up. Find friends who have the lifestyle that goes along with having women interested in them. This might mean you need to drop or spend less time with current friends.

MasterTeacher123 · 2023-11-06T14:05:13+00:00

Most men will never make enough money to qualify as a “beta bux”

nonplussedminus · 2023-11-06T15:47:38+00:00

Just take the Diogenespill and rid yourself of all worldly possessions.

kendrac83 · 2023-11-09T02:12:32+00:00

Are you religious? Just saying...there are a lot of religious women that are looking for providers. Take care of yourself and keep putting yourself out there to women who are in the right mindset to settle down.

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