Why does it seem there are so many men afraid to criticize women?

SpaceWhiskey · 2018-11-20T14:32:00+00:00

His entire post is crticicizing her, as are the vast majority of the comments.

Young people with low self esteeem have difficulty leaving partners who treat them poorly, because they’re more scared of being alone than maintaining the shittty status quo, regardless of gender. This isn’t “why don’t men criticize women” because women do the exact same shit, they stay with super shitty dudes who to everyone observing the situation can tell what’s going on.

Texastentialism · 2018-11-20T14:33:05+00:00

I'm not reading the same thing you are in that OP. It doesn't sound to me like he's "Scared of offending her." He's a young guy, this is probably his first relationship, and breaking up is scary and awkward and painful. A lot of people, especially young people, will put it off longer than they should, not to avoid offending the other person but out of a combination of fear, pride and second-guessing themselves. He made a post on Reddit because he needs some kind of validation to push him over the edge to do what he knows he needs to do.

Uncommon_Sensed_1234 · 2018-11-20T14:33:27+00:00

I read the most up voted comments. There were such gems as she is immature, don't waste your time, she is cheating, move on.

If people were defending OP, they were buried way down.

The vast majority of replies and those up voted agreed with OP that his GF was not behaving appropriately.

Exactly how long did it take you to find that one comment siding with his GF? And when you found it, why portray it as representing a majority view for that thread with the top comments are siding with the OP?

321PK · 2018-11-20T16:28:28+00:00

Idk? I hear men criticizing women all the time. And the reverse. My husband is real salty right now about this female client he’s trying to work with. She thinks she’s got some “vision” but knows nothing about design. I’m pretty sure around his office they’re calling her lots of names and none of them good.

goatismycopilot · 2018-11-20T15:37:02+00:00

He is in an LDR with a chick he never sees and they are 20. The advice he got in the thread was that she was selfish and they should break up. He could have saved himself some trouble and said nope not going to do LDR but they are both young and stupid, so this thread is about a young stupid guy who is learning a lesson in life.

Nobody contains their honesty here in PPD women have been called shallow, slut, stupid, boring, branch swinging whores who want to bang Chad and then find six figure Bob, deadbedroom him and lavish her love on the babies.

You are pulling a Smoog you are taking a specific situation and extrapolating it to stuff women do or stuff women do that upset me.

petrichordium · 2018-11-20T14:50:46+00:00

As others have noted, we are reading different posts apparently. Idk what level of vitriol and hate you were expecting, but it’s an advice sub, not an emotional purge forum. Everyone seems pretty firmly on the side of the dude.

And for anyone humanizing the girlfriend, like bruh: it’s a long distance college relationship lol. These things are drama factories with the effective longevity of mayflies except but for hormonal youth attachment to sunk costs. She’s in the wrong, but she’s not Hitler.

This dude is being a young dummy, and this will be a growing experience.

xJabberTalkyx · 2018-11-20T14:10:13+00:00

this is kind of a funny post for PPD, where men constantly disparage women

[deleted] · 2018-11-20T19:30:06+00:00

Plenty of young women stay in bad relationships too long. It's not a gendered thing, it's a stupid young person thing

Willow-girl · 2018-11-20T14:11:56+00:00

When you want something from someone, it generally pays to be very nice to them, right?

Me-Unleashed · 2018-11-20T21:01:00+00:00

A lot of men tend to have very little options in women they can be with. If he were a man with a lot of options he wouldn't be putting up with that behavior, nor would his "gf" be behaving and treating him the way she does.

Essentially, the main reason a lot of men are afraid to criticize women is because they're secretly afraid of hurting their feelings and ending up alone. Or, "ending up with no sex because she's upset." And, in his mind, the more she gets upset, "the more she'll not like him and eventually want to break up with him."

He's subconsciously imagining himself alone and, like most men, has minimal confidence in his abilities in getting another woman. He's doing everything in his power to not end up scared and alone.

Reed_4983 · 2019-01-29T17:50:45+00:00

I think what is clear is that the vast majority of comments in the relationship_advice thread gave the right advice and critizied the girl for her behaviour. I've seen a lot of posters on PPD say that relationship subreddits appease women's opinions and interests and make men seem disproportionately evil, and I totally disagree with this. It might be different on the TBP or feminist subreddits, but relationship subreddits (/r/relationships, /r/relationship_advice) are very balanced and fair.

Eastuss · 2018-11-20T14:07:32+00:00

It's not that people are afraid to criticise women, it's that people think women are in their right in majority of situations where a man would be wrong.

Electra_Cute · 2018-11-20T14:06:51+00:00

I think it seems that way for some people, it certainly does not seem that way to me.

exit_sandman · 2018-11-20T15:51:02+00:00

Partially scarcity mentality and pussy pedestalization, partially political power plays enabled by feminism.

The guys who refuse to call their "girlfriends" out on their shitty behavior because they're inexperienced when it comes to relationships (or just plain and simply spineless) are a a different animal from guys who are afraid of criticizing Ghostbusters because they risk being branded as misogynists. The two groups may overlap, but they aren't necessarily coming from the same place.

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[deleted] · 2018-11-20T16:48:19+00:00

Because they want something from them

Civil_Seaworthiness · 2018-11-20T20:31:41+00:00

It seems like there are so many men afraid to criticize women because you are specifically seeking out examples that validate a perspective you've determined based on your own feelings.

We 'hold back' on criticism all the time. I don't criticize men I work with unless it's absolutely necessary because I don't want them to be mad at me or think I'm throwing my weight around for no reason, I don't criticize my little brother unless it's absolutely necessary because he's a teenager and I know he's sensitive to that stuff, I don't criticize my friends unless it's absolutely necessary because I like them and I want them to feel like they can count on my support, because they can.

If I were to criticize Game of Thrones, I'd be pushed to hold back on my criticism of certain elements because it's a male-led and largely male-consumed and male-fantasy show. I'd be accused of just not getting it. I'm okay with that; I like the books, the show's not for me, it's not my business to start weighing in on something I don't love as though I don't think anyone should love it. But some things are just within the zone of 'things we're the right person to weigh in on' and some things aren't. If I'm not prepared for gendered criticism, I'm not the right person to pontificate on Game of Thrones.

Most people don't want to be dicks to each other and want to believe good things of each other. It's a shame that we're sometimes wrong or part-wrong. That's a lesson that can take a long time to really sink in. I hope that guy has a better relationship experience moving on from this one.

SweeterPickles · 2018-11-20T20:38:39+00:00

Some people look st relationships through rose colored glasses. It’s not a male exclusive thing. You ever see a relationship where the dude is a total shitbird and the woman is still fawning over him because she thinks she can change him? This is just the reverse of this scenario.

Even when things get real bad, the victim of the relationship sees it as an investment still, and is trying to salvage some sort of positivity from the relationship. It’s not a sign of weakness, per say, but rather the human nature of flawed optimism.

HossMcDank · 2018-11-20T21:23:56+00:00

They don't want to lose their jobs. Plus some have been conditioned from day one to see women as infallible and have no sense of self-respect, thinking that being a doormat is what women find appealing.

Yorkshiretea83 · 2018-11-20T22:25:32+00:00

I spent some time reading that sub and a good deal of the posts are LDRs, and a fair amount of them are kids whose high school sweetheart has gone off and promptly started banging everyone.

It's basically branch swinging. One keeps the other one hanging on cos they provide emotional comfort and deeper levels of friendship. They're basically wanting to make sure they get something genuinely better ready before cutting the cord.

It seems like the issue is the guy hasn't learned to set any boundaries or deal with relationships on his own yet. This is why he is bizarrely privy to hearing all about his demise in real time. He has created the conditions where she shares every detail with him, essentially he has cucked himself.

The amount of these posts shows me that young people need to learn how to put down boundaries and have an abundance mentality. It's a learning experience for him. Hopefully he'll realise LDRs are usually not a good idea.

As an aside, if you go by Reddit then LDRs are very common these days and they cause no end of stress on people. I think they could be a very prominent feature of dating over the next generation.

bonusfruit · 2018-11-21T11:09:54+00:00

What's so scary about being fired, ostracized, blacklisted, labeled MRA incel or otherwise shamed? No big deal

TriadFamilyTimes · 2018-11-22T17:15:57+00:00

People in today's society are wired for denial. Denial is cultivated. A lack of critical thought is cultivated. And there's an experience gap. Men far more than women do not have healthy relationship expectations. The last thing the word teaches men is what they CAN reasonably expect from a partner. The expectations the average man is conditioned to have by society are awful and wrong and absent that there's no guidance until you start entering into relationship therapy territory, often. Our fathers had no fucking idea what they were doing by and large and men are often adrift when they're seeking healthy standards to hold a partner accountable to.

Everyone overreacts to criticism. The inability to receive criticism is an AMERICAN trait at this point. In all walks of life, at all income levels and in all racial or other demographics, people as a mass of individual units in this country have trouble receiving criticism. This is the result of rampant nationalism, American exceptionalism, and the boomer culture of fleeing accountability through any means necessary. Look at Trump. His supporters cannot accept the awful things he does daily. When confronted with news stories from the past week that even Fox News reported on and condemned the president for, people just mumble and on camera refuse to believe it's real.

These are the people who raised all of us. These stupid, backwards, ignorant, racist shit piles were many of our parents. Their ignorance is a disease. A social one that has affected the psyche of an entire nation, and the world after it.

The weakness you're talking about? It exists because it was put there. By the people in power who spent a few generations using TV to tell an entire populace that they were just inherently better than everyone else and those stupid fucks actually believing it.

Xemnas81 · 2018-11-23T23:58:36+00:00

Well I can be honest about this. It's because for all of her love, which I am grateful for, my mum has anxiety issues, a control streak and if I stood up to her she'd walk out the room/house and stonewall me until I said sorry. I had very few occasions where I DID need to talk back to her, but I remember the ones that happened 10 years ago for how shit they made me feel.

Unfortunately this has set the blueprint for most of my IRL intimate interaction with women. It's why the more extreme RP theories were appealing to me in the past-less so now...a little.

SlimLovin · 2018-11-20T13:59:09+00:00

There are always people defending the person in the wrong on threads like that though.

I don't have an issue with criticizing women. They're just people.

LeJacquelope · 2018-11-20T15:13:09+00:00

Because criticizing women is muh soggy knees and other male white knights are quick to step in and defend the poor beset-upon wimmens honor. Not too hard to see why.

analt223 · 2018-11-20T15:26:11+00:00

Because of 1 or more of these:

1) Women accuse men of being gay if they criticize women. The biggest insult to hetero men is thinking or spreading gay rumors

2) Hes a wimp

3) He's overly liberal

4) He's desperate to keep a particular woman so he won't say anything in fear of upsetting (i guess its number 2)

meeselbon573 · 2018-11-20T16:08:52+00:00

You are on to something.

Physiologymatters · 2018-11-20T14:35:03+00:00

Option A) they fawn over women because they have no self respect and yearn for approval or affection

Option B) they don't want to make themselves targets by saying something they'll get attacked for by the woman or by an online group

Option C) judging people is a subtle art that they were never taught, so they don't know how to do it very well

These are re: the second part of your comment, others have already addressed the thread you posted

Workaholico · 2018-11-20T17:53:37+00:00

Social backlash and sexual desire. Why else? We have our objectives, so we do things to achieve them.

MisterJose · 2018-11-20T19:16:50+00:00

It's the same reason people are afraid to criticize someone who is a member of an oppressed minority or the like - it might get you in trouble.

There's also the residual of 'be nice to women so you get laid' going on, and that fact that men are thinking objectively about getting laid enough to not be able to examine female behavior objectively.

Title	Why does it seem there are so many men afraid to criticize women?
Author	Whodunnit88
Upvotes	8
Comments	81
Date	November 20, 2018 1:53 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/9yschj/why_does_it_seem_there_are_so_many_men_afraid_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-does-it-seem-there-are-so-many-men-afraid-to.258961 https://theredarchive.com/post/258961

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