Why is a relationship the highest possible achievement in terms of connecting with another person?

death_by_1000_cats · 2022-01-10T20:48:19+00:00

At their best, romantic relationships are like a combination of every other relationship -- lover, friend, family. Other categories of relationship can't really do that because there will always be at least one component missing.

undersupervixen · 2022-01-10T20:52:54+00:00

In my experience intimacy (knowledge of each other on all levels of existence) is far higher in a relationship than in a friendship. I don't know if that makes it better or not, but it does make it a deeper connection.

GridReXX · 2022-01-10T21:11:13+00:00

It's not? I can't speak for men or other women, but most women I know deeply value their close friendships. Hell, a host of them talk to, share, and emotionally bond with their friends more than their own husbands lol.

People who are able to combine deep friendship intimacy with the intimacy of a romantic relationship are the true winners in the "romantic relationship" game.

I say that because there are countless romantic relationships I've observed that seem devoid of friendship/care/affection/emotional intimacy/ etc. It's like they just decided to go half on a baby and mortgage. Those relationships don't appear all that fulfilling or enviable. Just ppl crossing off "life" milestones with a sad film of dissatisfaction over their eyes.

Initial_Chemical7121 · 2022-01-10T20:55:23+00:00

I feel like a LTR also becomes family. It becomes three relationships in one. I think your partner also becomes your best friend. But I don’t get the first point. Friendships are real friendships?

cvslengthbucketlist · 2022-01-10T22:08:40+00:00

Why is your partner suddenly more important than your friends who you've known for 10+ years? Who would you catch a bullet for if you had to choose between the 2? I already know the answer.

Because ideally you get into a relationship with someone you're eventually going to marry and start a family with. Ask yourself that question again once you have a wife and kids: if you had to choose between taking a bullet for the mother of your children vs. taking a bullet for a good friend, are you honestly telling me you wouldn't hesitate at all in making a decision?

idiotgirlhaha · 2022-01-10T22:52:53+00:00

I think the biggest things are:

The amount of time you spend with any given person. Many couples live together for decades, which is a much more involved position in a persons life than just seeing them, even on a regular basis. I have many good friends who I couldn’t live with for more than a few weeks. Finding someone with whom you can iron out every problem, both small and large, daily and exceptional, is pretty big, and not usually necessary with friends. If i’m having a bad day, or my friends being a dick, I just leave and let it cool off. Not how it works with a partner. I don’t care how my friends put away the dishes, or fold laundry, or how much time they spend watching tv rather than helping around the house. It also doesn’t matter to me how they would deal with an unplanned pregnancy, or the loss of a job. It doesn’t affect me, so it’s a challenge we won’t have to face as friends - but one you do have to face with a partner, and that speaks to the strength of your connection. Splitting a home, finances, children, huge life decisions, travel opportunities, job opportunities, free time - no joke
Deeper level of acceptance. My friends don’t care what I look like, they haven’t seen me naked or had sex with me and had to decide whether I would be able to satisfy them sexually for the rest of their lives, a lot of them don’t care about the personal beliefs I hold that would be important in a relationship, etc.
People don’t typically create and raise children with their friends. That’s a big one
The legal implications of marriage. When you marry someone, it’s a good idea to have a deep level of trust in their financial decision making, their commitment to you (divorce is expensive and time consuming), their beliefs on healthcare, how we would handle one of us dying, etc. Obviously both friendships and relationships are built around the idea that we love each other and won’t fuck each other over, but if my friend decides to do that any way, I won’t be as legally fucked as I would be if my partner does. Legally binding yourself to someone requires a much more than just “trust”, it requires years of proof of their character in very serious areas.
The family aspect. I have friends whose families I can’t stand, and if I were put in the position of having to become of fully fledged member of one, that would suck a lot, but I’m not in that position, cause they’re just friends. When finding a partner, family matters. It also matters because you want to make sure their idea of family matches well with your own, so you can one day create one.

I think the biggest reasons here are number one and three. Three is obvious - but the “time spent with this person” aspect is a lot more complicated, and really important. Being able to overcome conflict, disagreement, and whatever life throws at you as an emotional and legal package, is a requirement of romantic relationships that is not found in friendship. All that being said, I wouldn’t say one is necessarily more valuable than the other, just very, very different.

JacobMoogberg69 · 2022-01-10T21:11:02+00:00

Do your friends give you blowjobs? Do you friends threaten to behead your cat if you leave them?

ogsimpology · 2022-01-10T21:00:44+00:00

Until you meet your match, you won't understand what it feels like.

If you have a friend that you've known for your whole life, you'll feel extremely close to that person, and will do basically anything for them.

Now take that feeling and x1000. That's how you'll feel about a well matched partner. A romantic connection is even harder to form, and hold. Because you don't have to compete with your friends other friends. But you do have to compete with your significant others potential partners. Not that they'd leave at first sight of a better option, but the chance of them leaving because they've found someone actually better for them, is at play.

It's just... Different.

StarchRunner · 2022-01-10T21:02:39+00:00

It’s not.

I connect with geniuses through space and time via ideas and their writings. I love them for expanding my mind. They are mostly guys.

Simply fucking warm meat sacks is to quell lower level urges.

meddit-throwaway · 2022-01-10T21:27:37+00:00

Relationships are overrated. I'd much rather have frequent, consistent hook ups / FWBs than a relationship. Anything that I can get from a relationship I can get from other sources. I go for meals and do fun stuff with my friends, everything sexual with the hook ups / FWBs and you get to experience a lot more than you would in a relationship. None of the bullshit arguments, compromises, having to endure sexless marriages, and spending ridiculous amount of money on your partner. I think with the amount of time most guys spend in time and money wasting relationships, they could get good at talking to women and have a much more fulfilling life. If I stop liking someone they are gone and I find someone new.

goneaway2thewind · 2022-01-11T02:29:25+00:00

Yes men are conditioned for needing a girlfriend. It's one of our only acceptable pleasures.

If most men could afford a maid, therapist, and mistress they would likely do that. But relationships and sex are what makes life fulfilling for many guys, why work so hard without it. Sex is the drive that fuels them.

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ashpr0ulx · 2022-01-10T22:16:05+00:00

in a way, friendship is even stranger than a romantic connection because without sex, it’s just a platonic bond that holds you together. like, my friends have no real reason to give a fuck about me, no real benefit for them, but they do. fucking wild.

i think there’s a lot of reasons for what you’re describing: difficulty connecting, difficulty opening up, less than supportive friend groups, or no true friend group to speak of.

the explanation that speaks to me personally is that most people don’t want to be a burden. there’s an expectation that romantic partners have signed up to share the intimate ups and downs of your life, so why burden more people beyond that?

it’s sad because we can’t reasonably expect our partner to be everything for us, but plenty of people try.

trail22 · 2022-01-10T23:02:44+00:00

You can stop hanging out with a friend at anytime without any real explanation.

As you get older you realize, especially as a guy how hard it is to maintain frinedships. Its possible but people ahve ids, get married and move.

As an adult you have to get good at maintaining old friendships and/or making new ones.

Without a wife or a long term relationships; your memories are your own. You arent creating memories with anyone. A memory with a friend is just another piocture you can share of them on social media in 10 years after you havent seen them in 5.

Shredddz · 2022-01-10T23:30:29+00:00

because relationships are potentially a much deeper connection, because men and women are supposed to need each other and have a common life goal. Sure you can have a friend that is as connected to your life goals in theory and even understand him better than you GF, but still the intimacy is gonna lack and that combined with the male female dynamic which has a different kind of satisfaction than merely good understanding makes it a higher achievement, because the level of cooperation is just way higher and its just way more influencial to your life.

AttackOnTightPanties · 2022-01-10T23:46:36+00:00

To be honest, I think it has to do with our innate and taught sense of resource guarding. Friendships have certain constraints unless you live with them and share food and resources, which the individuals then start to look at each other as family. The reason relationships are the aim are because you achieve two things: a higher likelihood of reproductive success and a stable connection you can trust. I think some of the putting of relationships on a pedestal comes from the glamor of it made popular in entertainment media and popular culture, but there is a sense of being able to directly rely on that person for certain survival necessities that is something that can't be accessed in more casual friendships as well as the boon of sexual activity that you (hopefully) don't get in familial relations.

Pola_Lita · 2022-01-10T23:48:14+00:00

Relationships are friendships with 2 added characteristics:

Sexual intimacy
Total commitment

ruboyuri · 2022-01-10T23:58:04+00:00

Because it’s multiple benefits at once in one convenient, socially accepted and supported package

Can’t fuck your platonic relationships now, can you?

mackenzie013_02 · 2022-01-11T00:19:40+00:00

A good friendship is > a shitty relationship tbh.

I think if you find a good relationship then it can be amazing, but good friendships are often underestimated. A partner can never be a substitute for all your friendships (and vice versa).

basedchad2001 · 2022-01-11T02:27:22+00:00

I don't really want a relationship romantically but I at least want to experience love once, though I'm unsure if I will stay in one for long. So many obligations that I don't care for, many just modern things that I don't enjoy that much, like 1 one 1...most things actully.

NarniaFox · 2022-01-11T03:29:48+00:00

Because good romantic relationships combine friendship, sexual intimacy, familial bonds and partnership.

You rarely plan to live with your friends your whole life, lots of you will move to other cities without worrying much about leaving you behind. It doesn't work this way with your romantic partner though, you're expected to have common plans and making personal ones accommodating to each other.

You rarely get into a mortgage with your friends or have kids together, it's another level of responsibility and commitment.

It's hard to find compatible partner and keep your bonds and relationships healthy. A lot of people settle for romantic relationships lacking some important parts whether it's friendship, sexual attraction or something else. Finding a true friend often isn't much easier though. Most friends people have are good acquaintances who they enjoy spending some time with, but not close friends who know what kind of issues or dreams they have.

42nanaimobars · 2022-01-12T03:55:08+00:00

If I were to form a relationship, it would be with my best friend who is a guy. Simple.

sarkington · 2022-01-10T20:52:44+00:00

Sex and reproduction are important

And can also be done voluntarily with a friend instead of out of bloodless obligation, hence modern relationships

wtknight · 2022-01-10T20:55:47+00:00

Is a relationship really just a friendship with sex?

For me it is. It’s a friendship with someone in which there is mutual sexual attraction and whom I’m exclusively having sex with.

Title	Why is a relationship the highest possible achievement in terms of connecting with another person?
Author	ThisTimeForRealYo
Upvotes	4
Comments	42
Date	January 10, 2022 8:45 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/s0u2i9/why_is_a_relationship_the_highest_possible/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-is-a-relationship-the-highest-possible.1095341 https://theredarchive.com/post/1095341

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