Dating down? Thoughts?

MarchBaby21 · 2022-01-10T19:18:32+00:00

If you have a doctoral degree and earn 250k and will only accept men who have your level of income and education, you have narrowed your dating pool to like 5% of the population, if not less. Add in needing to find someone you’re attracted to, who you like, who has the same goals as you, and lives in your area… how can you be expected to find someone like that?

A big part of this is that men typically don’t value education level and income like women do. Men mostly care that a woman is somewhat intelligent and is able to support themselves. So the money and education isn’t a big value add to men on the market.

girlwithasidecar · 2022-01-10T19:35:41+00:00

You have to find something masculine and respectable about your man. If you have a guy who doesn't have any masculine qualities other than his income, then dating someone who makes less than you do has a high risk for failure.

But money isn't the only (or best) definer of masculinity. If you make more than he does but he makes you feel safe and cared for and you respect him to lead, then money doesn't have to be a necessary qualification.

Dating "up" or "down" isn't the best way to think about it because you are only talking about one dimension of a multidimensional (hopefully) person. Is it "down" if he is taller, stronger and more confident but she has a master's in early childhood education?

The big BUT is that you need a man that does not define his masculinity such that he is competing with you and losing. If you make more, don't date a man who thinks the height of manliness is to provide. If you have a PhD don't date a man who defines his intellect by his BA.

maevenbelle · 2022-01-10T17:54:24+00:00

This sounds like a bunch of feminist garbage. Dating down in education and income? I mean, I seriously doubt by "dating down" they mean a woman lawyer is dating a pizza delivery boy. I bet they mean the target male is a carpenter, plumber, or some other type of skilled worker and they are somehow trying to convey that this type of man is not "worthy" of a highly educated, professional woman. Don't listen to that. (woman lawyer here, btw)

Jenneapolis · 2022-01-10T18:27:08+00:00

If you define down only by Income and education, I suppose this could be true, but that seems like very black-and-white thinking to me. As a high earner, I accept that the large majority of men I date are going to make less than me. I don’t consider that dating down, they bring a ton of value to my life.

AngelFire_3_14156 · 2022-01-10T18:06:22+00:00

I've also heard that.

I guess with my husband it could be considered that I "married down." When we met, I was in my early 30s and he was in his mid 20s. He had just finished his master's degree and had started a promising career. My career was well underway. I made more money than he did, owned a house, etc. Eventually we fell in love and got married.

Is this marrying down? Some might think so. But compared to my ex, my husband is a far more decent and capable man. Although that wasn't readily apparent when we started dating. He was fun and interesting to be around and our basic core values are compatible. I think much of mate selection is subjective, with hypergamy and Brifault's Law being guidelines.

So where are my husband and I now? We own a house, have four kids, I'm a SAHM, etc. I have no regrets and I'm very glad I'm married to him.

dietwindows · 2022-01-10T18:24:41+00:00

My lady makes about the same as me, (a little more.) I've got more education, do 100% of the housework, and am physically a bit more attractive.

My experience suggests many people think she's dating down based on the $ alone. Some folks are very, very materialistic, which isn't conducive to good relationships. (In my view.)

_player_0 · 2022-01-10T19:55:56+00:00

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WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2022-01-11T02:16:40+00:00

Well ok so I have some opinions on this that are not backed by research, just something I have personally observed.

Firstly: I’m just going to assume that most of these career women do not want to be stay at home moms, so they don’t need their man to financially support them.

Is it feasible long term? Absolutely. The only way it isn’t is if you have a problem with it. But I don’t think there are many female doctors dating male gas station clerks.

Now the whole “professional women cannot find their match” thing… this one is a little weird. I think women in general who can’t find their match either overestimate their value, or are just bitches. If you are a physically above average below 30ish woman actively on the dating market, you shouldn’t last long. I think these women get caught up in the idea “oh I make 120k. I need someone who makes at least 150k, so CEO’s only!”. Also as someone who is actively (unhappily) in a professional work environment, a lot of women confuse being a strong professional with being a rude bitch.

Now as for dating “down”. First of all you need to decide what “down” is. Is it considered dating down if you’re a lawyer making 150k and he’s welder making 150k? Because a lot of people would hear the titles and think the lawyer is the more prestigious one, but in terms of earning value they can be similar. Is it dating down if you’re making 100k and your partner makes 90k? Because y’all’s respective income really isn’t that different at the end of the day, but you are technically earning more than him.

Either of these situations should be fine realistically, but I could see the women you’re referencing in this post finding these to be red flags.

I think when you start to get into actual problem territory is when you earn 100k and he earns 50k. I can see this because a lot of women don’t like the idea of paying for the majority of things, but realistically if this is the situation then that should be the case. This goes against the way most women were raised and ends up having a lot of women feel used. This is a feeling men are used to, but women are kind of told they shouldn’t experience so it’s not really feasible unless you as a woman have confronted that idealism and changed your beliefs and values regarding who pays.

So in my opinion: women who have this opinion usually over value themselves, or are just rude people. Women who earn significantly more need to confront their inner selves before going into a relationship where they make more than the man.

I think plenty of situations like this can work tho.

uniq0rn_qlitter · 2022-01-10T19:43:45+00:00

It’s a personal choice. I’m more of a believer in being “equally yoked,” meaning having similar value and belief systems. Sharing similar life goals and dreams. Sometimes outsiders perceive woman to be “dating down,” but that may not actually be the case. I think character is more valuable but also for either sex, it’s not good to date a bum who doesn’t take care of themselves. If a woman feels she has to date down to find a mate she is dating for the wrong reasons anyways. Bragging about your accomplishments or even leading with them is a very masculine trait and probably a turn off for many men. She should lead more with her personality and feminine softness and less with the boardroom mentality to find a suitable and masculine mate.

1master_dom · 2022-01-10T22:03:46+00:00

The irony is, she’s only dating down if she looks good. An average woman with more money than a handsome man is not dating down, she’s cross dating.

Both have an asset best suited in the other person.

HugoJP · 2022-01-11T14:02:39+00:00

I've stumbled on a few articles saying many professional women cannot find their match so they date down in income, education, etc.

Of course it is true, most will have to. The amount of men who are making 100k+ is quite limited and many of them are not interested in dating a woman who is (as) career oriented (as them).

Is this feasible long term?

This is so dependent on the people involved.. I would say, yes, it absolutely can work. But more often than not it probably doesn't, which doesn't say much because the majority of marriages end in divorce anyway.

The real answer, as is usually the case, is found in the comments: There are a few women in this thread who 'date down' from a socio-economic standpoint. But if you pay attention you will ALWAYS see it's not a large gap. There are virtually no women earning in the top 10% that seriously date men in earning in the bottom 50% long-term. Maybe she will date a man in the top 20 or 30% of earners but not lower, if you see one you better capture her because it's an unicorn.

She earns 150k, he earns 80k. Maybe. But you're not going to be seeing women who make 100k+ being married to men making <50k (Which is 50%! of men).

So yes, a woman earning 100k+ is going to be severely limited in her dating options compared to a woman earning 40k.

aussiedollface2 · 2022-01-12T07:07:58+00:00

Some women date down because they think the man will forever pander to them and love them and never leave, and from what I’ve seen it never works out because the man becomes resentful and feels insecure. Date at your own level, or above xo

abacabbmk · 2022-01-10T18:15:35+00:00

If you are a high earner and only 'date up', your pool is going to be extremely tiny. You are limiting your pool and excluding many good candidates because you are putting so much emphasis on something that at some point becomes irrelevant.

Plan to have kids, and raise them yourself or at least for a number of years? Then your 'income' pre kids is also almost irrelevant when comparing yourself to a potential spouse. Just like they will know that your great job doesnt mean much because you will be spending quite a while out of the workforce.

angelicasinensis · 2022-01-10T18:02:42+00:00

I think that so much goes into a good partnership but most important are personality types….

Visible-Doughnut-782 · 2022-01-11T03:51:55+00:00

Something that a lot of financially successful woman don’t understand is that the more successful they are the less options that have when it comes to finding a partner.

The absolute opposite is true of a equally successful guy. The more financially successful a guy the more options he has on the dating market.

The reality is men( especially financially successful men) don’t care in the slightest about a woman’s personal and financial achievements when it comes to attraction. A cute and pleasant barista will always be more attractive to a man than a brilliant but overweight and highly strung brain surgeon. The opposite(as a generalisation) is true for Woman. The cute and pleasant male barista is practically invisible( at least as a long term partner) for the vast majority of high earning woman.

Sea_Bookkeeper_1533 · 2022-01-11T06:02:00+00:00

Like the others said, it depends how we define that. I out earn my husband but he comes with some family wealth that I don't, he's masculine and attractive, and my absolute favourite person in the world. He helps with chores, knows to pick up flowers once in a blue moon, and is looking forward to being a dad. I can't ask for better. ❤️

TheBunk_TB · 2022-01-11T19:13:08+00:00

Denying statistics and gambling isn’t a good long term strategy

ddouchecanoe · 2022-01-10T18:01:05+00:00

This sounds like it would lead to frustration and resentment on the part of both parties. Especially in a relationship with two people who are traditionally oriented.

aigars2 · 2022-01-11T05:48:40+00:00

Men in our society are expected to give away their money and status to a woman when she "comes in", so men already lost this when they were born. Family law, court and now even job market is a loosing game for a man. Any man knows this even without realising it. Best thing what can be done is to find the best women women-wise. Young, beautiful, preferably intelligent and less damaged.

Title	Dating down? Thoughts?
Author	xds123
Upvotes	21
Comments	43
Date	January 10, 2022 5:32 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/s0phwb/dating_down_thoughts/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/dating-down-thoughts.1095374 https://theredarchive.com/post/1095374

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