Does a man's N-count matter to you?

gemmv · 2017-09-12T04:26:14+00:00

My husband has a somewhat high N-count (I think?) but he's my only partner. It doesn't bother me because I understand his reasoning. He slept around when he wanted to and when he was ready to grow up, he stopped. I think men can enjoy both casual sex and monogamy if that's something they want. My husband is also lucky to come from a family full of strong male role models.

I wasn't willing to have sex unless we were in a monogamous relationship and he knew I was the kind of person he wanted for a wife, so that worked itself out. He was in his last year of grad school and outgrowing his old lifestyle when we met too. I think seeing some of that transformation helped put me at ease because I knew this was what he wanted.

Now that we've been married for five years and I know him really well his N-count doesn't even cross my mind. My husband takes commitment seriously and he has more self-control than anyone I know. If he didn't want a monogamous marriage he wouldn't be in one.

I think self-awareness and character are more important than the number of previous partners.

kaylin_xx3 · 2017-09-11T03:57:49+00:00

I care to some extent, especially if he has a reputation. But at the same time I've been with my husband 7 years and don't know his number.

GimmeKittens · 2017-09-11T02:36:35+00:00

I´m not sure .

On one hand I don't think is any of my business. On the other hand, a high n count means a greater risk for STDs and I find it pretty disgusting.

So..idk, I guess I rather not to know. I like to feel special for the guys I´ve been with, I wouldn't want to be girl number 1000.

Pink_182 · 2017-09-11T05:20:15+00:00

Yes. Sex is a big deal to me- a guy with a super high n count obviously doesn't share my value system.

imspookyboo · 2017-09-11T20:20:30+00:00

I think I'd be wary of a very high count only because I'd feel like we didn't share the same values. Hubby and I have dated since high school & only have slept with each other so I don't really have experience to go on though.

glitterchild · 2017-09-11T03:20:36+00:00

It matters hugely to me. The guys on red pill who say "girls love you if you sleep with tons of girls!!!!" Have never met me, I've rejected multiple guys based on high N count. I want a guy who has high enough SMV to have the opportunity to sleep with tons of women, but I don't want him to actually do so because it shows low standards and I don't feel special, I feel like just another notch to be compared to all his other notches....that isn't romantic or sexy.

unruffledlake · 2017-09-11T17:57:40+00:00

Since RP is secular and therefore limited in its metaphysical understanding, this is one of the main topics where we must blend our other belief systems and intuition with it. In my religion, the general understanding is that promiscuous men are equally affected as women, but it may manifest differently due to our different natures. The effects increase in proportion to the extent of promiscuity. On the bright side, the effects gradually wear off over time provided we discontinue the promiscuity.

Twinklesized · 2017-09-11T04:53:51+00:00

I have not cared one way or the other on someone else's N-count nor do I ask. Life happens and I would prefer to focus on their character and integrity as it stands today. If I knew someone's magic number, it could indicate certain proclivities but not any more so than their other behaviors as it is now.

Respect for yourself and partner are vital.

The N-count is only one tool to measure respect and responsibility. It is not THE tool. It's not weighted any heavier than other things when looking at the whole, for me, is what I'm saying.

jotho817 · 2017-09-11T14:35:24+00:00

It actually mattered quite a bit to me, mostly because I was a virgin and I wanted to be with someone who recognized how hard it was to stay one in our culture and made the same sacrifices. When I first started dating my husband, one big red flag for me was that he was no longer a virgin. In the end, we worked past it and are super happy but N count is still pretty important to me.

Waldorfmutti · 2017-09-11T15:07:31+00:00

Any Man would need to provide me with proof of his health e. g. full panel STD test. Other then this I tolerate a medium high N - Count. .

ThisGirlHasQuestions · 2017-09-11T16:53:00+00:00

I go back and forth on this. I've never been in a relationship, but I've talked with a couple men that I was interested in about their sexual history. My emotional response seems to be almost positive. Like, there's a comfort in knowing he's not clueless about sex. That's probably a bit selfish because I, a virgin, probably am! (Although I will say I'm exceedingly educated in the topic! 😅)

I also really like it if I get the sense that he's not desperate. It's good to know that sex is something he's been capable of getting when he wanted. If he had no trouble getting laid, then I feel like he's not just playing me for sex (since I'm not having sex without serious commitment, possibly marriage, and I make this clear with men). If sex was all he wanted, he'd be out getting it, not investing in a relationship with me.

I actually haven't talked about sexual history with a guy who had a low count/virgin. Maybe because those guys never steer the conversation that way, or I never do because they don't really interest me that way! But I think I'd also be fine with that. I'd be nice to feel like one of the chosen few or even the only one. But I would be wary of it possibly being a sign that something's amiss if he just couldn't get sex when he wanted it. Or that maybe he has a very low/non-existent sex drive. The same things I'm sure a guy would be wary about with me, being a virgin over 30.

Anyway, to answer the question, yes it matters. But it's just one factor among many. If it irks me, it would be in the sense that I'd feel like I couldn't compete with all the memories. No matter what I do I'm sure there was another girl who did that thing better or looked better doing it than I do. I'd feel like he was always making comparisons. But that's my own insecurity. I couldn't really blame him for that one.

Rivkariver · 2017-09-11T11:19:29+00:00

It matters more to me if they were LTRs/marriage, or random. A guy who can do random one night stand is not someone who shares my values. Nor someone I trust, since I would know he is capable of sex with a woman he does not know. He had to have only been in LTRs. And needs closeness and commitment to be physical.

Men who only had LTRs won't have a high n anyway.

RubyWooToo · 2017-09-11T17:02:01+00:00

No. I don't even eat at restaurants with few reviews.

But in all seriousness, the only thing that matters (at least in my opinion) is that a guy is capable of being monogamous within his committed relationships, isn't receiving or spreading STDs, and doesn't have any children from his exploits.

Anything else is none of my business.

Atomicbebe · 2017-09-12T06:46:51+00:00

Here is an interesting side discussion. A while ago on ask women some one asked the question "do you like one night stands?" And I would say that 90% of answers said "I had a few and it's always bad sex and I can't be bothered with that any more." I feel this is so true. The question is, is it because younger guys are just not good in bed yet? or is it because relationship sex is always 10 times better because of how women get turned on. Do these guys who have ons all the time realize it's bad sex?

Atomicbebe · 2017-09-11T05:49:12+00:00

Doesn't share my values, and will probably be a cheater so I wouldn't date one of those guys myself. For me some amount of self control in all aspects of life is something I look for.

est-la-lune · 2017-09-11T15:09:50+00:00

My two cents:

Men who are younger than 30 have low SMV anyways. But even when they have higher-than-average SMV, in my experience they have zero RMV.

A young guy who actually has exes, and never refers to them as "crazy" is the millennial male equivalent of a unicorn. :P For me, as long as someone I'm dating doesn't raise any red flags and can check that box, breaking down his N-count is simply unnecessary.

Those guys usually don't have the highest SMV so they tend to have lower N-counts anyways. Now, I ask my partners out of curiosity, but I've never been too surprised.

Addicted2Craic · 2017-09-11T09:04:39+00:00

I think it bothered me more when I was younger. Like a high N-count somehow made him more masculine. Oh and I liked it if the guy was older than me too cos that somehow made him more protective. I'm now with a guy who is younger and has a lower N-count and couldn't be happier. Funny how life works out like that.

Now if he had an annoying ex who was still part if his life, that would be a real pain.

seekingtruth10 · 2017-09-12T15:51:29+00:00

The truth is a man's count matters less than that of a woman, because of biological differences and such. However, that being said, it doesn't really bother me, as long as he wasn't a disgusting person. Meaning, he could have slept with 50 women, but as long as he wasn't sleazy, I'd be ok with it. But yeah, 50 women is still super high. I don't ask though.

RainbowKitty77 · 2017-09-11T13:35:13+00:00

It doesn't bother me with my current boyfriend.

Foraging_Health_Nut · 2017-09-11T14:53:18+00:00

As long as he's "clean", doesn't really bother me.

To preface, we have a very honest and open communication about things, including deeper inner thoughts/feelings, even uncomfortable ones.

My partner is actually a bit unhappy that his "count" is as low as it is (under 8?), and feels like he missed out on some more casual fun while he was single... he's not prude at all, but as he got older his standards went up, and when he was younger he was a bit shy.

Honestly, I kind of wish he HAD taken more opportunities before so he wouldn't feel like he missed out on "something" now that he's in a serious relationship (and we are expecting our (planned) first child any moment.) He isn't even sure what it is he thinks he's missed, and we have a healthy sex life (I'm always happy to participate/don't turn him down, make sure he's feeling good, and never try to make him do all the work, even at 40w pregnant, I keep fit, and he finds me attractive), but he feels he might want some sort of other experiences with other women due to a "low" amount of encounters with decent women (and other more complicated spiritual/tantric type reasons that are hard to explain.)

One? high school girlfriend, one hook up with a classmate in college, one rather frigid feminazi gf later in/after school for two years. A brief fun fling with his good friend's sister (all fine... friend actually really wanted them to work out!) but she moved across the country and he was going to go out there but she ended up back with her ex. Then was with one girl for a few months in his late 20's, but he wasn't very fond of her behavior/alcoholism so that didn't last. Single and celibate for 4 years before he and I got together. And not for lack of women liking him or opportunity, he just raised his standards of what he wanted in a woman.

(Somewhere in there after school before the gf's, he did drunkenly hook up with a few Thai bar girls overseas. He told me prostitutes, but they were unpaid, so I guess girls just looking to snare a foreign "boyfriend").

carefreevermillion · 2017-09-12T13:03:26+00:00

My SO has a higher N count than me, and while I won't lie and the thought of his hands being on another girl is unpleasant, he's extremely competent in the bedroom as well as generous and creative. I know from discussing his first LTR that he wasn't that way initially, so I appreciate the gift of good sex that him exploring other women has given me. I just try to be worthy of it, lol.

LaurelWoods93 · 2017-09-12T11:50:48+00:00

It did to me. But only because I was worried about STDs. My husband told me of his n-count only because he didn't want to hide anything from me since he was determined to be my first and only sexual partner. He even went and got tested for me (though I didn't ask or even hint for him to do that) soon after we got serious. I think the old saying is correct, though crude...A good key opens many locks, a bad lock opens with many keys. It's important for men to play the field. To find out what they want in a partner and what they like sexually before commitment. It certainly made life easier for me because he was experienced but not so much that I was grossed out, lol.

sonder_one · 2017-09-14T23:28:14+00:00

The stock Red Pill Men's answer:

From an evolutionary standpoint, our imperative is to propagate our DNA. Men need to know that the children that they are protecting are theirs, so they want women without other partners. Women, by contrast, want men with proven capability (aka "experience").

Men have further observed that women with higher counts have steadily declining faithfulness, whereas women seem to subconsciously perceive men with history/options as more desirable and expect them to be better in bed.

On a related note, men's interest in women falls through the floor if they catch sight of a wedding ring, while a number of studies have shown that women rate men as more attractive when told that they are married.

Title	Does a man's N-count matter to you?
Author	ThrowingTTK
Upvotes	19
Comments	75
Date	September 11, 2017 1:41 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/6zceeh/does_a_mans_ncount_matter_to_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/does-a-mans-n-count-matter-to-you.73402 https://theredarchive.com/post/73402

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