Is this cheating?

Vinegar88 · 2023-03-29T15:22:41+00:00

I wouldn't consider it cheating, but it's certainly inappropriate, he got "caught," and then went back to it, showing he's not likely to stop. And then the crying photo (lmao) and drunk texting paints him as quite unstable...your best friend doesn't like him, and probably for decent reasons. It's hard not to hold on to our firsts for too long than is good for us. But the longer we hold onto the wrong one, the less time we have with the right one.

Left-Flamingo-8983 · 2023-03-29T15:15:55+00:00

I would define this as a wandering eye. Definitely enough to move on when you’re this young.

M474D0R · 2023-03-29T15:00:54+00:00

It's not cheating but these behaviors are definitely some sort of red flag, yeah.

He's only overly emotional when faced with the prospect of being dumped. But when he has you he's giving other girls all this attention? Big immaturity/fuckboy signs yeah

ArkNemesis00 · 2023-03-29T15:57:08+00:00

but I really need this relationship to work.

I've always wanted to get married young. I've put a lot into this and think he would be an amazing father.

I would love to marry my first love and he is my first love so I want to do everything I can to keep what we have.

You know what you want, and you're trying to fit this guy into your vision. What would be much, much more effective and enjoyable would be to find a man who shares the same vision. I don't think this is how men act when they've found the women they want to spend the rest of their life with and wish to remain monogamous.

He's a flirt, as you've said. He wants to talk to other women and hopes they'll want to talk back. He's actively looking at/for other options. This is not a guy who's going to commit or propose to you anytime soon. There are guys out there who would; my husband and I were married at 21.

Jenneapolis · 2023-03-29T16:41:33+00:00

I feel like there’s a whole lot of immaturity going on in the situation with pretty much everybody involved. You lost me at he sent a picture of himself crying?? I get he’s young but even so it’s not captain behavior. He needs attention from other women period. Do you want to deal with that your whole life? At the point at which you are DMing other women to see if he’s talked to them, it’s over.

Alt-acct123 · 2023-03-29T14:56:25+00:00

This would be enough for me to move on. If it’s not cheating (and DM-ing girls etc. is in my book), then it’s certainly disrespectful to your relationship. You’re still young and have only wasted 4 months. Don’t make it 4 years.

Agreeable-Comedian24 · 2023-03-29T15:28:21+00:00

I understand the idea of getting married young sounds like a good thing. The risk is not understanding what makes a man a good life partner. The only good thing you have to say about this guy is that he says he loves you. Love is not enough.

His seeking the attention of other women is not something a man who loves you would do. All of your friends except one had a bad feeling about him, there is a reason. If you have to hide your relationship deep down you know something is wrong.

In a healthy loving relationship neither person should have to contact a stranger to check up on the others actions. Also this ‘sliding into dm’s’ is kind of embarrassing and looks desperate on his part. It also makes you look silly because your man clearly has other women on his mind and you’re tolerating that.

What if one of these women started messaging him back regularly. How would you feel? Why does he even want to chat with these women, would he leave you for someone else if he got their attention? You have a lot to think about.

bunnytryingreddit · 2023-03-29T22:55:59+00:00

In the end you claim he's a great partner, but he's really not.

Ambiguous and immature behaviour concerning instagram, not meeting your needs on valentine's day, the rest I couldn't even read...

chrissycash · 2023-03-29T15:55:33+00:00

This guy sucks and I would walk away. I caught my ex husband liking this one lady on IG who looks nothing like me including race. When I broke into his phone not only was he cheating on me but he was inviting this lady to our bedroom. Hard next. Send him a simple “sorry but this relationship isn’t working for me” text message before you block and delete. Never look back. Don’t have a deep conversation on the phone or try to meet up to explain why otherwise he’ll cry again to guilt you into taking him back. Personally I think guys like this want a secure safety net (you) to crap on (Vday) while he monkey branches into his next relationship.

pinkparadigm · 2023-03-29T17:22:04+00:00

I completely agree with all of the comments here so far. The second someone starts lying to you over things they could’ve simply been honest about: RUN. Sadly, not everyone is mature enough to communicate better and understand that it’s ok to be wrong at times and learn from it.

From what you’ve shared he has little respect for the relationship if he’s actively seeking other women. It is no use to attempt to build a solid foundation with someone whose already showing huge red flags and cracking the surface within a few months of dating. I know it sucks to hear all of this but trust me, when you meet the right guy, you’ll know it and feel so happy you didn’t waste your time any further with the wrong one!!

SereneDesiree · 2023-03-29T22:05:44+00:00

Listen to your intuition, not the voice in your head that wants to get married young etc.

If you have a hard time hearing your intuition, listen yo your friends. They seem like they have your back.

TheBunk_TB · 2023-03-29T23:43:34+00:00

Warning sign: He might not be an outright cheater, but he is an "edger". He gets thrills chasing, like a dog with cars. Personality issues.

I'm not sure if this guy is worth dealing with. He needs to grow up for himself first.

jenna_grows · 2023-03-29T19:35:22+00:00

I find his behaviour ick. It’s not just a red flag, it’s desperation.

ActuallyASwordfish · 2023-03-29T16:20:16+00:00

Ugh gross. Guys on social media generally just irk me.

kittenegg25 · 2023-03-29T20:37:38+00:00

It is my belief that lusting for another woman is cheating. If you believe so too, don't let anyone tell you you should tolerate this.

buni223 · 2023-03-30T02:55:55+00:00

Uhm, I don’t know how this isn’t cheating. I feel like this is clearly a subjective thing. I literally cannot imagine liking another guy’s entire profile + DMing him about something “revealing” he’d posted, and my boyfriend staying with me or vice versa. Some people consider purposeful flirting cheating, too, which is how it is in my relationship. Maybe the people who said otherwise have a different idea of cheating, but this would be it for me. I would leave in a heartbeat especially at 20.

I’m sorry this is happening to you but you made the right decision the first time. I’m glad you’re leaving again from the comments you left. I also hope you’ve learned that idealism can be really harmful if you’re not wise about it. Don’t stay with someone because you want to get married young. If you do, I guarantee you’ll get hurt like this again. My boyfriend is my first outside of kissing, but I talked to guys before him (I’m religious so everything was a slow burn for me lol). I let a few of them hurt me emotionally because I was terrified of marrying too late or never finding someone who accepted me.

And guess what? None of that grief was worth it. I couldn’t control any of it. My current S/O showed up when the time was right, and it was completely unexpected and unplanned for. Life doesn’t go as you want it to sometimes, which is okay. You have to make peace with that or you’ll drive yourself crazy and you’ll drive potentially good matches away. One day you’ll meet someone who outshines literally everyone from before. When that happens, you’ll see that it all worked out, that everything happens for a reason, and you don’t have to be afraid of things not happening exactly how you planned.

rpc_e · 2023-03-29T18:43:33+00:00

These are HUGE red flags, and definitely something that I would personally end a relationship over. Men simply don’t reach out to women/slide into their dm’s with “platonic” intentions (unless it’s for something practical, like school/work, that requires communication). What he’s doing is VERY disrespectful. I would consider it cheating if I had a boyfriend who slid up on another girl’s promiscuous photos. I’d personally never date a guy who dm’s/texts with other girls. I highly recommend walking away. There are much better guys out there.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2023-03-29T19:42:05+00:00

”Dear Diary…”

So you are both 20. Neither of you are soup, yet. Don’t worry if he “likes” some girls posts on Insta. Don’t torture each other. Good lord.

AutoModerator · 2023-03-29T14:42:25+00:00

Title: Is this cheating?

Full text: Hi all, so my [20F] boyfriend [21M] have been dating for 4 months now (fun fact: I posted about him on this Subreddit and things ended up working out!)

So about a month and a half in, my I was waiting at the gate to board a 15 hour flight. I was super stressed out already about flying as I get anxious in the air and had issues with my visa and was expressing this to my boyfriend. It's at this time I get a text from my friend, let's call her Victoria.

Victoria said that her friend and her were talking and my relationship came up. She mentioned my and my boyfriend's name, when that rang a bell for her friend- let's call Victoria's friend Lea.

Lea said his name sounded familiar and opened Instagram to see that he had been sliding up on her stories since 2020. Now, there wasn't anything super pointed to show that he was hitting on her. For example she posted a picture that said something about wanting friends and he said "can we be homies" "well that was lowkey cheesy mb" and another time wishing her a happy new year for 2022.

This was all before we got together, but a lot of it overlapped with when he was with his last girlfriend. When we did get together tho, he slid up twice again.

Victoria said it could be nothing and platonic but wanted to let me know. I immediately told my best friend who told me to break up (she doesn't like him at all so I think she was waiting for him to mess up a little).

I was really freaked out and confronted him about it but we left it on bad terms because 10 minutes later I was on the flight and had no contact with him or anyone for 15 hours.

Got off the flight to a photo of him crying and a bunchhh of drunk texting. Before I got on the flight he said he was 'trying to befriend Lea because his friend Z had a crush on her'. But in any of the SS I was sent Z was never brought up a single time. Furthermore, they didn't even follow each other on Instagram and Lea didn't even know who Z was I later found out. Plus Z and my boyfriend met after my boyfriend initially messaged Lea.

He goes from this to "im so fucking sorry, im done tryna help people with girls, ive always been the wingman with my friends and I thought i could help but no" etc etc. but then apologized and said he sent excessive things that shouldn't have been sent.

I was going to be out of the country for a month so it would be a while before we saw each other again. I asked him for a break and he tried texting during this time but I would mostly ignore him. I didn't feel right about his story.

Eventually I got back and broke up with him a week later. I told most of my close friends what happened and they were all overjoyed I had done it. But then I talked to one of my friends and she made me see it so differently, I realized how much I missed him and gave him a call. I didn't even mean for it to happen but we stayed on the phone for five hours that night and I asked him to get back together.

I didn't tell Victoria, Lea, my best friend, or any of my friends about this. I decided that I would keep it a secret for the foreseeable future.

We were good for a month ish but he didn't do anything for Valentine's day and some other things that irked me like saying he was "going to get me flowers". Confronted him about this and he thanked me for calling him out because he had been slacking in all his relationships in his life and promised to do better. He didn't, though.

A month after this I noticed he was liking every single one of this girl's posts that I knew from high school. Call it a women's intuition but something compelled me to DM her and ask if she knew him. She said yes and that they had exchanged a few DMs. I got this really sick feeling in my stomach and asked what it had been.

The first was innocent enough about her car but then she had posted a really revealing story the day before (ass fully out not even underwear lol) and he slid up on that and asked "how did u even manage to take this picture lol" a few more exchanges of her clearly not interested as Lea wasn't when he changed the topic and asked what school she went to. This was just a few hours ago so there wasn't any more.

I'm not wondering if I should confront him about this. He likes IG influencer pics a lot and clearly loves connecting with people over DM. Maybe I'm just insecure and need to work on myself but I really need this relationship to work.

He's my first ever boyfriend and I've always wanted to get married young. I've put a lot into this and think he would be an amazing father. He's a great partner in other ways too, like randomly telling me how much he loves me and him being the first one to say I love you. I would love to marry my first love and he is my first love so I want to do everything I can to keep what we have. Thoughts? Should I fight for this?

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Long-Bed6382 · 2023-03-29T15:48:34+00:00

[permanently deleted]

BreadOld5376 · 2023-03-30T05:24:23+00:00

🤨

Definitely run

No-Celebration-8480 · 2023-04-04T00:56:22+00:00

From a Traditional male perspective who is in his mid 30’s & in a happy relationship

This boy is going to cheat if he hasn’t already. Get out of this asap. Not worth the trauma you need more maturity.

If you’re in a committed you don’t DM the opposite sex. Simple.

You can make the argument about guy friends & girl friends but I’m 36. I’ve don’t it all & it doesn’t work. There are always underlying feelings on one side or either.

Title	Is this cheating?
Author	anoncrush1
Upvotes	16
Comments	34
Date	March 29, 2023 2:42 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/125q7w1/is_this_cheating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/is-this-cheating.1207533 https://theredarchive.com/post/1207533

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