We talk a lot about vetting, here, identifying red flags in detail, such as the way he talks to his friends and mother, what hobbies he's cultivated, how much and what he drinks. Sometimes, however, I think we need a reminder of the most basic vetting parameters and lately, there's been a recurring theme here: The Man Who Won't Work.

I understand that there are extenuating circumstances for unemployment, regardless of gender, and male-dominated fields can be particularly volatile, hence the typically higher rate of pay. In my part of the U.S., many men work in oil, which has its highs and lows and even its debilitating accidents. People get laid off, unfairly terminated, hurt on the job, and sometimes contracts just end. Some fields are seasonal, such as HVAC and construction. Perhaps, you've even made arrangements for your man to stay home and care for the children and household, while your higher earning career pays the bills. If that model works, wonderful... because he is contributing. Men in these circumstances are not the ones I'm referencing. End disclaimer.

Some men just won't work and no amount of cheer leading or negotiating will change that, nor will acting the shrew. You can encourage and plead and cry and scream and still, you'll carry the financial burden of your household. This man exists. I know, because at 19, I married one and tried all of these things, until I divorced at 23, a less than ideal history in the dating market. The Man Who Won't Work, though, usually shows his own red and yellow flags. As much as it's your responsibility to vet for anything else, you must vet for this. These are generalizations, as are all dating guidelines, but here are some things to consider:

He's not financially stable yet.

For the most part, if he's a good prospect, he should be financially stable now, not eventually. If you're younger and still in school, his goals should be attainable and provide a sustainable income when the time comes. He does not have to have a college degree or even be particularly intelligent, but you can tell in the way he gets his money, the way he spends his money, if this man is financially an adult.

His career aspirations are always vague or tentative.

If he's working part time at Game Stop, but planning to go back to school... eventually... for something... you need to prepare for the possibility that this will never happen. If he's had four jobs since you started seeing each other eight months ago, it's a sign of self-sabotage, through showing up late, mouthing off to his boss/coworkers, or generally poor work ethic.

He's always the victim.

There's always some tragic tale to explain why he can't work. He was fired because the boss wanted to hire his nephew instead. He didn't get the job, because his grandma was sick the day of the interview. He came down with strep the day he was supposed to start. He has some kind of chronic illness that keeps him from working. The latter might even be true, but do you want to commit to it?

He's entitled.

How dare his dad refuse to pay his way for the annual family vacation? His grandmother told him he could have her old car, but now she's changed her mind. His parents cosigned for his brother, why not him? His extenuating circumstances entitle him, but not others. 

He still lives "at home."

Aside from an ailing parent, medical/law school, or the abnormality of living in an insanely expensive area, if you're looking for someone who wants to settle down, he should not live with his parents. I live at home. That's what home is. He lives in his parents' home.

It truly is tragic to choose between divorce and supporting a grown child, so the best approach is to vet well. Are there any other signs of The Man Who Won't Work?