I thought I would contribute another post about education and status on this Wednesday morning . . . In this case, it is my own, so the details will be first hand.

I met my ex in undergrad. She was from a well-off family, and raised in a conservative, third-world country. She was extremely beautiful, extremely smart, and (first mistake) extremely ambitious. When we finished school, she had grad school lined up, but I needed a break, so (second mistake) I agreed to support her while she was doing her Ph.D., which I was fine with, with the agreement that she would reciprocate when the time came.

Over the time that she in in school, and the year of two afterward, she started losing respect for me. This manifested itself in multiple ways, but mostly in issues regard educational status, i.e., she was surrounded by Ph.D.s and grad students all of the time, and came to see people without such as less interesting and less accomplished, the latter of which, by definition, is more often true than not.

So, she finishes school, and within a year, I have been accepted to various STEM Ph.D. programs. These are high end research schools, and so I have to quit work to be successful. About a year in she tells me that she wants to take a job elsewhere, as well as wanting to have kids ASAP (which we had not really talked much about before, except to generally agree how much of a hindrance they were to career growth). After a semester of back and forth, she decides she is leaving. Me, being both (1) truly in love with her, and (2) BP as fuck, offer to quit school to go with her. Her response . . . "At this point it doesn't matter, because if you don't have a Ph.D., I will lose all respect for you anyway". I remember this moment very clearly, as it was the beginning of my RP transformation . . .

Lessons:

  1. If you are going to be in an LTR, talk about the major stuff up front, including educational/career goals, and your desire for kids. Granted, things can change over time. Still, lack of complete clarity in this regard can only cause problems later.

  2. Have at least equal, or (better) somewhat higher status than the women in your life. Women crave this, no matter how much they deny it.

  3. My ex has been successful, career-wise, but her personal life is less than ideal, mostly for reasons that could have been avoided. As such, she is now a fairly unhappy person. Having a hard-charging, career oriented woman as an LTR is more or less completely anathema to having a peaceful, happy home life and LTR. If you have your shit together, I think an intelligent woman is ok, as long as she is happy with putting more effort into raising your kids than working 80 hours a week. If she feels like she needs to work, get her a replaceable job, like a manager at a coffee shop.

tl,dr; Don't get into a LTR with a current or future Ph.D., unless you already are one, have your shit together in all respects, and have a very clear understanding of what you expect from her.