This is mostly going to be a stream-of-consciousness post. For the last 2.5 years i've been in an open relationship with an LTR. Throughout the relationship i've had other side women that my main girl knew about. These come and go, but i've usually had 2-3 other girls in my rotation besides my main girl.

One week ago, my LTR broke up with me. To put it bluntly, she said she 'didn't love me anymore'. Did she find someone else? Maybe. Did we just grow apart? Possibly.

However, I'd been trying to do the exact opposite of what TRP teaches for the last 6 months with her, to see what would happen. I knew that her and I didn't have a long-long term future. That there were certain areas that we were incompatible, and that while we could make it work now, it wasn't going to work in the long run.

Now this girl was very 'unique' in my mind. She came from a poor family. Her brother ended up in and out of jail, and was a drug addict. No one in her family had ever been to college, and yet she rose above all of that to get her PhD (well, she's in the program, she's in the process of getting her PhD). Great, so she can rise above and challenge herself, awesome.

So, knowing that she was an 'exception' to many rules i'd had about lazy women who are entitled and want the world handed to them... i decided to ignore TRP advice and see how far I could push the limits. I can pretend that I did it all cerebrally, but deep down i wanted her to pass. I wanted the rules to not be true. I wanted her to be a unicorn.

She told me she wanted me to express my feelings more. So i started to tell her when i felt upset, or angry, or depressed. To explain to her when i was feeling sad. I'd tell her when i had a really long day. I told her about when i would cry in the shower.

She told me she wanted to express my affection for her more. I started telling her about how much i missed her. How much she meant to me. How i was scared to lose her.

She told me she hated it that i sometimes would only reply to the last message she sent, or wouldn't reply to certain messages. I started replying to each and every message she ever sent me, without fail. Thoughtfully.

That was six months ago. And now, one week ago, "I just don't love you anymore." In other words, i no longer gave her the tingles, and her hamster spun and decided it was because we had spent some time traveling separately recently and since being back together in the same town... 'it wasn't the same'.

I know what i did wrong. I know it was a mistake. I was hoping she was different, and she wasn't. I know i was breaking TRP rules. I know AWALT. I know i fucked up.

I'd be lieing if i said i was distraught after she broke up with me. The sense of loss. The loss of what we had built. The trust we had cultivated. The support we had attained. The understanding of each other and how to be there for one another. Gone... and for what? Because no more vagina tingles?

Maybe women truly are that short minded. Of course i know longer had an overwhelming lust for her after 2.5 years. I had seen her on her worst days. But the idea of building a team. Someone to rely on. Someone to push through together with. Maybe... just maybe once lust wore off... love was a decision you made. One that made you stronger, together. Supporting, and kind.

But those are the fucking fairy tales that stories and movies try to tell us. Maybe 50 years ago women were like that. Today, tragedies change by the week. Hong kong, what? Amazon rain forest, where? Every picture, every meme, is just an easily digestible dopamine hit. There's no commitment. No dedication. No devotion. If you aren't actively giving them dopamine and tingles, you're gone.

Dear TRP. You were right. I always knew you were right. I hoped I was wrong but... you were right.