Just Say No

Maaahoney · 2015-03-23T16:19:15+00:00

Good job. I work with a bunch of beta software guys and when this one girl comes around they all get up to make her coffee. She'll bat her eyes but offer nothing of value to the group. They all want to fuck her but are too busy laughing at their own jokes and getting red in the face. The chance of any of them getting laid is none. I say this because the one guy in the room that fucked her sits there and gives her no attention.

abdada · 2015-03-23T15:51:45+00:00

Ass, cash or grass is better than saying no. It sets your price and value and puts the onus on them to pay.

HardBounce · 2015-03-23T19:46:15+00:00

One of my favorite quotes

“Do not confuse "duty" with what other people expect of you; they are utterly different. Duty is a debt you owe to yourself to fulfill obligations you have assumed voluntarily. Paying that debt can entail anything from years of patient work to instant willingness to die. Difficult it may be, but the reward is self-respect. But there is no reward at all for doing what other people expect of you, and to do so is not merely difficult, but impossible. It is easier to deal with a footpad than it is with the leech who wants "just a few minutes of your time, please—this won't take long." Time is your total capital, and the minutes of your life are painfully few. If you allow yourself to fall into the vice of agreeing to such requests, they quickly snowball to the point where these parasites will use up 100 percent of your time—and squawk for more! So learn to say No—and to be rude about it when necessary. Otherwise you will not have time to carry out your duty, or to do your own work, and certainly no time for love and happiness. The termites will nibble away your life and leave none of it for you. (This rule does not mean that you must not do a favor for a friend, or even a stranger. But let the choice be yours. Don't do it because it is "expected" of you.)”

-Robert A. Heinlein, Time Enough for Love

YouDislikeMyOpinion · 2015-03-24T01:20:15+00:00

Re-framing.

HB: wanna help me move, Ill be soo gratefull :) ;)

Me: You should hire movers, kick back, relax, and we should catch up over drinks this weekend

Vaganusaurus · 2015-03-23T17:11:26+00:00

Something along the lines of "I'll pass" has worked better for me. Said with some exaggerated emotion and a smirk is significantly less rude than "No." while subtly reminding some people that you are getting nothing out of it and they are doing nothing for you - or just simply that you are busy. It leaves the door open a bit more open in the future. You calibrate your response to the person.

^edit: ^wording

lLoveLamp · 2015-03-23T19:10:12+00:00

Everything makes sense, but if my mother is in town for a tea, I'll make some time for a fucking tea

harkrank · 2015-03-23T17:48:18+00:00

If you really dislike her and want to be spiteful say "Of course I'll help, don't worry about renting a car, we can use mine!"

Then you go on about your business and never pick up the phone when she calls.

Stinger86 · 2015-03-24T16:10:16+00:00

Hey all. I come from the PUA community even though I barely visit it anymore because it's become overrun by BS.

Anyway, I've followed PUA shit for a REALLY long time. Back in the day there was this PUA named Swinggcat, and he had this rule where he would do favors for girls but ONLY if they did something for him as well.

The example he gave is that sometimes in a club, a girl would ask for a cigarette. He would say "Sure thing, but first, moo like a cow."

And if the girl mooed like a cow or barked like a dog, or told him a joke, he'd give her the cigarette.

This shows you're willing to provide some value, but you don't just give it all away for free desperately. You put a price on yourself.

I do this all the time with girls unconsciously now. I will barter for nude pics over the phone. I will have a girl tell me her favorite sexual position. Example -- her:"What's your name?" (I don't put my name on my OKCupid profile). Me: "Answer something for me first and I will tell you." Her: "Sure, what?" Me: "I know this is personal, but what's your favorite position? :)" Her: "lol wow, you move fast huh?" Me: "Sure do" Her: "Not telling haha" Me: "Me neither. I will forever be the nameless stranger!" etc. etc.

At the worst, I don't get what I want but I've proven to be challenging and fun. At the best, I get intel that will help me lay her or better put her into the mood to lay her. If she does me a small favor (like taking a nude or something) she is investing into me, which is always good.

So yeah. Don't just say no. Counter-offer and name your price.

sailorJery · 2015-03-24T09:56:01+00:00

Still, you should have tea with your ma. When she's dead you're gunna feel like shit for all the teas you coulda had with her.

complex21 · 2015-03-23T17:53:45+00:00

I was also raised by a single mother, who did everything for me and I was babied. I turned into a beta faggot who couldn't do anything. After High school ended I didn't want to grow up and face the real world. After going to JUCO college for 2 years failing school, I decided I needed to grow some fucking balls during college and I moved to Southern California. I now have my own place, my own car, a great job. I learned how to become a man and shattered the neediness from my family and my mother.

TheRedPilsner · 2015-03-24T00:39:06+00:00

I suggest that all men, even those raised in a traditional nuclear family household, read the book No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. It talks at length about how modern society has conditioned men to meekly seek female approval, and advises men to set firm boundaries and stand up for themselves. It's truly a must-read for all men living in today's world.

TheFastCat · 2015-03-23T17:05:22+00:00

Hey OP - good message. I grew up raised by my mother and have learned about myself that I have a hard time telling people no. For some reason I grew up thinking it weak to not help people just because I could. It isn't bad in itself but when people take advantage of you because of it and it causes pain, stress discomfort or unhappiness it isn't prudent or even healthy. It is not unmanly to not help. Good post.

ContinentalRP · 2015-03-23T17:30:07+00:00

I feel a lot better these days, since I now have ONLY positive people around me contribute to my wellbeing. If I can do it, so can you, find your balls and just say no.

This to me, is my main takeaway from TRP. For a long time I thought I didn't like people save a few, turns out I just didn't like these draining people. Nowadays I'm surrounded by a group of men who both help and inspire each other, and women who at the very least respect me. I hope this keeps up as a positive feedback loop, and I can give as much to those people as they have given me.

littleboyredpill · 2015-03-23T17:50:56+00:00

I learned this around last year sometime, how damn liberating saying no can be. Not only in personal life, with friends, and girls. Also in business. Saying no has made me so much happier in life.

boredgod · 2015-03-23T19:18:26+00:00

Goddamn, my life fits every bit of this description. Unfortunately, I'm only now starting to learn and enforce my own boundaries, and I'm finding that everyone I know needs to go. It's easy to handle giving them up, but it's hard not knowing if you'll ever have decent friends or family in the future. Guess you have to make them.

RealRational · 2015-03-23T20:03:33+00:00

Excellent post!

On the dad thing, same boat. Mine took to the point where he was in jail for about 2 years. Toxic, self destructive people simply need to be cut off. I tried "being there for him" multiple times and even uprooted my life to go try and help him. All he did was try and drag me down with him; haven't seen the guy in like 3 years now; gonna try again this year. But I have no expectations and have arranged different sleeping quarters for myself in the event of his sudden but inevitable betrayal.

TheIronViking · 2015-03-23T23:15:15+00:00

Establish your boundaries early. It's a lot harder to enforce your will if you've been someone's doormat in the past.

"Users" are opportunistic and will move on to the next schmuck if you refuse to yield. However, if you've been licking the heel of someone for a while, they can react very poorly (sometimes wildly) when you cut them off.

_whistler · 2015-03-24T15:18:53+00:00

This principle is also good for building respect with other men.

Years ago, about three months into my current job, my boss stopped by the office one night with his wife. They'd come from a nearby restaurant, and he was dropping in to check up on things and shoot the shit. I'd ordered a pizza, and about half was left.

Now, my boss is absolutely the Top Dog of his environment, wherever that may be. He exudes every Alpha principle we discuss here, and it's as natural as breathing to him. I have a lot of respect for the guy, and we've had some great Red Pill discussions over the years. But like I said, this was a long time ago, and I didn't know what I know now. I was the little Beta who thought of Alphas like my boss as douchebag cavemen.

So my boss turned to me and said "Can I grab a slice of that" - not really a question, just the polite thing to say - while reaching for the box. My extremely literal mind quickly decided that, since he'd just come from supper, there was no need for him to have a slice of my pizza. So without thinking about whether I was being a dick or not, I calmly delivered a single word: "No."

From that point forward, my boss noticed what I was up to at work, took my ideas and suggestions seriously, and fast-tracked me into a leadership position. It may sound ridiculous, but I really believe that simple "no" was the key in presenting myself as a man worthy of notice.

Purecorrupt · 2015-03-23T20:28:16+00:00

Going silent or just saying "busy" are other options.

Yokep · 2015-03-23T23:46:59+00:00

You sound like Nancy Reagan. "Just say no." /s

I grew up in a single mother home essentially and I am really beta. It's quite frustrating to not act on my impulses to bend over to every woman that acknowledges me. I'm still learning.

pheonixignition · 2015-03-24T00:23:41+00:00

I would've asked the hot girl what I would get out of it. I would've steered it to where I wanted it.

RickJamesBond · 2015-03-24T00:28:40+00:00

This being said, it's a good thing to be generous. We must, of course, set proper boundaries.

Yangel · 2015-03-24T00:45:44+00:00

where you don't get laid but only get to fix their shit

She didn't refuse to introduce you to other women/her other friends by any chance? I had to fix my examples shit, but she seemed keen on making sure I was isolated from other competitors. :(

edit: also pretending to be lonely, claiming her other male friends were trying to rape her... fuck that shit.

sealteamaus · 2015-03-24T01:36:18+00:00

had a group of women try and blame a male only team for their failures. i didnt take that shit. got moved to a new team without female supervisors. get out the way bitches

ShanksNes · 2015-03-24T02:34:33+00:00

More power to you sir. Half the red pill is saying "NO".

notrustled · 2015-03-24T03:07:13+00:00

a simple "no" is one of the most powerful things ever. my example from last night: I was heading to a place in the city to meet some of my friends. on my way, this little special snowflake, smiling mischievously came up to me out of nowhere with these words:

will you buy me a pack of cigarettes?

the old, naive me would have been head over heels about this thing for sure and would have gladly spent my cash in hopes of getting laid (and then of course wonder where did I fuck it up again...duh). I'm sure some of you can relate to this.

the new me? said a solid "no" without hesitation, walked away and didn't even look back. sure, I could have went for some destruction but I had to react fast and I didn't really give a fuck. the only thing I heard afterwards was some awkward giggling from those girls. it's not too much, but it's sometimes the smallest little things what make your day better. and if some BB bought that shit for them (I'm sure they did), that's none of my business.

I wish I learned how to say no waaay back earlier.

havelbrandybuck · 2015-03-24T04:01:04+00:00

Actually got my current girlfriend from trying to cut her out of my life after she sent me a friendzone message; it's funny how things work out.

Zakiha · 2015-03-24T10:01:49+00:00

Dude while I agree with most of what you wrote you can't say no to your fucking mum. Unless your have an emotional dysfunctional mother she is the only person that truly and unconditionally can love you. I'm new to TRP so Im not sure what the general stance on mothers are here but I feel like if there is one expectation to women then it's your own mother

Smitty6 · 2015-03-24T16:02:32+00:00

"Years ago, long before 'theredpill' existed, I was awful with woman. I figured being as nice as possible and simply being a people pleaser would get me laid (thanks mom!). Obviously I got placed in the nice little zone woman have for guys who 'get to fix their shit'. To clarify, this is the zone where you don't get laid but only get to fix their shit and hear their moaning about those ''assholes'' who don't call them back."

There was your mistake. Being nice to them so that they will fuck you is really not being "nice" at all. Its not even that being an asshole will make them fuck you. It's about actually being attractive. If your attractive to her you can get away with anything. She automatically assumes that your hot to other women.

You can't negotiate attraction and attraction is not a choice. If she's not showing signs of attraction then she's likely not all that into sleeping with you.

Does this mean that you don't be nice to her? No it just means that nothing you do will change her mind about that. No amount of doing things for her or not doing things for her will change that.

So with that said, it's good to be able to distinguish where and what you want to invest your time into. It's good to help people out but do it because you want to help people. Not because you want them to fuck you, because that is not how it works.

Also don't forget it works the other way around too. Women will try to win you over with what they can do for you. It shouldn't be about those things.

If you want a women who's around for a long time it should be with a women where there is mutual love, investment and happiness to be with each other. Because if it's based on what the other person can do for you then it can become abusive and unfair. Nobody wants to be in that kind of relationship. Not even a desperate beta.

nemaxofredpill · 2015-03-24T19:18:11+00:00

This carries over into the workplace as well. Corporations will overwork and underpay you. You have to set limits with everyone. Since I have taken the Red Pill, I no longer am the bell ring guy. I don't jump when someone says that they "need" me to do something. If I have time, I might do it. But if not, then I will tell them "no".

SpeedMetalPunker · 2015-03-24T23:01:41+00:00

Feel proud of yourself. I've done this myself with people and it feels so fulfilling saying it, and I should feel bad, but I don't.

Stythe · 2015-03-23T19:47:19+00:00

This is the process I've been going through for the last few months after being manipulated by my ex. I've realized to an extent that my family and many people who I thought were friends are little more than drama with baggage or users. The realization made me aware of how much of my life was wasted in many regards, trying to deal with "mental issues" that were literally just repressed male tendencies/ pride that I was taught was bad as a child.

Postboned · 2015-04-24T21:39:36+00:00

I think that a delayed "no" would've been much more sly.

HotBitch: "Wanna help me move? ;)"

You: "Sure, I'll be there. ;)"

HB: "Okay. Hehe. I'll be waiting."

hours pass

HB: "Where are you?"

You: "Oh, I was just fucking with you. I'm not helping you. Why would I do that?"

Now you let the hamstering work itself until she sees you as a bad boy. You left her waiting, thinking she got a beta to help, while in fact you were just chilling at your place and doing other shit that is more important than her (aka, I have more control over you than you have over me).

When you said no at the start, she went to find some other chump that will help her instead. Just my 2c.

qwertyleftme · 2015-03-23T18:52:01+00:00

Its important not to be reactionary, I love my mother. She tried her best. Its important to maintain frame. Don't hate on her. She's had a hard life. TRP teaches us to be able to draw boundaries. Work on your self. Cut useless people off. Friends (dad).

iffy360 · 2015-03-24T15:50:30+00:00

Any update on the relationship with that girl you said no to?

BMW1M · 2015-03-23T19:33:01+00:00

Not to sound like a square but Nancy Reagen had a point. Drug culture is all around us these days. Doesn't mean you have to be part of it. Sure some drugs are worse than others. Its just that you don't have to say yes because everyone else is. If you don't want to do drugs you don't have to. Just because your friends use drugs doesn't mean you have to use them as well. The only reason I'm saying this is because "Just say no" was Nancy Reagen's catch phrase while she was in the White House.

BEWBMEISTER2000 · 2015-03-23T21:28:34+00:00

Yeah preach it bro I have the same thing. I hate my mom for teaching me all these bullshit values. I'm glad that I don't have to see that whore as much anymore I feel like she mentally castrated me Last week she asked me why I have no gf like she doesn't know that it's her fault

thehonestdouchebag · 2015-03-23T20:20:46+00:00

Damn, I agree completely about the random chicks and overbearing people. But refusing your parents company? That seems a little much.

kevkos · 2015-03-23T20:15:31+00:00

"As a man who was raised by a single mother, I turned out a huge faggot."

So you're gay and think that being raised by a single mother makes people gay?

charcoales · 2015-03-23T16:40:12+00:00

Instead of "just say no", I think a better way to phrase it would be "don't just say yes". Be willing to help others who cannot fully repay you, but carefully consider your own time commitments.

A man doesn't say no to get back at others like in your examples. A man says no when he has legitimate reasons such as logistics, scheduling, or other interests we would rather pursue. He doesn't reserve his declinations to feel smug but looks at each situation holistically.

He would gladly help anyone he if has the time and yearning for it. Yeses are carefully chosen, but the process of choosing is sincere and forgiving and not filled with revenge and hate.

SQQQ · 2015-03-23T19:42:11+00:00

dude.. u honestly think women will understand no means no?

don't just say no. u have to do it. they wont understand u, u can only ignore them.

Title	Just Say No
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	340
Comments	128
Date	March 23, 2015 3:49 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/300sx0/just_say_no/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/just-say-no.30547 https://theredarchive.com/post/30547

Comments