Need help. Extremely depressed. Not suicidal but close. Anyone have advice on how I can pick up the pieces and move on.

ShouldIJustBeQuiet · 2018-05-09T15:56:59+00:00

I'm going to tell you something that a lot of people here aren't going to want admit to: If you want a girl to be more than a plate, you have to set frame like she is more than a plate.

Women will follow where ever you lead them and if you lead her down a plate path, she's gonna' act like a plate. Which she did. You set frame like you didn't care if she bailed whenever and so she bailed whenever. Probably after the first big test fail. I also suspect she was probably also chatting with other guys as well and probably had a back up in case you didn't work out so she could jump ship at the first sign of trouble (because it's a bit naive to think that you're talking to others and she definitely isn't). If you don't want this to happen, you need to set frame like it shouldn't happen or make yourself the best possible option.

I think people here often forget that frame is not some specific set or rules you have to follow, it is the path you want to walk and lead her down. So set the path you want. You specifically set the wrong frame for what you wanted. That's on you.

You can apply TRP principles when heading towards LTRs you just can't apply them in the same way you'd do it for a plate or you're going to get a plate that just drops whenever.

abdada · 2018-05-09T13:36:19+00:00

Move on because your entire future only gets better while she's taking each step closer to The Wall.

How is your entire future defined by a wet hole?

purplefidgetmidget · 2018-05-09T14:06:52+00:00

Advice...

1) You're human. It's normal to feel grief after unexpected loss, including loss of routine. Accept that it's normal.

2) Acknowledging 1, force yourself to go and do things. Lean on friends to socialise with and help you out. Now is the time to force yourself to do things you don't want to do.

3) Accept that the reason does not matter, and that any attempts to get back with her are beta behaviour and will sabotage your chances. No, you shouldn't get back with her. Yes, she will definitely realise her fuck up in a few days and text you to get you back. No you shouldn't go back. Yes she probably fucked another guy and broke off because she felt guilty. I doubt it was anything you did, she'd have raised flags before this by becoming emotionally distant or secretive with her phone/actions.

Spend some time evaluating what your purpose in life is. Build a sense of mission. You're a machine, you need to start taking small steps towards fulfilling your function. That means tidying your house, having a shower, getting your shit together, going to the gym, going out for a walk, meeting friends, talking to strangers, shopping for something cool, etc.

hellprince7 · 2018-05-09T14:01:34+00:00

You think she cares and desires you. Woman who do care and love you ain’t gonna pull this sort of shit. So clearly something’s up here. And you didn’t notice or you believed her all this time. I was in a similar situation not too long ago. You believe whatever you want to believe. I think you invested way to much into her.

Go get laid with other woman or whores . Will be like therapy for your soul at this point in time.

Metalgear222 · 2018-05-09T17:48:09+00:00

You forgot to remind yourself that this was inevitable. WHY she left should mean nothing to you. Women are fickle. Don't expect them to be loyal. They are not like men. So your brain is playing tricks on you because of the chemicals as you pointed out. Time will heal you. You've only gave it 2 days. Remind yourself of your mission. Women should not be a part of it. Start plating other girls. You know the game man.

Next time don't forget, she's not yours it's just your turn.

anabolic92 · 2018-05-09T13:42:00+00:00

If you've been around TRP for that long we won't tell you anything that you don't know already, you might just need some reminders.

You can be as Red Pilled as you want, but you'll have slipping moments when you can slide into BP mindsets/attitudes.

Anyways:

You should at anytime, always keep in mind, that every time you meet a girl/plate it might be the last time, and that's perfectly OK.
You are basing your emotional well being on someone else, and a woman lol.
You are a male and RP aware, you've to detect when you start being emotional driven and move back to being rational.
Fill in your time, you are giving free room to somebody in your head that doesn't care about you. Gym or any other form of sport, hit up old friends, go for a walk, read a book, meditate, create a meal plan, I don't know what you like.

Really hard to believe now that I've finished writing this shit that you've been around for 4 years, you haven't internalized shit then.

Josewasframed · 2018-05-09T14:47:08+00:00

If you have any close guy friends, go talk and hang with them. Just do some bro shit for you and your friends for now. This too shall pass.

JinSantosAndria · 2018-05-09T14:13:13+00:00

You became dependant on the outcome somewhere on the road. You mention the one woman who truly cares about and invests in you, yet this shit happend. Did you understood the place and modus operandi of women if this happens to you after 4 or more years? Please see it as a simple question, not trying to scold your for it.

Did you not go through an anger phase? Did you not see and pass through the shit that leads to TRP in the first place?

This whole thing is depressing and looking at it drains any motivation in the beginning. You need to understand what to be dependant on: You and your goals alone. Nothing else will ever be yours for any prolonged time and even the few parts that you can forge and shape can be bound to spontaneous self combustion.

We also preach outcome independence. If you fail yourself, you have yourself to blame. Whatever others do, stay in tune, have a plan for when it fails because not everyone is as strong or leading as yourself.

Women, and even men, may accompany you on your way you laid out for yourself, but they will get lost eventually.

AncientDragons · 2018-05-09T15:11:03+00:00

Give yourself a time limit to wallow in your shock and sadness. I suggest no longer than a week or ten days.

After that, get your ass back into the gym, hang out with bros, play video games, buy a motorcycle, start working on finding your way forward again. It's gonna feel weird and lots of things will remind your of her but you have to keep going. Eventually that will fade.

It sucks. You got hurt. That's gonna sting, especially when the relationship made you happy. Sounds like you did all of the right things and she just made another choice. It happens. There's no secret to getting over this, you just have to DO the right things by focusing on yourself, being healthy, busy, and engaged in life. Don't get caught in the "why me" trap because it happens to nearly EVERYONE at least once. Don't let your self-esteem get knocked out by this.

Herdsengineers · 2018-05-09T16:07:10+00:00

I'm reading between the lines of your post, are you sure you weren't on the receiving end of a "narcissistic discard"? In my experience, women that come on real strong like you describe are usually doing it because they value the ego stroking you provide in response. They are doing it only to get something from you. They don't really value "you", they value what they can get from you.

What happens is somewhere along the line, the ego stroking looses it's effect. They no longer value it, and you have no more use to them. So they discard and move on. Ultimately, it's not a sign that anything is wrong with you. It's actually a sign that things are right with you. Only a true narcissist does this kind of thing to another person. Only a disordered person can maintain a relationship with someone like that, it's dysfunctional but that's what feeds the troll, so to speak. A healthy person can't feed the troll long term, if that makes sense, so the troll eventually leaves.

Google "future faking" and read about it as another description of similar phenomena.

If this is anything close to the truth of what really happened in this case, she did you a massive favor. I went through a similar occurrence a few years ago - make yourself hit the gym, hang with friends, and refocus on building yourself and your life.

One other word - it's common for women that do this to try to re-establish contact and suck you back in some time in the future. Do yourself a favor, if she contacts you again, don't block her and all that, just politely decline any invites, minimal emotion displayed, minimal word used. Brief and polite only. No well wishes, no nothing else.

TheRedPillMonkey · 2018-05-09T14:50:50+00:00

Yep. It sucks. It's going to suck. It's normal, natural, and even still within the confines of trp for it to suck.

The good news is it's only going to get better. Something that makes you feel so bad only comes along because it was able to make you feel so good. You'll climb back.

You need to continue the path. You need to make sure the rest of your life is happy and this will come as less of a blow. No single woman, LTR or married, should be the key to your happiness. Get your path sorted, monk mode for awhile, and just do you.

Youll get a lot of advice about lifting, fucking other girls, etc.. they're all true. Listen to them. But don't feel bad when it hasn't quite filled that hole. You tasted a good LTR. You will again.

Just learn from this experience. Figure out where you lost frame and work on it. Keep up abundance mentality. Make sure she knows this isn't going to slow you down. And next time a good LTR pops up, keep abundance mentality, remember AWALT, and remember she's never yours, it's only your turn.

It will always hurt when it ends like this, but you can lessen the blow in the future, and learn from this experience knowing it's only going to make you stronger.

plopliar · 2018-05-09T17:24:09+00:00

How do you consider yourself a TRP veteran and then one girl dumping you makes you think about ending your life?

You put way too much of your own value attached to a girl with a wet hole, just like 90% of all other females. Don't forget your value is not tied to another person, you are worth what you are because of how you are and what you do.

Its normal to feel bad, don't suicide yourself over a vagina.

iLLprincipLeS · Wed May 9 14:04:20 2018 UTC

what are the odds of finding a quality girl again who desires me and invests in me the way this one did?

You sure she was a quality girl and not a oneitis? She desired and invested so much in you that she dumped you.

Reading between the lines I believe I ended up failing a massive comfort test.

How long the LTR lasted? She had any best female friends she hanged around with? How about male friends?

jeantomic · 2018-05-09T14:50:09+00:00

LifE ain't about womEn: as simplE as that.

germancarfan · Wed May 9 16:02:41 2018 UTC

I went through this once. All the symptoms too. I literally could NOT sleep, skipped gym, cried a lil in the shower (lol).

Anyways, you're gonna be depressed for at least a couple of months. That's just normal. Take it a day at a time.

I have a theory as to what happened (since it happened to me). Is she muslim, mormon, or from some other strict cult-like religion? If not her, than her family? Or is she some type of south asian or middle easterner?

rad_dynamic · 2018-05-09T16:55:57+00:00

Try to find validation from other sources than women. When placing your happiness and your feeling of importance in life on external sources, like women, we are often left with huge holes in our lives when the relationship we envisioned doesn't happen.

Ricardo2991 · 2018-05-09T18:06:04+00:00

Is the type of girl who abruptly leaves and blocks you on everything a quality girl. Would you consider a guy friend who did this a stand up guy? Exactly. She isn't. You don't know her as well as you thought you did. She has some shit going on (or that went on) that is affecting her. Be happy she left and did turn you into a beta cuck. She likely ghosted you out of respect so you don't have to deal with her petty problems. Be happy she is gone. Take this as a lesson that not all things are as they first appear. If you're missing the feeling of a woman caring about you, call your mother or some other family member who cares about you.

Morphs_ · 2018-05-10T10:18:43+00:00

In 2016 I fell in love with a pretty awesome chick I met at wakeboarding. She chased me and we turned into FwBs. We saw each other quite much in hindsight and I fell in love with her, despite her not being fully my type physically nor personality-wise. But she was badass, black belt jui-jitsu, fanatic with physical stuff.

But she wasn't looking for a relationship. Meanwhile I tried to hang on and hoped to make her fall in love with me. The fatal night was when we went out with a bunch of people, everybody got drunk and people we just kissing with each other for shits&giggles. Seeing her act a bit slutty hurt my BP ass, promptly went home.

Tried to get her in the next months, hung out a few times but didn't work. I spiraled into a severe depression, suicidal thoughts and everything. Depression used to come up from time to time in my life, and usually it was related to feeling rejected by a woman.

In 2017 I went to a psychologist and worked on myself. I advice you to do the same. Your emotional reaction to her leaving is more than just sadness, something inside you was triggered, causing the depression. In my case, it was a lack of masculinity that I found in her. So that's a weird mix-up of gender roles I guess.

Things are so different now. Your feelings will subside on their own over time, but also take time for introspection. She was your unicorn because she represented something you needed, that is lacking. Then learn to provide whatever you feel is missing by yourself, so you can actually feel whole by yourself.

[deleted] · 2018-05-09T13:48:39+00:00

Having sex with other women helps

RedPilledRoaster · 2018-05-09T16:06:05+00:00

Quit being a little bitch. You’re depressed because you’re unnecessary for the gene pool and your body is trying to self-eliminate.

Go lift and become valuable.

“Your brain is filled with chemicals bla bla bla”

Bullshit. Fuck this victim mentality. If everyone here manages to avoid oneitis when a girl gives them attention you can too (or maybe not... maybe you’ll always be a bitch).

randarrow · 2018-05-09T13:59:22+00:00

Read wikipedias evolutionary approaches to depression

Two_kids_in_a_coat · 2018-05-09T15:55:37+00:00

Been there. Fuck her, block her back and delete everything you’ve got of her. Out of sight, out of mind. When it happened to me I thought I lost the only one like her. Turns out she was just a cheating hoe like the rest and I found quite a few better ones pretty damn quickly one I found myself.

Surround yourself with your best guy friends, brothers, or father. Stay busy with them but avoid drinking. Try to be active with em. Mountain bike, rock climb, play basketball or football, go for a hike and focus on enjoying your time with men who actually matter. You know GFTOW but Don’t try to fuck your way out of it for a week or two. Pussy can wait, enjoy being one of the boys for a bit.

[deleted] · 2018-05-09T16:12:44+00:00

I finally decide to move toward an LTR and this shit happens.

never seem interested in an LTR, even if you are. wait until they start complaining about it

[deleted] · 2018-05-09T16:14:55+00:00

Go to the gym and stop faping.

TermiFaptor · 2018-05-09T16:39:06+00:00

when you meet a woman who truly cares about you and invests in you, your brain gets filled with chemicals that make you feel downright transcendent.

How are spies treated when they are caught ? They get executed, ideally they should be executed because they caused so much damage.

Same thing with the girl. She was a spy who was sabotaging your frame.

Carbone · 2018-05-09T16:58:01+00:00

Sun Drink Green Tea ( A lot : Cold or hot but a bag in a glass of water and drink it ) Read Books Cut Internet Fiber / Meat / Veggies and Fruits

Give yourself a week

Fix your sleep even try sleeping outside at least 1 time on a cushioned bench in your backyard.

PB0034 · 2018-05-09T17:24:15+00:00

Watch this video

dzkkne · 2018-05-09T18:27:01+00:00

The reason it hurts is because you didn’t get closure. It was unexpected.

You either try get closure if it haunts you too much or forget about it all.

It sounds like you got your hopes high with her without actually testing where you are both at. It’s like you have built all this theory about how she is invested in you without investing in it yourself. You haven’t invested anything to maintain her comfort but tricked yourself in to thinking that she is completely on it...

Basically- you fucked your own mind up. Don’t see her fault apart from ending it so abruptly.

calm_boy · 2018-05-09T19:04:19+00:00

Exactly.... Same shit happened to me 2 months back... i also thought myself red-pilled... it happened the same way u mentioned and ended in similar fashion... She gave some stupid reason and blocked me.... i was broken... shattered.... thought i will never find someone like her again.... but time heals everything man. .. let time do its work and u do yours... Don't hamster... what went wrong... or how you could have avoided... It's over ... accept that... i know these things are easier to preach but actually following them is different... yes you will feel pain ... soul crippling pain... but it's this pain which will lay foundation of future 'you' .... your better version ... upgraded version... consider this as a upgrade in your TRP journey. . A painful upgrade...... but in few days you will feel this happened for good reason ... like i am feeling now after 2 months.... for that period focus on yourself.... your hobbies.. your aspirations.. your dreams... her memories will come back ... don't run away from them ... face them.... like a man... more you try to run away more they will haunt you.... Man up ...Get up... for a better updated TRP version.. best of luck mate.....

Hottosmart · 2018-05-09T19:05:50+00:00

You treated her like crap and you still expect her to treat you like a king while giving nothing in return? She saw that you were selfish and moved on. You used her. What kind of a man are you? You are not a protector, a rock she cab lean on. Sure, you'll find other hotter women to bang but they won't be there for you in your time of need. They'll dump your ass as soon as you stop filling their carnal desires.

zboo1h · 2018-05-09T19:24:58+00:00

She went and fucked some other guy when she left your apartment.

She DIDN'T TRULY CARE FOR YOU. WAKE UP. She was temporarily invested until a better opportunity presented itself, and she fooled the shit out of you with her probably nice body and pretty face. WAKE UP. Everyone stumbles sometimes until you get that fucking gene in you that says FUCK THAT, MY HAPPINESS IS PARAMOUNT. WAKE UP.

jb_trp · 2018-05-09T19:31:41+00:00

what are the odds of finding a quality girl again who desires me and invests in me the way this one did?

Stop putting this chick on a pedestal. Sure, she probably was good looking and had some cool qualities. So what?

Also, stop letting your sense of self-worth be defined by whether a woman desires you and wants to be with you. Women are like light switches: When the switch is on, you feel the warms and everything is good. When the switch goes off, it's like the light was never on. There is no light and warmth anymore. So she ghosted you.

Nothing about her behavior defines your worth. Nothing about any girl's behavior defines your worth. You define your own self-worth.

Move forward. Life is short, there's plenty of other good things in this world.

cptgoatsack · 2018-05-09T19:37:32+00:00

I don't buy this shit about women truly caring about a man she's with. She is making calculated investments with her time/money in the hopes that it will pay off big. You are just a means to and end. This is also why you shouldn't give a fuck about plating any woman.

Zanford · 2018-05-09T19:54:55+00:00

She's just one bowling ball - one set of three holes you pick up and play a few rounds with.

Your new mission is

The gym
Whatever your career is
Social circle of bros and other hos

Every day you something towards these three. That is your road. The sexyfun with girls are just the roses along the road.

chazthundergut · 2018-05-09T20:42:11+00:00

It gets easier dude trust me.

Focus on your routine. Fill your day with activity and get your ass back in the gym.

Swoleygrowly · 2018-05-09T22:38:03+00:00

TRP is for gaming women not dating them, yes some TRP principals translate but if you strictly follow TRP for a relationship eventually they will get sick of it. Making a relationship last is much more complicated then being stoic, focusing on urself and not being a needy bitch.

forwhitedove · 2018-05-10T00:28:25+00:00

Are you sure she didn't find out about something you did in the past?

Move on, but reexamine your relationship with the red pill. You said her ghosting you bothered her, but she essentially did to you what you've been doing to dozens of girls for 4+ years.

ioncehadsexinapool · 2018-05-10T01:58:01+00:00

There’s nothing you can do to speed up getting over it, but there’s many things you can do to make the pain stay longer. Keep that in mind and just know that it’s normal to feel pain and be sad, for a while. I got oneitis for a plate a few months back and realized that it’s just something you have to go through for a few months until it gets out of your head. You don’t have to ignore it just make sure you don’t dwell on it.

BurnieSlander · 2018-05-10T07:12:14+00:00

If you’re “extremely depressed” over a girl, you were never red-pilled to begin with. You were just acting like it.

I didn’t even have to try with her..

Yeah.. in LTRs you eventually do have to “try”. You can’t apply Beginner/Intermediate TRP to an LTR and expect it to work for very long.

Schhwing · 2018-05-10T09:32:21+00:00

Played with fire and you got burned. If you want to “game” a girl forever, which is manipulation, be prepared for fake or not expected results. You are playing with her emotions and in the end her emotions felt that it wasn’t genuine. So she up and left.

It sounds like you were an emotional suck. If you felt she was special, fucking go for it! It’s at times like these when you need to ditch the script and go with your gut feeling. Even if you might get hurt.

Faking it isn’t announcing your true intention and going with that. Which is what a man should do.

MattyAnon · 2018-05-10T12:07:19+00:00

I feel like I did everything by the book TRP wise

Except the oneitis.

ging out at my place like normal on my couch and getting in the mood and before we fuck she abruptly gets up and leaves, saying she was tired and had to go to sleep. I then get a text message the next morning saying its not going to work out, I'm sorry, and then she proceeds to block me on every single communication platform including my phone numbe

Wow, weird. No fucking idea on this. Could have gotten a text, could have seen something on your bookshelf. Who knows.

ally do it because when you meet a woman who truly cares about you and invests in you, your brain gets filled with chemicals that make you feel downright transcendent

I hope you see that she doesn't care about you. You see that right?

Regardless of all of that I just need some advice on how to move on. I have no motivation to do anything right now. Any steps I can take to help myself feel better about all of this will be appreciated.

Live YOUR life. Women are an extra, not a foundation.

bob13bob · 2018-05-10T18:27:34+00:00

if you want to ltr, then ltr. why be on tinder/bumble while wanting to LTR. find a way to contact her and tell her you want to be in a ltr if thats what you want. yes, being in ltr puts at risk of future heart break, and you give up power in order to do it. it's a trade off, if you dont' bet you can't win. heart wants what it wants.

kylerosa21 · 2018-05-09T14:50:14+00:00

This looks like the light switch effect in action. Something went bad and she made it seem like everything is bad.

I have found that it’s better to focus on hobbies or some interests and indulge in those (bonus points if they’re social hobbies and interests). Being around people helps distract you and having that added benefit intertwined into your hobbies is really good.

Also, start spinning up plates again. Fuck bitches, work at life.

PorkNails · 2018-05-09T15:05:52+00:00

You are giving too much importance to this event. It sucks right now, doesn't have to suck in the future. Probably won't. Focus, do whats important. It only gets better.

inlovewithyourmother · 2018-05-09T15:31:33+00:00

One thing that stood out to me was that you never paid for her on dates. I think a better approach in the future is to take turns paying.

As far as what to do now, you need to understand that this person had a communication problem. She didn't have the ability to talk to you about what was going on in her head or she felt too intimidated by you. Regardless, she could have done this to you later on in the relationship and that would have stung even worse. Be glad she ended it early.

You need to understand that, as a red pilled man, you will get over her sooner than others. Everyone is different but I think she'll be completely out of your system in a few weeks max. As far as finding quality girls, they are hard to come by but she clearly wasn't the one for you the way she disrespected you like that. She just wasn't as good as you think.

Depending on your SMV, I think high quality men can comfortably find a "perfect" woman for them at least biannually if they're active in the market. Right now, you just need to take a break from everything for a couple days or a week or two. Just take a breather so you can move on. After a week or so, get back to the gym and restart your life.

Edit: Have been in the game for years with a shit ton of success on dating apps. Have a successful 4 year relationship that's going strong. TRP sometimes has a hard time accepting real advice.

Forcetobereckonedwit · 2018-05-09T15:06:02+00:00

Go ride your motorcycle. What? You don't own a motorcycle? Go buy one and ride it. Women are just players in your game. You lost one. So what.

Stonecoldwatcher · 2018-05-09T15:20:46+00:00

Go to the gym, change ur values, do bloodwork to check ur testosterone.

Title	Need help. Extremely depressed. Not suicidal but close. Anyone have advice on how I can pick up the pieces and move on.
Author	WolvyLion
Upvotes	48
Comments	90
Date	May 9, 2018 1:34 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/8i60by/need_help_extremely_depressed_not_suicidal_but/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/need-help-extremely-depressed-not-suicidal-but.96761 https://theredarchive.com/post/96761

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