40 matches and 0 dates. Conversations never start or die after one or two messages. What am I doing wrong?

redcastlesteel · 2022-09-01T06:05:01+00:00

Have you tried using Hinge or other apps - at the same time?

I was using Hinge and Tinder at the same time at one point and Hinge seemed to have better conversation starters due to the design of the profile page.

I know it's often beaten to death on here, but app dating is a numbers game for guys and I started finding success when I was having about 200 - 300+ matches.

EducationalMeeting95 · 2022-09-01T06:02:15+00:00

So you're Matching with pretty girls You must be good looking.

As I can see in these messages

Most are requests/questions.

If you understand tinder dynamics , girls get hundreds of messages from guys.

They don't reply to all/most of them. Specially if you're asking them questions.

In generality, if you ask someone a question they need to think. Thinking is exhausting.

Now if a girl is getting 50+ matches a day She just needs to say 1 sentence to get sex. And has plethora of options.

Why would she wanna use brain power to answer a question ? Unless you're a Brad Pitt level good looking dude.

When girls scrolling the main chat window They can only read few first words of your text by just glancing through it.

You need to write messages that grasp their attention and force them to reply.

This is just brain hacking.

Write something like:

-> Can I be honest ?

This statement works most of the times on tinder.

Push pull works good If you make it catchy enough.

-> [ Even though I don't think much about that dress,] your smile is got me swiping right.

That part in [ ] is what she'd see in the preview and would want to read more of your text. So she'll open it.

Let me know how this works.

zzzsz7777strire · 2022-09-01T06:27:50+00:00

OP - honestly your probably doing ok and you just need to keep it up..

Depends what your looking for - hot girls (8+) typically need a different play style and the attention you give them needs to be exactly what they are looking for. Going off their profile doesn’t work and you gotta take some risks.

More average chicks will be open to actual conversations but people are people and ymmv.

Usually takes me about a week on tinder to build up enough conversations to get consecutive dates going - and I always and get them to open up about shit and then just give them my number to setup drinks at x bar

python834 · 2022-09-01T06:38:48+00:00

IRL is better

agentStag · 2022-09-01T08:45:00+00:00

Because online dating sucks. Take the power into your own hands and go out to approach. There are higher quality girls. More success. You grow a whole lot more and most importantly you're in the driving seat. You make the choice.

sweetdropx · 2022-09-01T07:09:27+00:00

As a woman, I won't respond to these as well. You sound cringe and trying too hard to flatter them. Be cool and straightforward, not cocky but also not cringe.

Vinegar_Tits_9 · 2022-09-01T08:04:04+00:00

I’m on dating apps, and the guys that get my attention legitimately 100% of the time are the ones who read my profile and commented about something I’m interested in (eg I love Seinfeld, so guys who open with a Seinfeld quote are instantly ahead of the others) guys who don’t bother to read my profile and just say ‘heyy’ are deleted instantly.
(I have a code word hidden in my profile so if a guy says it, again, he has my attention)

burncushlikewood · 2022-09-01T08:00:35+00:00

It's cause OLD is a crapshoot, it does not work for men, I've seen people do experiments with fake female profiles, they have tons of options, get out and do it the old fashioned way, approach in night game and day time settings, your results will skyrocket and it puts you in control

2022-09-01T08:29:14+00:00

I dont think you need to open with anything but “Hi , you’re cute. What are you doing right now?”

If they reply to that or not, it’s out of your control. Keep it neutral and not to overtly flirty or detailed. Give them an easy way to reply.

2022-09-01T08:37:37+00:00

I think you are giving too much effort in a conversation. Popular girls get plenty of messages, they will quickly just turn to the best option, mostly as it comes to sexual attractiveness. I think you need to work on your profile and photos. Then, be more laidback and casual with conversations, mirror girl's involvement.

2022-09-01T10:04:53+00:00

Charge your phone

Meringue-Repulsive · 2022-09-01T11:49:33+00:00

It's just not interesting convo mate from either party, dating apps r literally designed to keep u on them not a place to make connections dont use em. And deffo dont listen to some of the advice on here issa toxic place

BeastPsychology · 2022-09-01T14:20:46+00:00

I'd like to add my 2 cents. Tho the best advice I've read so far on this page is from EducationalMeeting95. This guy actually knows what he's talking about.

Now that said...

Most of these chicks are HOT. Like proper 9's and 10's (as much as I hate to use a rating system). So yes, to get their attention, you need to do something different, because every Jon Doe is saying the same thing, "Hi", "You're beautiful".

... which you're already doing differently. However...

You're trying to be 'cocky funny'/cheeky, and it's not working and comes off weird.

It's just not engaging. It's not thoughtful, or in some cases too thoughtful to the point it's confusing.

What you want to do instead is spike their emotions.

Make them laugh, say something different, say something insightful, be honest and vulnerable.

One stupid opener I used to use a lot, which works like a charm goes like this (each line is a diff text):

Hey 👌👌

Oops

Meant 👋👋

🤣

^^^ it's stupid, but it works. Note, the message that's going to show up on her preview is the laughing emoji, since it's the last text you sent. So that'll spike curiosity.

You really need to find a way to engage them.

"Your name is pretty".... that's super generic, and almost thoughtless. It has no weight, value or meaning. What's she supposed to do with that?

The Maddy chick from Paris... IDK anything else about her, but you could say something like "Omg I've always wanted to go to Paris, though I've heard the Eiffel towel is over rated... is it, really?

The other thing is, a lot of the 9's and 10's (purely judging on looks), will not check Tinder regularly... so going through IG is even better. I've gotten dates and hooked up with some absolute stunners this way, who signed up on Tinder, opened it twice and then deleted it.

Long story short, yes it's you, you need to be more engaging. Learn how to connect and engage the person more. If you need help hmu.

ChampionshipStock870 · 2022-09-01T15:56:47+00:00

you're matching with pretty girls so you are doing better than 98% of guys on tinder

pretty girls on tinder have like 100+ matches a day so even if you are interesting as hell they are getting messages from 100+ guys a day. You also have to accept that a lot of people on tinder are just looking for attention and reassurance so they don't actually want dates they want to know that people like them.

best advice, stop being thirsty. your opening messages and follow-ups kinda reek of thirst or stop aiming for 9+s and live in the 8 range where you will have more success.

TheRealRiverOtter · 2022-09-01T08:25:57+00:00

First off your pick up line was terrible.

Secondly don’t double text

zzzsz7777strire · 2022-09-01T07:33:10+00:00

Greetings, Compliments, and Dirty talk are all no-nos. She's heard them all before. Plus if you keep screwing up with your messages the dreaded algorithm with throw you into the shadow-bin where you won't show up in matches as much.

You need to use a thought provoking question followed by a cold read mainly. This will build some intrigue - that will get her thinking that nobody's ever asked her that question before. It's essential to be deliberately vague as well. This usually works the same way that abusing serendipity in a cold approach opener does.

So something like "I have an intuition about you, but you got me curious. There's something about your picture which is very interesting and I had to find out what it was. Have you ever been so curious that you had to find out more about this person you met?"

This builds intrigue, creates serendipity (you know, fate, destiny, mysterious spiritual energy bringing you together, etc), and also creates a convenient OUT for you if it's not panning out. You are, of course, not consciously contacting her. You are shifting that blame to fate and destiny which is puppeting you! LOL! This reduces the impact of her thinking that a dude is chasing her and hence doesn't trip her "This dude is in love with me already" alarm which gets you ignored because she feels she's already won you over at that point - at which point further contact becomes boring and unnecessary for her.

Playing a game with the opener is good. Ask her to pick a number from 1 to 100 and see how many guesses it takes to find out what number you had in mind. There are many other games you can play over chat. Pretend it's a classic text adventure: "You are standing in front of a house with a mailbox out the front. Exits are north and south. What do you do?"

Humour is also good. Pick-up lines (the corny ones) should be avoided unless you use them as an excuse to play a prank on her and tell her you just had to talk to say something stupid because she's probably heard it all before and you wanted to see if she had a sense of humour.

That leads us into asking any question that gets her trying to prove herself to you. "I'm glad we matched, but I don't understand why." (there's that serendipity again!) "What made you swipe on me?". Or so "I heard you like x, please don't say you like that particular kind of x, it's so terrible!" - where X can be anything, like movies, music, tv shows, celebrities, whatever.

Saying things that subtly tell her that she has to prove herself to you (gently and without demanding it of course), makes you a different class of man. It subconsciously tells her that you don't care if things work out with her, and for you to even be bothered taking her out, that she has to be up to your standard. Of course you don't say THAT quite that bluntly (don't be an idiot!), but if you ask a question which subtly suggests that you can pick or choose her, then her "This dude is in love with me already" alarm doesn't get tripped.

rangjy · 2022-09-01T11:51:01+00:00

Maybe you are just ugly

Think_History_5682 · 2022-09-01T14:01:28+00:00

Your being to scary with some of your messages, women are frightened easily, they like familiar boring small talk in the beginning stages, don't expect them to have any sense of humor or understanding of sarcasm, consider yourself a scary stranger to them and proceed accordingly

Don't be yourself

surfershane25 · 2022-09-01T05:25:40+00:00

What are you saying? Post some screen shots to Imgur to show us otherwise how could we even know?

zzzsz7777strire · 2022-09-01T05:51:02+00:00

[permanently deleted]

zapadz · 2022-09-01T06:03:53+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AITkTqjwreQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKq1zWEwH5o

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwzR7Rp6IWs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3rcv2FUobo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgd4fVNP_Oc

MrBlack__ · 2022-09-01T08:06:43+00:00

The ratio online is 100 matches per date, and that’s for a decent looking man, so you’re still on track dude

Online the connection is only made AFTER you meet in person, everything before that is just DATA

khan114936 · 2022-09-01T09:06:10+00:00

Is there any chance you can DM me please? I wanna see if I can help you. Cheers.

blebster92 · 2022-09-01T09:10:24+00:00

Lol damn, this makes me hate Tinder even more. F*ck dating apps man, start doing cold approaches. Even when they go bad and you have your ego shattered during the first month, always take solace in the fact that you're creating chaos, permanently f*cking up the algorithm because you're off the grid/net and doing something 99% of people would never do. On Tinder you're under their full surveillance, logging every move into the system and thus handing more control over your mind to these pricks. Get out there and approach 3-5 women a day (or more if you want) and create some butterfly effects!

TiberZurg · 2022-09-01T09:42:20+00:00

I normally don't use Tinder but I used it for 2 weeks while travelling this summer. I'm not very good looking, but I got 11 matches, I messaged 8 and I got 2 dates out of it. To the two girls that responded to my initial message I sent a long analysis of their profile where I tried to figure out their personality (50 - 60 words). Followed by "does that sound about right?" After an initial response it was very easy to set up a date. At that point just be natural, ask questions if you have to keep the conversation going, but don't ask any strange or overly bold questions, just natural ones that arise from the conversation. At that point just chill and assume that she is already interested, no need to impress her in any way. She did match you after all. It's fine to just have a dry conversation, just match the girl's energy. If she is enthusiastic and upbeat, be more like that too. I never use smileys, but using those should be fine if they match her energy. Also, try to move towards a date fairly quickly. And have some interesting stuff on your profile they can ask you about. Mine said I was visiting their city to do research for my novel haha, and I listed the personality traits that I can appreciate. This is all based on those 2 matches that responded, make of that what you will.

sinhaanip · 2022-09-01T09:54:30+00:00

Haha…You gotta tell what are you texting them. Too little context on the shared link.

That one text needs to hook them to your conversation and compel them to know more about you. Has to be unique and interesting to say the least.

CompetitionFair7686 · 2022-09-01T11:14:08+00:00

You ask too many questions, you don’t really say anything humorous that makes girls laugh.

Asking questions is a way to put the ball on her court to lead the conversation and that ain’t gonna happen.

If you are not humorous or funny or provocative from the first messages, they will ignore.

You also need to stop giving free compliments, it’s just validation you are giving them which only feeds their egos. Telling a girl she is cute isn’t gonna make her like you and she already knows she is cute.

you need to stop double texting with more questions, i get it you think sometimes double texting can get their attention the problem though is that if you do that it has to be something funny something that makes her feel an intense emotion, not just ask another question.

A joke, something that cracks her up, or makes her laugh out loud when reading it.

You also tried to have formal conversations as if you were in person which is a mistake, for example things like:

“so which part of LA are you from” or “we both like walking outdoors, what’s your favourite place to walk to”, these things are not good for a text conversation.

Sorry but the problem is you seriously lack game… Game is all about teasing her, provoking her, messing with her, getting her to laugh.

It’s all about how the things you say provoke emotional reactions on her. Your generic formal conversations aren’t getting her emotional, they maintain her in a logical, stable mood.

2022-09-01T11:34:20+00:00

Tinder sucks. It’s a way pretty girls plug their instagram profile for followers

Thony311 · 2022-09-01T12:11:55+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Professional_Leg844 · 2022-09-01T12:26:20+00:00

Make her laugh. Don't be boring. You have to catch our attention immediately. Just how it is in OLD

poly_nerdy_panda · 2022-09-01T12:57:53+00:00

go to alex from playing with fire on youtube just search playing with fire.... you owe me 5 naked girl photos now lol jk enjoy the bang fest

rwalsh138 · 2022-09-01T13:30:20+00:00

Tinder sucked for me. Bumble worked much better, and I met my current gf on POF.

Delicatestatesmen · 2022-09-01T14:07:21+00:00

I found two-3 texts per day only and on 3rd day ask for number if she says no unmatch.

tudorcj · 2022-09-01T14:17:50+00:00

Just had a video call with a new match this morning and she actually gave me some valuable info: she (32F, attractive) literally just recreated her Tinder profile a week ago and she paid for Gold to see her likes - within one week she topped 10k in a city of about 2m. That’s A LOT. Also, girls have their own lives, they don’t stay on Tinder constantly and most of them have their notifications muted due to the sheer number of likes and messages (if she matches).

What seems to be working for me is to be straightforward about who I am and what I am looking for. Convos still die out but my match-to-date percentage is about 15% now.

Netherus · 2022-09-01T14:20:59+00:00

Car racing, aren't you a wild one *weird emoji*

I think for guys to succeed on tinder, they must know "how to talk to women". And not just the normal kind, but the tinder kind, where you grab her attention and tease her at the same time. They check hundreds of messages per day, you must be able to be different and unique.

I'll give you an example. I matched with a girl with some gym selfies (good quality, not those shitty bathroom selfies).

I sent the following:

Not a single low quality gym bathroom photo, I'm disappointed.

She responded and we latter went on a date.

In your case, you could've said the following: I bet I'd still win you in a race with my 30yo car..

marshall_strud · 2022-09-01T15:11:21+00:00

My guy. Go out. Fuck dating apps Covid is over.

bbstar23 · 2022-09-01T15:18:10+00:00

i literally send 3 messages and i get a date.

here is a screenshot of a conversation that led to a date. 3 messages basically

https://i.imgur.com/cvia7tj.png

MelanisticDobie · 2022-09-01T15:35:20+00:00

I have the same problem, i think people just like the compliments but don’t take it seriously

Ok_Score6602 · 2022-09-01T15:41:34+00:00

Try just starting with, hey, how's it going?

mllewisyolo · 2022-09-01T15:43:20+00:00

Are you using the free or paid version. The free version is basically useless for an average guy

Title	40 matches and 0 dates. Conversations never start or die after one or two messages. What am I doing wrong?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	64
Comments	96
Date	September 1, 2022 5:21 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/x2z5oc/40_matches_and_0_dates_conversations_never_start/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/40-matches-and-0-dates-conversations-never-start.1250831 https://theredarchive.com/post/1250831

Comments

Hey 👌👌

Oops

Meant 👋👋

🤣