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[–]driller20 61 points62 points63 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Dont give any indicator of interest, just escalate logistically but dont assume shit, if it happens cool if not, cool.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]bradinthecreek 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You’re already over invested. Friend zone her.
[–]TuckerTheCuckFucker 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yup. Ask her if she has any hot friends
[–]pablodiablo906 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I did this in a hot cold situation. They got soooo pissed. It was kind of funny.
[–]DediRorol 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Escalating logistically, a.k.a. Leading, implies IOI in my opinion
[–][deleted] 93 points94 points95 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I wouldn't escalate yet. Key is to just receive the compliment. You want to leave space to allow her to reveal if she just wants validation or is really about it. So my reply might just be a meme or something chill like "Gracias"/"Gee, thanks"). Then you see what she does. No rush. If she now sees you as new and improved, you need to actually be new and improved. This means you don't just let people back into your life with no conditions.
Late last year I went on one date with a woman. Seemed to be quite solid but then she flaked out 2 hrs before the 2nd date. She basically she put me on the backburner ("a lot going on before the New Year") but then really started hitting me up early this year. Pretty sure it was just a case of another dude in the picture for a while. Anyway, my replies were short and sweet until one day she texted me late night saying she was at a bar down the street from me. Ultimately, I decided not to jump on that and it was the last I heard from her. Point is, it's up to you what you want to do, but don't start with the idea that you need to make moves. Give it time.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]JehovasFinesse 10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Please don’t write Gee thanks. I swear, some people man!
[–]RedditorCabron 14 points15 points16 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
She ignored you when it suited her. She approached you when it suited her. She's gonna forget you when it suits her.
[–]RemarkableStudio8823 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Best response
[–]Quantum-117 11 points12 points13 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Bro let her chase you. She rejected you a time ago because your social value was low. You didn’t creep on her and walked away. Now she’s chasing you cause your value is higher. If you want this girl don’t ever chase her. Let her chase you! If you guys had a bond before it’ll come back. Being the nice guy NEVER WORKS!!! Unless you are being targeted by a narcissist. Get it bro! 🤙
Also you need to learn the texting game. I’m learning this myself. It’s not easy. A new relationship can get screwed up way too easily during texting. One rule I learned is match her energy in the texts. Mirror it. Don’t text back immediately. Wait like 5 minutes. If your busy doing something and she knows it, don’t text back. Wait till said activity is done. Then say “hey just got your text was busy doing _____” so and on so forth. Learn the game. Lots to learn on YouTube.
[–]buddhistbulgyo 18 points19 points20 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Give her a shot. See what happens. You might have grown out of liking her now that you have more confidence.
[–]isisishtar 15 points16 points17 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She’s got nothing else going on at the moment. You’re just one of the other fish who might possibly fill the aching gap in her life for attention.
[–]p8orion 19 points20 points21 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Something very similar happened to me... she rejected me -> i got muscles -> she showed interest. Arrange a date *at your place* with a stupid excuse, like watching a movie or cooking together, fuck her brains out and then keep her at a distance
[–]ProCoDAthlete[🍰] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Op I want you to realize she aint the one after rejecting you and then coming back. Get the bag and keep her at a distance lol. Soon as things look down she gonna leave you. Plus with her you now have an insecurity that she rejected you before. It won't work, you'll always be thinking if she still likes you, if she's cheating, etc. it aint healthy for you since you already displaying this insecurity in your original post. Didn't see really anyone say this so I'm gonna leave this here just in case you and her become a thing. Not saying it can't work but I'm just pointing out the red flags as a neutral party. Don't want you pursuing anything more than casual without at least hearing this
[–]Front-Pangolin-6226 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Then do you want this girl to be your gf? Tbh I would just fuck her first to see how she reacts
[–]Krouser1522 16 points17 points18 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
It’s nice to get validation but if you weren’t good enough then and life happens and you gain some weight or you back pedal a bit in your confidence etc you are dead in the water
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Krouser1522 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yeah but it’s hard sometimes..the best of us aren’t always perfectly confident or always fit or never depressed about something..it’s ups and downs and if you’re ever going through a hard time in your life it affects you unless you are very good at not showing it..I’m pretty good at that..I only show my close friends I wouldn’t show chicks I were dating but it’s tough to not “crack” a bit sometimes
[–]WillfulMurder 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
The reasons someone rejected you initially can't really be 1:1 compared against if some of those reasons popped up during a relationship. Once a relationship/bond is formed people are going to be more likely to stick around for a while if you slightly shift from their preferences. In addition if they're a passable partner they'll actually encourage you to fix those problems when they start to come up, like in the case of gaining weight or acne coming back
[–]Krouser1522 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That’s true but most of these guys are talking from the perspective of meeting someone in the early stages of knowing someone and unfortunately from women’s own testimony they are harsher judges earlier on in getting to know you rather than if you are in a committed relationship with them..so you do your best to put your best foot forward but yeah I agree with you overall
[–]WillfulMurder 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I agree with that, knowing when and how fast you'll get to a stable enough point is gonna be hard and vary heavily per person.
[–]ComedianSquare2839 14 points15 points16 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Gold digger... Alert!!!
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]ComedianSquare2839 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Still a rich can also be a gold digger as well.
[–]async2 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Damn, where do you meet rich girls? I want the dink yolo life, but most girls just have average jobs with average salaries.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Save 90% of your salary yolo
[–]async2 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm not sure if your sentence makes sense in that context
[–]TuckerTheCuckFucker 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The hamptons..
But then again… it’s daddy me money, not hers
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nah she had her chance, on to bigger and better
[–]Only_Commercial_774 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s her turn to chase you now
[–]jdog3406 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Text back “new phone, who dis?”
[–]Dad7025 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"Thanks!"
[–]SkatingOnThinIce 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fuck and dump.
[–]modsRlameIRL 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bro trust me, bang her and leave her. She doesn’t like you, she’s lonely/ bored and thinks you’re an easy lick.
TRUST THE FELLAS YOU CAN DO BETTER
[–]IratusHonestus 18 points19 points20 points 4 years ago (23 children) | Copy Link
Block her and move on. Otherwise you're just another toy for her to play with.
Let's look at this logically. What is different now, that you didn't have a year ago?... She ain't interested in you man, just your stuff.
[–]Mr_lightning22 25 points26 points27 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Let's look at this logically. What is different now, that you didn't have a year ago?
Good body
Also women are attracted to status/wealth and physical attractiveness
And the guy improved in both areas
So obviously she's gonna be interested if he became a high value man
[–]IratusHonestus 19 points20 points21 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
That's fine and all, but while it's technically a valid point, but it essentially openly declares that his possessions and progress are worth more than his personality/mentality as a human being.
This fact clearly shows that she isn't a good choice because the same thing will be done to him when she finds someone with even more resources.
Forgive me for being cold, but I'd place more value on the woman who dictates where her loyalty lies based on my personality instead of what car I drive, and the nice part is that he can now decide who he wants instead of hoping they will pick him.
[–]Mr_lightning22 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Oh yeah I agree
It's just that I thought you were making it sound to simplistic and kinda blue pilling the people here
[–]IratusHonestus 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I guess I could have worded it better, but no. Blue pill wasn't my intent.
[–]intensely_human 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
it essentially openly declares that his possessions and progress are worth more than his personality/mentality as a human being
Yeah women are more interested in your ability to produce stuff than in your ability to perceive and feel. This is nothing new.
We aren’t going to push lies in this subreddit are we? Success makes men attractive.
Forgive me for being cold, but I’d place more value on the woman who dictates where her loyalty lies based on my personality instead of what car I drive
That’s not “cold” in any way. That’s romantic.
I’m in my late 30s, and if a woman were more interested in my personality than my wealth I’d be worried about her mental health. I’m serious.
Men who pull money make good fathers because families cost money.
[–]IratusHonestus 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
To clarify, I'm insinuating that he can do better than her now. No need to slide backwards. I just think it would be better to go date someone else instead of dealing with the resentment of being shot down.
There's no way in hell this chick is totally irreplaceable.
[–]Mo3 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I hate to say it, but I agree with both of you. I'd rather have it like the first option too, but realistically the second option is closer to actual reality.
I guess you can still decide what's more important to yourself, your own moral values or pulling women, or rather having sex or a relationship.
Personally I wouldn't put up with any of this shit either and tell her to soak her head, if I call anyone my partner they better appreciate more than fleeting superficial attributes. But obviously that isn't necessarily required to rail the crap out of her, but you just know exactly she's going to try to play with his head and who the fuck has enough time and lack of self respect to even consider that.
[–]lelouch_2002 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah man women are soo attracted to looks money and status so if he could build those things she might be really interested
Also i hope after his experience he stop bleaving that women are attracted to personality
[–]QuantumShit00 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
Strong disagree. The dude put in work on himself the past year and she’s taking notice. Nothing wrong in a woman changing her opinion about someone when they get in shape, get mentally healthier, and start succeeding more.
[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
This is legit an incel sub now. So many women that these fucking guys wouldn’t even glance at if they weren’t wearing makeup. It’s a circlejerk of teenage virgins having a pity party for themselves in here, pathetic.
News flash, no one wants to date your shitty personality. If you work on your looks, your financial situation, and your inner self - holy shit amazing your personality improves! Wow! Shocker!
You mean women don’t like you for your personality when all you do is organize yu-gi-oh cards and fart? I just don’t get it.
[–]jackzander -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
you ok?
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
One of the few in here that are.
[–]jackzander -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
That seems an overly optimistic self-assessment.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Beat it, take the L.
[–]jackzander -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
And then the overly sensitive internet rando said "Beat it, take the L."
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Projection- in its malignant forms, is a defense mechanism in which the ego defends itself against disowned and highly negative parts of the self by denying their existence in themselves and attributing them to others, breeding misunderstanding and causing untold interpersonal damage.
This is you right now. Shut the fuck up.
[–]jackzander -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What's it called when you project your insecurities by telling other people they're projecting their insecurities. 🙂
That's very meta.
[–]janusz_z_rivii -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I see absolutely no indication of incel logic in valuing people predominantly for their personality, actually quite the opposite. Money, looks, and status come and go and this is applicable to both men and women. And I am not saying that one should accept a partner that does not put any effort into making themselves better. But life is ups and downs. Sometimes you're not at your best but that does not mean you're someone else in principle. If someone wants to be with you only when things are great then to me it is definitely not relationship material. After all, you are more than your muscles, makeup, or your wallet.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
None of these motherfuckers value women for their personalities so what is your point? Women should value men for their personality and men should????? Oh yeah ooopse you forgot none of these guys want to seduce unemployed uggo women either because it’s almost as though your personality is directly tied to your behavior! Who’d have thunk?
[–]janusz_z_rivii 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yes exactly, they absolutely do not value women for their personality but only for their looks, which is a direct implication that valuing someone for their personality is contradictory to the incels' logic. At no point I indicated there should be a double standard for men or women. In my view, it is equally shallow for both parties to prioritize other factors more than personality. And while it's understandable that other things are also at play because humans are complex, it's first and foremost about valuing a person as an actual person instead of some ephemeral aspects of their persona (clothing, salary etc.).
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is “seduction” not “dating advice”. Doesn’t matter what you value them for, but thinking women are shallow for not liking you for your personality when your personality is shit, is incel thinking.
[–]janusz_z_rivii 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah and this comment section is about letting her go because she just wants a new toy and the guy was previously emotionally invested. Btw no one's advocating for liking shit personality, where did this even come from lol.
[–]Snoo_23173 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Dear let me tell you a story, There was a man not, that rich. One day he went to a car showroom to buy a car. But judging him by his appearance, the salesperson and showroom owner overlooked and ignored him. He left without buying anything. Fast forward a few years, he became rich but now can afford a Lamborghini. Why should he go back to Toyota now?
[–]throwawayk5zq47j6wd3 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
💯💯💯
[–]shaolin_octopus 10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Respond “you’re just realizing that now?”, and then quickly follow up with a “haha thanks though, you’re looking pretty good yourself”
Confident reaction, followed by appreciation for compliment, followed by return of interest
[–]Michael_PDX 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No.. just say "hey, great to hear from you. I'd love to see you, when are you free coming up?"
[–]Guigzi 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
your story is inspiring but i woulnt even talk to girls like that
[–]Snakehead004 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What's up with all you ppl who don't talk to you partners?? My partner is my best friend and I tell her everything.
Maybe just talk to her like you talked to a bunch of random people lol
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I mean, let her enjoy the chase. Don’t play hard to get though.. bc u’re already ahead😄
[–]xyvw 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I wouldn’t even go for her honestly, someone who denied you and now only wants you at your best.
Fuck her dad.
[–]cheddarbob01 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don’t intend to be “toxic” or anything, but you should just let it play out and see where it goes. Don’t let it get serious or anything past maybe a hook up or casual dates, and definitely don’t get attached. I know you said there isn’t really much of a spark anymore, and it’s probably due to her rejecting you and you overall growing as a person. Don’t get too invested, play it cool. Plus I don’t know much else about you or your current dating life, but if you are currently seeing other girls at the moment, continue doing so. Nothing should change.
I had something similar to this happen to me and I’m happy I didn’t let it get serious. Take my advice like a grain of salt ultimately, just remember to always have your own best interest at the top of your priorities list, especially in dating.
[–]Everlast23 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Never escalate over text. That should be done in person.
Chat her up and ask her out on a date.
[–]CanUnusual8729 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She’s probably trying to see if she can still capture your attention after you’ve leveled up. Don’t immediately start to fixate on her again or she will get bored pretty fast. She may be reconsidering if she made a mistake by rejecting you and if you act the same as before she will be over it for good
[–]CompleteRetard69 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sounds like she’s waiting at the finish line for you.
[–]DrewforPres 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You upped your game to get better women and it worked. So enjoy that knowledge. I've given women second chances, but you need to ensure she knows things are different now. Just like Tommy in Goodfellas, "no more shoe shines". Make sure she proves herself before opening up to her again
[–]100pervcent 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not gonna say “bang and leave”, but she’s not the one so if you aren’t gonna do that I wouldn’t entertain it. You’ve improved your life, and that’s good, but I assume you’re not a wildly different person at the core. If she couldn’t appreciate who you were before she won’t appreciate you now.
[–]Majestic_Meal_5655 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What you do is ignore that bs. NC for ever.
[–]iclap2fap 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bang her then dump her after, chad
Bang her
[–]Sandvicheater 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hit it and quit it
[–]Zytinite 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Leave it on read brother
[–]WhoGotHunt22 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Recreational use only. Do not commit to her.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ask her what she's going to do about it and then wait.
[–]Mc_Dickles -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Give her a shit test
[–]Grilled_Cheese95 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
reveal your meat.
[–]staier0 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If i were you i'd reciprocate the compliment and write something like i" funny thing, i have been thinking about you lately".
Girls have wild imagination)
[–]Fluffy_Risk9955 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She just wants a slice of the pie. Why bother?
[–]_pathak -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Fuck her right in the pussy
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]_pathak -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
😂😂😂 escalate bro escalate asap
[–]cipox95 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Im definitely not in shape but either not fat. Always had consistent female Friends... I have more female than male Friends. I bond a lot in friendship, not ti mention with my fiance. Gym Is overrated
[–]cipox95 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Absolutely. Proud of you pal!
[+][deleted] -13 points-12 points-11 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Another I am a loser post
She had rejected me last year, so I don't want to get rejected again. There was this spark before but now it just seemed like a genuine heartfelt compliment and nothing more.
If she rejected you before what makes you think she wont do it again?
[–]Recktion 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Because he's hot now and he wasn't before.
We gonna act like you would have the same interest in a women if she weighed 120lbs or if she weighed 220lbs? Appearance matters, how is this even an argument?
[–]dogeG9 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you. How have you been?
See what she says and update us.
[–]ZachMoore88 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You don't wanna get locked into oneitis, do you?
[–]focus_flow69 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That makes us something we both have in common, let's talk about it over drinks 🤔
[–]Keravnos- 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
why did you go to therapy in the first place if you dont mind me asking
[–]Master_Musician_223 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That’s the right attitude!
[–]vladtheinhaler0 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It all depends on the specifics, but I'll speak generally.
Either she is now genuinely attracted to you or sees your success and wants it for her self. It all depends on what kind of person she is which you would know better than internet people.
You said yourself that you didn't take care of yourself very much and were a "nice guy". It's may not be that you were bad deep down, but you weren't doing things for yourself women find attractive so why should she have been?
Now that you have invested in yourself and your life, it's not surprising she's interested. It may be she had interest in some of you, but not all. Now that you've taken care of yourself she sees you as more of the total package.
You just need to find out if the women who show interest are genuine and the kind of woman you want to be with. Don't fall into the trap many men fall in and be into women for the sole reason they are into them. You both have to have value and be valued for this to work.
In the simplest terms, if she wasn’t into you then, she’s not into you now. Don’t fall for it.
[–]luhvxr 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
just be like ahah thank u
[–]SeanBatemanJr 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A lot of over-thinking in the comments. Don’t over-think, offer this girl to catch up over coffee and test the waters.
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[–]jackzander -1 points0 points1 point (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]jackzander -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]janusz_z_rivii -1 points0 points1 point (4 children) | Copy Link
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[–]shaolin_octopus 10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]cheddarbob01 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Everlast23 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CanUnusual8729 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CompleteRetard69 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Majestic_Meal_5655 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Fluffy_Risk9955 -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]_pathak -1 points0 points1 point (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]_pathak -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]cipox95 -1 points0 points1 point (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]cipox95 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] -13 points-12 points-11 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
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