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[–]focus_flow69 148 points149 points150 points 4 years ago (52 children) | Copy Link
Just do it
[–]mrpodo 29 points30 points31 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I really need to, coach
[–]Suspicious-Poet1694 23 points24 points25 points 4 years ago (36 children) | Copy Link
I just can't... It's too much for me. I know that life Is short but something in me just don't let me. My depression, anxiety and low self steem probably has something to do with that.. I don't even have friends, imagine going to a girl?
[–]focus_flow69 30 points31 points32 points 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Then focus on improving your social skills before you even think about girls. Baby steps at a time. If you are unwilling to take action to help yourself then no one can help you. That's just the way it is.
[–]Suspicious-Poet1694 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
I don't know how.
[–]Outrageous-Career-71 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Is there any activity that you like that would make you meet people ? Any sport, or if you're not into that, maybe chess, roleplay, reading... ? Also, if you're still in studies, you can try to do some revision or exercise with other people you have often class with. The first step is just to find people you enjoy being with, so there's no need to pressure yourself thinking about seduction for now
[–]Suspicious-Poet1694 -4 points-3 points-2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Just gaming. But people don't see to care at all.
[–]Outrageous-Career-71 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You can make friends through gaming, but they won't be irl, that's why you have to find something where you meet people. You don't have to hard commit to something, for example I like chess, so I went just a day in a club in my city, played a few games, talked a bit and that's it. If you can't find something that you could like, try volunteering, you may find some online, it only takes a day and people there are usually nice.
[–]Suspicious-Poet1694 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I practice a little of chess! But I'm not good enough, I make a lot of beginner mistakes. And I don't mean to undervalue your tactic, but for me just talking to someone is not making friendship. But I will try to create some more hobbies like you said. Thanks for trying to help me!
[–]Outrageous-Career-71 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm not really good either tbh ^ Indeed it's unlikely to make friends through a one time interaction, but it may get you more comfortable talking to people and spending time with them if you feel like you struggle with that. Anyway, I hope you'll find something you love and get success through it !
[–]Suspicious-Poet1694 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks, man! Appreciate It.
[–]vardarac 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Strike up conversations with as many people as you can, fully accepting from the outset that your interaction will probably not turn into anything more than a short chat or awkward exchange.
As you improve, you must still must accept that your relationship to most others you meet will be ephemeral, not lasting, even if the interaction is on the balance "good."
Understand that many people - and one day you, too, will only accept long-term into their lives those who are well matched or who truly galvanize their emotions.
This takes the pressure off of you to "perform" and instead to change your goal to finding fun in or learning how to express curiosity in an interesting way in conversation. This improves your mental health and increases your odds of success long-term.
[–]focus_flow69 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Then learn. You live in the age of information where anything is accessible by a mouse click away, and you are telling me you can't possibly figure out some resources to help you improve your social skills? You make it sound like woe is me, but the reality I think is that you fear failure so much that you won't even attempt. Just do it. No one's going to hold your hand through life.
No more excuses. Spend a few hundred hours at improvement and if you still aren't getting anywhere then you earn the right to complain a little bit, but even then, you have to keep trying. There is no other alternative.
Nobody knows anything until they learn. Theres no better way to learn than to just do it via trial and error and life experience.
[–]International_Rub475 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Therapy
[–]Bigmachingon 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Go to therapy ASAP
[–]ThatGuy_Nick9[🍰] 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So, in my experience, not having friends rarely hinders my game. Having lots of friends does help, but I moved across the country some time ago and only had a month or two of no ahem acquaintances. Sometimes I meet a girl and she’ll want to go out with my friends, I’ll just tell her I don’t really have many friends in the area, but I’m down to make our own party somewhere.
[–]HatchetXL 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Six months ago this was me. It still kinda is. Know how I transitioned from completely walled off to only semi antisocial? I began talking to people I had absolutely no interest in. Old ladies at work. Ladies in the grocery store. Anyone. At any time. Just making jokes or saying something stupid and silly.
It might sound ridiculous, cuz, like, what's the point? But after a month or two of that, i happened to be standing next to this beautiful woman at work, and normally would not have said a word.
I started to physically sweat, trying to come up with something to say. But the practice with the old ladies n such gave me a list of things to not say or do, as well as a few things that I knew had a shot at making someone laugh.
The real turnaround was when I let go of the idea of "omg this lady is way out of my league" and just started looking at these beautiful women in the same light as the older women who I stood telling dad jokes to in the vegetable section of the grocery store. No expectations. Not trying to 'bag' anybody or whatever. Just, tell a joke, get a laugh, or an awkward stare.
I took my shot. I got shut down. But she was not rude about it, and we became friends. I went to a party at her house and met a group of people and tbh I had to leave at one point because, antisocial. I just, dipped. I walked almost all the way home before I kicked myself in the ass and was like. Wtf bruh. You are NOT about to go down in flames like this. I turned around. Went back.
I've spent the last two weekends with a lady I met that night.
Just say hi. The worst part of rejection was, for me, the fear of embarassment. But the fear of being embarrassed was so much worse than any of the outcomes I've actually had. That's all. You psyche yourself out. We. We psyche ourselves out. Let go of it, mate. Because, believe it or not, you ARE enough.
[–]Suspicious-Poet1694 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for sharing this! I cried a little reading your text. Thank you so much! It's living hell. Sometimes I think that I will live and die alone because of my lack of social skills. It's very hard. I try my best to take the first step to talk to people, but my mind always sabotage.
[–]nordik1 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
That’s your problem — you think too much. You need to realize that literally zero people care if you go up to a girl or two and fail and they won’t even remember a week from now. You are a blip in an infinite galaxy that has trillions of actions going on at once. Do not hyper focus on your attempts at basic human communication within that massive bigger picture, because it’s really not that serious
If you do not stop this cycle now and force yourself to get out of your head and get uncomfortable, you will be a slave to the illusions of your mind 10,15,20 years from now wishing you would’ve simply taken action
There are only benefits to taking action and you will gain respect for yourself by doing so which is the most important thing. Tell your mind to fuck off and do the opposite of what it’s telling you and you will gain momentum. Action begets action
[–]Suspicious-Poet1694 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
My mind is really a prison. I'm afraid of rejection from others and my low self esteem always tells me I'm very ugly. So I'm afraid to introduce myself to others. I always try to think otherwise, but I always end up cowering.
[–]nordik1 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I can relate as a historically chronic over thinker in every regard. There’s only one way through the fire though. When you finally take action against what your brain is telling you to not do and do it repeatedly, the power your mind has over you weakens more and more each time. It’s extremely freeing to finally escape that prison and you will wonder why you didn’t do it sooner
[–]Suspicious-Poet1694 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for your words. I will try my best to free myself.
[–]Loose_Profession_630 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Go outside and don't come back until you say something... Walk slow as fuck with good posture and proper breathing...
Once you get that warmup out the way, you build on it..
You gonna start speaking louder and bolder eventually..
The key once again is to PACE yourself..
I agree with the advice to literally just put one foot in front of the other when you see a pretty woman. You're probably going to say some dumb or corny shit the first few times, but you just need to do it to start to crack at your anxiety.
Remember that this is a sales job, not a full audit of your entire personhood. You're not going to close every deal and you shouldn't expect to.
[–]LucianU 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Have you considered learning martial arts?
It will give you a lot of confidence and a feeling of safety from being able to defend yourself. It will also be an opportunity to meet people and make friends.
[–]WilhelmTrooper 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nothing worth doing is easy.
[–]bandsupjay 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Has everything to do with that. Could be some toxic shame. Get help, itll be the best thing you do. Dont wait too long
[–]vardarac 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Read this.
[–]Total_Obligation_371 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
You want to give you a pat on the back and tell you everything is going to be ok? You need a tissue? Why did you even post such a dumb comment if you weren't just looking for attention. If you were really hopeless, why are you posting or looking at this content?
[–]Suspicious-Poet1694 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Because I use reddit? And I have the right to post a comment? I mean, there are a lot of depressed people that use the internet to to blurt out their pain, why can't I? It's not a bad thing and It's not hurting anybody.
[–]Total_Obligation_371 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
I didn't say you couldn't, but it's clear you just want people to feel sorry for you and you don't care about actually improving. And actually it is hurting someone, yourself. I guess knock yourself out "blurting out your pain" while other people are actually taking action and getting what they want.
[–]Suspicious-Poet1694 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
If It was that easy, everyone in this world would be happy.
[–]Total_Obligation_371 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I didn't say it was easy. That's your problem, you don't want to do legitimately hard things. Something being hard is 0% a reason to not do something.
[–]Suspicious-Poet1694 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link
How I don't want to do the hard thing? Where did I say that?
I can't understand your point. You first come here, complaining that I'm not doing anything and call my comment dumb. Then you start to assume that I'm not trying to do the hard things. Honestly, who do you think you are? As I've said before, if the world were so easy for people to just say, "Damn, I have social phobia. I know! I'm going to socialize!" we wouldn't have people like that anymore. That's not the point.
Social media is used for thousands of things. Sometimes It's extremely mentally harmful. But It can also be used as a form of help for those who need support, whether emotional or by tips from other people with different experiences.
[–]Total_Obligation_371 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
At the end of the day, when everything is said and done, you will have the same problems a year from now.
[–]Total_Obligation_371 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
All this talking is doing nothing. The point is I'm about 99% sure you won't make the improvements you want because you are much too negative. The only thing that matters is if you achieve what you want to achieve, which you won't. I've talked/worked with enough people to know the signs, you'll talk and say whatever you're gonna say, but in the end, you won't accomplish what you want.
People who want something enough will find a way. Some way, somehow, they'll find a way to make it happen. You are one of those people who finds excuses to NOT accomplish things. I would say prove me wrong, but you won't.
[–]Suspicious-Poet1694 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I won't prove anything to you, because I don't owe you anything. You don't know me, and I think whether or not I make it is up to me, not you. So stop trying to reflect your own failures on me. If anyone here needs to improve, it's you. So stop using reddit, and start making your journey to be a better person.
[–]Fun-Conversation5538 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He is literally trying to help you by motivating you to prove him wrong and you are taking offence, read between the lines it’s tough love not hate comments, this is why you are not getting anywhere socially because when you don’t like the way something is going you jump into defence mode
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don't let your dreams be dreams
[–]playboiferina 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yessir. Stop waiting for perfection and just jump.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
But sire, the approach anxiety
[–]Niceguy456 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Shia Labeouf is thanking you
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
I do it dozens of times a week, and I fail.
Now what?
[–]focus_flow69 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Figure out why you are failing and change your approach. Learn to read body language and social cues better. And then keep approaching. Dont just keep doing the same thing if it's not working. Approach in different settings, try different things to talk about, how you talk etc.
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
If I could just magically do that, I would.
How do you read body language and social cues better?
What kinds of things do you talk about that work for you?
[–]focus_flow69 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Read a book or summary about body language and non verbal, and then go approach again and pay attention to the details and things mentioned in the books. Something as simple as you smiling will allow people to be more at ease and you can recognize this in their body language.
There's no set topic for what you talk about, you talk about what you wanna talk about. Yes you prepare and practice to some extent especially when you are a noob, but the reality is that's just something to fall back on. The best convos are just natural ones where you are authentic and curious without over thinking every sentence.
There's direct or indirect approaches, look both up and see which ones resonate with you better. Indirect can feel more natural while direct shows boldness, but requires more confidence and experience to pull off. Talk about your surroundings, make a comment about something happening, ask a question, ask for her opinion about something, compliment them on their style.
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
This is all so fucking vague
[–]focus_flow69 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Bro, life is complex and its not do x y z and voila girl magically falls in love with you. Everything seems vague because what works for me may not work for you. But what does work are general concepts like better social skills which involve reading body language and social cues. And if you'd bother taking the time to read a fucking book there's more than enough specifics in there for you to apply.
No one is going to hold your hand and spoonfeed you all the steps necessary to make someone fall in love with you. Such a thing simply does not exist. Everyone is different, you have to learn through experience and trial and error. If you want success you have to put in the work, just like anything in life.
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Then you can't boil it down to "it's a numbers game" and expect me to believe that magically the winds of fate will carry me to success.
I have been trying, and I have been failing. The work hasn't been giving me any success. So it's fucking infuriating to see a post that says "you'll succeed just by talking to eNoUgH people"
[–]focus_flow69 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It is a numbers game. In the sense that not every approach is perfect and not everyone will like you. But if you practice enough that when you do meet someone you vibe with, you have a better chance and more experience of not messing it up.
But I can approach a million women and each approach I give a meek hello and stare at them in awkward silence, I will never have success. Trial and error to improve upon each and every approach is necessary, and everything else OP mentioned.
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What are some of the patterns that have worked for you between several people? What have you learned through practice? What have you learned through trial and error?
[–][deleted] 48 points49 points50 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Guys I got approached by a hot girl today in the bus and I'm chubby, yet she enjoyed talking to me. You don't need a 6 pack abs or the best game to get girls into you
[–]Independent-Welder-3 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
See i knew it, everyone thought that you can get women once you hit the gym, huhhh wrong, be yourself
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I believe that having a great body, while it's one of my goals, might make most girls insecure because they'll think you're out of their league. And yeah you don't need a great body to attract girls, you need charisma and confidence. I've had those on the moment and the girl just approached me saying I look very familiar to her etc (basically anything she found to break the ice with me).
[–]nordik1 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
The primary benefit of building a better body at the gym is that you will feel differently about yourself and thus act different. It’s much easier to be in a good mood and have a good time when you’ve built something you’re proud of and like the way your clothes fit etc. The inverse of that is trying to be Mr. Cool Guy while you’re wearing an image you internally don’t like and think everyone else doesn’t like either. That’s a massive amount of resistance to overcome
The external benefits of people liking your jacked muscles or whatever are a bonus. The real changes are internal
[–]OSRS_Satriani 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The endorphins/energy/better posture are what helped my confidence the most
That's so true indeed. But yet surprisingly I've noticed some guys online that have built a great body and yet still can't attract girls. They probably only worked on the external and didn't work on their inner game at all.
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I'm myself and I get rejected every time
[–]Independent-Welder-3 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sorry to hear that man, keep trying this is part of dating game, take a break too🤠
Then learn how female attraction works bro
Still gotta lift tho
[–]CocoBabeNYC 48 points49 points50 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
If you need more, you are playing by society's rules and there is no way you can win. Society wants to keep you feeling not enough so it can sell you stuff or motivate you to work harder and spend more. It values certain men, like athletes, rock stars, billionaires, jocks. But only you have the power to value you. You can choose what to value and if you give yourself value today, you can fly above the race.
[–]bandsupjay 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Yeah. You see these dating coaches its the same thing. Like they know the recipe they just want to keep you on a leash and keep releasing more content about this and that when literally all the shit is internal. All of us are different but the girl feels the same thing. A strong man. Thats internal shit. Thats your own self esteem and self confidence. I wish more men talked about it these days then theyre always complaining why everyones so weak. Its cause this shit right here
[–]CocoBabeNYC 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Nobody talks about it because it's so intangible and furthermore because everyone think it comes from external sources. As in, you need to go out and get a bunch of successes before you can feel confident. Well, I always read about guys who have done 2,000 approaches and haven't gotten laid even once. So obviously just taking action is not enough. A deep inner change is needed. And self worth comes from within. Self confidence is something you award yourself with.
[–]bandsupjay 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yessir. Its funny because i actually always had the feeling that id need to be successful and be living an absolute good life before i can even HAVE self esteem, before i could even prioritize it. More and more i see that belief is stupid and its really just about how you feel about yourself. Its good that people like you are woke to this bullshit, they really got us sold on a hook but with time more men will realize that it just starts with you. All this bad boy shit you read on the internet just comes from you being who you are and being firm within yourself
[–]CocoBabeNYC 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Well how do you get a bunch of young boys socialized to the idea that they have to work hard, sacrifice their bodies and prime years to produce, produce, produce and then consume consume consume? You teach them that they are worthless without approval from society and the way to get approval is to work work work and consume consume consume and only then can you be given the approval to feel good about yourself. Throw the idea that sex with hot women is only attainable by men who have social approval and you have a perfect mix of brainwashing people to slave away for the benefit of society (but not their own).
[–]bandsupjay 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You really know something.
Sad that its this way
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]bandsupjay 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
❤️
You know its right when a girl says it.
[–]ojredT 20 points21 points22 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks a lot! I really needed to hear this.
[–]leafhog 14 points15 points16 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
And if she is into you it can actually be difficult to mess it up.
[–]bandsupjay 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And thats the problem with us men lol because we already think we’re not good enough we just fuck it up anyways trying to do more. Crazy how that works
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Objection hearsay!
[–]ozzzy83 11 points12 points13 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. This man knows what he talks about. No excuses. Don't be like - I need more money, I need more muscles, this or that, stop excuses, take more action, and just make it happen!
[–]Chicagoj1563 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would agree with all this.
Learning game theory can help and its worth it if you are learning the right things. Improvising conversation, free association, challenging girls, self amusement, etc... But, truth is, you can learn this in a weekend, and internalize it over a few weeks. You don't need to over analyze it. Trouble is, most of us will do just that. We will procrastinate, we will make excuses why we're not ready, etc...
I think everyone will be on their own timeline. But the main point is you are good enough to approach and you will learn the most by approaching.
I'd just add, learning inner game and a few game related ideas can also help. Getting fit helps too. But, the problem is many guys spend months and years getting ready. It should be listed as the #1 sticking point almost every new guy will have. Leave the house, get started, and don't get stuck watching videos for the next 18 months.
[–]Visualize_ 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is key advice in pretty much any area of life. We love to reject ourselves, mostly stemming from our ego trying to make us stay in our comfort zone. But inaction is probably the biggest cause of not achieving what you want because you don't get the valuable experience of working towards your goals which includes both successes and failures.
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think you need to at least go for the quick improvements. Dressing better and grooming better if you have the money and someone to guide you it’s literally night and day difference . Brought a chubby friend to shopping mall . I picked up for him like 5 outfits and then we got his haircut . I had a party in my house and he end up talking to a girl who didn’t even realize he existed before . They just went on a date yesterday .
One can go from invisible to have a presence just by having better style .
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Talk to girls enough times + learn from trial and error + look decent =/= results in my experience.
[–]JustMedit8 -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
you haven't talked to a girls enough time or really learned from trial and error then. No other way.
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
How many times is enough times, if you're so sure?
And how do you learn from "trial and error" if everyone is different?
[–]JustMedit8 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
you learn from trial and error by being aware of how you're coming off. Approaching girls during the day is not easy, we can all agree on that. When you first start, you're gonna be shaky and awkward, and then once you're desensitized to it, you start improving in all ways..
Enough times is until you start getting results. It's not like there is any other option here. You either get comfortable with rejection or get comfortable with being a depressed loner, pick your poison.
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
How do I be aware, and what is "improvement"?
If you can't say a number... how are you so sure it'll ever happen? "Enough times" might never come.
I am pretty comfortable with rejection, and I still get rejected every time. Even though I talk to at least 10 people a week. You just feel like sweeping my experiences under the rug because they don't fit your narrative.
[–]JustMedit8 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
listen kid, I'm not your coach, don't argue with me. I don't know what's the magical number for you, but all I know is talk to girls enough times + learn from trial and error + look somewhat decent = results. That's it. This is a fact. You either adhere to this philosophy and live by it or you keep whining.
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
You don't know it. I just asked you how you know, and you have no idea how to give a straight answer.
It might be true for you, but it's not true for me. It's not a fact no matter how you feel about it.
I've approached several hundred people with no results and I feel like I do a pretty good job. When are your magical results coming?
[–]JustMedit8 -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Your question is like asking me "how many bicep curls do I need to do to get a bicep like Arnold?". It's a retarded question.
Just because I can't give you an exact figure doesn't mean my original post is wrong.
Keep making excuses.
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You are so unhelpful it's almost funny.
Yes, your original post is wrong, because maybe it will never happen, and maybe you can't learn from trial and error when everyone is different and likes different things. You're oversimplifying it to hell.
What kinds of things did you learn from trial and error? Like, are there any patterns in your approaches, or do you not know those either?
[–]JustMedit8 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yes, I learned a lot, but I don't want to share them with you because you're being a naughty boy.
You find me unhelpful because you're incapable of being helped. You live in your little bubble of excuses and doubt. May God have mercy on your soul.
[–]Epmt 11 points12 points13 points 4 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link
0x100 girls is still 0, no point trying to get denied when you look shit
[–]JLifts780 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
Then try not looking shit?
[–]Epmt 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
The op is saying you shouldn't looksmax , any girls has a list of chads waiting on the sidelines why would she pick you?
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Epmt 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I couldn't get any girls until I hit 12% bodyfat and decent amount of muscle, had about 30-40 rejections at 20-25%bf so I gotta disagree.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Epmt -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I did and its pointless? Getting rejected like that destroys any person self confidence so its better not waste your time until you look your best
Destroys your self esteem because you probably believe youre worthless inside. Start looking at your childhood and build your self esteem. Thats if you want a better life. Up to u
[–]fuckouttahea 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Best analogy. Thanks.
[–]SocialReject101 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
chads waiting on the sidelines
At least stick to correct blackpill script. Lol
[–]Epmt -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Go on tinder without being a 7 minimum and let me know how it works out
[–]JLifts780 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
We gonna talk like /r/incel now?
[–]Epmt 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Ask any average girl to see her dms and she will be full of messages from random dudes she never met, ask an average guy to see his instagram dms and its probably only guy friends or girls that he tried but couldn't get anywhere. How am I wrong?
[–]JLifts780 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thinking like this is probably why you’re failing.
[–]Epmt 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Actually once I looksmaxed and gymmaxed I started doing well. And iam still the same guy , same game, same everything except my physique which is the most important thing
[–]epimpstyle 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Don't look upon girls outside of your league and it is perfect.
You can try to approach nice girls if you like BDSM because you will feel how it looks like being rejected or even ignored. Many girls are polite and they will talk normally to guys who look like hell because they are polite but they won't go a step forward in a relationship with you.
[–]epimpstyle 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
:-))
Correct me if I'm wrong.
[–]ResponsibilityOk5490 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I disagree. If you waste time chasing a bunch of girls like it’s a number’s game, you won’t have time to improve yourself. On the other hand, if you actually improve yourself, you might not get as many girls in the short run, but after couple years, girls will come to you.
So by improving yourself and becoming more attractive you get more girls (in the long run) than by being an average joe that asks out a hundred girls a day.
Also even if you manage to land a girl as an average joe, the moment she leaves you, you’re gonna be absolutely devastated because you had to ask out so many girls just to get that one girl.
By being a ripped stud on the other hand, many girls will be attracted to you and if one leaves you, you won’t be as devastated because you can easily attract a new person.
[–]focus_flow69 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Approaching girls is improving yourself. You are learning how to talk to girls and improve your social skills.
If you are banking on working out so that girls come to you, you are in for a rude awakening when that doesn't come to fruition. Men generally have to lead and initiate interactions if they want success in their dating life. That's just the way it is.
[–]ResponsibilityOk5490 -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Not just working out, but making money, becoming more intelligent, starting a business, and becoming famous.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]ResponsibilityOk5490 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
You might get a couple 7s from cold approaches but in the long run, you’ll get more girls and have 9s and 10s chasing you if you do it my way, which is becoming a top 1% high value male.
It’s also not just about finding love. It’s about accomplishing your purpose in life. By doing it my way, you both accomplish your personal goals and become more attractive to women.
Also It’s not just 5 minutes of your day approaching a girl, it’s multiple dates and lots of time and money lost. And do you think the first girl you approach is gonna be mutually attracted if you’re an average joe?
Perhaps if the girl is a 4 or 5 out of 10, maybe? But approach a 9 as an average joe, and that’s just tough luck. 9s and 10s have tons of guys approaching them each day. You have zero chance as an average joe because these girls have so many options. They could pretty much fuck certain celebrities and top level CEOs if they wanted to.
You might have to approach a hundred 9s and 10s just to get a few to be receptive. And how long does that take? If one takes 5 minutes, then that’s like 8 and a half hours in total of approaching girls. That’s just a mad, huge waste of time.
Not to mention, if you do the tinniest thing they don’t like on first date, you’re out the window because they have so many better options.
So you might say that approaching tons of girls on a daily basis is the easiest way. But that only works if you want average girls.
If you want prettier than average girls, the only fool proof/guaranteed way is to become better than average yourself.
[–]ThatGuy_Nick9[🍰] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You’re telling gamers they don’t meet to have max stats before starting the main quest line? Yeah good luck with that…
[–]ThatGuy_Nick9[🍰] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol m8 it’s a joke. I need no help 😂
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
talk to girls enough times + learn from trial and error + look somewhat decent = results
Where dem galz tho'? I feel like that needs to be in the equation at least.
Everywhere? Walk up to one because you feel like it. Talk to one in here because you feel like it. Socialize with people because youre good enough
[–]epimpstyle 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Yes, you must not way until you are perfect but it depends upon the type of girls you are trying to approach.
Telling a girl that you found her cute and expect that she will exchange her phone numbers with you, looks like a science-fiction video unless you are attractive but even in this case they can suspect that you are doing the same all the time, you are not trustworthy.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]epimpstyle 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I want to make it simple but it is not possible because the type of girl is very important.
Type of girl = the nice girl you are trying to talk to can be a business lady or a cashier in a shop....
A business lady will look at you as a beggar if you are not looking good with nice clothes but the expectations are other for a cashier.
My english is not that good but I'm sure you understand what I'm trying to say.
[–]focus_flow69 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Who gives a shit? The point is you are unaffected by these notions and you approach and talk them as if it doesn't matter. Because it doesn't. You are approaching for self improvement and to see if they are worth your time to pursue. Nothing else matters. If they reject you they reject you.
[–]epimpstyle 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
IRL you can not be like that because you are human, you have an ego and also the girl has feelings.
You can not learn anything by being rejected every time because you approach the wrong person. You must not aim too high.
Try approach by starting low and going high instead opposite, you will learn more.
Do whatever you want. My experience is overthinking leads to more failure. Keep it simple.
Yeah, practice and opportunities are usually a lot more important than excessive improvement.
[–]SocialReject101 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Finally some breath of fresh air
[–]OmegaClifton 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks man, I really needed this
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What if i am ugly ?
[–]MetaphysicPhilosophy 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. You could die tomorrow. You should live everyday like it’s your last. Stop waiting until “tomorrow”.
[–]DortyNiqga 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Lol not gonna validate any girl from the get go💀
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]bandsupjay 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Some dating advices bullshit coaches give lol. I was in this kids shoes, shits ridiculous and does not work. Be your fucking self and stop caring, the real world does not work like this.
[–]bandsupjay -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yup. $1000 lol can you imagine. Just to say some bullshit lol. Aint nothing works better than being secure in yourself, anyone could do that.
[–]DortyNiqga -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
This ain't no ego thing. If you need to validate a girl from the get go, sorry but you got no game at all. Besides that it is a conversation killer. And confidence shouldn't come for external things but if u need that you're a weak ass male.
One day youll learn g
Lmfao
[–]blasianalchemist 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Why are you bringing up masturbation in every response that disagrees with you? Weirdo.
[–]blasianalchemist 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not at all, I agree with them about the validation shit, you just can't seem to fathom that different strategies work for other people. Because, I first saw results when avoided compliments. The approach is validation enough, find something in common, and set up a meetup. Boom.
[–]uwuburn 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
That's cool and all, but how do I meet new people?I had a couple girls tell me they liked me but i didn't feel the same way and almost all the guys in my friend group are more or less dating, and yes I've checked their friends out but didn't find anyone attractive. Also I've never initiated any sort of conversation with girls because I get super nervous, the only time i talk to them is when they approach me.
[–]Zhai 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Go try new hobbies. Go to bouldering/climbing gym. Bouldering is very social and girls are mostly fit. Join some hiking club. Attend salsa class.
You can also enlarge your circle of friends by going to martial arts class (recommend BJJ) and they can invite you to parties.
[–]uwuburn 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I've been going to the gym for the last 3 years, but I've always found it awkward to talk to anyone in the gym let alone girls. Will definitely give it a shot at the other activities you mentioned because i feel like they're more team building compared to the gym. I'm 21 and the fact that I get social anxiety annoys me
[–]Zhai 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Gym is not good for pickup. Unless you have top level extravert personality and you befriend everyone there, so women see you are not creepy.
Bouldering is chill and as you move from one problem to another you might struggle in the same place as others. Conversations just naturally happen since you are figuring out the same thing.
[–]haku_whatever 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m still so fat, I haven’t read anything, I wouldn’t know literally what words to even begin an interaction. It’s hard to look in the mirror. Not enough yet😔 But I’ll keep losing weight, I’ll read. I don’t want to feel so humiliated by getting rejected
[–]EnvironmentalRule525 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
100% agree. If you start when you’re still working on your looks it’s going to be hard but once you get into better shape/get better fashion etc etc you start playing the game on easy mode.
[–]Alive-Doughnut2345 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’d like to think improvement involves more than just working out and grooming but yes otherwise you’re right
[–]claritynow66 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
🤣
No
[–]Hot-Claim635 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The book the confidence gap says it best. You don’t need to have confidence to do the thing you want to do. Confidence isn’t being cool and unervous. Confidence is taking action in those moments where you feel the most nervous or doubtful of yourself.
[–]Equivalent_Bus2582 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yaaaassssssss
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