Hi everyone!

So my [22f] flirting days are over and I'm in a very happy relationship now but oh boy did I go through a lot of dating. I see a lot of people on here struggling to find a footing in flirting so here is my pro/veteran tip that works every time (in my experience!). I have shared this with all of my friends and they all say it works so I figured more people would love to hear it.

As to my credentials, I grew up incredibly unattractive (I'm talking acne, braces, glasses...yikes) and also pretty chubby. Nowadays, although I'm perfectly attractive, I'm by no means "hot" and I'm still quite chubby. So this working is by no means down to me being exceptionally good-looking. Also, I'm bisexual, and I find that this works for and on men, women, and everyone in between. It's also great for anyone who's shy to initiate direct touch or is not great with verbal flirting.

So that being said here's the trick: while your date is talking to you, "absent-mindedly" pick a bit of lint or a hair or anything off of their clothing.

Let me set the scene a little bit more for you: Your crush is chatting away at you, preferably about a topic they are passionate about or even just a funny story. They're getting all excited and talking really fast and it's adorable. You are listening intently because you care and want to get to know them. But let's face it, we all get absent-minded sometimes. Suddenly, your eyes fixate on a small bit of fluff or lint or maybe even a stray hair on their clothing garment. So whilst still actively listening ("Oh yeah?" "mhmm" "gotcha") you reach over, pick the offending item off of their clothes, and then gently brush over the area with your hand twice just to make sure it's gone before making eye contact again. Bonus: your crush stops talking or turns to see what you're doing. Maybe they even ask "What are you doing?" or "Was there something on my clothing?" You get to shake your head and reply kindly (with a smile or even a laugh) while making eye contact with them "Oh sorry! It's just there was a little piece of fluff on your sweater/top/jacket. Please continue, I'm still listening! So you were saying about [your passion for oceanography/that time you broke your nose skateboarding/how you always count the yellow cars when driving/your childhood pet chicken/etc.]"

So, what exactly does this achieve?

  • you get to show that you are an attentive and caring person
  • you get to initiate touch without it feeling too forward, aggressive or sexual
  • you get to signal your interest, since you clearly care about this person, but not so much that it feels direct
  • if the bonus scenario happens, you get to show your active listening skills *chef's kiss*

This little tip has never failed me in making hearts melt, for men and women alike. It's a little thing, but it really works wonders. It also makes people notice and remember you. Sometimes, the people we like don't see us as potential love interests, but this can often change that! Not to mention, you can conveniently pretend that there's a bit of lint.

Now for some extra tips:

  • hight differences work great for this because that way you might be able to spot the lint from the angle you are standing at
  • standing or sitting works fine, but don't reach across dinner tables! This should be as natural as possible
  • if you feel comfortable, maybe practice this on friends. It's only flirting if you want it to be, otherwise, it's just a nice thing to do!
  • best places to do this: shoulders, upper arms, collarbone, and for men chests. Stay away from sensitive places, eg. stomach, thighs etc. your hand might get smacked !!

Anyway, sorry for this really elaborate post. But I think loads of people could really use this trick and as I am retired from the world of dating, I'm happy to pass on my pearls of wisdom. Also I know this isn't entirely new, but it's sooo underrated. Remember to always be respectful and to use this trick wisely. Share your success stories if you like and let me know if you have any questions!! Happy flirting!!

Edit: Many replies are pointing out my age and I totally get you. But a lot of people on this subreddit are younger and only beginning to navigate the world of dating, so sharing my experience as a 20-something-year-old who has genuinely gone on loads and loads of dates (good and bad) before finding the one might be more relatable. As for anyone worried about me being in a committed relationship at my age, don't worry - we're not getting married or anything. But who knows! For now, I'm blissfully happy to not be flirting with anyone else but my SO :).

Another addition: Not everyone is comfortable being touched. This can be particularly true for anyone with sensory issues, histories involving physical abuse, etc. so please be mindful and observant. This is also why I do not suggest touching someone's hair (unless you are already close) as it can feel too invasive. Always check body language before and after!