How can I stop putting my crushes on a pedestal?

aswjacob · 2016-08-05T20:49:26+00:00

Approach more of them. You put them on a pedestal because you lack experience and you don't have any or many women in your life https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4rmg14/4_steps_to_feel_fearless_approaching_women/

Nekomama12 · 2016-08-05T20:22:55+00:00

Everybody poops.

onfire9123 · 2016-08-05T20:26:02+00:00

Women are just as pathetic and self-conscious as we are. Realize that it's just as likely that you're "cooler" than she is as the other way around.

jonnyslop · 2016-08-06T02:37:38+00:00

You're looking to fill a hole inside yourself dude. We all do it to some extent with a lot of stuff. My answer to most questions is to meditate. Honestly in just about two months, I can look at most things that used to mean so much to me and see them for what they really are.

When we get weirdly attached to girls in this way, were running away from loneliness. We're running away from reality. And if we can break this cycle in any means necessary, we can realize that it just doesn't fuckin matter any more.. As in nothing matters.

It's a difficult concept to grasp but yeah, meditation is a great tool to open your mind to the truth; you don't need these girls and they're just normal people. Another great method is to dive as deep as you possibly can with other girls. Get to know women as a whole rather than this facade that you constantly create.

Also props for recognizing this and wanting to fix this. Much luck brother! Hope I gave some value

Enormousface · 2016-08-05T22:17:13+00:00

[permanently deleted]

rmbarnes · 2016-08-06T08:15:25+00:00

Spin more plates. When a girl becomes one option amongst a handful of girls, you won't put her on a pedestal.

enkae7317 · 2016-08-06T09:07:51+00:00

You objectify women too much. They're human just like us. Just really hot humans. And so you must go and find more women.

There's a saying in the community that goes: the cure for one-itis is more women.

fruitheart · 2016-08-06T04:59:26+00:00

[deleted]

What is this?

jgottlander · 2016-08-06T16:59:53+00:00

Don't think about them. I used to fantasize a lot about my crushes, hitting on them, kissing then, sleeping with them, etc. Which leads to more feelings getting evolved, more expectations, and it all leads to you associating that person with more feelings which all blooms up at a very inconvenient time; you seeing/meeting that person irl. The best remedy is to be in the moment, not think about other things that doesn't matter. When the thoughts pops up, just let it go and think of something else. Keep yourself occupied with things you like, invest in yourself. Read about mindfulness and try meditation.

Partyintheattic · 2016-08-05T23:38:55+00:00

talk to more of them, like anything that will lead to more interactions with girls

-Redfish · 2016-08-06T11:05:00+00:00

I imagine a too perfect version of her, putting her to such a high standard that she can't possibly reach. I'm thinking of things that might happen between us... but all I'm really doing is mentally jerking off to my idealized version of what it could be.

You have come across your answer here. You can't magically stop doing this, but you can interrupt your brain and make sure that these little fantasies don't go too far.

It's okay to think of "what could be." But it's not a good idea to get too ahead. So just interrupt your fantasy with "well, maybe. But I don't really know her yet.

nobody2000 · 2016-08-06T16:03:46+00:00

Put yourself on a higher pedestal.

Woujo · 2016-08-06T21:58:37+00:00

The best way to stop putting people on a pedestal is to realize that putting people on a pedestal is FUCKED UP TO THEM. You may think you are being nice and respectful by admiring them and acting they are God's gift to the earth, but you are not. You really just creating a fake image of them in your head that they can never attain. And worse, you are putting pressure on them to be this fake person and then you are probably an asshole to them if they don't meet your fake standards for them. If you really cared about somebody, you wouldn't do that.

TerribleTykeT-Rex · 2016-08-07T11:29:43+00:00

They're people. It's as simple as that. Try just interacting with women seeing the diversity between them. Normally when people idealize partners it's a reflection on their own issues: they need the person to be perfect to fulfill something lacking in themselves - or they cannot tolerate imperfections in themselves and therefore need a 'perfect' partner to reflect on them positively. It could be, underneath it all, you don't really want to attach and this is your way of avoiding commitment or getting invested: by continually idealizing someone you create a standard no one will ever meet and you can keep pushing them away, restoring what feels like a safe distance from those complicated feelings.

dude_that_needs_help · 2016-08-10T06:01:55+00:00

I hope I am not too late. What helped me was reading through Kill that desperation! from the Book of Pook. This might give you a healthier point of view.

muirnoire · 2016-08-06T02:14:25+00:00

Start with women you actually feel are in your league or even a notch or two below your league. The more a woman is out of your league the more likely you are to put her on a pedestal like some goddamn beautiful flower arrangement that's worth a thousand dollars. It's okay to enjoy a bouquet of daisies and work your way up. Kind of refreshing actually.

Look at your seduction game as a career. You don't get to the top of a career the first year. You take steps and each step gets you to the next stage in your career development.

It's really hard to move into the major leagues (8s-9s-10s) without practicing and perfecting under a lot less pressure in the minor leagues (5s-6s-7s). What's cool about approaching, chatting, seducing, hanging out, and fucking a woman who is in your league, or a little below it, is there is little to no stress. Bonus is she will be so damn grateful it will give you a huge boost in confidence and you will get tons of validation as a man women want to be with.

Treat every woman with gentleness and respect in the separation stage as you slowly move up the ladder to preserve your rep. If you do, 5s this year, 6s next year, 7s the year after that. Think in terms of years to move up - not weeks or months. As you gain experience you'll be miles ahead of the guys who try for 8s or higher all the time and wonder why they make no headway.

Eventually you'll become so confident and calm around women that it feeds off itself. A lot of very attractive women find calmness and confidence very attractive these days. That whole cockiness thing is no longer working on women because they are on to it as a game strategy. They've heard about it. Women are all meditating, doing yoga, and into tranquility these days. You might look like a buffoon if you are still playing the cockiness game. And lots of guys are, leaving new fresh strategies potentially open to greater success. I see it all the time. She's just looking at your red-faced chatter going, "wtf, dude." Start meditating so you are on the same wavelength as a lot of the hottest women these days. It's good for you anyway. Take that little 5-6 who likes you on a date to hot yoga class and then couples yoga at the end of the month. Yes, that's hot pussy you smell.

If you can't pull 5s in the beginning, pull 4s and work your way up. Fix the rest of your game too as you practice your seduction game as everything is organically tied together. Start at whatever level you can actually find some degree of success. Stop trying to get from A to Z without stopping at each letter in between.

Now if you actually are a bona-fide alpha, then none of this applies. You're gifted (cursed - haha) and you have other problems. True Male Alphas get laid every night if they want to. They generally don't need to hang around seduction forums. There a lot of people who think they are alphas who haven't actually even met one. So. This is advice for the rest of us who have to work a little (or a lot) to get the action we desire (and deserve.) Work your way up and start with women who don't intimidate you. It's fun and a lot less stress.

iedaiw · 2016-08-05T23:56:45+00:00

By raising yourself up, build your own confidence and ego and love yourself so even if they are on a pedestal you are the same level

throwaway59393 · 2016-08-06T08:19:38+00:00

Tell the girl you keep wanting to put her on a pedestal, see what she says. Tell her she's good at making you think she's a princess. I've said both these things and both girls still stayed interested in me. It's not a huge deal to admit that you're bad at dating. If a girl is interested she's interested. I actually said "Man something about you makes me wanna just treat you like a princess. You gotta do something to not be so perfect like fart or something." She laughed, but it wasn't like sexy or anything. But at least I knew she knew that was the kind of guy I was.

To be honest this will not impress women at all, and TBH it may bother some girls to hear this (this is stuff you do when you've both shown you like each other a lot). But they're not your type so don't worry about them.

Just. Be. You. Don't try to be something you've not yet become, you have to be patient and let it come to you. What's gonna probably happen is you're either going to find a girl that soaks it up and genuinely appreciates it (my favorite types of girls lol) or you're probably going to keep watching girls respond more favorably to guys who don't do all of that stuff. And that's good cause eventually you'll get tired of it, try something new and go from there. But you can't read about it in a book or rush it. You gotta live the change first.

TL;DR what you need is experience, you can't learn how to stop doing this online.

Sharptux44 · 2016-08-06T19:17:07+00:00

Just be accurate with yourself. We as human beings tend to over play our weaknesses as well as our strengths. Imagine that you're holding a mirror up to the situation. A mirror is only gonna see what is there. Pay attention to the details. What do you see? What do you sense?

It does take a little time and experience to develop this perspective. But when you do, it will make a world of difference. You will be able to easily weed out those who are not susceptible to your charms or those who have qualities that you just find unappealing. It just takes time.

Now, I find nothing wrong with having an intense passion and desire for a woman. I just make sure that I reserve those feelings for the right woman. And on top of that I make sure that I express those emotions in the right fashion and at the right time.

Mysecretlittlepeony · 2016-08-05T22:16:03+00:00

Time and practice which means you have to have e some patience with yourself.

Jacob_961 · 2016-08-06T06:13:46+00:00

Women are fleshlights. No more. Have fun with them.

txroller · 2016-08-05T22:16:21+00:00

Google the you tube oneitis it'll help. the guy is genius

youlovejoeDesign · 2016-08-05T23:17:11+00:00

Stop idealizing them???....and stop using the word crush...unless your a girl in middle school

MrNudeGuy · 2016-08-05T21:58:12+00:00

Im confident with pretty girls but if I get a crush on someone I fall to pieces and can't have them. I'm just going to accept that crushes are off limits for me. A crush in and of itself puts them on a pedestal and your probably going to fantasize what being with that person is going to be like before you even get to know them. My advice is be realistic and understand that she probably not even that special. Chances are that someone somewhere is already tired of her bull shit anyway.

PaymentExciting5865 · 2022-10-12T21:15:39+00:00

Title	How can I stop putting my crushes on a pedestal?
Author	doyouevenliff
Upvotes	152
Comments	66
Date	August 5, 2016 8:16 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4wceq1/how_can_i_stop_putting_my_crushes_on_a_pedestal/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-can-i-stop-putting-my-crushes-on-a-pedestal.1410517 https://theredarchive.com/post/1410517

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