Couldn't get hard - again - with a wonderful girl

aughcavan · 2021-03-14T00:07:52+00:00

Do you watch porn? Do you masturbate a lot? Those things affect libido and performance.

It could also be other things such as performance anxiety, Low Testosterone.. Hard to tell.

-Cachi- · 2021-03-14T01:22:11+00:00

Hey OP, everyone's suggesting you to do exercise, stop watching porn, take it easy, etc. but it looks like you've checked those boxes already.

I think that the key here is to stop thinking that an erection is necessary for having a fulfilling sexual relationship. Man your penis is not necessary to enjoy sex.

Focus on giving massages, kissing all her body, performing oral sex, etc. Enjoy the process, even if you don't get a boner you'll be able to give her an orgasm, and both of you will be happily cuddling after it.

Once you get this into your head (I know it's easier said than done, but please try) you will stop having this problem. Because you will enjoy the sexy moments you're spending with her, instead of having the pressure on your performance. Sex is not about performance, it's about both of you enjoying the moment.

So throw your cialis box into the trash and just go and have fun!

PS: I'm assuming you don't have any kind of medical problem and that you're able to have erections in other situations. If this is the case then you should probably go see a doctor.

ado011235 · 2021-03-14T00:30:51+00:00

Yea well, I've been there. It's just that this thing is new to you. Just go for it again and again and don't be hard on yourself (pun intended)

HereIAmAgain73 · 2021-03-14T01:35:28+00:00

Speaking as a female I can honestly say if she likes you then you don’t need to add the extra pressure of her saying anything to anyone. Enjoy the intimacy, being together and like another post says, give her orgasms. Too many men are after getting what they want, take care of her and enjoy your time together. Things will work out eventually & I’m saying this from going through same experience my current guy.

chungleee · 2021-03-14T01:03:32+00:00

Try working out, it boosts testosterone

Icy_Hornet_2735 · 2021-03-14T00:15:51+00:00

Perhaps you should seek professional help on this matter.

If cialis is not working, you have other things to work through. Whether they be mental, physical, or chemical. There’s of things it could be and almost all are out if the realm that internet advice can fix.

In the meantime, try to remember that sex is way more than just penetration, and have fun with it.

Side note: Cialis also does not work right away. It takes a 1-2 hours to even be in system.

Believer-in-Utopia · 2021-03-14T01:58:19+00:00

Hey OP, nothing wrong. You could be demisexual. Some people really need to develop deep emotional Connections before they can really do the deed. I've had that happen multiple times. When I get to know a girl better and develop an emotional connection, that's only when I can pitch a tent.

aviant- · 2021-03-14T05:04:49+00:00

If you're healthy, don't watch porn, and still aren't able to get hard, that means you're in your head. Even if you feel like you aren't.

The key to getting out of your head is to get into your body. Next time you're with her, pay close attention to how your body feels in the moment. Take it slow and RELAX. Breathe. Take long, slow, deep breaths. Feel your body from the inside. Bring awareness out of your head and into your arms, hands, legs, and feet.

Don't think about getting hard or fucking her or anything like that, just pay attention to how her body feels and how you feel when you touch her. The key is really to relax as much as possible. It might help if you imagine your body is filled with sand, and then imagine that sand draining out of you and into the ground.

If you do all of the above during foreplay you'll feel a sense of stillness washing over you and trust me, you'll have no problem getting hard. I know this because I used to have the same exact problem as you and nothing else I tried would fix it. Try this before you listen to any of the other idiots in this thread, and lay off the fuckin cialis.

P.S. You've probably heard this before but start meditating if you don't already. Do it for just 10-20 minutes a day and eventually you'll have no problems getting hard and you'll be able to last as long as you want. Not to mention the huge edge it gives you over others in every other area of life.

Super_Neat_7172 · 2021-03-14T01:01:53+00:00

Wake up at 3am? I go to sleep at 3am.

sharksunny · 2021-03-14T02:51:21+00:00

My guy get your blood check first. Check for signs of low T or high estrogen. Check with your sex doctor and not some internet strangers. If not you're on your way to lose that pretty girl, because I bet you her womanhood won't be nice every time

delusionalubermensch · 2021-03-14T01:25:57+00:00

This is new for you. It sounds like you’re both frustrated and panicking. It’s normal. My advice as someone that has been through it, don’t put more pressure on yourself. Be kind to yourself. Have compassion. This sucks and there’s no quick fix. It’s a paradigm shift for you. Embrace it and learn about it and accept all the fucked up embarrassing aspects of it. The only way out is through.

MusaTO · 2021-03-14T01:35:08+00:00

There are so many sexual activities that don’t need penis. Tease, oral, toys, massage, cuddle, kissing.... You should keep looking for solution for your problem but make her cum.

Lov3sin · 2021-03-14T01:49:02+00:00

Greetings ,it helps to understand yourself in the sense as in what turns you on visually and physically and slowly turn the knob to get to that level . Dirty talk, physical touch , foreplay ,also the temperature in the room can help , classical music to relax the brain and quiet any insecurities before meeting up nights help and also in the moment talking to yourself in your head with words like " she's so sexy, look at that ( fill in the black) . Receive oral . It's been said Oysters helps boost libido and they usually sell them at any mexican restaurant . It always help to take things slow when you already know you're getting some otherwise it might feel like a random pull of the curtains and you're caught facing an audience like a deer stuck in headlights. Also some affirmation words before you go out everyday" I will make this woman's day unforgettable,she will be drowning in pleasure, I'm a machine , I'm comfortable having sex, I will F*** for hours " . Also if lesbians can satisfy woman without a what is men have so can you . Your fingers are daggers and switches to make any female submit to ecstasy and a tongue that can drown a woman in an ocean of her own liquids . Also satisfying her emotionally. Hope it helps .

meowstereeno · 2021-03-14T02:05:06+00:00

For me smoking weed makes me really horny for others it’s booze I’m sure u can find somthing to get going. Then maybe you will be back to normal 🤛🏻

spndxwra · 2021-03-14T07:28:41+00:00

THE PENIS NEVER LIES. respect that!

doncastillo14 · 2021-03-14T13:46:54+00:00

It’s the porn man ! 2 weeks is not that long to reset your brain and hormones. Avoid porn and masturbation as much as possible and you’ll be back to normal. Mediate mediate meditate

simontempher1 · 2021-03-14T02:14:28+00:00

Not watching porn is not the cure or the root of every males dysfunction. You could be having performance anxiety issues. Which as a man is normal. Go see a doctor don’t let people anyone guilt trip you about what your dealing with.

ylxtc · 2021-03-14T05:11:37+00:00

there is another possibility that you are just not sexually attracted to her.

bandsupjay · 2021-03-14T02:04:29+00:00

So stop watching porn and jerking off, thats the reason

ginandtang · 2021-03-14T04:04:41+00:00

Here's your anwser and it will work.

1) take black maca in the morning every day for a month, then rest a week, then as needed. Also has high mineral content and is great for memory improvement.

2) Take American ginsing tea from a Chinese tea company. It's fused with too much sugar but still works great. Take once per day in the morning. You can rotate between the maca and the ginsing or just take what you feel like that day.

3) get some lavender essential oil. Put a few drops on your chest and maybe on the pillow. It's an aphrodisiac like all of this stuff and also helps you relax.

4) Take a half dropper of some high quality vanilla extract.

5) Masturbate when your horny and watch what you actually enjoy. Don't let those videos get in your head. You must control your reactions and what you watch, not the other way around.

6) Do not smoke. It will shrink your fellow because it affects blood flow.

7) Try to connect with the girl. Get hard through kisses and love first, then her body.

8) Once you take this stuff for a while you will become confident in your erections and be ready at the right time, every time.

9) If things flop, don't sweat, it's totally normal.

10) You don't have to take all of this stuff . Just find the right combo for you.

11) Read about foods and supplements that hinder libido and avoid them.

12) Don't take cialis or any of that junk. It ain't natural.

13) experiment with male kegals and get control of your fellow.

You will be an animal in no time..

Remember, the connection with the woman, healthy visualization and reacting to her desires at the right time is what will bring the most satisfying orgasms.

Ghostwhotypes · 2021-03-14T04:35:01+00:00

Get a PSA test.

StreetCatAdopter · 2021-03-14T07:15:03+00:00

Had the same issue years ago, just completely stop touching yourself unless you gotta pee or shower and absolutely no porn. Give it a few weeks and you should be getting regular erections, have some patience with this.

Disturbed_Aidan · 2021-03-14T00:37:15+00:00

I don’t understand.

Can’t you just masturbate or get her to give you a blowjob or something to get hard?

Or go down on her, whatever gets you going.

Mortician69 · 2021-03-14T10:34:05+00:00

You're lame that's all. You seem to have an excuse/answer for everything. I think there's something You're not telling.

aughcavan · 2021-03-14T00:39:57+00:00

[permanently deleted]

thickbootyeater · 2021-03-14T01:23:07+00:00

Start with r/semenretention

Go for it.

MartenR · 2021-03-14T01:33:21+00:00

I will give you two answers, the answer I would like and the answer I would need but don't like. I personally get lots of great results with 12hour X-TREME by Biogeneric. It's expensive but it works for me.

But the answer I would need, go talk to your doctor. It doesn't seem normal that you are having this many problems...

rundatbul · 2021-03-14T02:45:56+00:00

If all else fails, gas station pill from the Arabs. Thank me later.

racyLacy456 · 2021-03-14T01:25:52+00:00

By any chance have you been on or currently taking any type of anti depressant meds? Because I know of a few male people who had either been on or were currently taking antidepressants/anti anxiety meds and im talking young men in their 20's and some of these meds have that side effect of not being able to get an erection.

This_is_Vokra · 2021-03-14T01:39:49+00:00

Not a doctor but I've heard horror stories about dudes that have 1 or two instances of their dick not working and it fucks with their heads for weeks/months. A good thing is that it usually sorts itself out and doing nothing including dick pills is the usually answer.

Sorry to hear about this bro

Killz4Thrillz954 · 2021-03-14T01:48:03+00:00

Maybe have a drink (not a lot) to take the edge off and ask your doc for a different pill to try. It’s definitely mental and once you break past that barrier you will be fine

rivetcitymayor · 2021-03-14T02:00:43+00:00

It’ll go away on its own, from your comments it seems like you are healthy, I go through periods where I’m not horny at all that lasts for weeks, it’s none to worry about

laggerzback · 2021-03-14T02:00:52+00:00

So, this is another question: Do you take antidepressants? Or do you have a history of high blood pressure?

Believe it or not, when taking antidepressants, some cause you to have changes in your sex drive.

Even then, that sounds like your girl really likes you and its still good that u two still enjoy being intimate with each other even if you cant have sex. Definitely don’t let that get you down because its still a big win if you get that person who loves you for you.

Algo2Pete · 2021-03-14T02:26:54+00:00

Try implementing one of your fantasies on her. Imagine you're banging your favorite porn star.

I get a boner while sleeping. I wasn't having an erotic dream or anything to that nature. I toss and turn in my sleep then I noticed a boner. Happened quite often.

RomanBathSalts · 2021-03-14T02:45:13+00:00

sleep w her and wake her up when you get hard. Might be later at night, Might even be the next morning

skaag · 2021-03-14T02:57:55+00:00

The mechanisms between Tadalafil and Sildenafil are different. I recommend you try a Viagra first, with a new women you’re still getting to know. After a few encounters you can stop taking them, and your erections will be fine.

Cheek_Slap · 2021-03-14T03:14:30+00:00

Have you tried ashwaghanda?

JambiChick · 2021-03-14T03:25:34+00:00

Ok so I read through all the comments. I also read your previous post stating that you met this girl at a pub, she approached you, one thing lead to another and you all ended up in a dark corner with the intent to have sex, but you couldn't get hard so you gave her oral instead...in the back corner of a pub.

So one thing I'm noticing is the setting. The first time with this girl, you're in the back corner of a pub and this time you're on a bed...not sure if this is your bed, her bed, the bartender's bed lol...if it's anywhere other than your own bed then MAYBE it's a setting thing. When it comes to sex, especially when you're newer at it, it's much easier to relax when you are in a familiar environment. Also, add to this an environment where you know there will be no disruptions(like getting caught, being seen, a roommate knocking on the door, being late for class so you keep watching the clock, etc.)

Another thing I can't wrap my mind around is how this is a very sensitive topic that's clearly messed with your mind, so much in fact that you said IF this girl were to spread this info & ruin your reputation you'd be destroyed...and yet, you go back to the same girl from the same area of town and expect your dick to work..??

I mean, that is a TON of pressure & a HUGE potential for loss that all depends on 2 not-so-reliable factors:

The future actions of some chick you met in a bar who was willing to f*ck in a dark corner within hours of meeting you(not shaming here, just saying trust hasn't been established)
Your dick getting hard(something you seem to have no control over rn)

You're putting your reputation in the "hands" of these 2 very unreliable sources and hoping for the best so it's not hard to see why you can't get hard.

My suggestion would be to stop with this girl. She might be beautiful or whatever, but come on, if you're in good health & attractive like you claim, there will be others. It doesn't sound like you've built anything with the girl so yeah, start a clean slate with someone else. That automatically gets rid of 1 out of 2 of the stressors. I would also suggest finding a girl that isn't affiliated with your group or even your school possibly. It sounds like you need to build some trust with someone first in order to have a chance at feeling comfortable enough to get out of your head.

Specfox · 2021-03-14T03:27:42+00:00

I would consider talking to your doctor. Get some blood work and make sure there is not a medical reason for low libido and ED. Usually we say ED is psychogenic if you CAN get erections (such as in the mornings). But if you are not really having those like it sounds you may be, a medical exam could be useful. Testosterone check would be warranted for sure. A lot of people are giving great advice for the mental aspect. I'd just emphasize not to take it hard on yourself. A lot of guys experience this and girls so understand.

Upset_Ad_136 · 2021-03-14T03:35:07+00:00

either really bad performance anxiety but you said you weren't anxious. Get some blood work and see if you have low test and if not you just have ED

TheNewbornStory · 2021-03-14T03:45:30+00:00

Sounds like it might be a medical issue. You should probably see a doctor. If it’s not medical, then it’s probably psychological. Trauma can affect this or maybe your sexual psyche is just atypical. Nothing wrong with that. You might try exploring your sexuality on your own or with someone you trust. Not exactly saying “Hey, maybe you’re gay” but everyone has things they like and don’t like and everyone enjoys different sexual dynamics.

Sex is all about trust. In my experience, I found that I couldn’t really be comfortable with someone else until I learned to know myself. So get to know yourself! Get to know what gets you off with yourself first and then you can be confident in sharing that with a partner. Hope this helps. Good luck!

sagentp · 2021-03-14T03:49:42+00:00

Have you spoken with a doctor? There are a lot of medical reasons that could be the issue. I went through something similar. All of the tests came back normal, but clearly something was not. Eventually, my doctor found a tumor compressing a nerve. The whole thing took years. You have to keep them looking.

Thesinglemother · 2021-03-14T04:05:51+00:00

I want to say a few things, medically speaking, if it even was a problem with masturbaition, your libido would had spiked during areas like work, or on random. Build up several things occur like testosterone and if it was a problem being more turned on would naturally occur! But what im concerned about is low testosterone. Which can happen over stress, but even in that case you seem young. Have you gotten your levels checked?

aludor · 2021-03-14T04:21:16+00:00

Lay off the nicotine and do cardio everyday. Ecigs and dip fucked me up for sometime man.

Sunshine2080 · 2021-03-14T04:32:49+00:00

Are you heavy? Have blood pressure issues? Sleep apnea?

Openexpress · 2021-03-14T05:10:47+00:00

Anyway, hope u get your libido up soon

ZigZag80D · 2021-03-14T05:50:05+00:00

Are you 30+ and live a sedentary lifestyle?

setmefree42069 · 2021-03-14T06:02:14+00:00

Are you using condoms? I’ve found if I’m having trouble and I rub my flaccid penis on her vagina I get erect pretty quick then I just put it in and fuck.

thismodernleper · 2021-03-14T06:58:49+00:00

Take viagra or cialis first time with women. Knocks out any nerves and makes you an absolute beast.

McPoyal · 2021-03-14T07:19:07+00:00

Microdose mushrooms.

Drastically change your diet. Get lots of maca powder.

Take knock off boner pills.

Take horny goat weed and some niacin.

Go see a shrink.

Get into wim hof methods.

Read The power of now by eckhart tolle

bigbellys · 2021-03-14T08:13:04+00:00

DM me i’ve been dealing with something similar for about 18 years I can shed some light to help

MonxtahDramux · 2021-03-14T08:22:46+00:00

Learn to exercise and push hard things even if it's your body weight by doing push-ups. A boost in testosterone will get your little man boinking.

nomadiclives · 2021-03-14T08:22:57+00:00

Pretty convinced this is porn/masturbation related. You might wanna google “Your Brain on Porn”, especially as you claim viagra didn’t help at all. Once I read through that stuff, I could never really go back to porn.

Second - try to divert your brain from thinking about this stuff getting around. I understand your fear and it isn’t irrational at all but thinking about this is going to become a catch 22 situation. If you have friends you trust, tell them about this incident and laugh it off - for me sometimes it helps to laugh at my own embarrassing moments - it takes the power away from the embarrassing moment itself.

throne_deserter · 2021-03-14T08:34:06+00:00

Don’t think what the girl would think.
Don’t think you would be less of a man if the Johnny didn’t get up.
Build up your confidence by going out with girls who you don’t think are the prettiest.
When there is nothing physically wrong, it is definitely the psychological. Two weeks isn’t a whole lot of time for you or anybody to regain their libido so, as another comment said - hold on.

BlancheCorbeau · 2021-03-14T10:05:29+00:00

Don’t be obsessed with getting hard. Go down on her until she’s wiped out, or you’re ready for action.

If you haven’t had medically diagnosed ED issues in the past, lay off the pills, too. They can wreck your ability to perform without them.

Bring a really nice dildo if you are (or she is) super penetration-focused... but honestly these issues can be a blessing for women, who rarely get enough attention paid to various forms of foreplay. Work on those, and leave the rest to fate.

If you’re still having trouble after a few more weeks, try sex with someone new and/or see a doctor.

hob814 · 2021-03-14T10:48:31+00:00

There is a way but not sure how much it can help, so before try quiting porn for more than a month or so. After that there is a way in a book called "no more mr nice guy" the same way is also found in "models" but the one in the first book is explained much better and further and if i remember correctly it was chapter 8 or 9 in "no more mr. Nice guy"

muon-for-eons · 2021-03-14T11:51:23+00:00

Have you tried seeing a doctor?

HunkSeven · 2021-03-14T15:18:07+00:00

When i was young, 18-22 years old, it happened many times. it didn't matter if they were beautiful or not, my dick simply didn't want to wake up. From my point of view it's only a matter of experience, yes i know you surely had a lot of girls but i'm talking in terms of age. Every friend of mine who had the same problem saw it disappearing with age, so don't stress too much about it.

What you can do right now is:

stop smoking weed (idk if it works, worked for me, might aswell try)

excercise regularly

stop watching porn, don't stop jerking off and don't jerk off speedrunning to the ejaculation or you will do the same in bed, do it when you have all the time but even once a day is ok

understand what you like, this is the most important part. Wheter you like to dominate, be dominated, ears, foot(ewww) or whatever just find what really turns you on. Do it and concentrate on the feelings.

concentrate on her and the situation, the outside world doen's exist, you are excited because you are going feel super good

semi boners becomes full boners in the pussy, vital for round 2

c2kink · 2021-03-14T15:24:52+00:00

I’d like to say that sex isn’t all about PIV, when in bed there are lots of sexual things you can do to each other that feel so good. Focus more on those things, kissing, touching, licking etc

TrickyDistribution2 · 2021-03-14T15:34:20+00:00

get your Testosterone tested, total, free and shbg.

DanielHoestan · 2021-03-14T16:40:12+00:00

Hello, this might help as I had the same problem with my current gf.

It’s all in you head. And right now Im sure that you’re looking for answers on the internet as well.

What You’re going through right now is that theres an evil voice in you head saying “its gonna fall, its gonna fall aaaaaaand its down! Touchdooown”

At least that was my case. Anyway, imagine what this voice looks like. I imagined him as this smoking purple monster humanoid with yellow eyes and a red suit.

I took some pen and paper and drew him to my best abilities. Then I went for a nap and imagined myself beating the absolute shit out of him. Then I cut his head off. After this, I took the drawing and I burned it.

This for some reason helped me because I gave my issue a life form and I killed it.

That same day, my gf went down on me and I literally came in 1,5 minutes! It was great!

Good luck!

Title	Couldn't get hard - again - with a wonderful girl
Author	aughcavan
Upvotes	305
Comments	208
Date	March 13, 2021 11:55 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/m4ivek/couldnt_get_hard_again_with_a_wonderful_girl/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/couldnt-get-hard-again-with-a-wonderful-girl.1511069 https://theredarchive.com/post/1511069

Comments