Got dumped after 4 dates - met on Hinge

Klutzy-Painting885 · 2026-05-27T17:51:03+00:00

Sometimes you just lose. Sorry man.

OpinionThink481 · 2026-05-27T18:31:26+00:00

just because a woman is not compatible with you doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. You can’t and shouldn’t try to force compatibility that isnt naturally there. Your job is not to get a woman no matter what, your job is to filter women who deserve to be with you and let go of those women that don’t think they deserve to be with you.

richtofen_1 · 2026-05-27T18:01:50+00:00

Same thing happened to me over the course of 6 weeks. Started hanging out almost every single day, and as we got more serious, she started really thinking critically about things and realized we might not be compatible. Totally sucks as I really liked her. At this point im working on myself a lot and trying to make sure this never happens again to me. For me, it’s more about becoming more mature and long term dependable and less of the “fun guy”. Not sure what the reason is in your case, but sometimes it’s not even your fault. She might have not been feeling a spark or something.

AlCastIt · 2026-05-27T17:52:15+00:00

Got to keep trying. It might not be a you issue, might be a her issue. Either way you will never know, and that is ok. The sooner you shake it off and get back out there the sooner you can find your person, or people.

tajbinjohn · 2026-05-27T18:24:17+00:00

You may have gotten too invested too soon. Sorry man. Try to circle back in the Fall if you still care too though

Broad-Cranberry-9050 · 2026-05-27T18:03:54+00:00

sometimes you did nothing wrong and the other person just isnt feeling it. Just keep moving and hopefully someone you matches you better will come along.

Visualize_ · 2026-05-27T18:41:29+00:00

Rejection doesn't necessarily mean you did anything wrong, it's all just feedback that she is going a different direction based on what she values and there's nothing wrong with that. I had a girl cancel the day before the third date to say she wants to cancel because she is moving forward with a different guy instead. Instead of me thinking I did something wrong or me trying to compare myself to this guy, objectively the rejection just meant the other guy was a better fit and it's never personal. That doesn't mean you can't reflect and think of stuff that could have been improved, but the key thing is to just be excited to use those findings for the future instead of using it to regret the past.

I guess the "key" to avoid feeling super bad about it isn't about tangibly having a huge roster, it's simply having the confidence that you will eventually attract another great woman out of the millions of options out there, and also being excited about that. I wouldn't try to fight feeling the disappointment and sadness, the more you try to run away from those feelings, the longer you are allowing it to actually be locked away in your mind. You want to allow the emotions to flow through you instead.

PlayaNoir · 2026-05-27T21:16:32+00:00

She's just not into you, you got laid, keep it moving and remember, radio silence, no calling or texting.

Dana_myte · 2026-05-27T17:50:01+00:00

Why didn't you smash her in the car?

mv2500 · 2026-05-27T18:43:11+00:00

You’ll probably never get the real answer/reason. Just a cliche excuse such as “being intentional”. At both your ages, that’s a shitty excuse and likely bs, because I’d imagine most people in mid to late 30s are dating intentionally

vertascend · 2026-05-27T18:56:02+00:00

Don’t beat yourself up buddy; it’s not a you issue… thing is… it’s a 2026 thing, it’s no longer about long term goals nowadays, it’s about pleasure and feeling 100percent rollercoster ride every single time, the moment the feeling dips, she dips, it’s about instant gratification and a whole lotta bs…..so you have to go into things with an open mind in this day and age; you’re 39, things have changed quite a lot especially in the dating realm since you were in your 20s, I’m 34 and have realized this too having approached thousands of girls

Clear-Rest-988 · 2026-05-27T19:11:55+00:00

She needs to always have the feeling that she likes you a little bit more than you like her, otherwise they lose interest. If you start to feel that shifting it's best to hang back and let them come to you more or become a little bit less attached/outcome dependent.

I'm not saying that's the reason necessarily but it is a common trap to fall into.

Altruistic-Patient-8 · 2026-05-27T18:29:05+00:00

I wonder what these incompatibilies really are. Youre able to tolerate alot of crap when you like someone, so I question her true level of attraction to you. Its good to have foresight about potential issues, but seems she didn't care to try and talk about them. Oh well.

SnooMarzipans583 · 2026-05-27T19:01:17+00:00

Did you guys have different long term goals? That’s what it sounds like it is. If you had great chemistry and aligned goals, most likely reason for her message is that her ex texted her.

thai-rhone · 2026-05-27T23:30:35+00:00

Not much loss if she's 34F. It's kind of funny that you had sex on the 3rd date but not 4th. For me once a partner is sexual, all meetings following are at my house, with the occasional going out to eat

shinbreaker · 2026-05-28T05:55:16+00:00

Ha had a similar situation. I (47M) matched with her (42F) on Hinge in late January, started dating in February. First two dates were fine with the conversation and so on, but didn't get physical which was fine. Third date took her to a nice dinner and drinks, and we finally had a makeout session right outside of her apartment. Fourth date took her to a show, had drinks after, made out outside the bar, in the Uber to her place and outside of her place again. Fifth a little fancier dinner than some drinks again and another makeout session although this time I'm really feeling her up all over but still not much more that.

Then finally comes the sixth that which happened after a few cancellations on her part to where I'm about to just call things off. She's dog sitting and I meet up at a bar across the street from her place. She's talking with a friend and she's just crying and didn't even notice me. I'm picking up pieces of the conversation and there's some talk about "him" and not sure who could that be. I back off, head to the bathroom, text her that I'm here, and she finally sees me, I meet up with the friend who leaves. Chick says she needs to walk the dog real quick, she leaves, changes, and comes back to the bar where I'm at, where we snack a bit and then start kissing at the bar. She stops herself a bit and says something like how she's scared but doesn't really expand on that. We go across the street and go straight up to her place where the dog is waiting. We do a quick walk around the block for the dog, come back and she's all over me. I take her to the bedroom, making out, go down on her, make her cum twice and unfortunately, during this whole time, the dog is at her door barking because he always sleeps on her bed when he's over. She gets up while I'm in bed with my junk hanging out, she does a little moving around of stuff and trying to get the dog to stay outside but doesn't work, and she's doing that thing where she's getting a little frantic and stressed. So I have her lay down to me, I calm her down a bit, and I stand up, get her in the right position, and the dog is just right on my ankle, and mind you, I'm allergic to dogs. I figured I'll end it here, I've done what I think is plenty so that next time I'm good to just go at it.

I head out of town, we're flirty over text and she's been out with friends, doing a little drinking, so she calls me up a little drunk and start playing with herself saying what she wants me to do to her next time we're at a bar. I get back in town, I make plans right away with her and tell her to wear something to do what she wants like a good girl.

And then the next day I get the text that she's just not feeling it for the long term and called it off. I don't know if ramping it up sexually like that was a bit too much for her or that we never had a deep conversation about what we want because frankly, she's a really bad communicator and we just never had a quiet place to talk things out.

It really bummed me out when I look at everything but I just so happened to match with two other chicks on Hinge. One gives the impression that she is just down to bang while having some fun dates while the other is really big on a relationship while also being real physical. I just had one date with each and both ended up pretty hot so yeah, that's how you get over it.

Swisstianpriest · 2026-05-28T14:37:27+00:00

This sucks, know the feeling. Went on 4 great dates with this girl and then never heared back 🙃 You win some you loose some. You will forget in a few weeks, apparently she was not good enough for you!

AlvaroUrdaneta · 2026-05-28T16:44:30+00:00

Four dates over a month is enough time to feel potential, but it’s still early enough that someone can enjoy you and still decide the long-term fit isn’t there.

From what she said, I’d take it as a real but disappointing mismatch. She didn’t say there was no chemistry. She actually said the opposite. She liked spending time with you, there was physical attraction, and things were moving. But her gut was telling her something about compatibility wasn’t lining up.

That’s frustrating because it leaves you wanting a concrete reason. You want to know what you did wrong so you can fix it. But sometimes there isn’t a clean mistake. Sometimes the person enjoys the connection, enjoys the sex, enjoys the dates, and still doesn’t feel like it’s the relationship they want to keep building.

The part I’d reflect on is your own investment. You said you probably got more invested in the prospect of it becoming real. That’s normal, especially when dating at 39 and wanting something meaningful, but it can make a one-month connection feel heavier than it actually was. Then when it ends, it feels like you lost a relationship instead of a promising start.

Give yourself a few days to feel shitty, but don’t turn this into a mystery you need to solve. She gave you a respectful ending, even if it hurts. The best thing you can do now is accept the information, not chase a better explanation.

You didn’t necessarily do anything wrong. She just didn’t choose the next step.

Feel free to message me if you have questions, dms open.

TheJTorch · 2026-05-27T19:02:59+00:00

Seems like you fell for her too quick and unfortunately didn't fuck her good enough for her to get rid of other options. Date and get to know multiple women at the same time. You'll naturally have an abundance mindset which prevents you from feeling too much for any one... Women always want what other women want.

NegotiationFar4245 · 2026-05-27T18:04:51+00:00

Wouldn't say that constitutes a dumping, but don't sweat it. Happens and onto the next one.

obersharky · 2026-05-27T19:02:08+00:00

Sounds like weak chemistry and most likely not a great experience for her when you guys had sex

AlastairXXL · 2026-05-27T19:35:41+00:00

Maybe she wanted to find out what sex was like, didn't like it and wants to make the next guy wait longer

qmffngkdnsem · 2026-05-27T19:54:06+00:00

when was the 4th date and the date the voicemail was left? the interval between the two may tell some story

MO_drps_knwldg · 2026-05-27T20:35:35+00:00

Don’t chase, move on.

videogames_ · 2026-05-27T20:59:56+00:00

Sometimes people subconsciously wanted a hookup and get scared of something with attachment implied. Avoidant personality. Better it happened sooner than later. Humans are complicated.

mantequillasexi · 2026-05-27T21:02:36+00:00

Better now than later.

Lenovo_Driver · 2026-05-28T06:28:25+00:00

It has nothing to do with you as a person. Learn from this.

Four dates is a lot

Nine_ · 2026-05-28T07:29:11+00:00

let her know you’re not going to pursue her anymore and then literally just ask her why it’s not a fit

AlastairXXL · 2026-05-27T17:58:40+00:00

Sounds perfect, get laid then dumped, another notch on the bedpost

Title	Got dumped after 4 dates - met on Hinge
Author	rchatter06
Upvotes	23
Comments	66
Date	May 27, 2026 5:46 PM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1tpcyx8/got_dumped_after_4_dates_met_on_hinge/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/got-dumped-after-4-dates-met-on-hinge.1581401 https://theredarchive.com/post/1581401

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