Keep getting “I didn’t feel a spark” after the first date

norwegiandoggo · 2024-07-22T07:30:21+00:00

"didn't feel a spark" is an all-emcompassing phrase that means "I didn't feel attracted to you" without sharing the specific reasons.

It's good you're escalating. Lack of escalation is the most common reason guys get this problem.

What do you talk about on the dates, what do you do on the dates, and where did you meet them?

Mysterious_Pickle_78 · 2024-07-22T07:10:01+00:00

Girls aren't logical. they do what their emotions tell them. You aren't stimulating their emotions enough. If she comes out on a date, it's because she is already attracted to you. This is why you need game

Much-Anywhere-940 · 2024-07-22T07:44:29+00:00

You aren't fun. If you are fun we feel a spark. Your touch has to be subtle and private first time after we spark. A kiss is for departure only with very overt signs (maybe). It's actually better to just leave after a fun high. For a woman sex is not the epitome of fun.

I know guys here are saying 'smash first date' but any woman with sense isn't going to want that and think it's manipulation even if you have a blast.

Viktor2500 · 2024-07-22T13:21:52+00:00

You're not escalating as well as you think you are. Physical stuff is good, like getting touchy with the girl, but you also need to get her in the mood for it. Push pull, make her work for it. Don't make it too obvious that you're in the bag 100 %, make her unsure. When you think about it that's exactly what she is saying. "I know you're into me and I've got you, but it's not mutual."

DaygameCode · 2024-07-22T09:43:55+00:00

I physically escalated things by putting my arm around them, holding hands, and they would only let go of my hand when I did. However, when I went in for a kiss, I got turned down

Good, so you go for a kiss but get turned down. It's likely that you are not creating sexual tension. Even if you touch a woman, creating sexual tension means behaving as if you are sexually attracted and even expressing that desire verbally. The point of creating sexual tension is buidling that polarity that gets women aroused or turned on with you.

You say you flirted, but there is a difference between saying compliments and expressing desire or acting as if you are sexually attracted. A compliment just means you are congratulating her for having good qualities but it doens't mean that you desire her.

Desire is not about congratulating for having good qualities, it's about expresisng how those qualities cause you to want her. She could have a nice smile congrats to her, but how does her smile cause you to want her? Or what naughty thing would you do with her if she keeps smiling at you like that? How are you behaving due to her smile?

Are you biting your lips in a sexual way? Are you looking to her lips in a trance-like state with a coy smile and some silence that makes the moment a bit tense? Are you looking at her body from top to bottom in shameless super obvious way to signal desire? Are you invading her personal space in a smooth manner while biting your lip insinuating desire?

It's not about telling her she is pretty, or that she has nice eyes, or that you like her dress, or any other compliment, it's about acting like an animal who is hungry and tempted to devour her (metaphorically speaking). Looking at her like a fat kid looks at a cheeseburger and even telling her directly how you can't stop having all sorts of naughty thoughts with her.

This creates sexual tension and her response to the sexual tension creates a moment where she either gets repulsed by your insinuations or stays there expecting a kiss.

HyperByte1990 · 2024-07-22T13:42:17+00:00

My personal reason for getting this lately (since I'm newly back into dating) is lack of escalation... too many lunch/coffee dates where it feels awkward to be more touchy... I'm working on fixing that. Otherwise I'm a good looking dude who's super funny and knows how to have a fun conversation.

But you're problem seems different. Are you making her laugh and having interesting convos? Are you being needy and texting her a bunch of times right after the date? Are you drinking too much on the date? Are you holding up your end of the conversation? We might need more info to help pinpoint the issue.

Also a problem I have is the girls I date are very attractive... so they have lots of options and other guys they go on dates with. "No spark" could translate to the girls you're dating are going on another date the next day and like the other dude better

Epiphanic_Eros · 2024-07-22T16:46:19+00:00

The vast majority of women you meet, there won’t be mutual chemistry. You think you’re into her because she looks good or whatever, but you’re not actually into her. That’s one reason it’s so much better to meet people in real life — you can talk with lots of people and only proceed with a woman if there’s genuine mutual chemistry.

Seductive_allure3000 · 2024-07-22T16:02:59+00:00

Bring a voltage battery with you next time

Shadow__Account · 2024-07-22T20:10:02+00:00

I think a lot of these women have so much access to dates and or are serial daters. They don’t have the capacity for a real relationship anymore, they are just gravitating towards emotions and more excitement. You can game them, sleep with them etc but when they get back home you are just one of the many guys again.

There are two options imo, either you finetune your game. More emotions more polarization more attraction creating etc and you’ll end up sleeping with them, only to break up or have it end when you run out of game.

Or you stay true to yourself and accept it wasn’t a good match and move on and this will happen a lot, but a lot of times it will be because you are dealing with broken women, that are looking for an extremely high value guy while they are quite low value themselves.

Of course analyze yourself and work on your flaws, but don’t necessarily feel like something is wrong with you because of these results.

I finetuned my game and slept with these girls and it wasn’t worth it and nowadays I try not to game too much and just be myself and often there is no spark between us and that’s fine.

Wing_Inevitable · 2024-07-22T07:28:25+00:00

Keep getting “I didn’t feel a spark” after the first date

Spark = arousal.

There in your problem. Fix it.

I physically escalated things by putting my arm around them, holding hands, and they would only let go of my hand when I did.

My war on kino continues.

This in not enough kino (if you plan on continuing down this path) and it isn’t distracted kino.

However, when I went in for a kiss, I got turned down.

Escalation problem - Too big of a jump. Which proves my first point.

Also how do you react to that ?

If you make it a big deal ot is a problem.

Before getting their numbers, we flirted and chatted for at least 45 minutes.

Longer sets don’t = solid sets. It does help with the pull but still.

Do you have any advice on what I might be doing wrong on the first date?

If you plan on sticking on the kino path .

Use more and try and distract her while doing it (like keeping her engaged in the conversation)

Make sure your steps to the kiss are in order and smaller.

straightfiyahw · 2024-07-22T16:40:34+00:00

That problem went away for me when I started kissing on the first date

McPigg · 2024-07-24T14:16:56+00:00

How do you feel on these dates? Are you relaxed, do you feel sexual tension, or are you nervous/indifferent, like its kind of a dry "going through the motions" thing when you escalate?

Dandys3107 · 2024-07-22T10:08:05+00:00

Well, big thing is about showing couple synergy and something extraordinary between you. If you are just providing her with “date experience”, there is really no point in repeating that. Seek for something magical in your interaction, which girl will naturally pursue as it may change her life experience. Create circumstances where you can extract something of high value, either from her or your side. Get carried away with a conversation and activity and stay in the moment, don’t conduct a generic date performance, it should have some deeper emotional and intellectual meaning. On the other hand, maybe these girls are just not really your match and you can’t give yourself in to the interaction?

OJSimpsons · 2024-07-22T13:35:54+00:00

Bring sparklers.

FeelLikeVoldo · 2024-07-22T13:39:56+00:00

She sees you as a friend aka not enough sexual tension.

MarkFin1 · 2024-07-22T14:06:24+00:00

Start your date with some light activity. Bowling, mini-golf etc. And if it feels ok, then go eat something. Worked for me couple of times way better than fancy restaurant dates.

berzerker5000 · 2024-07-22T20:04:50+00:00

You are probably being too needy and coming across weird. The way you describe it, you are calculating the right way to escalate while letting them talk and it’s almost as if you aren’t present enough. What I mean is, you aren’t contributing/leading the Convo you are just letting them steer it and not exciting them so you are coming in with the kiss without escalating emotionally/bulding the sexual tension first.

dont-mind-me-chillin · 2024-07-22T20:07:42+00:00

You didn’t make it exciting enough, gotta get her enthusiastic for what you’re doing/going/feeling next .

Junior-Sport7376 · 2024-07-22T20:23:48+00:00

Putting arm around her can come across very friendly if you don't do it right. Is it above the shoulder or below near hip? Are you doing it confidently? How are you kissing her or attempting to? Asking for a kiss? Taking too long to do it?

Also, A beginner tip if she is giving last minute resistance is an incredible move from the legend, Todd. When you are in a private area, tell her to close her eyes and just kiss her

incoherentpanda · 2024-07-22T23:13:20+00:00

I've gotten that a few times in the last few months. I didn't think I'd get it so often lol. I think I do ok in normal situations, but on first dates from OLD I'm not putting out the sexy vibes. I have 0 game, and on those first dates I don't really do anything seductive. I never really thought about it until I tried OLD. It's super obvious on those first dates when they aren't feeling it ;(

Kobe_curry24 · 2024-07-23T21:36:43+00:00

https://youtu.be/-sFjb6qamiQ?si=HmksLT43iKYXrxrO Watch this guy he gives good advice for getting out of your head and connecting with yourself so the woman can feel you

czfreak · 2024-07-23T23:14:18+00:00

Dont ever try to hold hands on the first date. Thats beta and needy. Dont act like you are so interested in them so fast. Be aloof and playful. I wouldnt even go for the kiss unless yall have been talking about alot of sexual shit or if its super clear that she wants it

mister_k1 · 2024-07-22T13:29:32+00:00

you aren't attractive op, work on other aspects of your game

PrinceDestin · 2024-07-22T17:26:37+00:00

You ain’t turn her on

SnooHesitations4922 · 2024-07-22T12:32:51+00:00

Do NOT do handholding until there is a promise ring involved. You do not want to imply a romantic desire for her in the early stages, or she will call up some dude to hook up that dont even like her.

When a woman says "I didn't feel a spark", she is telling you that you were more interested in her than she was in you, hence you weren't polarizing and left no room for her to chase.

Cruxito1111 · 2024-07-23T02:55:46+00:00

It just means you are NOT on the top 5% of men. That’s it!

AmericanWomen are very promiscuous these days, they fucking easy!!! But the thing is, you can’t have a relationship with americanwomen. That’s it. You can have blowjobs and casual sex but that’s as far it will go with AmericanWomen. They reserve the relationship only for Chads/Tyrones.

I’d recommend to just get a passport and go abroad if you want a serious relationship.

Title	Keep getting “I didn’t feel a spark” after the first date
Author	EquinosX
Upvotes	66
Comments	75
Date	July 22, 2024 6:51 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1e97ppj/keep_getting_i_didnt_feel_a_spark_after_the_first/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/keep-getting-i-didnt-feel-a-spark-after-the-first.1524967 https://theredarchive.com/post/1524967

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