Laughter being anti-seductive

hunterpua · 2024-10-15T20:05:23+00:00

First of all, try to get a friend to observe you as you're flirting with a woman.

A lot of people don't realize how often they actually smile.

There's a chance that you do in fact smile when you think you don't, because a lot of the time, people only count when they're putting on a shit eating grin, not when they're smiling mischievously, seductively, or even just socially.

For example, a lot of guys don't realize that they actually smile when you tell them to make sexual eye contact with a woman.

Second, there's no wrong or right move, only a wrong or right time to do a move.

Smiling at the very beginning of an approach helps make women more receptive to it because they usually mirror you in that moment.

This is not just directed at OP but anyone who happens to read this - If you've ever gotten a lot of women looking really serious or even distressed when you approach them, odds are, that's because you had a serious or nervous look on your face.

That problem will go away instantly when you make it a point to smile when you approach.

That's one of the times when it would generally benefit you to smile.

A time when it would be helpful not to smile is actually in conversation. If it's difficult to get you to smile or laugh, you give the woman more incentive to try to impress you and win you over.

It also means that when you do smile, it's much more meaningful.

Its like in those talent shows that involve Simon Cowill as a judge. Nobody takes the other judges seriously because they shower every contestant with praise, but when Simon's impressed, there's a real impact, because he is generally unimpressed with the majority of contestants, so when one manages to win him over, you know its a big deal.

Another time to avoid smiling and especially laughing is when you make a joke.

You wanna think of humor as tension and release.

The funnier something is, the more tension is built up, the way you release that tension is through laughter.

If you're the one that laughs, you've already released the tension, making the people listening to you less tempted to laugh themselves.

I don't know the full story here but I'm suspecting that you tend to laugh at your own jokes and that's why being conscious not to laugh or smile has made improvements to your interactions with women.

LeopoldPaulister · 2024-10-15T20:34:03+00:00

There are studies related to this: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/between-the-lines/201105/study-finds-smiling-men-are-less-attractive-to-women

WhatsTheAnswerDude · 2024-10-15T20:18:01+00:00

Sweet Jesus no, if anything I've seen the opposite....women value humor or a guys that's funny WAY more than they used to.

The idea is to be subtle with it or don't push it past a certain point.

A lot of men in GENERAL do too much or say too much to the point that every further thing you say can take her OUT of things.

You said too much or went too far.

We have no context or proof of what you were like before so its hard to compare before or after.

Nonetheless my immediate assumption is that you were possibly trying too hard originally and the humor covered up your personality and didn't really show people who you actually are or kind of the more genuine side, versus this trying funny side of you.

Humor timed right or in the right moments is huge.

That being the ONLY part of you makes it very hard to know who you are or ACTUALLY connect with that vibe or energy.

Seductive_allure3000 · 2024-10-15T19:43:27+00:00

Possibly cause when you're trying to be funny, you're in your head and you're trying too hard. When you're not trying to be funny, you're actually connecting with her.

Electronic_d0cter · 2024-10-15T21:09:48+00:00

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Economou · 2024-10-15T19:30:10+00:00

Depends on what you’re looking for. I’m ok cutting my field in half if it means the women left are those that have a good sense of humor. That’s an important factor I want in people I choose to spend my time with. I’m not interested in any person with a shitty sense of humor.

With that said, using humor as deflection is a crutch or a sticking point for a lot of dudes. Or, there are dudes that don’t know how to “turn it off.” An example of this would be giving BS answers to be funny because you’re insecure about an interaction.

I don’t know why it changed your outcome with women because I don’t know you personally. But, I think it’s more important to be authentic than to hide a part of yourself. Because everything a chick validates that for you, you’re getting validated for not being you. If that makes sense.

Practical-Macaroon38 · 2024-10-15T20:03:46+00:00

I think it all depends on the chemistry that you two are having.

Personally, I have great teeth & a great smile (as I’ve been told) so I use that to my advantage, especially if it’s the first couple of seconds of meeting a new girl or introducing myself to her.

However, that’s only in the very beginning. The rest of my smiles have to be genuinely earned.

I think this helps by showing them that I have a sweet/happy side to me, but that I won’t fake it.

So, if I’m 5 mins into a 1st date & the energy hasn’t kicked into full gear yet, then not smiling has been better because I portray myself as indifferent.

A girl has to earn my attention & put in effort into the date, just like me.

If a girl is acting cold or isn’t smiling back, then I’ll try to lighten the mood, tease her a bit, ask engaging questions, escalate, but I’m not going to randomly smile just to please her.

The way that I like to think about it is that if a girl is neutral with her feelings towards you, then smiling too much will come across as needy & that you already like her way more than she likes you.

So if you’re laughing too hard at all of her jokes & constantly agreeing with her with a smile on your face, while she remains neutral, it comes off as fake.

However, if the sexual energy is strong & she’s smiling more than I am, then smiling has helped me a lot.

So let’s say that I’m 5 minutes into a date & the girl is smiling a lot while we’re both teasing each other, then I will smile more. Just don’t smile more than she does.

It’s all about matching their energy. Think about it, if she’s having an amazing time & smiling while we’re flirting or joking around together, then not smiling at all can cause you to come off as too cold or uninterested.

Also quick tip: pay attention to her eyes if she’s smiling. A genuine smile causes our eyes to crinkle & our eyelids move up. This way you can tell if she’s faking it or not.

It’s a balance act. Those are just some of my experiences.

norwegiandoggo · 2024-10-15T20:44:48+00:00

Laughter isn't inherently seductive or anti-seductive. But you mentioned that something about the way you laugh was too much or over-the-top. So dialing it back helped improve things for you.

But to use this to create an overly simplistic rule that "laughing is anti-seductive" is missing the point. You had a specific issue and you adressed that. But others may have the opposite problem. Maybe they never laugh at anything and seem emotionally stunted, too intense, or depressed. Those guys need to laugh more.

Keep in mind laughing releases tension. So when you're laughing, you're communicating "I want to release some tension". If that's coming from a place of social insecurity or anxiety - that could be unattractive. But if you're laughing because something is genuinely funny that shows social intelligence. So it's also got to do with why you're laughing. If you're laughing at her, that could be interpreted as bullying. So it's all about context, reason for laughing etc. Unfortunately, a simple rule doesn't reflect the complicated reality.

HomelessMilkman · 2024-10-16T15:48:33+00:00

Laughter is one of those things people use to 'cut tension', along with many other compulsive behaviours.

They laugh to 'fill the space'.
They laugh to 'take the edge off a statement'; you'll see this especially when guys make sexual comments, they have to turn it into a joke to be comfortable with it.
They laugh to 'avoid addressing something' and so on.

Even in comedy you don't want to cut the tension of your own statements, you don't want to laugh at your own jokes.

As always, it depends. Laughing can be healthy, but it can also be a 'crutch'; as with anything. For most people, especially those concerned about 'flirting', the 'friendzone', etc. it pays not to undermine the tension that's naturally created through the interaction. Own it.

Squali_squal · 2024-10-18T03:58:15+00:00

They say laughing can kill the tension. And sometimes smiling nervously can do the same,

FarVehicle5333 · 2024-10-15T19:41:03+00:00

Who knows, maybe it might work. Personally I feel it's too much. I like laughing, I like telling jokes. It's a nice way to break the ice. To quote the great Heath Ledger "Why so serious?". Plus I really need to hear her laugh. Cute laugh, thumbs up. Weird or cringe laugh ? Now thats something to take in consideration

tryunite · 2024-10-15T20:03:39+00:00

I could see that, laughter might dispel tension... laughing at the wrong time can be a big turnoff too

SnooHesitations4922 · 2024-10-15T20:15:17+00:00

Girls like comedy, but most dudes don't deliver it right.

Notice how professional comedians and late night hosts don't shift their emotions when delivering the punch, and they almost never laugh at themselves...as if they aren't joking at all...which makes it funnier and the comedian appear more competent.

Delivering comedy like a "class clown" is anti seductive because that lift in emotion makes it "try hard" and makes u fail interest tests.

herbdean00 · 2024-10-15T20:25:58+00:00

Being anything other than calm and collected is unattractive. So if you get too excited (extreme laughter) or angry or nervous or frustrated. It's okay to smile and chuckle just don't overdo it let it be because you amused yourself.

salutcemoi · 2024-10-15T20:37:45+00:00

I ‘m better off not smiling too much lol I think that also makes me look more mysterious

For example, I look great smiling in photos when the 📸 shot is spontaneous, but I can’t smile on demand

ZennedGame · 2024-10-15T21:03:06+00:00

There is a difference between being funny and being goofy.

Goofy is childish and unattractive, and often to gain attention.

Laughter is child-like and displays healthy regulated emotions.

Though they differ, I find that both are best in small doses, honestly.

Simply trying not to laugh - and thus neutering your own personality - to appear X way will probably end up having the exact opposite effect...

There is a difference between that and having a more stern/less "silly" demeanor.

DDDystopia666 · 2024-10-15T21:26:22+00:00

Clowns aren't generally sexy but laughter makes people feel good. I reckon you're probably smiling more than you think tbf.

Kooky-Research-1217 · 2024-10-15T21:48:30+00:00

I think m guilty of smiling too much. It’s too friendly and hence doesn’t let the sexual chemistry exist. Also m guilty of never letting conversation die. The silence is powerful, let the girl come up with something to say and in the meanwhile you make strong eye contact and seduce her, it might also lead to kissing

LegendaryZTV · 2024-10-15T23:00:43+00:00

If you’re laughing at every single joke like a school girl, it comes off as weird/awkward & worst of all “nice guy-ish”.

If something is funny, laugh sure. But if she’s just talking & the tone isn’t comedy, it’ll come off as trying to hard

This also all depends on the type of woman, some are goofy, some are stonewalls; read the vibe & go from there

fmstyle · 2024-10-15T23:09:35+00:00

life is too short to not be laughing, if a girl doesn't like it she can walk away

Sudden-Conference-65 · 2024-10-16T02:25:23+00:00

Yes. Being staid and a boring cunt is the secret 🤷‍♂️

Key-Dream2489 · 2024-10-16T09:48:02+00:00

I disagree, humour has served me well in seduction. Moderate smiling helps to break the ice during approach and mid-conversation. The trick for me is to use it sparingly especially at the beginning. It's better to let her know who you are before you start letting loose with the jokes. A joke can be a great opener when done right. It can also backfire if ill timed or inappropriate.

I find that humour works best as an icebreaker or a way to come up for air. The latter refers to when you're diving deep into serious conversation topics and you find it going too deep.

A humorous observation can bring both of you back up before you dive deep again. It really works when getting to know a woman in depth. You can gain seriously useful insights into her life without stifling her.

If used to much, smiling comes off as fake, a manifestation of insecurity and submissiveness. Too many jokes and you come off as a clown.

great_account · 2024-10-15T20:46:56+00:00

Being funny is very very very seductive. If you think telling jokes is getting you worse results, you're just not that funny.

Title	Laughter being anti-seductive
Author	Sharp-Safety-9260
Upvotes	82
Comments	42
Date	October 15, 2024 7:17 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1g4fvh8/laughter_being_antiseductive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/laughter-being-anti-seductive.1533594 https://theredarchive.com/post/1533594

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