Rejection.

KilgoreTrouserTrout · 2013-04-14T15:25:48+00:00

Go out with the intention of crashing and burning. Get rejected on purpose. See hoe spectacularly you can fail.

If you do this, you can have a lot of fun with it. You'll also slowly realize that rejection is no big deal. You have to hear a lot of nos before you hear a yes. There's a lot of overlap in this with sales. The product you're selling is you.

Thepimpandthepriest · 2013-04-14T16:36:44+00:00

You are rejecting yourself.

Right now, you basically have a 100% rejection rate from women, since you don't allow yourself to even try. It's like the Wayne Gretzky quote about missing 100% of the shots you don't take.

Besides, you'll soon hook up with a hottie and your confidence with go up, leaving you feeling dumb for ever having felt this way.

angel_headed_hipster · 2013-04-14T18:58:46+00:00

A more import question I haven't seen asked yet.

Do you like you?

If you were a girl, would you date you?

What do you have to do to turn yourself into a guy that you would date?

Once you turn yourself into a guy that you would date, it becomes more a question of "she's not my style" vs. "she doesn't like me".

igacek · 2013-04-14T19:41:20+00:00

My friend sad this to me the other day and it stuck with me. "Seducing women is like baseball... You only need to average .300 to be a hall of famer. That means only three out of ten. To get there, you need to start swinging. Sometimes you'll strike out, other times you'll hit a homerun. In either case, you can't sit there and watch the pitch, you need to start swinging". I know he worded it better, but it helped me and my fear of rejection.

CluEleSs_UK · 2013-04-14T17:49:41+00:00

You won't be having any less sex with them if you try.

Mo_Lester69 · 2013-04-14T18:22:49+00:00

i was in a similar situation once upon a time. It has way more to do with your general life than just picking up girls. i know everybody says this, and i didn't understand until it happened to me. Find peace with yourself. Accept who you are, and then have an idea of how you want to be perceived. Think like the person you'd like to be. GO man, just go. Take shot with your brodies and then fuck it who cares man. your the protagonist in your own story of life. sometimes, i say fuck it, and i'll do something just for the story, because its all about the story man. its all about the experiences to look back on.

I like to just have fun with em. Never try to get laid. Let those broads know that you are a man who knows what you want from life (realx, no one really does) and walk like you have a purpose, even if you dont.

get some eye action and just say something. anything. say something funny, formal, depressing, tell her a fact, i don't know god damn it but talk.

yes, its at your core. Come to terms with yourself sober and outside of the whole social scene and then you'll be awesome. Someone doesn't like you? thats what you think, and if they don't, who gives a shit? who cares?

stay gold ponyboy

PimpinLarge · 2013-04-15T01:08:07+00:00

The #1 problem is caring what THEY think, instead of caring what YOU think.

As long as you let your life be run by what society tells you, you will be constantly looking to others for approval. Because you don't have a strong enough frame of reference, and can't decide things for yourself.

So, the first thing you have to do is to build trust in your own judgment. As a man, you have a huge advantage in logical thinking, so use it and apply it to her actions.

One of the biggest disservices society does to you is that there's this emphasis on consensus that tricks you into replacing your perfectly sound observations and evaluations with what other people say.

"Consensus" is a subterfuge -- what it really means is, "you should let your opinions be shaped by media messages promulgated by special interest groups who want to fleece you.

Because it's easy to sway large numbers of not-very-smart people, and then use a fallacy I'm going to call Argument From Quantity to pressure you into going along with what "everyone else THINKS", when really what they "think" is whatever dogma was injected into their heads by someone with a selfish agenda -- some type of authority figure that wants to exploit others to aggrandize himself.

There are a million examples of this writ large, but the key in this context is that you have been conditioned to ignore your own knowledge and believe what someone else SAYS, when you can see perfectly well it isn't the truth. "Who are you gonna believe, ME -- the self-proclaimed authority figure -- or your own lyin' eyes?"

When you form a judgment about a woman, your conditioned impulse will be to submit it for her approval, because you want consensus. Bad move. Women are as unrealistic about themselves as betas who put them on a pedestal. They will deny things that you have them dead-to-rights on. They will claim things that are completely false. They do not have this concept that they need to be congruent with their claims and their behavior, or their promises and their actions.

So there's no point in telling them what you really think. If it's negative, they will object and argue and cry and try to pressure you to change your own opinion, as if pressure can revise history. If it's a glowing review, they will be pleased inversely with the square of how easy it is to get a compliment out of you. But any positive thing you say, they will take on as evidence that they are superior (to you). So it only encourages degenerative behavior.

Likewise, if they can bully you into changing your opinion, they will also regard you as inferior. They will not appreciate that you are a thoughtful or magnanimous person. They are hardwired by evolution to ONLY respect that which is greater than them. Your physical strength. Your mental fortitude. Your intelligence. Your unwavering belief in yourself.

You have to understand that being a man is like being a celebrity with fairweather friends. If you lose your mojo, they will hop off the bandwagon.

People don't want to "be there" for you, they want to hop on a train that is already going somewhere WITH OR WITHOUT THEM.

Think about your favorite sports star. Now imagine he sucked. Still a fan? Of course not. You only "like" him BECAUSE he is SUPERIOR. Just like you only like HER because you perceive HER as superior in attractive qualities. If a woman gets fat or turns ugly, do you still find her irresistible? Didn't think so. You might tell yourself you like her because of various other qualities about her. In reality, you don't like her because of her other qualities, you like her other qualities because she is physically attractive first, which made you receptive to the rest.

Women are attracted to dominant men. Period. Society has screwed them up by telling them it's "wrong" to be submissive, that "everyone should be equal!", but sexual attraction exists where there is a DYNAMIC, not a flatline. All these middle-aged women who were raised on feminism spout off these talking points by day, but you know what they were all getting off on last year? Fifty Shades of Grey, being tied up and dominated sexually.

Women are attracted so long as you have the upper hand. So long as they have to work for your approval. So long as you are NOT DEPENDENT UPON THEM. Sorry, they are not there to fulfill you emotionally or make up for love you didn't get as a child. YOU have to do that. What they are programmed to do by nature is pop out and raise offspring, and the last thing they want is for the man to become a big kid, another child she has to raise up.

This means you have to supply your OWN approval for yourself. Like a celebrity who thinks they are hot shit, regardless of what pundits think.

It's a sad, miserable existence, if you as a celebrity are dependent on the adulation of the public for your self-esteem. Likewise, it's a sad, miserable existence if you are dependent on APPROVAL FROM WOMEN for your self-esteem. Because as you know, the shit they respond to is largely sociopathic personality traits.

Women are highly attracted to danger and dangerous situations. Think about it: Would you go to a party full of gay men that you knew wanted to fuck you, and get blackout drunk? Of course not, you'd know that was an invitation to an ass-raping.

Yet teenage girls and twentysomething women will go to frat parties and get blackout drunk around groups of guys they know will fuck them, and then of course it's never HER fault. "It's rape culture!" And there are certain fraternities and private colleges with a reputation for rape and they ALWAYS have lots of girls turn out, not "in spite of", but BECAUSE OF the perceived danger. It's exciting.

If they wanted to be safe, they'd go to the math club hangout. But they never do. They go to the Phi Beta Rapey fraternity parties.

Girls will get into gangbangs voluntarily -- wouldn't you agree to have sex with 5 women at once? -- only to claim rape later, IF people find out and are "ruining her reputation". It's part of the Anti-Slut Defense.

So what you have, in reality, is a privileged, psychopathic person who lacks a moral compass and simply does what her gonads tell her to, and what she can get away with. She will think nothing of throwing you to the wolves in order to save herself.

Now, biologically, there are reasons for all this. But understanding why someone turned out to be a bad person does NOT make them a GOOD person.

Bleak as this sounds, why would you EVER want one? That's right, you wouldn't. Not if you are looking reality square in the face.

That's where "love" comes in. You LOOK at a girl who LOOKS attractive, and IMMEDIATELY your brain starts filling in this template of what a wonderful person she is. THIS IS A TRICK.

To prove it, look at an unattractive girl. Notice how you do NOT instantly start imagining what an angel she is.

This is your own self-delusion, which is probably an evolutionary emergency adaptation to compensate for how shitty women are. Sure, you could say men are shitty too, but everyone knows that, right? It's not shocking. But saying anything bad about a glowing (not sweating) angel, gasp, you misogynist! For holding them to the same standard as other human beings!

Yet you NEED this self-delusion of how amazing she is, in order to trigger the cascade of happy chemicals, controlled by your subconscious. And here's the rub: The more attractive they are, the more you will give a shit what they think, and the more you will be concerned about rejection.

It is TRIVIAL to "win over" an attractive woman, as long as YOU are not attracted to her.

Check out this report from /r/nofap:

http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1cbqj8/im_pleased_to_announce_my_superpowers_finally/

With the huge influx of people, the three of us grew to roughly 10. One of my female friends from class walked in with two of her attractive female friends, so I was naturally eager to go meet them. All three good looking, with one extraordinary blonde girl who immediately walked up and gave me a hug as her introduction. I actually felt a little silly because I stuck my hand out for a handshake. Haha.

Fast forward an hour and things with the blonde girl are going extremely well. We've been playing 2 vs 2 pool, and we had been doing pretty well. (It's always easier to be happy when you're winning) This is the point at which things started to get interesting. We were having a good time, flirting back and forth, innocent brush of the hand here, squeeze her body up against me here. Enter: brunette girl.

This is a girl I've known in the past, and while she's great, I'm just not interested in her in the slightest. Well, she decided it was game on and decided she was taking me home no matter what the cost. She was literally all over me, to the point where I felt uncomfortable. Handsy, hanging on me, wrapping arms around me, trying to hold my hand...it was nuts for a guy who isn't exactly successful with women. She emphasized how badly she wanted to take me home, and that I don't have to commit to something greater if I don't want to. I politely declined. Between the two of them, I think I now understand how women feel when they're pursued.

The problem is, she wasn't ready to let it go. The entire night she kept finding me and trying to get with me. Her friend pulled me aside, and in that childish manner, asked me if I had interest in her. I told her no, and that I'm not doing that, nor leading her on. NoFap has shown me what I want, and it is not that. That friend then started hitting on me. It was pretty awkward, as her friend then walked over. I was cornered, lol.

meat_delivery · 2013-04-14T15:20:47+00:00

You have to change your mindset. Try to talk to girls out of fun, self-entertainment, and not trying to get their approval.

I think deep down I'm afraid if a girl doesn't like me, it proves something is wrong with me.

Hate to say this, but this statement actually proves itself. I'm not the best to talk about this, but I'd say you have some big insecurities going on - for whatever reason. Actually, ask yourself what these reasons are. Okay, a certain girl might not like you, but that doesn't influence you at all. There's literally no effect on you. On the other hand, if she likes you, things can go on with her. Whatever the result is, it doesn't matter. You don't depend on girls because you are great by yourself. That's what you should think.

Also, talk to a good friend of yours about all this and ask him to motivate you next time you go out or when you get in a situation where you meet women.

Barack-Frozone-Obama · 2013-04-14T17:48:47+00:00

You've got to realize that about 70% of the time, you're going to fail getting past the initial opener and first minute of conversation, no matter how good you are. There are just a lot of girls out that aren't really into it. That said, go for it. If you have fun and bring energy, girls will much more readily accept you. But most importantly, don't feel like women are mythical creatures whose judgement will destroy your life. They're just fucking people.

When you put someone on a pedestal, they have no choice but to look down upon you.

-u/Ramwen

1nf4m0uz · 2013-04-14T17:06:20+00:00

I would seriously suggest the 100 rejection challenge. Not just girls but pretty much by anyone at anything.

This is really a mentality problem where the state of mind is controlled by no one else but you. Nothing and no one else will be able to change how you think but yourself. I used to have this problem. I guess for me, what i prioritize was the develop the confidence needed to be able to accept rejection because lets admit it, nobody in this world has never been rejected.

iwenttocharlenes · 2013-04-14T20:04:47+00:00

Some great advice in here. Additionally, two things to keep in mind: 1) use the three second rule if you have trouble working up the nerve to approach someone. Once you see someone, you have three seconds to approach. Otherwise you must cut your dick off. (there is no otherwise). 2) amp yourself up, and warm yourself up by talking to people you aren't trying to get with. Talk to the bartender, to the dude next to you ordering a drink, to the fat girl hanging out with her friends. Say hi, talk for a few minutes, get your conversational juices flowing, and then you'll be limber enough to go talk to some HBs.

SallyStruthersThong · 2013-04-14T20:41:15+00:00

Tell yourself everyday "there is no such thing as rejection, just girls with bad taste."

AlwaysLateToThreads · 2013-04-14T17:51:49+00:00

Don't let what women think of you effect your self-esteem. This is much easier said than done. I learned after multiple rejections it stung less and less. I also learned from my rejections and bettered myself as a result. Rejection can be a good thing. You either die afraid of rejection and lonely, or having been rejected multiple times but have gotten with many women. Roosh said something like he's in the top 1% of guys in the amount of times of getting rejected, but he's also in the top 1% when it comes to the amount of women he's banged. Rejection is just part of the learning process and becoming a man.

Now go forth and get rejected!

2013-04-14T17:12:58+00:00

The more you fail the easier it is. I've been slapped and I've ended conversations by calling a group of girls cunts.. trust me sometimes the rejections are the best moments of the night or even in the day.. but usually girls are way less catty and bitchy when they aren't 8 drinks deep and surrounded by 6 of there friends.

2013-04-14T18:12:23+00:00

You gotta give them the chance to give you a chance. Like others have said, you are rejecting yourself. That's the worst rejection of them all.

You need to shift the focus on to you and start looking for girls you think are cool, not girls who think you are cool.

Pussy_Crook · 2013-04-14T20:09:41+00:00

Exercise more

imstartingover · 2013-04-14T21:59:57+00:00

This thread is the closest i've come to getting out of my chair, driving downtown and just finding girls to approach.

What will it take? What will be the last straw that gets me to take action? Why is this so difficult for me? I've read all the theory, the inspirational quotes, i know about approach anxiety. All there is left for me is to go fucking do something and yet I feel like theirs some insurmountable psychological wall that has me chained to my chair and keyboard.

I'm 20 years old, I dont want to be 30 jerking off in my room having never approached a girl to say "hi, wanna go bowling."

Gamma_Male_ · 2013-04-15T01:05:04+00:00

This might help: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zro7DHqzvUc

Fenor · 2013-04-15T14:26:54+00:00

put it that way.

if go there and flirt with a girl you have 2 possibility:

she's cool and you can get a close or at least spent some good time with a new friend or

rejection

if you don't approach you only have one outcome.

rejection

wich is better? the possibility to have another chance or getting reject for sticking to your confort-zone?

bigfike · 2013-04-14T16:59:20+00:00

I know this is easier said than done and I have been in your position before, but this more than anything else has helped me:

"Who cares?"

What's the worst that will happen man? She'll say GTFO of here and that's it (and she won't do that).

Pugilanthropist · 2013-04-14T18:26:32+00:00

I see my other friends get approached by girls constantly. I wonder why this doesn't happen to me.

I think this is the most telling statement out of all of your writings.

A trap that we can easily fall into, and lord knows I've done it, is comparing our successes, or lack thereof, to our friends and wingmen. Now, competition can be healthy, it can drive us to successes we previously thought impossible but when you determine your value on the basis of others, that, my friend, is not.

Now look, we all get frustrated, and I've seen this same "I don't wanna deal with it" manifesto from a few people here. God knows I almost did the same thing. Thank heavens I didn't, because even if I haven't gotten laid since dinosaurs roamed the Earth, I'm having a far more fun time when I go out.

Here, let's be honest with each other, are your friends really getting approached by girls constantly? If they are, good for them, they hit the genetic lottery, but I highly suspect that's not the case. My suspicion is that they're the ones doing the approaching, and that they've gotten shot down a hell of a lot more times than they've scored. They may hide that from you, but that's the case for the vast majority of men.

So throw that bullshit out the window.

And let's get to the root of this thing. I'm going to ask you the same question I ask anyone who tells me this line of thought: are you happy? Are you satisfied with the life you're living? Because if you are, throw all this shit I'm saying, and Seddit, and all that, throw it in the trash, light it on fire and dance around the flames. Go out and live your life.

But if you're not, and the whole "feeling hurt" and "feeling down" leads me to believe that, then dust your shoulders off like Jay Z and man up. Because the world isn't going to suddenly change its ways to make you happy, so you've got a choice: continue to be unhappy and never face your fears, living a mediocre life that always leaves you faintly unsatisfied, or start taking action on improving your life. It doesn't have to be overnight, it's not like you need to pull Kate Upton next time you go out, but go out, talk to a girl, enjoy the interaction, if you get blown out, you get blown out, if you make her smile, you make her smile. Either way, it's a win, because all you wanted to do was just talk to a girl.

I know the choice I've made, and it ain't easy all the time, and I'm not seeing the success I want just yet, but this is a fucking journey, not a sprint, and life's too damn important to be unhappy.

SSOLM · 2013-04-14T18:30:50+00:00

What i would do is go outside with the attitude I dont give a fuck

If she rejects just think, you cant make everybody like you(High School Days) OR that didnt go well but i dont care they are other girls here and maybe i will not see her again in my life

The main reason to do that is to better yourself and not get depressed and try to have fun dont take everything seriously

Rockitface · 2013-04-14T19:59:12+00:00

Use a wingman to hold you accountable.

Entrospection · 2013-04-14T23:53:23+00:00

I've recently come into my own over the past year or so, socially speaking. I've got more friends, both male and female, than I've ever had, and there are multiple reasons for the changes in my life, but I think there's one tidbit of advice that I constantly remind myself of that might help you.

You are scared of girls rejecting you, you have low self esteem. I was the same way. So try and remember this...

GIRLS DON'T HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT.

I used to think of girls in terms of their sex. I would think all girls like this or that, all girls expect "X" all girls blah blah blah..

This is a horribly detrimental mindset. GIRLS CAN BE JUST AS SCARED OF YOU AS YOU ARE OF THEM. They have insecurities and hopes and all that jazz that you have.

So, when you're out on your new mission to get rejected by lots of women remember that they are also a unique individual and not the a "gender stereotype"

Hope this is helpful, it was hard to put into worlds.

magicroot75 · 2013-04-15T00:43:02+00:00

I think the "approach" mentality creates a bit of a contrived feel to the situation. Think of it more as running into cute girls throughout the night. As they enter your world, you engage them. They can either choose to stay, or leave. But it's your world, not theirs that comprises your evening. As long as your world is one of joy and fun, you had a great night.

2013-04-15T00:43:51+00:00

I'm not really a fan of fortune cookies and the messages they say. That said I do have a fortune from one in my room that resonates with game very well. It says "If you can't accept losing, you can't win." Stop waiting for women to approach you. That is a losing strategy as most women are 10x more scared of rejection than you are. Rejection is a lot better than regret, which IMO is what you're experiencing.

You approach a girl and she doesn't want to take things further? The hell with her, she's losing out. Now that's not to say you shouldn't be taking hard looks at yourself at times, but that's the mentality you need to have. We all go through periods where shit seems hopeless and nothing will ever go right, but you have to keep pushing hard. You will be rejected a lot more than you succeed. And most of the time the rejection will not be harsh at all. Also it's nothing personal as the reason behind it could be one of many that you have no control over.

Keep pushing man. The game ain't going to reward you for whining and wanting to quit.

Awfultyming · 2013-04-15T01:36:49+00:00

Get up go out side, find the closest bar and order a triple Wild Turkey (101 proof if they have it). While sitting and drinking think about this; if you dont get over this fear of small rejection, the rejection that happens for a few minutes because some girl has a boyfriend or some other excuse, the biggest rejection of all will happen. That rejection is where YOU reject all the wonderful things life has in store for you because of the fear brought on by social anxiety. Most importantly (i know this was an advice mallard at one point) if you haven't been rejected lately, YOU AREN'T ASKING ENOUGH PEOPLE OUT. It is just part of the game, like a penalty box in hockey or an extra 5 seconds before you respawn because you killed yourself.

skeddles · 2013-04-15T02:52:24+00:00

http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ccpls/the_fear_of_rejection_it_can_be_broken/

roodninja · 2013-04-15T03:02:56+00:00

Average looking, good build, and living in Southern California.

The worst I've ever had it.. I said, "Hi", to a good looking older woman and she said, "Please." Then she walked away and I thought she laughed...

... That same night, I met another really good looking woman and we hit it off. More important than her being hot, she wasn't a bitch. It was a great night and that older chick ended up hanging out with our group and watched me leave with her younger counterpart.

The point is that in the real world, everyone gets turned down. Even the guys who get with the a hot chick.

It's only the guys / girls who aren't afraid of loosing sometimes, who get what they are looking for. Failure is just a step to victory.

ShootTheRat · 2013-04-15T08:14:29+00:00

"those who dare to fail miserably can achieve greatly." JFK

limeshathrow88 · 2013-04-15T13:43:01+00:00

buck up buddy, I've been there, its not you as a person, its what you belive about yourself. Not necessarily contradictory but you have to hold yourself above all the results/rejection.

1vibe · 2013-04-16T03:20:00+00:00

Thrive on rejection!!!

Title	Rejection.
Author	tonyiommi
Upvotes	155
Comments	64
Date	April 14, 2013 2:40 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1cbrga/rejection/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/rejection.1350619 https://theredarchive.com/post/1350619

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