So I'm 27/M. Before a month ago I'd never been kissed or had a relationship. I got Tinder on a whim to use for validation for a couple of days. But everything changed when one girl really wanted to meet up and I stopped wanting to make excuses. She came over and kissed me. After this everything was different. Success was not a pipe dream, it was not cosmically impossible for a woman to feel attracted to me. If I was rejected, it wasn't because I would always be rejected. So my frame quite radically shifted.

In the past month, I've been on four dates, I've made out with three of them, and each of those three offered to have sex (I declined for personal reasons that I'm not interested in discussing). I have concrete plans with three more and vague plans to hang out at some point with two others besides. Altogether I have ten girls' numbers in my phone. While this might seem like slim pickings to some, for me- who had never even been sure if any girl had ever felt any attraction to me- this is shocking.

I get an average number of matches (around 50-100 a month, but this is with boosts and platinum) for a guy and am average looking. But what seems to set me apart and get me meeting up with girls who have hundreds of matches a day is tactful directness. I have been told spontaneously many times now how much my directness is appreciated. If we seem to have chemistry on Tinder (it doesn't take very long to figure out) I'll say something like "text me at *** so we can make our plans to hang" or "this is the part where I ask for your number."

Since chemistry is often an all or nothing thing, you can figure it out quickly. Once you feel the chemistry, there is no point beating around the bush. Whether or not you like it, girls usually (implicitly and often explicitly) expect that guys take the lead in moving things forward. Being able to integrate directness and tact is incredibly sexy- and tact means being able to feel out a vibe and go right to the edge of what's ok without crossing it. Y'all have lots more experience than me so feel free to tell me to fuck right off but this is what I think I've gained from my first month ever on the market.

I've just yesterday broken the barrier of asking out a girl I know vaguely in real life, and succeeded. For me, these are huge milestones.