So... how do you guys avoid getting girlfriends all the time?

stayunplugdmyfriends · 2015-08-05T17:55:38+00:00

Make your intentions clear. Fuck if they get upset, if you made yourself clear they should be well aware you're not looking for anything.

Definitely_Working · 2015-08-05T18:12:25+00:00

because the only reason you have to be in a relationship to have sex or spend time with girls, is because its been beaten into your head that its "the way it is". i just don't find most girls very interesting so i just don't hang out with them that frequently. but I'm still interested in having sex with most decent looking girls so sometimes thats what happens.

the reason why it seems like were ending back at square one is because most people try to latch onto someone because they are afraid to lose what they have and think their value is connected to their relationship..... i end up not being in relationships because for most girls I don't really have any attachment to wether or not they keep coming back so I'm real quick to move on and quick to be honest to myself about how i feel about them. I've been the guy who stuck with a girl way to long only to realize that i didn't really like them, i just felt like a i needed someone when we started dating, and as soon as we were in a relationship i was scared to lose what i had built up. I've just realized that 95% of girls aren't right for me beyond sex and playing around, and I'm not blinded to that fact because of the desire for acceptance.

some girls are gonna get upset though just like some guys would get upset, but an equal number of them actually don't have the burning desire to be accepted by you because they get acceptance all the time for 90% of other guys, so they will just move on. I've had more sex with girls i decided i didn't want to be in a relationship with than ones that i felt compelled to date. i feel like the odds are more in favor of NOT being a good relationship fit rather than the opposite.

puaCurveBall · 2015-08-05T18:13:19+00:00

Really false limiting beliefs here.

Why would girls get upset? Girls are down for non-exclusive casual relationships just as much as guys.

Getting a "girlfriend" requires making a commitment. So you avoid it simply by avoiding making said commitment.

What exactly is the question here? Plenty of guys are dating 3-4 women at a time, and every involved is enjoying themselves. Why does anyone have to be upset?

HappyMexican · 2015-08-05T17:52:45+00:00

Kinda wondering this too. Have almost started 2 relationships in the last year because of this.

Denver_Luv · 2015-08-05T19:31:19+00:00

Can't speak to others, but this is one answer: a lot of guys don't avoid getting girlfriends and consequently date multiple women at once. You are looking for retention.

ryan-ryan · 2015-08-05T18:06:52+00:00

If you're being a dick then you're really not doing the PUA thing right to begin with.

Honduran · 2015-08-05T17:48:29+00:00

Of course it is. Just don't make promises you know you won't keep. Simple as that.

RenegadeNation · 2015-08-05T20:48:01+00:00

this is your answer. by the man himself james marshall on this exact problem https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9owHXPPe_Q

hamfraigaar · 2015-08-06T00:16:21+00:00

A lot of people are presenting their view on life and love as if it was a universal truth. That's like saying "the cure to cancer is happy thoughts. Worked for me." I just want people to think about that. There's nothing wrong with being yourself and having your own views on life. Everybody does. It becomes problematic when you act as if that's the only way to feel about it. To me, pick up is a lot about appreciating many different women with many different views which should directly translate to also generally appreciating a lot of different humans with vastly different views.

As for me, I totally end up in relationships all the time. I spend the vast majority of my time in monogamous relationships (or sometimes polyamorous, if I feel adventurous). But I don't write field reports like: "Today I woke up next to my girlfriend and we made breakfast together. I should neg her more tomorrow."

Pick up teaches you to pick up women, but also simultaneously, as a side effect, how to develop the kind of person you want to be and relationship you want to have. When you reach that part, you fall into a rhythm where you know that person very well. Those rhythms are exactly what "game" is. So in that period, you're always on your game, because you know all of her buttons and she knows all of yours. You fit together.

Then when that relationship ends, you need to find a new girl who will never, ever be the same as your old girlfriend. That means you need to find a girl with a rhythm that suits you, who will also happen to be attracted to a certain rhythm that you feel comfortable in, and you can start all over.

But that doesn't happen over night, and in the meantime, you'll be getting laid a lot. That's what people report on, because that's when they'll constantly be either learning from experience, or needing advice on something. So that's all you will see.

For me, it starts with a period where I'll try to fall into the old rhythm with a new girl, but since they're never the same, it's not going to work out. She may be attracted to my rhythm, but I'll crave intimacy and move too fast. She will back off because I'm not listening to her rhythm - I've not yet gotten used to listening to other girls' rhythms.

Then I will realize that I need to find this "rhythm match". That's the next step. In that period, I might find something out of luck, or I'll be trying too hard to match, because since I'm no longer used to it, a lot of the confidence is gone. I'll get laid a few times. However, it's usually with girls I don't really care about. I'm just matching their level because that's what I focus on during that period.

And then the third step is where I'm fully back on game. I'm good at matching rhythms, so I can get laid whenever I want, and since I'm confident in that, I'll start demanding things from the girls I get involved with. She has to be special and I'll use a lot of time screening. During this period, I get laid a shit ton. Mostly because it's just second nature at this point, but consciously because I want to meet a lot of girls to find someone special. The funny thing is, that when you find her, you'll usually discover that what you thought you wanted wasn't actually what you needed at all.

So that happens over a few months where I'll post a lot. When I get in a relationship, I couldn't care less.

To answer your question about getting laid without getting a relationship, though: happens all the damn time! Women like sex. They're not demons that will eat your soul if you refuse to have a relationship with them. Tell them what you're looking for.

Do it fairly early on, but not too early. Early enough that she can abort the mission, but first after there is a kind of sexual energy.

When you start flirting there will usually be some sort of screening period where you'll be bouncing off each other just to get to know each other. It feels a lot like sparring with a partner in boxing. You're just sort of jabbing at each other, finding out where the other person stands and if you think it would be fun to get in the ring with each other later on for a practice match. Hopefully, this goes well, and you'll start liking each other - not necessarily as romantic partners, but because of sexual tension in the air. It can be as shallow as a case of serious interest in what's under each other's clothes, and all the way down to a deep emotional connection with another human being that's really fun to be with. When that energy is felt, that's around the time it stops being a weird thing to say, and then you have from that exact moment and up until you start seeing each other as partners.

In other words, the bomb should drop at some point between the first time you feel sexual energy, and up until the point where you start thinking "what kind of relationship do we actually have?" The first time you think that is your absolute last chance to tell her. And always, always before sex. Not all girls take sex equally serious, but if she happens to do take it seriously, then that makes you out to be the shitty person in almost everyone's eyes, even if it wasn't on purpose.

You just say it very bluntly and as it is. If she doesn't want what you want, too bad. But you'll be surprised at how many will be okay with it. If you were hanging out with a hot girl, would you suddenly refuse a proposal of casual sex?

Then you just put it bluntly, truthfully, empathetically, and with a huge emphasis on the fact that the ball is in her court and now she makes or breaks the game. If she's up for it, cool. If not, "that's too bad, but hey, you're a really cool girl and I've had so much fun with you tonight. We should definitely hang out some time." (No could mean "not right now", or she could turn out to be the greatest wing woman ever, or she could be a really cool friend that's fun to hang out with. Just because I know at least one person will read this and yell "PUSSYWHIPPED. NOBODY HAVES FEMALE FRIENDS").

But hey, take care and have fun. And learn how to filter the poison from the truth. Desperate people are willing to pay a lot of money to learn how to pick up women, so there's a lot of bullshit out there. If it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.

StompingDuck · 2015-08-05T19:54:29+00:00

That's an interesting topic and I believe I can offer some insight, as my relationships are always sex-only.
Mind you that I have a fiancée and our relationships include only girls to be our sexual partners (in threesomes).

First, "how come you guys always seem to end up back at square one all the time?". That's simple. HAVE A PLAN. If you're starting a relationship, be it a sexual one or some you wanna build something upon it, have at least a plan around the beginning. If you are seeking a sexual partner only and don't want to have a girlfriend, than don't go for a girlfriend and do not let it build up to that point. Be very clear to yourself about YOUR plan and YOUR intentions. The clearer you be with yourself, the clearer you will be with anybody else.

About the "do you actually have to commit to the PUA lifestyle?".
That's a solid NO.
See, you're seeking fun and thrilling nights, full of seduction and playing. We get it, it's helluva good to do that. But someday, maybe, you will want to build something consistent and solid with someone. Maybe you already want it but you couldn't find the right partner yet. So, IMHO, you don't have to commit to a PUA lifestyle unless you don't want to have anything else. If you want, then do not commit to that. Start your relationships with sexual partners like in PUA, and once you find someone that makes you feel very different about them and about yourself, THEN you let things build a bit to feel the reality and see if that's your kick.

Third question, "how do you do this without upsetting the girl each time?". Well, that's hard to do. See, me and my fiancée don't have an open relationship. She can't date anyone, neither do I. But together we can bring any sexual partner we want to the bed. That facilitates things a bit, BUT there were circunstancies where the girl we brought home several times believed that she was getting somewhere either with me or with my fiancée and we had to "break up" with them. To avoid this, you should try to keep the relationship as far away as possible from things you would do with a girlfriend. Late night romantic movies? Nah. Porn at the couch instead. Weekend off to the beach to camp? Hell no, weekend off to the club near the beach and motel after that. Don't treat her like girlfriend and she will not buy into the idea of turning into one. That makes it easier for them to not get emotional with you so they will not get too upset when they are "replaced". But they will, nonetheless, get upset because they will always think "why? Am I not good enough?".
The last question, how to not be a dick. Well, just try to put yourself on the situation of the girl. Invert your position with hers and see if the situation would make you call her a bitch. If so, don't do it. If you would be ok/happy about being the target of such actions you want to perpetrate with her, than you will probably not be a dick to her.

[EDIT] misspellings. Fuck this autocorrect thing of Microsoft Edge.

ShitfacedBatman · 2015-08-05T21:07:26+00:00

My trick is I don't bang women that have easy access to my place. Passion from a one-night stand is an opportunity to convert a girl into your girlfriend if you want to. If you don't want to then it will mutually fizzle out over about 7 days. But if she lives close by, it lends itself to her or you just walking over and dropping by.

If you consider women tend to "bill you" for sex, usually it's a lazy bill that arrives late and you don't really have to pay it. But if you live close to her, there's a good chance she'll drop by to try and loop you back into her world. Which is really her-seducing-you at that point, or trying to that is.

Also, if you use Facebook you should be cutting them off there too. Unfollow, unfriend, not-message, whatever you choose.

DaygameCoach · 2015-08-05T18:28:50+00:00

You decide what your goals are (serious vs casual), communicate/sub communicate them, and screen girls for compatible goals, managing expectations. I wrote about it here:

http://www.daygamer.net/2012/07/06/how-to-get-the-right-girlguy-communication-skills-101/

Walks500Miles · 2015-08-06T01:37:39+00:00

I ask myself the same question every day.

Ohuma · 2015-08-06T01:39:20+00:00

This thread is for me.

I am the opposite of you, man. I can't get a gf. I've posted on here before, but I've done quite well for myself this past year living abroad. The problem for me is that I want to settle down now, but I can't shed the hit it and quit it mentality.

For one, I am super apathetic after sex if I don't see them as a potential long-term partner. I am apathetic in terms of literally everything...their interests, their feelings...I don't want to lead her on.

This leads into the fade away. I stop texting her and will respond close-ended if she texts me.

On the first date I can usually get a feeling one way or the other whether it is relationship material. If it isn't relationship material, I try to make it strictly sexual. I avoid boyfriend/girlfriend type dates like walking in the park or going to live music. Instead, I opt to grab a beer or coffee for the first date and immediately invite her over to my apartment for a movie for the 2nd date.

I don't think this is being a dick. If anything youre saving yourself and her from a relationship that just won't go well.

Alexander_Baidtach · 2015-08-06T03:09:07+00:00

As far as I can tell from this subreddit, seduction is the means of getting into skirts with consent not developing a stable and healthy relationship. Less for those interested in deep meaningful 'love' more oriented for guys who just want free sex for 6 months. The 'Game', as it is called, is real and legitimate and being able to woo anything that moves is an art and a skill. If you want a meaningful relationship, take all advice given here up to the point of dating and then let things naturally scope out.

penismissle · 2015-08-05T19:46:48+00:00

I took the self improvement route aka inner game rather than outer game. With inner game you improve yourself. You improve your self esteem, your standards and overall life. I respect myself and know I only deserve the best.

The result of this is meeting a lot of women who just don't cut it for me. 2 years ago I'd obsess over any woman who would talk with me for longer than 20 seconds. But now, only the best will do. No mediocre women for me. Too bad my city is filled with insecure and unhappy women who resort to binge drinking and partying every day.

ohsweetword · 2015-08-05T18:57:32+00:00

Boundaries. And if she steps over them correct her. If she starts drama next her.

Always keep the wheel going.

Kvmabis · 2015-08-05T19:21:59+00:00

You don't have to reply to them, you don't have to act like you're super into them after, you don't have to call them, if they want a relationship tell them straight, "not looking for a relationship" give an excuse if you want about having a bad relationship that you just got out of or whatever women like story's

penis_sosmall · 2015-08-05T21:00:19+00:00

I think a few people have touched on it, but it's a bit off the mark. Honestly dude, do what comes naturally. Don't overthink it. When I was a senior in college... I had a couple of consistent hookups that I would talk to in varying degrees during the week. If anyone asked me what we were (the talk), I would tell them that I was graduating and I didn't want a relationship etc. (insert your line here.) a couple couldn't handle that I wasn't interested in that way and it fizzled out. A couple were doing the same thing I was and we both knew it and we were both okay with it.

Also- get good at sex. Watch videos and learn some anatomy.

SonOfTerra92 · 2015-08-05T23:49:37+00:00

That's what you get when you learn game. Its like superpowers but in today's day and age the world of indulgence, excess and sex culture.

Its all a man can do.

BeastAP23 · 2015-08-06T01:08:56+00:00

I wish people wouldnt use so many acronyms all the time on this sub like why does there have to be a code with rules to everything?

iliketurtlesdurr · 2015-08-06T02:52:35+00:00

I got a primary, and some other girls I have on rotation

AMart1901 · 2015-08-06T03:01:43+00:00

For me personally I just find myself way too picky and unwilling to settle. I subconsciously don't want to waste my time if I know she is not forever so I don't go out of my way to hangout with her again and again.

SkankingDevil · 2015-08-06T04:13:55+00:00

Straight up tell them, preferably within the first hour of a good interaction. But a man, don't lead them on. If they're into it, cool. If not, that's OK too.

magicj3 · 2015-08-06T04:20:15+00:00

Just be real bout your intentions and you'll never go wrong.

Keranu · 2015-08-06T06:06:17+00:00

I straight up tell them what i'm in for, you cant jive with that well then goodbye

ApathyTX · 2015-08-06T06:17:52+00:00

I'm a raging dick head, so I'm usually always looking for my next ex-gf or one nighter.

pickupchange · 2015-08-06T08:33:06+00:00

The more you are in pickup, the more you realise that getting girls just to sleep with them will make you feel empty and alone after a while. It's a natural behaviour to settle down with a girl we like after a few years in pickup. Who tells you something different is either cause he's lying or he doesn't get laid at all.

novaksnow · 2015-08-05T19:06:54+00:00

Cause live in abundance is the motto of the PUA comunnity.

And is a right motto cause if girls find you a needy one girl dude they reject you. And girls smell that at distance.

lyspr · 2015-08-05T23:50:20+00:00

.....ha....haha.....HAHA....HAHAHAHAHA

^collapses

betarex · 2015-08-05T23:50:30+00:00

I'm too much of an asshole, great for tingles but doesn't attract anything more than benefits

NatesFayt · 2015-08-06T21:05:21+00:00

For me, I have to put in effort to get into a relationship, more effort than simply a hookup/ONS, so I simply avoid making that extra effort and that pretty much makes my intentions clear. If she's done with me, that's fine, there's a lot more fish in the sea. Also there will be people that will think you're a dick no matter what, it's unavoidable. You cannot have everybody like you.

brujon · 2015-08-05T20:38:43+00:00

You're honest and upfront about how you don't want a relationship, aren't looking for one, and if the girl starts to get TOO clingy, you break it off.

If she STILL gets heartbroken over you, and you did everything in your power to make it clear to her that what you two have is all it's ever going to be, then it's not really your fault and you're not being a dick.

If anyone calls you a dick because of that, ask them if you should do something you DON'T WANT TO just because the other person WANTS TO. Also, compare it to rape. For the lulz.

Title	So... how do you guys avoid getting girlfriends all the time?
Author	PumpkinFeet
Upvotes	176
Comments	84
Date	August 5, 2015 5:27 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3fwcvf/so_how_do_you_guys_avoid_getting_girlfriends_all/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/so-how-do-you-guys-avoid-getting-girlfriends-all.1392099 https://theredarchive.com/post/1392099

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