I’m a recovering Nice Guy. Initially, it was an uncomfortable process transitioning from someone who deferred to others and sought approval to a new attitude of having boundaries, saying ‘no’ to others more frequently, being upfront with who I was and what I wanted.

Those of us who post advice frequently project the image that we have things figured out, that we never struggle or slip up. That’s bullshit.

The other day, I was hanging out with my girlfriend. I had a couple cups of coffee and got up to get another. Realizing that I was nearing my caffeine threshold, I asked her, “Can I get another cup of coffee?” It took a few seconds to register, but I was shocked those words came out of my mouth. I said, “Forget I said that.” and proceeded to pour another cup.

There is a distinct difference between being nice and kind. You always want to be kind in your relationships. You can be bold, edgy, have boundaries, not take bullshit and still be kind. Being nice is being deferential and weak, putting the opinions of others before your own needs. Being kind is authentic

Self improvement never ends. You will never arrive at a final destination where you never fall short or fall back into negative patterns. It’s a constant process.

Despite being a petulant weakling, the Nice Guy is the most resilient bastard in existence. He refuses to die completely. Always be aware of small actions that defer to others or seeks approval, otherwise it will slowly become your baseline behavior again.

Edit: It was at my house, not hers.