The real reason I'm afraid to do cold-approaches.

Western-Month-3877 · 2025-01-09T04:49:19+00:00

The real reason people are afraid to do cold approaches is because their brain always overthinks and self sabotages.

Even if you find out that she’s 100% alone, watch… your brain will give you another excuse “what is the best opener?”, “what do I talk about after opening”, “what if she yells at me”, “I don’t think I’m ready, I’ll do it tomorrow.”

AssistTemporary8422 · 2025-01-09T04:06:23+00:00

You can observe her for a few seconds and see if the boyfriend is around the corner. Its pretty unlikely her boyfriend will be walking far behind her.

YinMaestro · 2025-01-09T04:24:10+00:00

I feel like you are making excuses because you are scared.

Trust me. We all are the first couple of times. But even if you get rejected you feel better about approaching because you left your comfort zone.

liftingnstuff · 2025-01-09T04:27:10+00:00

"You guys look great together. Sorry to bother you. Have a good one" It's that easy

bmcapers · 2025-01-09T04:18:50+00:00

You won’t. That’s all it is, Miles. A leap of faith.

https://youtu.be/yoS74R-qKIY?feature=shared&start=33

epimpstyle · 2025-01-09T10:42:18+00:00

What if her BF is around the corner? How will he react?

How would you react if you were with your GF and a guy started talking to your GF? What if this guy is her brother / neighbor / coworker / old school buddy? You never now this unless you ask or hear their conversation.

- You are talking to a girl and a guy appears out of nowhere, but you as a socially aware person will ask the girl if she knows him. Now she will tell you it is her BF. Maybe even before her BF is close to you, the girl will tell you "I have to go, that's my BF".

- If you talk and the other person hears that you are hitting on her nothing happens because either girl will tell you "I'm here with my BF" or the guy will tell you "nice try" / "she is my gf" / "we need to leave" / "hi, do you know her?" He must be insane/drunk/high to have a direct violent reaction if that is what you are afraid of.

How can I ensure that she's alone.

You can't! After the corner can always appear someone she knows her or maybe her boyfriend is behind because he closed the car doors. However, to make your life easier, be socially aware and don't approach her if you see her with a guy - you don't need to prove to anyone how brave you are to hit on a girl in front of another guy - this is a stupid move. If she is alone or in a group of girls, you can try, nothing bad happens as long as you are also friendly, nice and polite.

gigachadmane · 2025-01-09T16:39:11+00:00

I've hit on girls who have boyfriends and husbands before, unknowingly of course! And yes, sometimes their partners happened to catch me in the act.

In general, my policy is to respectfully back off whether her boyfriend is there or not, if the boyfriend is there just make it clear that you didn't know, and compliment them as a couple or something.

Contrary to what movies and TV might make you think, most guys don't actually want to start a fight over a guy who hits on their girlfriend or wife, if anything they're trying to avoid it just as much as you are. Even when it comes to the most possessive guys who say they'd kick a guy's ass for hitting on their girl, in the vast majority of cases their bark is worse than their bite.

PleaseDontBeTakenPlz · 2025-01-09T04:22:16+00:00

Cope.

farreeddd · 2025-01-09T05:55:33+00:00

I’d suggest get some training in combat sports/ mma

You build skills, meet new people and most importantly, you’re confident that no matter the situation you can take care of yourself.

LucaCoco_ · 2025-01-09T04:42:24+00:00

What I do? I just approach. I don't care if she's alone or with someone. If he boyfriend is there and will say something to me I will deal with situation depending on his reaction. After years in game I have 100% conviction I can manager any situation like that.

elhombrevalme · 2025-01-09T05:37:40+00:00

If he was there I would walk away and maybe apologize b4 going

SquireThomas · 2025-01-09T06:34:11+00:00

Walking up to someone and talking to them politely is no crime. Just greet her, pay a friendly compliment, and see what happens. Worst that will happen isn’t that bad

tehjoch · 2025-01-09T08:43:33+00:00

Why does it matter? Shift your mindset to brightening someone's day

miyass_miyass · 2025-01-09T09:55:37+00:00

I doubt this is the "real" reason — if this was dispelled you would probably still have other rationalisations and excuses. You're afraid of embarrassment and uncomfortable situations in general. Step one is to not delude yourself about what your situation is.

FriendlyWrenChilling · 2025-01-09T10:04:49+00:00

See my post of curing approach anxiety

therealwoujo · 2025-01-09T10:36:14+00:00

I've approached thousands of girls. If she is there with a guy usually he or she will politely tell you and then you smile and leave. I have never seen a BF or husband get nasty and the only way I imagine it going south is if you continue to harass her after he makes clear he is with her or you act douchey to the guy. I personally immediately end the interaction if I find out she is there with a guy. I am not there to take anybodys girl nor do I want any problems. I have never had any situation come even close to a fight.

spacemangoes · 2025-01-09T12:05:03+00:00

Say Hi. and tell him that he's lucky, or say- didn't know you were taken and move on. or pee and him and assert dominance.

donaldcargill · 2025-01-10T04:09:47+00:00

Regret is worse than rejection

My_Pickup_Journey · 2025-01-10T08:32:37+00:00

I've flirted with girls and had the BF show up. It's never been a problem, just be chill and honest.

shathecomedian · 2025-01-10T09:51:34+00:00

I care too much about what people think, so I don't like approaching when I know there's others that can hear our fonversation

Intelligent-Roll-763 · 2025-01-10T16:45:10+00:00

I think you're being paranoid honestly. I have approached women with their boyfriend standing right there and the guy was almost supportive. As long as it's done under the radar there will be no issue. Prioritize learning how to approach indirectly or neutral as this is the sign of someone who has status (social intelligence).

Known-Student-381 · 2025-01-10T18:20:18+00:00

Most boyfriends will be chill if you're polite to them as well and gracefully exit the conversation. I'm not even interested in a taken woman.

But I'm also down to fight if he's gonna insist on it, so there's that. A man's gotta have standards.

Dependent_Jump9873 · 2025-01-11T03:57:46+00:00

Just apologize. “Oh is this your bf my bad bro I assumed she was single haha have a good day guys!” It’s an honest mistake and Hiding your intentions could make it seem creepy and If the bf is a normal level headed guy then he would take it as a compliment.

Shadow__Account · 2025-01-11T21:14:06+00:00

I don’t know why this thread needs so many replies just to tell you it’s a bullshit excuse you make.

Alternative-Ideal328 · 2025-01-13T08:11:25+00:00

Any group to play in the Netherlands. I am looking for a community of players

tehjoch · 2025-01-09T08:46:50+00:00

You could also voice your fear: "Hey, I feel nervous coming up to you like this because it feels like you have a jealous boyfriend just around the corner, but I wanted to come up to you anyway"

Loud_Contract_689 · 2025-01-09T20:02:16+00:00

What turned me off of cold approach was the cringe. Might as well do public masturbation at that point. I respect myself too much to do either of those things.

ThotBubble · 2025-01-09T17:21:12+00:00

You don’t deserve it bro let’s be real if you’re too afraid to talk to her let someone else do it

Title	The real reason I'm afraid to do cold-approaches.
Author	mebunghole
Upvotes	12
Comments	37
Date	January 9, 2025 3:57 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1hx46bi/the_real_reason_im_afraid_to_do_coldapproaches/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/the-real-reason-im-afraid-to-do-cold-approaches.1540714 https://theredarchive.com/post/1540714

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