Hi guys, I just published an article on my blog that I would have benefited of greatly while I was in the midst of my seduction high. Thought, I'd share.

As a young guy, I was convinced that getting a girlfriend before I turned thirty would be a great mistake. ‘Settling down’—as I used to call it—was for losers, those guys who didn’t have the strength to live their full potential.

You’d miss out on lots of sex. And then you’d end up deprived of sexual experience, sad, and stuck with a woman you don’t actually like.

That’s the first lie. But it’s only a small one.

The Sexual-Experience-Lie

You’ll probably get more sexual experience by being with one girl for a prolonged period of time than having a new one-night-stand every week of the year.

The truth is that most one-night-stands suck. Even if you consider yourself confident in bed, your partner might be too nervous to be themselves a few hours after you met.

So what do they mean when they tell you that you’re gonna miss out if you don’t stay single?

Numbers.

They talk about the number of partners you could sleep with in your twenties, and that one that actually suffers.

So if that’s important to you–the number of girls you’ve had sex with–they’re right. You better postpone having a relationship until you’re old.

On the other hand, they’ll tell you that being in a relationship will somewhat constrain your growth.

That’s the real lie, the big one.

The Personal-Growth-Lie

Especially as guys, we like to think that women distract us from our work. We fear we won’t be able to focus on developing our lives.

And it’s true–if your relationship sucks.

If you’re busy fighting, drying each others tears and making up, of course nobody is going to get a damn thing done. Neither her, nor you.

If your relationship is all about physicality, and you have nothing else in common, yes, you will distract each other from your mission.

You won’t be able to do productive things (whatever that means) together, since your definitions of productivity are fundamentally different.

But what if your relationship is great?

Then you support each other in your projects.

You will grow as a person because your partner doesn’t accept anything less than your full potential.

You will do the things you want to do in life–together.

It works because you’re moving into the same direction. You have about the same values in life, and obviously, both of you benefit if your life comes more in alignment to these.

And then there’s something else.

You end up having more focus on what really matter to you.

Does Being Single Really Mean More Focus?

If you go out 5 times a week to hit on girls, you probably won’t have much energy left to work on anything else.

If you’re all about going on dates and texting different women, you will hardly be able to put all your focus into your project.

If you’re having obsessive-compulsive tendencies, and you’re trying to do all the right things, it might be only a girl might be able to save you from yourself and teach you to wind down when it’s necessary.

There is nothing wrong with that lifestyle.

You can date and go out and be perfect as much as you want. I did it for a couple of years.

But it’s ridiculous to claim it provides you with more fuel to achieve your goals. It won’t. If anything, you’ll be more confused, less focussed, and without a home base to get back to after a long day of working on your mission.

If you are in a relationship, however, you will have different problems.

You will have to make room for your work. Both of you.

And there will always be some sort of tension between relaxing together or getting something done.

But that has nothing to do with being in a relationship, and everything to do with the nature of men and women.

You’d have the very same problem if you did casual hookups. You will have to deal with drama, and you’ll be enticed to spend a day in bed.

But in that case, you won’t be able to enjoy any benefits of the relationships except the obvious ones: fun and physicality.

You won’t be able to plan together, focus on important things, and remind each other of what matters most to you.

It’s not the relationship itself that stops you from reaching your goals. You’ve simple chosen the wrong person to grow with.

The Benefits of Being in a Relationship

And there is one more thing.

I can only give my insight from a masculine perspective, but something about the security of a relationship sets me free to do whatever I want in my work.

Finally, I have enough mental space to take on other tasks than thinking about my social status and chasing girls because that aspect of my life is taken care of.

It’s like when your desk is messy and you can’t focus on getting anything done. As soon as you’ve tidied up, you’re good to go.

Don’t get me wrong, a relationship is work. But it’s an enjoyable struggle that becomes second nature really fast.

In addition to that, your creative energy flows more freely if you feel loved and protected. It’s a bit of a hippy-thought, but you know it’s true when your in that situation.

There is nothing wrong with either lifestyle, of course.

However, it’s good to know what they’re talking about when they say that a relationship will diminish your growth: bad relationships.

Don’t settle for a partner which doesn’t want the same things in life as you do. And if you’re into counting sex-partners, don’t get into a relationship at all.

But don’t let anybody tell having a relationship will ruin your life. It won’t. A terrible relationship might, but a supportive partnership will make you more productive.

And what’s with all that productivity-talk anyway?

If you go for what you really want, you’ll do it—without having to maximize each and every aspect of your life.

“Do x in your twenties to get y in your thirties.”

That’s like one of these old people who put off travelling the world until they’re to weak to do it.

You don’t want to be that guy. You don’t want to be the guy who waited, or the guy who worked to hard and enjoyed to little.

But most of all, you don’t want to be the guy who listened to other people’s advice without questioning it, the guy who didn’t have a relationship, or anything else, because some authority told you so.