Why is persistence and chasing such a bad thing?

Shadow__Account · 2026-06-14T10:38:02+00:00

Just because you become friends doesnt mean you have a good friendship, just because you get a girl to sleep with you doesnt mean she respects you or wants to stay with you.

Realize that you can do a lot of things wrong and still get results.

Chasing is such a bad thing because a man thats good with woman picks up on suddle communications. So quite fast you know that a woman is not that much into you. From this point on you can still get her, you might or you might not, but she will never be much into you.

If you accept these micro rejections it makes you a strong man. Failure is apart of being great and accepting failure and still continuing or being persistent is a great skill. But being persistent after rejection is just not being able to let go.

Actually being able to let go and not be persistent with one women that isnt interested, but be persistent in the greater picture of getting what you want is very attractive and a great attribute.

Women will read this value. And respecting their subtle rejections or boundaries and not getting hurt by it or emotional but just moving your target or goal or attention elsewhere and then going for that will have men and women respect you.

Chasing means you first of all dont respect their boundaries so they might enjoy the attention or goggles.or whatever but a lot of respect is lost. You are basically saying please like me please Please, i know you dont respect me but i dont care because i dont respect myself either and i cant control my emotions, i cant let go of things and move on. My life depends on your validation. I have nothing more important.

All of this as opposed to, Ah no worries you still look great, have a great day and going on to search for people that actually value and respect you and will give you happy, healthy relationships. Both men and women.

End of my book.

Thierr · 2026-06-14T12:01:00+00:00

Imagine a ugly woman did that to you. Kept annoying you and trying to convince you. Such a turnoff.

It might work in some cases but then were talking about women you shouldn't wanna be with (crazies)

norwegiandoggo · 2026-06-14T11:40:51+00:00

It's not necessarily a bad thing in all cases. Some women get "won over" by persistence and want to see it. But there are a lot of problems with it.

One downsides is that it's inherently disrespectful. She is not interested initially, and instead of accepting her "no", you ignore it and keep pushing. Being selfish. Many women find this not only annoying, but some also find it scary. Some men who are very persistent end up with getting restraining orders, or even just a very bad reputation.

A second downside is the low effort-to-reward ratio. For every woman that can be "won over" with persistence, there are 9 others that won't be won over no matter what. So you will be spending a lot of effort and time on someone when there's a very low chance she will be convinced. That same time and effort could have been spent on women that seem interested.

Third, even if you "win" and she eventually falls for you or lets you smash because of your persistence, her base attraction for you is probably still going to be quite low. And that means she is more likely to break up with you, or leave you for another guy that she likes from the beginning. This happens a lot to women who just "choose the persistent guy" because he was available and willing and caught her at a weak moment. These women usually end up breaking up with him or cheating when someone better comes along. Someone she actually deeply likes, also initially.

OpinionThink481 · 2026-06-14T11:42:26+00:00

There are no shoulds in dating.

When people say don’t chase someone who has low interest, it’s more about asking yourself an important question, which is:

Do you want a girl who says “fuck yes, i want to date you”or do you want a girl who gives you “breadcrumbs” and “maybes”? If you want a “fuck yes, then why do you settle for less?

The best relationships tend to be the ones where the girl is actually excited and all over you and at least as interested as you are, if not more.

When you chase however you are basically saying:

“I know this girl is not really excited about me, but since i think she is all i can get, i might as well try to overcome the annoying obstacles she puts, might as well tolerate the inconsistency that upsets me, tolerate the flaky behavior and the excuses. and i will dedicate my life to prove my worth to her so that she can hopefully give me a chance, even if she her interest towards me is kinda mid”…

When you do that, not only do you frustrate yourself and build resentment, but even if you manage to make her your girlfriend, the relationship is likely to not be great because her attraction continues to be conditional to you trying super hard forever, as it was never that high.

And then you can’t act shocked when she is barely in the mood for sex, doesn’t show as much affection as you want and even cheats on you with guys she is actually super attracted to in contrast to you.

That’s why it’s often said don’t chase, because ultimately you are negotiating for scraps and breadcrumbs, and when you negotiate for that, then scraps and breadcrumbs is all you can get.

South-Excitement1720 · 2026-06-14T12:07:23+00:00

Look, if I see a woman I like, I will give them chance to get to know me....

But outside that, I am going to be happy regardless. If she wants to spend time with me... I will be happy if she dosn't..... I will be happy. (I understand this is easier said than done, it took a lot of working on myself to reach this point).

I am not making my internal state become controlled by how some woman responds to me.

The strange thing is, once I adopted this mindset, approaching women became easier.

Then basically what shadow_account said.

Key-Proud · 2026-06-14T12:44:03+00:00

Chasing = awkward moments.

Girls, especially the more hotter ones, get multiple guys chase them since the girl has been 12 years old.

- The more guys, chasing the girl, equals more awkward moments the girl experiences.

- That is the difference between a guy chasing and a girl chasing ... is that girls are the approached and the guys are approachers due to mostly biology (they carry the baby).

lol do you think you are the only guy going for your crush?

You give off "less" awkwardness going after a male friendship compared to a female relationship is because male and females experience being approached differently due to the fact girls, especially hot girls, get chased by multiple guys. While the guy probably get chased/approached rarely ... so the awkward experiences the guy encounters is less than a girl's.... were the guy feels the awkwardness but is flattered since guys don't get chased often. But for girls the awkwardness just gets amplified even more since being chased loses its flattery when 12 guys says she is beautiful, every day, since she is 12 years old .....

This concept also applies to rich people and/or people of status. So when you start to treat all the high status people like hot girls, rich guys and people of status "EQUALLY" ... they will also be drawn to you because you are the first person to treat them as equals. They don't feel awkward energy coming off of you.

Obviously the solution is to get them to chase you ... for you to stand out for her to compare you against the other dudes approaching and chasing her.

Seduction ...

One of the neatest metaphor to get this working for you is to be the "Buyer not the seller" ... most beginner seducers act more of a sells man which auto puts you in the chasing frame when in an interaction.

Example:

- The 12 Salesman (guys chasing hot girl): "You should date me because I have a 6 pack"

- Being the buyer (girl chases you): "Do you even exercise?" ... said with a smirk ...

Edit ... as much as I can :p

ImpossibleWaiting · 2026-06-14T12:59:41+00:00

It's only attractive if you're chasing and persisting after your ambitions like business, art, and so on. Chasing after women shows lack of abundance, lack of choice and thus lack of attractiveness.

Cultural-Farm3583 · 2026-06-14T13:31:03+00:00

The difference is that friendship can grow from persistence but attraction usually cant if someone isnt interested pushing harder rarely changes that

One-Assignment-4156 · 2026-06-14T13:31:06+00:00

Can be perceived as stalking, which would not be good legally or psychological.

Realwoujo · 2026-06-14T16:26:17+00:00

Being needy and pushy are extremely unattractive to women and make you look desperate and low value. Women want to chase men, not be chased, and they often prefer a challenging loser to an objectively better guy who is not a challenge.

HomelessMilkman · 2026-06-14T14:39:00+00:00

The holy grail that is 'attraction' - the antithesis to chasing and persistence.

Simply, the vast majority of women won't give you a chance beyond the first attempt - since they have a hundred other options who aren't immediately offputting.

plz_callme_swarley · 2026-06-14T15:53:44+00:00

because when you "win" you still lose. you've already got a losing attitude by placing the relationship on a pedestal. your goal shouldn't be to just get a girlfriend, but to be someone that's desired by the right kind of girl.

if you chase and wear down women you'll end up selecting for toxic, insecure women and will have bad relationships. she's insecure and is selecting for effort over her own desire. what happens when you stop pursuing her when you've "won" her? she'll start causing problems to make you chase her again.

if you instead don't chase, but rather attract you'll end up with a lot more enjoyable and healthy interactions.

if you only give women attention that want you, then you'll see how well it works and will hold frame when dealing with other women. they'll notice that you're not needy and will be more attracted to you.

O_Pacity · 2026-06-14T11:19:49+00:00

Chasing generally gets you a free membership with the local police.

PlaneShenaniganz · 2026-06-14T13:16:08+00:00

Persistence and chasing aren’t inherently bad; it’s how you go about doing it. If you’re confident and comfortable with yourself and do it from a position of abundance and offering value, you’re good. If you are persistent from a place of neediness, nothing could repel her quicker.

shinbreaker · 2026-06-14T15:16:23+00:00

The issue that I've come to learn as someone who chased women during his younger years is that you have no clue what they don't like about you and if you could possibly change their mind. It could be that losing a few pounds and getting a haircut is all that's needed, or it could be that it will never happen in a million years. You are not going to know so why bother?

ANewCleanSlate · 2026-06-14T16:58:39+00:00

If multiple guy friends found you annoying and stupid, then you might have a personality deficiency you need to fix. And with that sort of personality deficiency, women will be even more cautious around you. Chase the wrong chick in a persistent manner and you'll get a restraining order against you.

There are lots of fish in the sea - not worth it.

papacreepmane · 2026-06-14T19:37:25+00:00

Because if she likes you, you dont have to chase.

No-Buy-3105 · 2026-06-14T20:15:46+00:00

Honestly why do you want a woman that doesn’t want you back? All you’re doing is feeding her ego and you’re receiving nothing in return

lovelearningloner · 2026-06-14T20:50:50+00:00

Because persistence over sex and relationships is thirsty behavior. It reeks of desperation. You don't pull people in by chasing.

Most-Famous-Wasabi · 2026-06-14T23:30:09+00:00

Women are extremely sensitive to value.

They can tell very quickly if you can add value to their lives. And if so, the kind of value.

Women can assess your value and decide how to respond to it so quickly that they aren't even conscious of it.

Once she's decided, that's it. It's done. There's no point trying to change her mind.

If she expresses no interest then move on to the next one.

MineDesperate2920 · 2026-06-15T01:24:24+00:00

Gives off beta male vibes

Charge36 · 2026-06-16T00:04:22+00:00

Like most things there's nuance to the proper way to do things. Persistence isn't inherently bad, what's bad is persisting in spite of clear resistance or disinterest.

I'm currently seeing a girl who's admittedly a quite terrible texter and not the best with a calendar. She regularly forgets to respond to me, and occasionally double books dates with me and has to cancel.

I persisted in texting her because she was always apologetic when she did remember to text me and it had been a while, and she always offered to reschedule when we canceled dates.

She's still not great, but I've become more comfortable with the text anxiety that plagued the early part of our relationship, I just know that's how she is now, and it doesn't mean she's not interested in spending time with me. We have excellent chemistry and have been dating pretty consistently for about 6 months now.

Title	Why is persistence and chasing such a bad thing?
Author	Secure-Ear-6185
Upvotes	57
Comments	46
Date	June 14, 2026 10:22 AM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1u5hhyl/why_is_persistence_and_chasing_such_a_bad_thing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-is-persistence-and-chasing-such-a-bad-thing.1582782 https://theredarchive.com/post/1582782

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