No explanation

Kwen_Oellogg · 2023-12-13T07:54:35+00:00

she has never once told me why she had the affair

Brother, she had the affair because she wanted to. That is the simple, naked truth. Don't let this sit in your mind rent free. Just be glad you found out where the trash is located and are taking it to the curb.

Stay strong brother. You got this.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-12-13T12:26:26+00:00

You’re probably never going to get an explanation or an apology - That is extremely rare.

In her mind it was justified and everything is your fault.

ijustdontcare74 · 2023-12-13T10:35:16+00:00

Often there is no explanation for a person cheating other than “I did because I could and wanted to”. You don’t need an explanation from her. Yes it might bring some closure but honestly at this stage do you really expect her to tell you the truth? She lied and lied and lied again to your face but now you’re going to trust her word? Just move forward and leave her in your rear view mirror. Put that chapter of your life behind you and concentrate on building a future that you enjoy and you excel in. I, like you, now see my divorce as a blessing, enabling me to have the life I wanted. Don’t squander this opportunity by second guessing yourself and allowing negativity into it.

Lumpy-Prior3261 · 2023-12-13T11:19:31+00:00

She will never tell you let it go it's been 29 years since my ex wife cheated and I never even got an " im sorry " or anything .

Wild_Debt_8065 · 2023-12-13T12:57:21+00:00

Don’t beat yourself up looking for fault. She did it. You didn’t. Some people just can’t stay faithful when any opportunity presents itself. New attention plays to their vanity. That’s your answer. She can’t admit guilt. An apology or explanation won’t be given as it makes them accountable.

rhett342 · 2023-12-13T07:05:56+00:00

She did it because she's a cheater. There's nothing more to it. It doesn't matter what you did or didn't do, she still would have cheated.

capnjackstation · 2023-12-13T12:47:13+00:00

[ Removed by Reddit ]

GrimStreaker15 · 2023-12-13T17:41:27+00:00

I wanted to thank each of you who took the time to comment with your advice and perspective.

I was luckier than most with my divorce since I had no kids with her. There was very little attachment other than the possessions we had from those 22 years.

The divorce took 60 days and was quick and easy... for the most part.

From day one, I was in the gym every single day and put in the work to take control of my life and health. I started by bench pressing the bar, and that was hard due to how out of shape I was. But, as of last week. I put up 205 lbs and have lost over 70 lbs.

My job has gotten so much better, and my work ethic has just busted through the roof. My self-esteem and self-worth are at a all time high as well.

My relationships with friends and family are deeper and more rewarding than I could have imagined 8 months ago.

I know things are way better, and my life is on track for the 1st time in 15 years. It took burning down the perceptions I had about love and marriage to forge me into what I am currently. I am grateful for that, and I kind of feel like I owe her for kick starting me on this path. I k ow that sounds nuts, but it's kinda true.

I guess the fact that after 22 years, you feel like you develop a bond and respect with someone who would give you a bit of closure on both ends.

But, you all are right. I won't and don't need an explanation. All I need is the continued motivation to keep moving forward and paving my own road to success. I've done a lot to date, and I'm excited to see where I will be by April. One year out is a big milestone for me, and I have set some lofty goals. I'm well on my way to achieving.

I wouldn't wish this kind of situation on any man, but I can tell you that it is the greatest motivator and instrument to make and achieve change.

Thank you, my dudes!! I can't wait to see you all during the marathon. If you need someone to vent, talk with I'm here for each of you as well.

Yourmama18 · 2023-12-13T09:37:48+00:00

Her actions have consequences. You may decide what those are and then maintain those boundaries.

Apprehensive-Cost496 · 2023-12-13T14:01:23+00:00

Like others said, they cheat because they can and they have serious character flaws. That is all. I've never gotten an "I'm sorry" either and my exw still makes comments like "say hi to your family" for me and other bs. Cheaters are like buckets with holes in them that need constant validation and attention. It's sick.

The only thing I can say is it's probably not the 1st time your exw has cheated either, maybe not while she was with you but with a previous boyfriend. I found out my exw cheated on her ex-fiance and all that made this make sense. They are cheaters, plain and simple.

beezo123 · 2023-12-13T14:03:27+00:00

The flesh is weak

Forward-Transition-5 · 2023-12-13T14:06:44+00:00

You might feel like she owes you an explanation and you might even be right but that won’t make it happen. It’s been almost ten years since my divorce and the best I’ve gotten is a simple acknowledgement of wrongdoing followed immediately by an excuse that she used to justify her actions. I’ve never gotten a true apology and I never will. I’ve never gotten a logical explanation for her actions and I never will (mostly because there’s no logic involved). What I did get didn’t give me any kind of “closure” or peace so it essentially did nothing. Just enjoy the progress you’ve made and your life as it is now. You may always wonder about the answers but no answer you get will make it any better for you so it’s best to just keep moving and try not to dwell on it.

Doubledolla · 2023-12-13T17:17:28+00:00

People are like the weather. You can't control it or accurately predict it. You just get to deal with it. Accept that it's out of your control and move forward. She will not take accountability and you shouldnt waste your time wondering why it rained. Be happy for the clarity it has brought you. Put your energy into the future endeavors but learn from the past and bring a jacket because it might rain again

No-Big7797 · 2023-12-13T18:19:36+00:00

Don’t kill yourself looking for an explanation. Maybe she is a narcissist without empathy. .. who know. Don’t over think it or you will be miserable. Enjoy what is ahead of you.

captainchippsixx · 2023-12-13T15:28:50+00:00

Move on. Whatever she tells you will be a redacted down 20% version. Most cheaters just keep cheating their whole life. Don’t open the door, just know she was a shitty wife, a Shitty ex wife and a shitty human.

Embarrassed-Safe-670 · 2023-12-13T17:03:36+00:00

Something to think about. Perhaps out of all those years together this was the FIRST time you caught her.

21YearsofHell · 2023-12-13T17:24:31+00:00

Because she truly cared about you, and wanted you to get in shape and improve your health! s/

techrmd3 · 2023-12-13T19:07:59+00:00

>My only hang-up is that she has never once told me why she had the affair instead of coming to me to end things amicably.

you need to get off of that hang up quick. I know everyone wants closure and all that. But at the end of the day people lie. People who cheat typically lie more than others.

So there is a GOOD chance any answer you get will be BS anyway.

So... best to move on and just mentally insert excuse "X". It is way worse for the soon to be Ex wifey to say... something very psychologically hurtful and for a bonus it's a half truth so it's really a brain worm making you doubt yourself...

Don't sign up for the mind f--king. Just move on.

>and I feel like she owes me at least that.

yes she does. BUT it's best if you don't seek this BECAUSE it's probably BS anyway.

Doubledolla · 2023-12-13T17:56:25+00:00

Unfortunately something we had to learn this way. They really become different people that you cannot recognize. Keep up the self work and improvement. Don't get back into being complacent about the things we know we need to address. Rock on brotha🤘

Iwanttotriplikeu · 2023-12-14T17:41:46+00:00

So glad to hear it made you a better man. Thanks for sharing. Gives me hope.

plangelier · 2023-12-15T17:44:36+00:00

She owed you fidelity, you didn't get that your likely not going to fet the closure you want.

James_Jimothy · 2023-12-14T07:11:31+00:00

She got comfortable with you and got the tingles with the other guy. Monkeybranching 101. You aren’t wrong to desire an explanation. It can be a helpful tool for closure, but I do think it’s misguided to expect it simply because the guilty party’s empathy for the betrayed has to outweigh their own pride and self-interest, which is rare.

If she was not the type to readily admit fault or take responsibility during marriage, she likely won’t be after a divorce.

thebosstycoon · 2023-12-16T09:25:29+00:00

Your life is better without her, and will continue to be. No explanation is needed. You should be thanking her. Now you’re in the best shape of your life, probably going to make more money, and discover new freedom or things you can do without feeling bad. I personally have slept with a few women, and it’s exciting. I don’t care to ever be married again. The freedom with financial stability is exhilarating

Title	No explanation
Author	GrimStreaker15
Upvotes	30
Comments	31
Date	December 13, 2023 6:36 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/18hao7c/no_explanation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/no-explanation.1240641 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240641

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