I’ve finally told her it’s over

karavan7 · 2024-05-05T18:12:42+00:00

Why do you need to tell her anything? Lawyer. Serve papers. Leave. Anything more kind will be more expensive and likely hurtful (for you).

MR-Ozmidnight · 2024-05-05T08:40:42+00:00

I'm sorry that you are going through a tough time. You may feel lost and hurt, but you are not alone. Many people have experienced similar situations, and with the right mindset, you can get through this.

It's important to acknowledge that your partner has been unfaithful to you and has likely been involved with this other person for some time. While it may be difficult, it's essential that you don't feel sorry for her; she is not thinking of you.

If you need to communicate with her, keep your conversations strictly about the divorce or children, if there are any. Respond with simple yes or no answers, and try the 180 technique, which you can learn more about online. Educating yourself on cheating and its effects is also crucial.

Hiring the best family lawyer you can afford is vital. Your partner may try to take a significant portion of your assets, including your retirement funds. Your lawyer will give you advice on how to protect yourself, and it's essential to listen to them. If your partner decides to lie about you, you could end up in jail, so you must protect yourself by not meeting with her alone and recording your interactions.

It's also important to tell your family and friends what's happening so that you have their support during this difficult time. Find ways to keep yourself busy, such as going to the gym, running, or walking. Avoid drinking, and remember that everyone heals at their own pace.

It may take some time, but you will get through this. You have taken the first step towards something better, and when you are ready, you will find that special someone to love for the rest of your life.

funk205 · 2024-05-05T04:41:32+00:00

We’ve all been through it here man. Just remember it will get so much better. And you’re not alone.

Superugly_man1266 · 2024-05-03T21:21:32+00:00

Hang in there brother, you will find happiness

ChillaxBrosef · 2024-05-03T02:23:56+00:00

You did the right thing, stay firm and resolute. If she had an emotional affair (and assume other things) she wasn’t happy either. You’re doing the hard, strong, and right thing for both. Godspeed stranger.

Much-Extreme-1404 · 2024-05-02T23:55:48+00:00

As long as this other dude is in the picture he's going to be an interloper. It's not up to her anymore. It's up to him because she chose to be with him. And she doesn't care what anyone else wants as long as he gets what he wants first. That may be hard for you to accept. It's reality though. She is willing and ready to make their lie bigger than your truth sort to speak. My advice is for you to try throwing a monkey wrench in their bullshit. Have her text this dude while you're right next to her. Have her text him a message that she is breaking things off for good with him and staying with you. If she can't do that for you then I don't see how she has any business being your wife going forward. Marriage is the hardest job in the world cause you're partnering with another adult who has every legal right to change their minds and walk away at any given point. If she doesn't want to do the work then you could tell her peace out or depending on how angry you are at the moment just tell her go to hell. That's my two cents. Good luck fella.

Able-Adhesiveness-91 · 2024-05-02T18:03:28+00:00

Well like the mug I am, she messaged me while I was at work asking me if I was ok. I then contacted her and offered her another chance!! Can’t believe I said that!! Then with me saying that, she replied with “I don’t think it’s fair for you, as I just don’t feel the same anymore!” I feel like she tricked me into offering another chance so that she could be the one to end things.

She is coming home tonight and we are going to discuss things. Got no idea what I want to say to her. Think I will know as soon as I see her.

What a rollercoaster this is! I honestly believe we would all be better off single!!

adventure_junkie67 · 2024-05-02T17:23:54+00:00

I am very intrigued by multiple posts using the term "emotional affair". I think my STBX developed an emotional attachment to a guy, however due to extenuating circumstances, I'm pretty sure it is not physical or what I typically thought of as an affair. For those that used this term, is that your meaning as well.

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2024-05-02T14:56:41+00:00

I’d say don’t ever take her back because she won’t respect you. Divorce is a bunch of little gut punches but you’ll adapt to each one. Learning about grieving helped me identify the emotions. It’s all worth it when you find the right girl though. Been feeling like I’m 18 again lately

Classic_Dill · 2024-05-02T13:22:44+00:00

Most of us have been where you are, here's the deal, youll be fine, because you have no choice but to be fine. She will probably try to come back, dont let her! shes flaky and wanted you to sit on the bench for later on, GOOOOOO!!!! free yourself from her BS, youll feel bad, but it gets better, shes toxic my man.

cleats4u · 2024-05-02T13:08:29+00:00

From what I know about the ladies. Be thankful the affair partner wasn't your best friend, boss or neighbor. Wish I knew what that stats were on that. Lol.

DMFan79 · 2024-05-02T09:31:09+00:00

Always remind yourself you deserve to be with someone who loves you.

You'll eventually get over her and you'll be free to find the right person for you, if you so wish.

DPJKOG · 2024-05-02T07:49:24+00:00

I’m in the same boat brother, my STBX had an emotional affair during our separation. She told me she stopped talking to him and wanted to try to work it out with me. 2 months in and she ended up dropping the “I don’t think it’s going to work out” line on me. I find out a couple days later, she’s talking to the same person.

Honestly as much as it hurts, it feels like the weight has been lifted off my shoulders. If it wasn’t now, it could’ve been later. Good riddance.

Able-Adhesiveness-91 · 2024-05-02T05:56:24+00:00

Cheers guys, thank you for the messages. She came back late last night after I had gone to bed and slept in the spare room.

This morning it took everything I had in me not to tell her I was sorry and made a mistake. However I remained strong and held back the tears until I left for work.

Currently sat in the work car park crying my eyes out! This is by the hard the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. But I just have to keep reminding myself, the person I love doesn’t actually exist!

TreetopTarantula · 2024-05-02T03:22:37+00:00

Hit the gym and get outside. Clean up your diet and get plenty of sleep. Avoid all alcohol. You will feel a lot better and it will stave off depression and also be an outlet for the inevitable anger that will creep up.

Hang in there, brother.

fx_agte · 2024-05-02T03:19:56+00:00

Been there myself, you made the right call to cut her loose. Its just going to take time from here on out

Business-Hope-5414 · 2024-05-02T02:43:29+00:00

I have a child with my STBX … when I told her I wanted a divorce with joint custody… she said no and that she would get full custody using my ptsd issues against me as I was a combat vet… she also used to invite her ex husband and over my own Fucking house while I was at work… you aren’t alone.. don’t be scared and just count this as a blessing… I have to pay alimony for this ho… I don’t mind the child support but the bitch has $100k in her bank account and I’m the one in debt… she has no job so it makes me wonder where she got the money from

Melodic-Grapefruit-4 · 2024-05-02T01:44:15+00:00

Thats the worst I’m sorry dude. I heard “I’m not in love with you” 3 times over the span of 3 years. Each time the dagger just went a little deeper. You’ll figure it out though. Shit. Ive been separated two months and it gets easier. But grief hits you in waves. Stay busy, workout. Eat healthy. I sound like a broken record on here but it really does help.

MoveFinancial1991 · 2024-05-02T01:13:24+00:00

She wasn't constantly changing her mind. She knows exactly what she wants. She just needed to drop enough hints to you to keep you as the back-up. If I could grant one gift to men who divorce, just one gift, It would be to be a fly on the wall when these women are. talking to their girlfriends co-workers etc. My good friend owns a organizing/interior design business. The absolute arrogance and entitlement they share with each other about their husband's would blow your fucking mind.

The amount of shit talk your stbx has said about you since she stopped loving you could fill a book. Trust me on that one.

The ex wives endlessly mock their ex- husbands who reached/reach out to them. They seem the ex-husbands as pathetic losers and brag how they (the exes) will never get over them.

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2024-05-02T01:12:41+00:00

Just go with the flow and remember if you are having a bad day it's just that. If you are done for real then remember it takes time to get used to your new reality

georeddit2018 · 2024-05-02T01:09:21+00:00

You did good. You need to accept that its over. For sure, the unknown and been alone maybe scary, but life is too short to be fighting to be with someone who don't feel the same anymore.

Take care of yourself.

Title	I’ve finally told her it’s over
Author	Able-Adhesiveness-91
Upvotes	48
Comments	43
Date	May 1, 2024 8:55 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1chwzgm/ive_finally_told_her_its_over/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/ive-finally-told-her-its-over.1517089 https://theredarchive.com/post/1517089

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