Failed 8 times. Need reevaluation.

Avalaon2 · 2019-09-13T18:30:43+00:00

I am also a software engineer I am 21 so similar position and age as yourself. A year ago I was in a very similar position to you never had a kiss never mind sex or a girlfriend. This all changed when I took action.

What changed was my mentality, the first thing is first you need to reclaim your masculinity girls are attracted to strong masculine men with confidence. Software engineers aren't renowned for being confident chick magnets, usually, society stereotypes us as socially awkward and shy. Here are a few things I have done to greatly improve with girls.

Pick up a masculine hobby to round yourself off you most likely are a very analytical dude and overthink things a lot. Try doing a martial art, weight lifting or some other physical activity that gets you out of your head. This will improve your attractiveness to girls hugely as you begin to carry yourself better and are more confident.
Meditate it will help you calm yourself down so you can do opens more easily.
Watch videos on how to attract girls and carry conversations Todd Valentine is brilliant for analytical guys, he helped me get over my own fears.

Always approach the girl if you are on a night out, when you approach to go in with the mindset you are adding value to her night. If you had 10k in your pocket and you went up to someone and offered them and turned you down would you be disappointed? Of course not it is their loss. Similarly, if a girl isn't interested it is her loss there are dozens if not hundreds of girls in that club and thousands in the city. One will click with you so long as your fun and confident.
Realize you are most likely never going to see the girl again anyway and even if you do she will most likely forget you. Think of it this way if someone bumped you in a queue or cut in front of you while driving. Will you remember that asshole a week from now or a month from now? No of course not. The same thing goes with girls they aren't going to remember your bad approach. You lose nothing by approaching and stand to gain a lot.
Go on solo nights out, this was the keystone to my success I met my ex on a solo night out but baby steps. FIrst thing you do is find a group of lads banter with them find common ground and be fun. This is your home base you then break off from them to approach girls if you get rejected you go back to them as if nothing happened. This will build your confidence immensely as you realize all you need is you to have a good night. If they see you get rejected chances are they will have more respect for you as they don't have the balls to do it themselves. If it goes well they will be incredibly envious of you and even ask for your advice you will look like an even cooler guy in their eyes.

Make mistakes, pain = growth. You can have your pain all at once when you are a beginner or have it in drips and drabs where you never actually improve and you become more miserable. Take it like a man all at once and your life will improve immeasurably trust me.
Read Models by Mark Manson and 3% Man by Corey Wayne, your mentality is the key here. Like the cash in your pocket analogy, you are the prize. Never pedestal a girl as they are human just like you. If you act like you are the prize and flip the script and become the buyer not the seller you have more power. The buyer always has more power as they can walk away. The seller, however, is invested in selling something. Ask the girl questions like "What do you do for fun?" or "What is something you are passionate about?" Whoever controls the questions controls the conversation. As a dude it is your job to lead the conversation and interaction.
Maintain strong eye contact and break the physical barrier. Whenever you get her to laugh go for a light touch then on her arm or shoulder. Talk about sexual stuff in a confident manner. Tease her about something then bring her in closer with touch.
ABC Always be closing, always go for either a kiss or a number close if there is good chemistry. If your life was a
novel make sure it is something someone would read.

Good luck man everything changes when you take action.

intelectualycurious · 2019-09-13T15:50:49+00:00

Eight isn’t a sufficient sample size my friend. At the very least try to talk to one girl a day -whether they’re alone or not. The primary ‘goal’ is to have fun with the process and be consistent. If you can do these two things given your current circumstances (your looks and your job) you will see results much sooner than you might think.

LroyJ · 2019-09-13T18:24:59+00:00

go food shopping on a Friday or Saturday night. check out ur supermarket of choice (not Walmart tho). after 9pm, 10pm... You’ll find a responsible girl stocking her fridge rather being out acting a fool. That’s your girl!

ImJustSo · 2019-09-13T19:01:34+00:00

Bro, 8 girls in 9 months? I'm not even active currently and I've spoken to more girls than that this month. ROOKIE NUMBERS, WE GOTTA PUMP THOSE NUMBERS UP!

donaldtrumpsmistress · 2019-09-13T18:51:47+00:00

Approach more. 8 in 9 months is not even trying. That's the equivalent of walking on a treadmill for 10 minutes once a week then saying you need to reevaluate treadmill technique because you aren't happy with your results. Shoot to start doing at least one approach a day every day.

quinnmcd · 2019-09-13T15:32:17+00:00

You’re not missing out much on the girls in the club many of them are low quality imo, but I think you should go to just get comfortable in a new setting. 8 approach over 9 months isn’t a lot at all. To get better you should shoot for than many in a week. The more you try and fail the easier you’ll be able to read girl and notice patterns.

I always recommend working on grooming (haircut, shave teeth etc) and style. If you’re well groomed with good style that can help with looks. Exercising is always good as well. Men love women’s curves and they love ours (muscles).

Don’t worry about if they have a boyfriend or not just move on keep gaming

Lastly work on your energy/charisma and confidence. When you’re able to engage girls in good conversations with positive energy you’re more like to be successful. A smile with good eye contact goes a long way. Just keep trying it will get easier.

natephant · 2019-09-13T20:39:28+00:00

8 approaches in 9 months!?

Dude that is less than 1 a month.

To get anywhere close to good at this you’re going to have to do 8 approaches in a single night.

Imagine if you only tried to learn coding 1 day a month. You would never make any progress,

sjswander94 · 2019-09-13T18:31:17+00:00

You haven’t even dipped your toe in cold approach yet. You don’t need to re-evaluate your game. You don’t have game YET. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you’ve made progress by doing 8 approaches in 9 months. You do 8 approaches easy in 1 night. Yea duh you should go to the club bro are you kidding me. Any place where there is a high volume of females in a social setting is exactly where you need to be.When a girl says she has a boyfriend it’s a polite fuck off.

Here’s your course of action if your serious. Go out minimum 3 days a week. Do a minimum of 10 approaches each time. Journal your experiences when you get home. Focus on one thing at a time Eye Contact, vocal Tonality and body language to start. Also it would benefit you tremendously to find a mentor and like minded positive and encouraging wing men. Approach all sets! Guy girl, group, 2 set 3 set 4 it doesn’t matter you need to build reference experiences in order to learn. You need to learn to get better. You need to get better to start getting laid.

Aside from cold approach you should also be working on other areas of your life(health,financials, fitness, hobby’s). Work on how you look because looks do matter to a certain extent. Basically how you present yourself to the world says a lot about you. Would you want to have sex with a stranger who’s got a messy appearance shitty breathe and bad hygiene( not saying that’s you I’m just making a point). Find a style you like, take care of yourself be hygienic and get a good haircut.

Put yourself In uncomfortable situations. Be positive. Learn from your mistakes. Don’t take yourself to seriously and last but not least try to have some fun!!

paulvario11 · 2019-09-13T16:00:18+00:00

Man good I think your good coz you have a job and you had the courage to do cold aproaches so the idea is to practice I mean like 2 or 3 approaches a week Minimum. But good quality approach you have to learn from ur past approaches and never give up.

You have to be like lonewolf with a good eye and vision to observe the girl that will fit you especially those that give some IOI. Good luck

DrumsKing · 2019-09-13T18:32:08+00:00

If you got two numbers from eight approaches, you're doing fine! Just keep doing what you're doing. It would take most people 80 approaches to get 2 numbers.

CaptainCanuck15 · 2019-09-13T19:14:39+00:00

I am desperate

If you really are, then it shows. You need to change your mentality from "need" to "want". You don't need a girlfriend, you want one. You've said it yourself, you're successful and good looking. You've got a good thing going for yourself. It's important to not only see failures as failures but also as learning opportunities. Why did an approach go wrong? Can you improve on that? If you don't think you could've done any better, keep trying, it's bound to work at some, heck it already worked twice! You can't fault yourself for things you don't control.

Am i missing out by not going to clubs?

You could be, depends on what you're looking for. From reading your post I think you'd like a girlfriend which is less likely to be found in a club. However, I do know from experience that just going to a club and making out with a good looking girl does wonders for your confidence.

Also, why did you dismiss that girl for being too old.

ZollJo · 2019-09-13T19:38:45+00:00

Habit, my friend. Get into the habit of doing and out of the habit of thinking. I get simliar vibes from friends that are programmers. You use your head the whole day and you are good with that. But when it comes to social situations, most of it is doing doing doing. That does not mean to just aproachrobot or go caveman (which will prob. work better than robot) but to just get in a good mood, walk through the streets and if you see a girl you like and you get this tight feeling in your chest, say hi. I know this seems too simple. But it's just like that. Everytime you let that girl pass by, you learn the habit of avoiding what you want. Everytime you go for it you learn that. That does no mean you gotte run over a crowded street and get overrung. And if you got better things to do, do not mind the girls.
Cheers

pdxtrader · 2019-09-13T19:44:39+00:00

Read The Game by Neil Strauss , approaching girls by themselves is challenging because their guard is up. Neil teaches you how to meet girls in groups which is actually much easier once you learn some strategies 👍🏼😉

Vistian · 2019-09-13T19:46:23+00:00

8 in 9 months? Brother, your numbers are way too low. (Respectfully) approach more.

TimFTWin · 2019-09-13T19:48:21+00:00

You didn't fail 8 times. You failed once when you stopped trying.

Alex_O7 · 2019-09-13T19:58:43+00:00

First thing first you have to approach 8 girls a week not 1 a months. How could you do that? Go out, in city center or in shopping centers you will find tons of girls. Open single girls, and also groups don't be too shy. I know right that talking to groups is more difficult but just try.

Also go to clubs, nights, bara and pubs. Just hang out with your friends or you could go solo (i think it will be easier with at least one friend). And just have fun over ther.

Finally, you have to completely change your mimdset. Now you look like you're desperate and too needy. Think about you are 22 not 42 so you have all the time to find a gf. Think also that in the world there are tons and tons of girls and a lot of them are single so don't be too hard with yourself and just stay positive!

Packie1990 · 2019-09-13T19:59:31+00:00

If you dont interact with girls at work find another way. Join a coed sports league, bookclub, dancing lessons, pottery or any art class, gym classes, yoga, farmers markets, librarys, any festival. Girls are everywhere and if you go to the right areas you dont have to cold approach. You will be expected to interact with girls in your class.

Bunowen · 2019-09-13T20:30:22+00:00

Here Videos like these always give me a boost.

Justachillday · 2019-09-13T21:14:02+00:00

8 cold approaches in a year? try 8 in a day..

bennzedd · 2019-09-13T21:40:42+00:00

You're 22. Keep trying and persisting. Keep putting in the effort. Make yourself better, love yourself and your life, and happiness will come.

Newtoyou20 · 2019-09-13T21:42:40+00:00

Talk to girl/woman as if you’ve nothing to lose - because you don’t. Ask her open ended questions and have your own opinions. You’re a nerd? College libraries, book stores, or low key bars - not clubs! You never said what kind of person you want - get clear on that. Write it down so you know who you want to attract. Most importantly, know as you approach any person, anyone, the power is yours. From what I’m reading, you’re giving these women a whole lot of power. You choose, because you’re worth getting what you want. It’s not a numbers game. Girls know when men are just looking with no real belief in themselves. First own you, then seek what you want.

2udaylatif · 2019-09-13T21:59:18+00:00

8 approaches in 9 months is not a lot. Do more approaches. Try the mall, Starbucks, book stores. Go to a bar. Look for things like trivia nights or live bands. Join a pool league if you have free time. Look for activities.

chuckvsthelife · 2019-09-13T22:02:38+00:00

I am desperate.

This is likely your problem.

In my experience desperation is obvious. Those who are confident and don't need women get a lot of them and the desperate ones get nada. I mean no one NEEDS women. Be comfortable in your skin, be comfortable in who you are and then go out not deperate see a cute girl and go for the approach.

As someone who is new to this whole thing: start working on this with not girls you want to hookup with. Start by grabbing some drinks at a bar and making friends. Group of guys whatever, group of girls, a girl whatever. Just work on being comfortable approaching and having a conversation with people. This builds your charisma and confidence, then you can work on the subtle things to flirt and meet girls. And you never know sometimes friends end up being more than ;)

jabaas · 2019-09-13T23:05:11+00:00

Dude 8/9 months. Dude this is not a game. This is your life, this is the difference between sleeping alone or sleeping with your D inside, a warm, juicy, wet pussy. You gotz to put in the time and effort. While i was studying, worked at jobs were they came to me.

Increase your chances by 50%

Get a weekend gig if you have a 9 to five.

Make sure you are mobile... to get from point a-z

Get a wing man for moral support (this one is not going to be easy T&E).

adams1996 · 2019-09-14T00:24:40+00:00

Sound like you have a confidence problem... looked at your page and it seems like you dont believe in yourself and you cant make decisions... you need to be in charge of yourself before you can make time for a relationship

omega_constant · 2019-09-14T00:44:38+00:00

"I have not failed 10,000 times. I have not failed once. I have succeeded in proving that those 10,000 ways will not work. When I have eliminated the ways that will not work, I will find the way that will work." - Thomas Edison

pwolf1771 · 2019-09-14T01:08:23+00:00

What’s your objective a relationship or are you just trying to get laid?

baskebaka · 2019-09-14T03:11:54+00:00

how u gonna approach 8 times in 9 months. It's not about "game" it's about confidence. if ur confident in yourself and u think u r that man, conversation comes naturally. if ur only approaching 8 times in 9 months u clearly lack confidence, and ur not going to get any until you start approaching a lot more and getting ur first pull.

1girldaily · 2019-09-14T03:30:52+00:00

You haven't done nearly enough cold approaches.

You need to completely fix your life... get in shape, get better style, improve your grooming, talk to A LOT OF GIRLS (10-20 a day) text them to follow up and set up dates/day 2's.

Set up multiple online dating accounts.

Just hustle.

www.luxlifedating.com/home

-Brad Holiday

Wkkc2018 · 2019-09-14T05:37:55+00:00

8 approaches in 9 months is nothing. You should at least do 8 approaches in a week.

ImmediateDisaster6 · 2019-09-14T08:42:59+00:00

8 approaches is basically enough to be warmed up on 1 day, mate. Your rate of 1 per month you'd expect to see zero results... Do the same thing enough times in a short timeframe to A) be warmed up, and B) start to be able to think about what's going wrong with your interations.

magnetradio · 2019-09-14T12:20:20+00:00

The world is your club.

Cute girl taking your order?

Flirt with her.

Cute girl helping you try on some new clothes at the mall?

Flirt with her.

Cute girl reading a book you already read at a coffee shop?

Flirt with her and could even talk about other books you've read.

Then there's those CosPlay conventions. There are some really attractive girls who may be nerdy too, but they're so hot that men give them a pass.

bluechipmonk · 2019-09-14T13:03:32+00:00

Damn. Are in US? Those are a lot of rejections

LJFWolf · 2019-09-13T20:41:04+00:00

Bro I've been there... I am 22 years old as well...

Cold approach is great for building confidence and if you are doing it right, also getting dates and meeting girls.

As an engineer, it is probably not the best way.

Going to clubs and "gaming" there is way better if you actually want to get one night stands etc. Daygame is better for setting up strong dates and meeting girls anywhere you want.

I would suggest.

1) Doing more approaches, so you actually see what you are doing right or wrong.

2) Keeping a journal of your interactions and ask yourself hard questions related to your progress/problems in dating.

Send me a DM, and I'll help you out.

Cheers

-Joel

alfredothegerbil · 2019-09-13T19:58:51+00:00

Use a dating app

Title	Failed 8 times. Need reevaluation.
Author	NotYourMom132
Upvotes	61
Comments	64
Date	September 13, 2019 3:08 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/d3qlsm/failed_8_times_need_reevaluation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/failed-8-times-need-reevaluation.1478531 https://theredarchive.com/post/1478531

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