Married Red Pill Men, do you regret it?

Appomattoxx · 2015-08-17T01:41:44+00:00

I married 22 years ago, when I was 22. It was a classic White Knight/BPD relationship. She was deeply troubled, and I cherished playing the savior role.

As time wore on, I realized it was a one-way relationship. It became less and less about appreciating me for solving her problems, and more about blaming me for failing. There was all kinds of manipulation, which I won't go into.

The sex was great, before the marriage. Afterwards, not so much.

She started playing the "you have to be good to get sex" game, and I refused, and that was the end of our sex life (such as it was).

I did get something wonderful out of it, which is our daughter, whom I love more than I love myself.

But yeah, if it wasn't for our daughter, it would have ended before now. As it is, I'm quietly preparing for divorce. Given her volatile and vengeful nature, and the sexism in the divorce industry, I need to be well prepared if I don't want to lose my daughter.

I don't think she loves me, or ever has. I've always been a utility: something valued for what it can do for her. I don't think she has the wiring for anything else.

So yeah, I fucked up pretty bad when I was 22. I wasn't stupid, but I was ignorant. I didn't have the advantage of anyone telling me anything different than what I was raised on.

I stumbled across Karen Straughan a couple of months ago, and it has been an awakening. "Shit testing," for example, finally made sense to me. Karen led me here, and this is my first post.

Archwinger · 2015-08-16T19:48:00+00:00

Yes. And yes.

There's a lot of possible happiness in marriage, but you have to work so fucking hard, all the fucking time, just for a sliver of happiness. You're accountable to other people, all the fucking time. You have to damn near crush your wife into submission if you're going to remain you and hold on to what's important to you and what makes you who you are. All for what's supposed to be the permanent companionship of a woman? Who can divorce you at any time and is under no obligation to have sex or help you with anything?

[deleted] · 2015-08-17T04:30:39+00:00

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[deleted] · 2015-08-16T21:09:13+00:00

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[deleted] · 2015-08-16T20:10:59+00:00

I don't regret being married, per se. I do regret being blue pill for the early years and my blue pill choices leading up to my marriage. I could have enjoyed my marriage so much more had I known then what I know now. My wife has many attractive and rare qualities (virgin when we met, etc.), but I'd possibly have chosen a different partner and done so later in life if I knew then what I know now. That's not to say it would have worked better in the end, because you can never know for sure, but at the least I'd have avoided years of dead bedroom and confusion for us both.

Squeezymypenisy · 2015-08-16T18:28:05+00:00

reddit mrp

David949 · 2015-08-17T03:40:29+00:00

Married at 26 and regretted it from day 1. Stayed for 10 years and was terrified about divorce rape. Got out clean 6 years ago. My GF introduced me to TRP 2 years ago and it's the best thing that ever happened to me. Wish I had this 20 years ago

ratthing · 2015-08-16T23:56:08+00:00

I definitely do NOT regret being married.

And I've been on the receiving end of a marriage ending. The end of my first marriage was a classic case of a woman getting disgusted with her overly-beta husband. In the end, she got EVERYTHING. I was left with my old pickup truck, my clothes, and my books.

But now I've been married for 15 years to a wonderful woman who naturally gets the whole red pill dynamic of male/female relationships. She's a Filipina, and a college professor. She was raised in a very conservative way, which I feel is an important factor in picking a wife. She knows all about TRP, and while she finds the terms we use here offensive and stupid, she nonetheless agrees (strongly, almost passionately) with most all the concepts they represent. I know this because we are raising a son and daughter, and the way we are raising them reflects the natural differences between men and women.

We've had our tough times, but the vast majority of our marriage has been wonderful, with me as the captain and her as my first mate. And we have two healthy, happy kids.

I will admit to not completely being able to understand the whole anti-marriage aspect of TRP. Ultimately, of course, it is a personal choice. For me, money and material possessions are easily replaceable. What matters to me are family and other personal relationships. Life is full of risk. I choose to accept the risk associated with marriage because, to me, the rewards are far greater than any damage a feminist judge and psycho-ex can deliver. If I ever got screwed by my wife, I'd just pick myself up and start again, getting by as best I could.

texxrp · 2015-08-17T04:51:31+00:00

Married for almost 21 years and I do not regret it. My situation is a little different as there are no kids and children were not an option when we married so that mitigated the child support issues. When we married my wife was actually in a better paying job so I felt pretty secure that she would be able to be self supporting. I knew my wife socially for about 1.5 years before we ever dated, that gave me plenty of time to observe how she acted in social situations and also that she was not out riding the CC. We are both from an earlier generation that was raised in a more traditional manner and not as prone to the entitlement mentality that I see in the young women of today. Wife was raised as a Catholic and attended Catholic school when she was young. As a result she has pretty traditional beliefs when it comes to marriage and that fits nicely into how we manage our lives. Should something happen to my wife leaving me alone in my 50s I doubt I would remarry.

While I have had a positive experience with my marriage I would advise young men of today to avoid marriage. The level of entitlement and crazy I see in the younger generation is just off the chart and coupled with the child custody laws and the propensity of the courts to side with women in divorce cases make this decision an easy choice.

In contrast to my marriage there is the case of my wife's brother. He was single most of his life, high earner, partner in a business, married a wall approaching woman 10 or 12 years younger than him, popped out a couple of kids and since then has had to deal with her insanity. She has not worked since they married, been tough drug rehab, does very little around the house, has a physical condition that is not IMO a major illness yet she uses to act as if she is incapacitated and helpless. BIL cannot leave because it is "cheaper to keep her" BIL also had a period of a few years that saw business reversals leaving him completely broke, almost homeless and living off of the kindness of others. I feel for the guy but there is not much that I can offer given his situation.

Do not marry. If you want companionship hire it.

UnluckyPenguin · 2015-08-16T20:13:44+00:00

Just like in every LTR, there are times where either side regrets it. Either because lack of freedom or temporary contempt for the other person.

But when there are significantly more good times than bad times, you have a good marriage. And with TRP those few bad times don't last long enough to break your frame.

Glenbert · 2015-08-16T20:22:21+00:00

Me? Not yet.

I would recommend that no man be married before 30 and do not marry a woman less than 5 years younger than you.

Also make sure that you've seen the depths of female depravity before you consider getting married.

[deleted] · 2015-08-17T03:11:07+00:00

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BlackKnightofthePill · 2015-08-17T02:58:15+00:00

This is a good question.

I can say that I regret getting married as early as I did, because I had a lot to learn about TRP and implementing TRP is much more difficult when you're married because it's hard to have outcome independence when you have kids and a wife who could divorce-rape you etc.

However, despite the fact that the change has been more difficult to implement than what I fantasize it would have been pre-marriage, my wife is getting it. Obviously I don't say "I'm trying this new thing on you" but she has gone from a shit-testing fiend, to the occasional comfort test, usually after work parties or something where she sees other women talk to me.

In general I don't regret getting married. Ideally though, I would have made my RP game better before getting into any kind of LTR.

As far as recommending whether you should stay single or not, you're going to get a lot of yesses on here. However, I would say it depends on what you want out of life. If you like spinning plates, have sex with different girls frequently, no commitments, no spending money on girls etc, then don't get married.

If you are tired of that, or never wanted it, or like the concept of being with only one woman (for better or for worse) then consider an LTR, and see how that works for you. If you're not religious, you can have pretty much everything a marriage gives outside of a marriage (except perhaps some tax-benefits), so objectively, I don't see a reason to do it. And as a matter of fact, if I weren't religious myself, I would never get married.

That's not to say I wouldn't get into a committed relationship that might last for life. I think there can be value and happiness and satisfaction in that. I just think it's dangerous and if you have no onus on you from a deity saying don't have sex outside of marriage, then I can't really see a reason to get married.

ShangoThor · 2015-08-17T02:59:47+00:00

married 10 yrs. no regrets. best thing ever happened to me.

PemBayliss · 2015-08-17T16:33:17+00:00

I'll try to add to what u/Archwinger said, but he said it so damn well.

Yes, I regret getting married. Yes, if you're single, don't get married.

There is some happiness. But it comes at enormous cost. I have to work hard all the time for it. You have to be on guard all the time to avoid giving up everything you are, to keep your responsibilities as husband and father from totally consuming you.

And married men carry tremendous responsibilities. Society gives you no help or support at all in carrying out your responsibilities. You have NO WAY to enforce the marital "contract". If wife decides not to have sex with you or cheats or not help you or leave you, your only option is to detonate the whole goddamn marriage. Your only option is to bite the bullet, end the marriage, and resign yourself to losing a lot of money and any kids you have.

fnordsnord · 2015-08-17T20:57:49+00:00

I'm married. I don't regret it, but I wouldn't do it again, knowing what I know now about the law.

After 25 years I appear to have a "good one," but would never risk it today.

RelapsedBeta · 2015-12-19T23:15:56+00:00

Married at 23, been married for 9 years, two kids. Worst decision I have ever made. I'm pretty sure she's killing me slowly but surely through bratty bitchiness. For the love of all that is sacred, do not marry.

GarandPing · 2016-02-09T21:47:01+00:00

Yes and yes. I'm married. Fourteen years. I do not regret it. I love her and I know she loves me. But I've learned that I am her beta buck. She did not marry me beceause of sexual attraction, which is a huge mistake that almost all women tend to make. I still do not have the happy companionship and frequent, quality, sexual intimacy that most men need and frankly expect in marriage to women, though I'm working on improving that. I do not recommend marriage. The gun is always in the room. he threat to you is always there. You can never let your guard down. Ever. You can never truly open up and disclose your feelings, especially not to the one you are to trust the most - who promised "for better or worse". If you do, she will lose respect and attraction to you and her hypergamy will take the wheel. You are accountable for everything, and nothing escapes your culpability. At the same time many married men lose all authority and become emasculated. There is no such thing as "unconditional love", except from perhaps your own mother and father. They are probably the only ones you will ever know in your life who do love you this way. No other person on the planet will love you unconditionally. Especially not your wife. So you must perform. There is no respite. No safe place. I learned all of this too late, but I've learned other things since that are helping me. If you are a young guy 18-35, I would wager that your parents insisted that marriage and children are an obligatory objective for you and your life. A milestone. These statements are actually their personal need for social achievement (raised a son to be husband, father) and status (grandparents, parent-in-laws), not what's best for your well-being and happiness. The well-being of males is not increased or enhanced by women. We must achieve this on our own. Women either assist you, or they are a boat-anchor. If I were your age and single, knowing what I know now, I would remain so. Yes, I would forego having children and perhaps even sex if it meant self-determination and freedom.
But alas this was not the path I choose. So choose wisely.

Sibilant_Engorgement · 2015-08-16T19:45:59+00:00

Not yet. But if divorce ever comes, I doubt I will be a train wreck like my first marriage thanks to TRP.

real-boethius · 2015-08-17T11:44:10+00:00

No I don't regret is but there is no point in regret so that doesn't mean much. Would I advise young men to marry today? No. As in no. It is just far too risky and dangerous and difficult.

In addition, marrying a woman when women want to get married these days (~35 years old) gives you maybe 15 years before menopause at which point most women totally lose interest in sex, not to mention they become much less attractive and often undergo major adverse personality change. The person you thought you married is no longer there.

Yes you can mitigate the risk but at the end of the day she has a gun and can fire it into your life at any time.

Also you are confined to one woman for life. This is a big deal.

Mitigation

Don't marry a slut.
Don't marry someone whose parents were divorced, ditto for her friends and siblings.
Don't put your dick into crazy.
Maintain a good alpha/beta mix.
Use dread game in limited qualities.

BFMCBeaner · 2015-08-17T04:49:28+00:00

No I don't regret being married. My ex and I were married for 13 years. She gave up trying to have kids and we divorced since we weren't going to have a family. She felt less than a woman for me since she couldn't bear my spawn. I have got another great woman who knows and follows traditional gender dynamics, follows my lead gladly and who is a great first mate to the USS Boozefighter Beaner. Will I marry her? Absolutely. Of course I'm a little more Alpha 1.0 compared to a lot of the younger guys here who're Alpha 2.0 or Sigma males.

I would say marriage isn't for a lot if not most of y'all. Live your own life of greatness and keep those plates spinning. While I live a more traditional life while with my woman who loves my frame and masculinity; loves the excitement and drama of the Motorcycle club world.

dandar4600 · 2015-08-17T13:38:08+00:00

It depends on what your end goals were. For me marriage was to have someone to have kids and grow old with. In that context I do not regret it. Too much emphasis is placed on the risk. You risk your life driving to work everyday. There is risk in everything you do. Marriage is also a risk. That's why you should do you due dilligence vetting the person you're willing to tie the knot with. TRP and Married Red Pill gives you the tools to make sure that you still get laid in your marriage so in my opinion it's even less of a risk once you're TRP aware and keep your marriage at dread level 5 out of 12.

So do I regret it? No. Sure I'd like to sometimes spin some plates and fuck some new pussy. What straight man wouldn't? Would I trade my life for that? Not a chance. Having good marriage, children who love you, clean home and dinner ready when you come from work is extremely rewarding. When at the end of the day she's on her knees getting your dick wet no amount of strange new pussy would sway me from my marriage.

NiftyDolphin · 2015-08-17T15:58:25+00:00

Stay single. Don't get married until you want children within the next year.

If you don't want children, there is no benefit to getting married unless not being married will negatively impact your career.

EGOtyst · 2015-08-16T18:36:49+00:00

I don't regret getting married. At least not generally. There are times when my Wife pisses me off to the point of being fed up, but overall it's good. Better than not doing it.

JeanValjean197o · 2015-08-17T10:48:48+00:00

Having been married briefly I can actually chime in here. I don't usually consider myself to have ever been married because the marriage lasted all of about a month.

Well, technically speaking: I'm still married. Although, I haven't seen her in over 10 years.

I'm almost embarassed to admit this, but I was a beta bux 34 year old back in 2005 and I met a woman on Match from India.

Well, a few months later I went to India. While there she actually paid for everything. We got married and then I left and started the process to bring her back with me.

Well it wasn't a week after I returned and she started acting weird. She went on a vacation to Goa and didn't correspond for 2 weeks and then when she returned she acted weird some more.

I figure she cheated on me, but she would never admit it. In fact, she wouldn't admit anything. Finally I demanded she say what was on her mind and she said something like, "Love is just a feeling and I don't feel it anymore."

That was the closest I got to an explanation. She stayed in India and continued her acting career and was on a couple soaps and a movie and a sitcom and I spent the next 10 years being pissed off and trying to figure out how I could have misjudged things so badly.

Honestly, looking back it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I would never have been sent on the voyage of discovery without her flaking out on me.

In the end I got an awesome 3 week vacation paid for by my wife and I got laid a lot as well.

Now you may wonder how I'm still technically married. Well, because in India I am married. We never got a divorce because we never registered the marriage there. It's not necessary to do so apparently. However, here in the US I'm not married. I haven't spoken to her in 10 years, but she does have a Facebook page that she updated a couple years ago.

So, what's my point here.

Women don't love men.
Women feel no obligations to live up to their word. In fact, obligations are considered "oppression" to women.
Women expect you to fulfill your obligations but consider it optional to return the favor.

Had we married in the states I would have been fucked.

Or, had she just made it as far as the states on a fiance visa I would have been financially responsible for her for the 90 days that she was here. She could have said, "Fuck you" on day one and then gotten the State Department to force me to sponsor her travel of 90 days.

I'm a lot happier since I found TRP. I haven't even tried to get laid yet and maybe I never will. I could care less. I feel great and I work out and do things that I enjoy. That's all that matters to me. Maybe in a few months my feelings will change and I'll be more interested in dating, but I will never marry again.

I give anyone on here permission to come and punch me in the stomach should I ever get the fee fees and announce I'm getting hitched.

London-Bananas · 2015-08-16T20:17:44+00:00

Marriage is a topic where even in TRP we see a lot of hamstering about. Countless of times it is repeated that it's a high-risk zero return business, and still people come up with shit like "yeha but I want kids so I need a stable nuclear family and get married" or "it's TRP on hard mode".

Sometimes I wish the automoderator would be programmed to permaban users who advocate marriage. It's also why marriedredpill isn't allowed on the sidebar, too many people where advocating for marriage or writing it off as not bad.

retailfreedom · 2015-08-16T18:56:49+00:00

ITT: Male hamstering.

Marriedguy_throwaway · 2015-08-16T21:24:03+00:00

I have, literally, the perfect marriage. However, as a rule, I would not recommend marriage to any man - not even my own son.

I married young to a girl who was a virgin. Perhaps she is a unicorn, and/or perhaps I am so dominant that no relationship with me would flourish if the other party doesn't bend to my will. She's been faithful and we have a relationship that is open on my end. I'm free to pursue women. I've had girlfriends, mistresses, etc. We've had threesomes, foursomes, etc. (Only women besides me of course.) She knows that if she so much as holds hands with another man, it will be over in fantastic fashion. While I have significant assets, I am capable of pretty terrible things and so I can't see any scenario in which divorcing me would be a wise option. Likewise, I'm 100% honest with her and also try to treat her the way she deserves to be treated.

We have a very unique history that would be almost impossible to reproduce. Our personalities match, in that I am very dominant and she is a pleaser.

So no, I do not regret getting married because it has added infinite pleasure and happiness to my life. Yet, no, I do not recommend marriage to men in the absence of some pretty specific circumstances, eg: submissive woman, virgin, young, conservative upbringing and a strong relationship with her alpha father, etc.

Title	Married Red Pill Men, do you regret it?
Author	redpilldude
Upvotes	36
Comments	94
Date	August 16, 2015 5:18 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3h7tfs/married_red_pill_men_do_you_regret_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/married-red-pill-men-do-you-regret-it.103 https://theredarchive.com/post/103

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