Devotion is better than compatibility , do you disagree? CMV.

CimZim · 2021-11-27T01:27:55+00:00

Disagree, because misguided devotion leads incompatible couples to remain together even when they both know it's harmful.

Better to understand that devotion is only a good thing when used alongside compatibility, not in place of it.

WestsideMoonWalker · 2021-11-27T01:43:44+00:00

I don't think you can directly compare the two. But I also don't think that compatibility = "being a similar type of person".

If you want to be somewhat cynical about it, I think things like social class and general life stability are much better predictors of relationship success than devotion or compatibility.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-11-27T01:58:03+00:00

To mirror what others have said, I don't think compatibility means being the same type of person. My husband and I aren't the same in many ways, but we each like and respect the type of person the other is.

And, devotion doesn't replace compatibility.

baresquad · 2021-11-27T02:04:24+00:00

Personally, I find more comfort in meshing well with my partner rather than having a partner with undying commitment

In my experience certain relationship hardships haven’t been worth the trouble, relationship dissolved, we go our separate ways, that’s life. I’m not really one to believe that relationships have to go through hell, much rather they just end. Now that’s not to say that every hardship has to lead to a breakup, they don’t, but 0 compatibility is gonna make that breakup happen a whole lot easier

Guess what I’m trying to say is compatibility is the foundation. With no compatibility there’s no reason for devotion. If compatibility is present, devotion is gonna come a whole lot easier

nemporisso · 2021-11-27T03:04:53+00:00

No. Without compatibility, your devotion will be received as nonsensical, or insincere. Or it simply won't be reciprocated.

CatchPhraze · 2021-11-27T03:23:15+00:00

Nope. Being compatible makes it easy. Being devoted means pushing through the fact it's hard.

All relationships have ups and downs, but I want them easier then not.

xcheshirecatxx · 2021-11-27T03:41:43+00:00

Disagree

Devotion isn't worth it without compatibility

Compatibility isn't being similar

EdwardCircumcizehand · 2021-11-27T02:38:01+00:00

Compatibility should lead to devotion

cccccclairee · 2021-11-27T01:58:51+00:00

No. Not at all. It’s futile in my opinion and experience to keep a relationship going if you aren’t compatible. No one ends up happy. It’s better to find someone who you are compatible with in all ways, because then you will be on the same page as far as working on your relationship

Devourer_of_felines · 2021-11-27T02:40:52+00:00

You can be compatible as people but without the willpower to push through certain hardships/not do certain things I don't think a relationship can hold out for long.

Here’s the problem though; everyone thinks they’re the type of people with the willpower to push through hardships together….until they actually go through hardships.

NarniaFox · 2021-11-27T05:10:33+00:00

"Compatible" doesn't necessary mean being a similar type of person. An introvert and an extrovert can be compatible as long as they're okay with spending some of their free time on their own and they don't try to change the other or to make them enjoy things they aren't into. A person who isn't religious can date a religious man/woman as long as they don't try to influence each other's views on religion etc.

What is important is to have compatible core values and "devotion" can be a part of it. You should both have compatible morals, views on marriage, exclusivity and have compatible plans for the future. If one wants to have kids and the other doesn't, it's the issue that most likely cannot be solved without breaking up. Having compatible or in this case similar views on marriage can include devotion. If you both believe that you should do your best to make it work, if you're both willing to do couple therapy in case of any issues, if you value each other etc.

But devotion without compatibility is the recipe for disaster. Sure, you can stick together, but chances are high that either one or both of you will be unhappy in this relationship.

CFinCanada · 2021-11-27T07:18:56+00:00

You simply cannot have devotion without compatibility.

One will eventually leave for greener pastures... even the greener pastures of simply having peace of mind by oneself. There is nothing lonelier than being with someone who makes you feel alone. Most human beings would not find this a bearable situation indefinitely. Though some of these marriages do indeed make it "till death do them part"... with the cause of death being suicide.

jayval90 · 2021-11-27T02:03:41+00:00

Disagree, only because you're not pushing it far enough. If your primary objective in mate selection is to find "the right other," you are always setting yourself up for failure.

First of all, it's impossible to know what is actually right for you in the long term.

Secondly, even if you did know that, it's impossible to know what the other person is actually like.

And finally, even if you get the first two perfectly right, people change and so your analysis is going to be wrong for the "new you's" that will exist 5 years into the relationship.

The only thing that transcends the changing people involved is devotion. It's all that matters. Are you willing to devote to the other person, and is the other person willing to devote to you? Yes, there might be some compatibility buried deep beneath that question, but it all leads back to willingness to devote. There are occasional marriages that work even when they are low compatibility because they had some other reason to be devoted to working things out with each other. But there is no marriage that works without devotion to each other.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-11-27T02:12:00+00:00

Compatibility is often the reason for people's devotion. "I like you a lot because you're like me so we get along very well, and that makes me want to be with you."

Blind devotion is better than compatibility? For who?

AutoModerator · 2021-11-27T01:25:39+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2021-11-27T01:25:40+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a CMV. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to have your view challenged may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Asking few or no genuine questions;

Seeming more interested in arguing or convincing others than understanding opposing views;

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Explicit statements of an intent to change the other posters’ minds; or

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to CMV OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-11-27T01:56:06+00:00

Nope.

No devotion in the world is going to help you if you don't agree on what your life together should be like. Like it's not about hating each other if you aren't a similar person. It's making sure you both agree and there's no resentment on how to handle finances, in whether you're aiming for a future you both want, it's having compatible values when it comes to running a home, having children, wanting a relatively similar lifestyle etc

Yes you need devotion and the determination to stay together. Once the honeymoon phase is done, love is a choice you make. But it's much easier to love someone who is compatible with you.

ruboyuri · 2021-11-27T02:13:16+00:00

Devotion always runs out, unless fueled by trauma/mental illness

orangecloverbud · 2021-11-27T03:23:15+00:00

Not better. Loyalty is meaningless if its to someone who spends all your money even though you're frugal, to someone who thinks the love and bond you have for family is stupid, to someone who thinks your beliefs are stupid and etc. Whats the point in being loyal to a shithead?

dbz19 · 2021-11-27T05:59:29+00:00

Kinda agree. Every relationship will have hurdles. Compatibility won’t save it, but being devoted and persevering through will.

Imagine one partner gets a job offer and the family has to relocate. Being both into the same hobbies won’t save the marriage, but having complete love, understanding, and devotion to each other will.

Devotion makes you self-sacrifice. Compatibility does not. A successful marriage will ALWAYS need a degree of self-sacrifice. People refusing to budge an inch us how divorces happen

Laytheblameonluck · 2021-11-27T11:59:41+00:00

Most people seem to mistake agreeableness with compatibility, eg. "Unlike the scrotes, this guy is agreeing with everything I want men to do, therefore we are compatible!"

wtknight · 2021-11-27T16:46:27+00:00

I disagree. Two devoted people who are incompatible with each other are going to be unhappy. I think that it's happier to be on one's own or constantly jumping from person to person because one can't find a compatible person than to feel "stuck" with someone who one is incompatible with because of having a devoted character.

SonicBackScratcher · 2021-11-27T17:31:18+00:00

My wife and I are in many ways dissimilar. In music, in food, in much of our entertainment choices, even in our approach to the future.

But... we are very compatible. Her things and mine still mesh well. Our styles mesh well. Our desire to be together mesh well. Our habits mesh well. We now work full time together and people I talk to seem to think that is somehow shocking that a married couple can yet we have no issues at all, in fact its made things better for us in a lot of ways.

Compatibility is important, the problem is what people consider compatible is often quite shallow. Young people tend to think of their likes, hobbies, and such as there personality. Its not.

It would be nice if my wife and I liked the same music for example (a big one young people seem to think is SOOOO important) but its not in any way critical.

Obviously devotion, and I'd call that loyalty is important too, but you could argue that either extreme compatibility or extreme loyalty do the same thing, keep you together, but only one would be happy about it.

SirTruffleberry · 2021-11-27T18:26:16+00:00

Neither alone was sufficient for my marriage, which ended in divorce. No amount of willpower can overcome sexual incompatibility. You need only check the dead bedroom sub for that.

So your question is rather like asking whether water is more important than food.

womandatory · 2021-11-27T13:59:20+00:00

No. What?

Title	Devotion is better than compatibility , do you disagree? CMV.
Author	WheelIntelligent1354
Upvotes	16
Comments	44
Date	November 27, 2021 1:25 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/r31ukx/devotion_is_better_than_compatibility_do_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/devotion-is-better-than-compatibility-do-you.1086360 https://theredarchive.com/post/1086360

Comments