Post the proof?

Aledough · 2021-12-29T14:18:39+00:00

I would consult a lawyer to see what can be used against you. Too many factors here man, be safe!

Jbr74 · 2021-12-29T14:48:43+00:00

I say yes. I did 2 years ago, don't regret it either, I'd do it all over again.

It saved a lot of my relationships, she was slandering me, little did she know I had video and audio proof she was a liar.

I actually made a 45 minute Youtube video, sent the link to every single person remotely important to her with a play-by-play of all the evidence I had, I did delete it after a few days (wish now I hadn't) but it had about 300 views when I did, and man it was a glorious shitshow she was caught in when I was done with her. It was a sight to be seen watching her skeletons ripped from the closet and thrown into the street.

She f'ed with the wrong dude.

akihonj · 2021-12-29T14:38:40+00:00

It depends, let's take the lies she's saying. What they are, how damaging they are to you, your wider family or your reputation.

If you have proof that she is lying then first use it in court, if you can't do that then yeah post the truth, do not engage in conversation about it, do not hide it, but do not discuss it with others, leave it there, it is what it is and now you be the judge.

I've actually been down this road myself, the difference is that I did post.

She was telling people how I was abusing her through the marriage, I was the one taking the abuse not her but you know what happens when a woman claims abuse. My evidence was not admissable in the court hearings. Not for any particular legal reasons the judge just didn't care.

So I posted, it along with everything else, and I told people if you chose her side and believed I was the evil person here is the proof and now know I will never have contact with you again, for the rest of you, those who stuck by me, here is the proof that vindicates you.

I followed that up with, I will not be discussing this with anybody, will not be answering questions or responding to any comments.

I will not take this down, so don't ask.

Her family, who swore they'd get me back for her bs, were the first to tell me how sorry they were and then to ask me to take it down, and they were the first to be told to go fuck themselves.

Her friends were next

Then some of my family.

Needless to say there are fewer in my life now, quality over quantity is not a bad thing though.

crypto_keeper88 · 2021-12-29T15:59:28+00:00

Going nuclear is a valid response if she was cheating and telling people you are splitting up for some other reason. In that case telling her friends, family and coworkers is not out of the question.

rsmiley77 · 2021-12-29T17:54:14+00:00

I gave the short and correct answer above but I see there’s a number of suggestions saying you should go ahead and post what you have…. So to more fully answer your question:

1) the saying don’t get into a fight with a pig is 💯 percent true in this situation. Stay above getting muddy… let her be that one.

2) anyone who believes her side doesn’t deserve your friendship. Let this be a perfect filter of who makes the cut on people going forward you’ll associate with.

3) my number one rule during and even after divorce was not to piss off the judge by doing something stupid. This may very well piss off the judge. If you have kids your divorce isn’t truly over until they’re both out of your homes.

4) let your life going forward speak for you. Let her continue to be a mess. Get the best outcome you can from the divorce… regroup… and then move on. That speaks way louder than posting ‘proof’ on the web.

thefudmaster · 2021-12-29T14:23:15+00:00

Nope. Move on and go grey rock.

bacon-wrapped-steak · 2021-12-29T14:10:16+00:00

I've thought about doing that myself. Curious to hear what others think.

CreditThis9963 · 2021-12-30T02:44:25+00:00

I made flash drives loaded with video of my ex fucking several different men, some while literally being gangbanged. There were also emails, text and pics on the flash drive. She always was good at showing as if she was a sweet innocent church woman even teaching Bible study while making me to be this evil guy. It was literally the opposite but I did get evil in the end and made several packages up and sent to everyone of her family members and friends, one went to her churches pastor, one went to her place of employment to HR dept and then I posted some on her employers online post board, they after this made it to where you have to get approval before anyone can see them but mine were up there for awhile before they were noticed for everyone to see. I used proton encrypted email, sent the packages from several different states, none my own, thank goodness for q close network of friends that are OTR drivers lol. She ended up being kicked out of her church, lost all her friends, and had to quit her job before they fired her. She tried so hard to get me for this criminally and through civil court but nothing could come back to me. The judge told her rather than focus on stopping the truth from being exposed she should use that time to become the person she wants the truth she's portraying to portray. I was told by some of my family and friends what I did was petty, don't care, after my second time being cheated on I hate to say I but the experience has permanently damaged me turning me from the proverbial good and nice guy to a untrusting prick.

SomeRedditNewb · 2021-12-29T22:28:23+00:00

Do it! Do it now!

-Palpatine

RepresentativeOk5968 · 2021-12-30T11:44:51+00:00

Exposing liars is sometimes the only way to stop them from lying. Plus I'm not going to martyr myself to make a liar look good. Drop the truth bombs.

CreditThis9963 · 2021-12-30T17:12:08+00:00

I am an American and happily so. What should I have played nice. I only gave yall a tid bit of what this woman did to me. In some parts of the world extreme violence would have come her way, all I did was expose her for who she really was while she portrayed a sweet angel. If anyone is offended by that then I dont care. Like the saying goes, the truth hurts lmao.

dudefromyork · 2021-12-29T16:29:34+00:00

Be careful about what you share and how you obtained it. Could backfire spectacularly....

Tis_Of_Thee · 2021-12-29T16:44:46+00:00

My ex had it specifically added to the divorce agreement that I would be subject to a lawsuit if I did this. Alas...

BurnerMan7 · 2021-12-29T14:27:22+00:00

No. That is, unless you want it to escalate and create drama for the foreseeable future. I'd advocate moving on, but maybe somehow let her know that you COULD do this if she spreads any BS.

NothingIsEverEnough · 2021-12-29T14:40:29+00:00

Sounds like you’re not ready to let go. Even after the divorce is final you wish to co to ie conflict.

Move on. The sooner you do the sooner you heal. You’ll grow into a bitter old man holding on to conflict like that.

aftrthehangovr · 2021-12-29T15:05:45+00:00

It’s like a Cold War right? The end of a long term relationship. No matter who gets the items there are the hearts and minds. If you are not talking bout it someone else is... and she for sure is ya know?

But the public stuff can make you look tacky to some people. Which I always found ironic.... like exposing something wrong is much worse that the actual wrong act that was committed 🤷🏽‍♀️

rsmiley77 · 2021-12-29T17:42:54+00:00

No. No you shouldn’t. Anything else?

HowManyBobs · 2021-12-29T15:11:51+00:00

No! High road is the long term best path! The truth will surface on it's own! NO! You will look small and regret it in the future!

Classic_Dill · 2021-12-29T14:42:54+00:00

Maybe, i would double check the libel and slander laws though first.

JohnnyMnemo · 2021-12-29T17:07:05+00:00

No. Any engagement, even negative, is some engagement, and it's better not to be engaged.

At this point, she's just Somebody That You Used to Know.

Celebrate453 · 2021-12-29T18:55:05+00:00

Nooooope. Anyone willing to fall for her bullshit will likely see you as a “bully” and she’ll make up some deeper victim story about what a good liar YOU are.

Over time, people’s patterns emerge within all their circles. It takes time, but the people who know you will see the truth eventually. If they don’t, they’re not worth the effort of defending yourself to.

maybebionic · 2021-12-29T23:11:43+00:00

It won’t benefit you. They will think you are worse for doing it. I personally wrote a book, 75 pages of everything. Things that would bury my ex. I won’t send it to her friends and family. But it’s cathartic.

SpacemanLost · 2021-12-30T00:22:21+00:00

You have to ask yourself "Will she counter attack with even more lies, or perhaps something else you'd rather not air out?"

My ex back in the STBX phase was wielding the threat of false allegations, including those of 'doing very bad things(tm)' to my young children, in my face. I even got a recording of a phone call where she laid out her threat of 'extra bad accusations' in detail like a Bond Villain, going far enough to list everyone she claimed would corroborate her lies, if I didn't fork over 5 grand to her right away.

I took the recording to my attorney, and her reaction was "This is great! if she does that I can get you out ASAP and you'll only be jail for a couple days or a weekend at most, unlike (other earlier client of her who was also falsely accused) who in jail for over 3 weeks".

My response was "WTF?? I'll be jailed?? Can't I take this to the cops and prevent all that?" to which she responded "Nope. If she makes XYZ accusations that you were harming your kids, the standard response here is to remove you from the home, pull in CPS, etc. etc. Law enforcement here has a policy of erring on the side of assuming it's real".

My EX was doctor certified BPD, and super angry that I wasn't going to agree to her one-sided "open marriage+BDSM exploration" and vowed multiple times to destroy me, before completely changing face again and again.

I deemed it not worth the risk. Eventually her mom learned the truth - and she still stood fast by her daughter and blamed me.

So, my cautionary tale is "Consider ALL the downsides, including escalation with false accusations to save face"

AffectionateAd6060 · 2021-12-30T01:05:18+00:00

That's something a woman would do. Don't stoop to such a level man.

Wewinky · 2021-12-30T01:31:22+00:00

Hard no if kids are involved. Not worth the potential hurt it will cause them.

pegleg_legal · 2021-12-30T03:18:49+00:00

What purpose will it serve? If it's revenge you want, there are much more effective ways to get that.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2021-12-29T17:27:11+00:00

No. ONLY people both you and Ex should communicate to will be kids (if any) and judge. Period. Stop any and all communication with all her friends and family. Any person who was family friend but continues any form of communication with her is not your friend, they are her friend.

Title	Post the proof?
Author	ManKind__
Upvotes	24
Comments	39
Date	December 29, 2021 1:47 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/rr8ke2/post_the_proof/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/post-the-proof.1090094 https://theredarchive.com/post/1090094

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