Terrified of Having Sex

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-12-24T13:33:09+00:00

No advice threads

decoy88 · 2021-12-24T08:18:19+00:00

I looked at your profile. You’re in high school. Do you realize it is 100% normal to be a virgin at your age??? Believe it or not but most high schoolers are virgins.

goatismycopilot · 2021-12-24T12:22:33+00:00

Don't pay attention to red pill or PPD both of which are aimed at men. You cannot do anything about men what they want or why they want it, none of that matters.

The best thing you can do is figure yourself out, what you want, do not want and figure out why. Right now you should be focusing on your career aspirations anyway and setting healthy adult habits around food, exercise, friendships, spirituality, and learning to manage money. Men will always be there to give you advice about what THEY want.

Now would be a time to look around and seek out mentors for career and life and look at people you might want to model yourself after and again think about why.

Any man who wants you to be lesser, who does not want you to have goals or aspirations or who wants you to sit on the sidelines and just be their audience is one to avoid and there are a ton of them out there. Focus on you not them.

y2kjanelle · 2021-12-24T08:20:56+00:00

Also, being a south Asian woman is not a disadvantage. I’m a desi girl myself and it’s literally never hurt me in any way when it comes to male attention. All my other desi girlfriends have had the same experience

cuckspace · 2021-12-24T09:20:56+00:00

Reality is everywhere! The horror! TRP exists everywhere, under different names, because its main tenets are confirmed by the actions and reactions of women every day, all over the world. If you want its axioms to stop being true, you have to change female nature, which is of course not possible. If you want men to be ignorant of female nature, I suggest you look in more impoverished parts of the world, preferrably without an internet connection and low levels of literacy. Chances are the sage of his tribe is also teaching these truths though, as have his forebearers for thousands of years.

Perseus_the_Bold · 2021-12-24T07:54:03+00:00

Stay away from the manosphere. And stay away from Online Dating.

And sex is not the only reason men would want to approach you or would want to be friendly with you. Take sex off the table, when men genuinely have a crush on a girl, sex takes a back seat. But keep in mind that feelings sometimes do change. Just as you may feel super attracted to a guy for a while and then notice the feelings fading away so too can a guy's feelings fade over time, this is why relationships are a test of those waters.

You sound young - enjoy your youth, experience will teach you what you need to know but to start off in the right place keep sex off the table. If a guy can't be your best friend without sex then it is the sex he is after and not your friendship. But if some day you do feel the time is right to have sex then just go for it, enjoy it, and do not regret it. If you end up falling out with the guy so be it. That is how everyone who has ever been in relationships starts their learning experience. Trials are part of life.

As for these idiotic games that Pickup Artist assholes play trust your instincts. They are there for a reason. If something doesn't feel right trust the warning signs and do what you think is best, and if your brain is too clouded with emotion to think straight ask someone you trust for help or advice.

And I wouldn't worry about men going covert super suave secret agent just to sex you up. Men are idiots when they're horny and can't think straight. They are not as clever or as smooth as you might think. And it also takes a lot of effort which they cannot grapple or focus on since they are too horny to think straight or maintain any kind of mental focus required to pull off such an intricate act. You will spot phonies, don't worry, they are not clever. What they will do is play on your feelings, push buttons, get on your nerves and under your skin. Take that as a red flag.

You do not have to be "particularly attractive" to attract at least half of men. I have had crushes on not so good looking women and I have friends who are very good looking and have less attractive girlfriends. Like I said, you have to be a close friend before being a girlfriend. Mature men prefer dating a good friend instead of cold approaching random girls at bars which is stupid.

As for anyone reading this and wondering why the hell is a MGTOW giving this girl sane advice all I will say in my defense is this: I hate Pickup Artists! And she is asking how to avoid them, so I will gladly tell her how to spot and vet those slimy crawlers.

-passepar2t- · 2021-12-24T08:21:55+00:00

You can try to do your best to find out your suitor's intentions in advance but many times, you will not have that luxury. You will make mistakes and you will walk into situations you'll regret. Everyone does. Almost literally everyone. Do your best but dating almost always involves some kind of leap of faith because no one will have perfect information and many men and women are good at hiding things about themselves in the beginning.

Also, indent ffs.

Prismatic_Symphony · 2021-12-24T10:47:12+00:00

Since you're young, I'll say this: An important thing to do is to know yourself. Make a list of what you want and what you don't want. Figure out why you want those things. Figure out what's a strong boundary for you, and what is negotiable. Then, it's important to know what men are and what they want. The fact that you're on here at all makes it seem like you're already doing that.

If anything, I recommend you not even bother with sex until after high school. You wanna focus on learning about the world a bit and figuring out your own thought processes. Eventually, when you decide to, it's probably best to keep sex within a LTR. At least then the guy is emotionally invested in being good to you, and you'll be emotionaly invested in being good to him. It's a good idea to get tested with the guy first. That'll filter out those who don't care about their health.

You being Desi isn't a big deal; men will still be interested.

Last but not least, know how to communicate. Remember that men are not mindreaders. I put that in bold because many, many young women make that mistake. Repeat that to yourself as a mantra. When it comes to your relationship and/or sex, the man will need to hear what you want/need in unambiguous terms. He is not a woman, therefore you cannot expect him to interpret things the way a woman would. If you feel uncomfortable with something, it is important that you say so. He doesn't have your body, so you cannot expect him to know what feels good to you. Give him direction when it's not working. And take direction from him about how to please him too.

CrazyBaby8891 · 2021-12-24T08:00:19+00:00

I want to entirely avoid a man who has been influenced by redpill ideas
entirely. My fear is the only reason men want to date is for sex. Now I
know this is probably irrational

The easiest way to avoid those types also happens to be the hardest (if you have a normal sex drive, that is) option to carry out: waiting until marriage (or at least until a LTR but I strongly recommend waiting for marriage.) It will easily weed out an astonishing number of guys who simply want to use you when they find you won't bend on that issue (ask me how I know.) Your fear is not irrational at all, because dating is a dumpsterfire these days (for even halfway decent people, anyway.) Continuous vetting is crucial, as is staying on top of all the ever-evolving shady tactics players like to pull. And as a virgin, there will even be some guys who might seem to respect you at first but then you'll find they only see you as a particular type of conquest or a challenge. When getting to know a guy, pay close attention to how much his words and his actions align and if there are any red flags in his attitude and/or behavior and/or past (heads-up, this will take time and should not be limited to the beginning stages of a potential relationship.) There will be some level of risk regardless, but this will significantly minimize your risk of getting with a bad person.

I am not particularly attractive

You'd be surprised to find that beauty can be more in the eye of the beholder than you think. You need to work on your self-confidence, sounds like, in part because scummy guys prey on girls' insecurities but mainly because you need to be at least ok with yourself enough to know that you deserve to be treated like a human being. I cannot tell you how many women I have known who tolerated abuse because they didn't feel like they deserved better or felt like no one else would want them.

I hope this helps, and I wish you the best!

TheLoneMushroom · 2021-12-24T09:20:02+00:00

Just vet them. I'm also disgusted by casual sex and being used even though I'm a guy. To get around that, I'd just not have sex and see if they actually care about me. Also virgin for so long? You're in highschool. Talk to me when you're 27 and still virgin like me. It cracks me up when people are all like oh I lost my virginity late and they're like 18.

michael1962-01 · 2021-12-24T09:36:11+00:00

I am a RP to the core man (not a "player" or "pua").. I am with a young ex virgin now the fourth xmas ltr.

RP is not "the RP". It is a toolset like a box of knifes.

Don't be afraid of the box of knifes. A knife even in the hand of a soy boy feminist can hurt you and the knife of a experienced butcher never do you harm.

It's like with "belief" boxes. "Liberal" does not mean you agree to all their ideas.

If you have any direct questions about us - ask. Here or DM.

For your main question - from my HPOV the first one you are with as a woman forms a very special bond. Even most "party" girls and leftist "go women!go!ecplore yourself" will tell you otherwise ' - but i can tell you why - on request.

My advise is to look into the way potential partners act - be in their groups - at their places - at their social circles.

You will see fast how they are even without sleeping arround.

Stay away from social media and old.

pearllovespink · 2021-12-24T12:34:22+00:00

I was going to give you advice until I read that you were a high schooler.

My only advice to you now is to remain a virgin. High school boys are temporary. They will have sex and leave you eventually. The both of you will go off to college and probably never speak again.

Don’t have sex now. Finding someone in college. You can actually plan a life with them and have a long lasting relationship.

ToughAnswers · 2021-12-24T07:17:18+00:00

Then don't 🤷‍♂️and if and when you're no longer terrified, do it then

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-12-24T08:15:25+00:00

So I always believe that you should only have sex when you want to have sex and ntohing more.

Have sex if you are okay with having sex and nothing coming out of it relationshipwise (if you have sex and will be heartbroken or sad if he doesn't keep dating you after, dont have sex)

If you only want to have sex in the context of a relationship that is okay too, but that makes it harder because you have to make sure the man actually commits before you have sex. That's a bit of a feat these days as many men might have their three date rule or whatever. In any case if you are okay with limiting your dating pool a bit then dont have sex for a while. Don't wait like half a year or something, but lots of men will quit early if you don't put out within the first couple of months. This might make it easier to remove the men who are only dating you for sex (though warning, it will also remove otherwise good men who might just have a high libido). Shit like that is a trade off. Make the trade offs you can live with.

Date a lot (but don't necessarily have sex with them ). Get a feel of what type of guy you want and vet heavily for that. Side note that if you hear even a hint of sexism (literally anything that sounds like the manosphere that isn't self improvement or common sense) gtfo. Honestly stay away from guys with the sexual double standard (I want a virgin but I'm allowed to have a massive count). While double standards can be a positive thing in some cases (like a man who is spontaneous looking for a more organised woman to balance him out) , that particular one has a tendency towards sexually insecure men. Trust me when I say that sexually insecure men are not worth the effort. Been there, thank god I did not do that. They were honestly too emotionally draining to deal with and tended to have other deep seated issues.

Lastly, you are young. Live your life the way you want to live it. Not the way some possible future man wants you to live it. A good, strong relationship is one with mutual respect. And man (or woman) that wants to constrain you or limit you is not your fit. Vett heavily for shared values and goals.

HumanNumber348 · 2021-12-24T09:42:30+00:00

I would try my best to not worry too much about it. If it gets to the point where you’re paranoid about every guy’s intentions, that’s not good. But there’s always the strategy of finding out what red pill type men are looking for in a woman and then do the opposite; dye your hair crazy colors, get piercings, and be sure to wait a long long loooong time before having sex with dates you see as LTR material. Inflate your n-count, even.

ChildhoodTop2283 · 2021-12-24T12:52:14+00:00

Who cares if you're a virgin? What's the rush?

If the guys you're dating aren't comfortable waiting until you're comfortable - then simply dump them.

Pool your energy and love into your friends, they will be your most important asset in life.

Willow-girl · 2021-12-24T13:19:59+00:00

Let's start with what YOU want!

Do you actually want a boyfriend? Most romantic relationships involve physical intimacy; if not full-on sex right at the beginning, at least hugging, kissing, "making out." Do you crave this kind of intimacy? If not, maybe a romantic relationship is not for you.

Engage in romance when it is something YOU want, not because your friends are doing it, etc.

Engage in sex when it is something YOU want, not because you feel pressured, etc.

When you have sex because YOU want to have sex -- without attaching any other expectations to the act -- the only way you'll be disappointed is if the sex isn't very good. If you're contemplating having sex with a man, consider the outcome. What if he "ghosts" you afterwards? If your answer is, "I'd be devastated," you probably shouldn't have sex with him. If your answer is, "Well, at least I got some sex out of the deal," that's a green light! Be safe and have fun.

The only other justification for getting involved with a man is desiring motherhood, but it doesn't sound to me like you're interested in that angle, so no need to go there.

TL;DR: The only reasons to become romantically involved with a man are if you want sex and/or want to be pregnant.

dbz19 · 2021-12-24T08:47:17+00:00

You're discovering the difficulty of the dating game from the women's perspective. For women, getting random sex is like a walk in the park. But finding a serious long term commitment is hard.

I think for you, my best advice would be to be serious up front about what you want. Marriage and children, etc. Honestly, I'd also advice to say to potential partners that you don't want sex before marriage, you don't actually have to want this, just say it. You'll scare away 80% of men, but that's good because the ones you'll be scaring away aren't the ones you want. The ones who will still want to date you after you say all that are the few that you can actually trust and will be on the same page as you in terms of future and marriage and so on.

I'd say be careful of the fact that most men just want to have sex with you. And don't listen to women and feminists gaslighting you into losing your virginity with someone you don't care about; what you have is very precious and you shouldn't just throw it away to gain the approval of people who are just jealous of you because you succeeded where they failed.

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gizzmotech · 2021-12-24T07:26:09+00:00

I think you've already answered your question. Having standards and boundaries, knowing the games that RP men play and watching for the red flags is really the only way to be sure. I also think that being thoughtful and deliberate with how you approach OLD is key, as you'll weed out a lot of assholes just by taking your time and feeling things out. A man not willing to put in the time to know the true you will reveal himself pretty quickly. Someone investing in you because of who you are will be content to be patient and spend time learning about you and enjoying time with you.

TheRedPillRipper · 2021-12-24T09:34:09+00:00

Should I try to date

First you’re in control. Thus what you want, as an outcome is pivotal. Answer that first. Casual sex? Married, then a family? Go into dating with a plan. So you come out of it, closer to your goal. If you’re going to date; date with intention.

For example you’re not opposed to sex. To men; that’s the same as saying you’re not opposed to chilli. You’re terrified of having sex. Some men are terrified too. Of investing their time, money and resources. What’s the common denominator? Acting, and especially not acting out of fear, is a sure path to misery. To being too scared to take a chance.

Ultimately you’ll have to decide. What type of life, you envision for yourself. Plan it. Then execute.

Godspeed and good luck!

michael1962-01 · 2021-12-24T09:44:22+00:00

I repeat this from a sub answer to you

.... how much his words and actions align.... (called integrity, even on small things) ...... pls do that part in big bold black underlined letters.

It is the part which excludes 90% of puas/cheaters/ fake alphas/ insecure boy man ...

Also you could add

...feel if there is a short delay in front of their emotional responses .... (that is the 101 to female radar on fakeness or players)....

....listen to body language - not words.

abaxeron · 2021-12-24T10:24:36+00:00

I just want to know if there’s anyway to avoid these types of men

And still have sex? - Yes there is. To date women.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-12-24T12:38:33+00:00

The penis has mind control powers. Its basically an antenna that sends out signals wirelessly. This is what men use to control women, and also what we call "getting dickmatized."

Be wary. Fear the power of the peen.

dynospectrum7 · 2021-12-24T13:29:02+00:00

Most of TRP and the manosphere wouldn’t encourage a pump and dump in this situation.

Plus, you’re in high school and possibly under 18. We really need an age minimum for content.

Sen_ri · 2021-12-24T13:38:14+00:00

Don’t rush things. You’re in high school and everyone is just figuring themselves out at that time. Around 18 is when young people these days first have sex. It’s common for people to have their first serious relationship at college age.

I wasn’t in a serious relationship until 26. I’m glad I took all the time I needed to consider what I really wanted out of a relationship. I didn’t have sex until I actually wanted to because I was super attracted to a certain guy and we committed to each other quickly. If you want commitment just make that perfectly clear.

I wouldn’t date religious guys because the truly devoted want someone who shares their faith. OLD was overwhelming for me personally but if you want to avoid hookups I’d try to find which apps are better for LTRs. https://www.reddit.com/r/OnlineDating/comments/fxeacp/best_dating_apps_for_people_who_are_serious/

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2021-12-24T08:00:35+00:00

The problem here seems to be that you are holding to old views on sex and relationships and want to be apreciated and values by men for possesing something as outdated and worthless as "virginity".

I have good and bad news for you. First the good ones.

Outside of religious circles, no one gives two flying fucks if you are virgin or not, so if you don't hold religious beliefs and don't think premarital sex is big deal then I don't see a reasson why you are not slutting it up big time.

The bad news are that no sane man on Earth will believe you are virgin no matter how many times you say it, with all these girls going around sport fucking dudes everywhere. Women lose their virginity all the time with guys who don't care if they come or go and they are so promiscuous that they feel Turbo-conservative virgins girls if they succeed at keeping their nostrils and hears away from dicks by the age of 18 so let me tell you, putting a dick inside your vagina stoped being special LONG time ago. The new normal vanilla stuff today is ATM and pegging your boyfriend on special ocassions. You need to get ahead girl.

If you want to have sex like any other woman, do what other women do, just find a good looking guy who knows his way between the shets, tell him to put a condom and use a lot of lub and warn him that if he's not gentle and tries to shove his dick in your ass without permission you are going to charge him with rape acussations.

Just don't tell the guy you are a virgin cause he will think you will charge him with rape acussations when he dumps you. Just tell him he's your third, that's what women tell the guy when they lost track of how many dicks they had.

If you are worried that it's going to hurt, let me tell you that it doesn't hurt that much. I mean, I'm not a woman, and I haven't been with a virgin in my life, but that's what girls say. Feels unconfourtable at the biggining but then you get used to it. Unless the guy is above 7 inches which is statistically unlikely, you'll be fine. Dismiss the advice of female redditors who say A) all her exes were above 7 inches and B) that size doesn't matter. A) their exes lied to them and B) yes it does, it's just that their exes weren't above average.

If you are worried that you are going to get played by guys and stringed along, well you are statistically right. You are going to get pumped and dumped a lot until you find a man who wants to settle down and have a LTR with you (probably, still I hope you don't, best wishes).

Least but not less... Don't listen to the RP bros, they say they want virgins but if a virgin walked stright to them and introduced herself as a virgin they would laugh their asses off and dismiss her as a liar, reformed slut and cheating cunt.

They are on their own mission in life, which is fucking as many women as possible through any means, enjoying some decline and do what they want. If you read too much into it you are going to be really misserable, the redpill is not intended to be a mix of erotic and infuriating literature for women but a coping phylosophy for men who feel who have been left behind and want to make up for the time lost.

You do you, and let the redpillers do what they do.

Is there a way to avoid redpill ideas?

Yeah, avoid men.

Redpill is not an issolated circle jerk in a corner of the internet, is the sympthom of a more deep and bigger problem: a decadent society.

So if you are going to play the modern dating game, you need to accept there are some new rules. Update and agree on the terms and conditions or don't play at all.

Welcome to the post-sexual revolution. I know, I know... It's bad, but hey... It could be worst.

Teflon08191 · 2021-12-24T08:19:12+00:00

If it scares you to learn how men think then it's probably better to not seek it out. All trying to "avoid men influenced by redpill ideas" will do is turn you into a neurotic mess suspecting the motives of every man you meet, no matter how sincere he might be. You'll end up sabotaging just as many potentially good relationships like that as you'll avoid bad ones, throwing the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak. Just take a look at the women who spend too much time trying to create "strategies" against the red pill. So many of them end up too bitter and jaded to ever have a realistic shot at securing a good relationship. Feel free to check out FDS if you want to see a place full of examples of the above.

Have standards, set boundaries, enforce them. Don't obsess too much about niche online communities.

Title	Terrified of Having Sex
Author	elenionline
Upvotes	9
Comments	50
Date	December 24, 2021 7:13 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/rngrps/terrified_of_having_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/terrified-of-having-sex.1090885 https://theredarchive.com/post/1090885

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