Men walk after they learn about my commitment before sex requirement

Anonymous_fiend · 2022-06-08T23:01:08+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/wiki/index/tableofcontents/decidingwhentobecomeintimate?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

espressolover18 · 2022-06-09T00:46:59+00:00

Are you telling them straight up "I don't have sex before explicit commitment"?

If so, I think you're being way too direct and kind of killing the pursuit, mystery, and thrill of the chase that comes with starting a new relationship.

You kind of have to be coy about it. Dance around it, say everything but that. Bat your eyelashes, say you're scared of being hurt again, say you want to but your religious guilt is stopping you, say whatever, give them the old song and dance until you've reeled them and they want you and only you and decide they are willing to wait for it.

Men pursue sex. Your job is to get them to fall in love with you as they are pursing it but before they get it.

They are trying to seduce you physically - you need to seduce them emotionally first.

TheBunk_TB · 2022-06-09T13:00:33+00:00

Are you not showing "passion" and interest in other ways?

They might see your commentary with a certain delivery style as a lack of interest overall.

xoxobenji · 2022-06-08T23:01:08+00:00

I think it depends on how you’re saying it and when you’re saying it.

When I first started dating my fiancé I just sat back and observed him. I never made my standards known or put any expectations on him because I wanted to see what kind of person he was and you know what he instinctively became the person I was looking to date. For example I never told him that I wanted to wait to have sex but he could tell I wasn’t ready and never pushed it. And we didn’t have sex until 4 months into our relationship. Do I think this is for everyone no. But I do thin by coming out the gate and just saying I won’t have sex until a commitment give off the wrong energy. Let him show you if he’s a high value man he will give that commitment before trying to get into your pants.

sunglasses90 · 2022-06-08T23:20:43+00:00

I don’t think the requirement is a bad thing. Maybe the way you’re stating it is weird because it stops the chase and you’re stating your terms for sex. Guys like the chase. I’ve had the same standard but I’ve never had to state it explicitly. My approach was just to never stay the night until I was ready to have sex. I always just politely declined invitations to stay the night, etc. Guys like mystery and they like the chase. And they HATE desperation. Maybe the commitment thing explicitly stated sounds desperate for a bf. You should be vetting him more than that in his eyes.

redditmichelle1 · 2022-06-09T09:18:10+00:00

Just the thought of me having sex with a man and not being committed... disgusts me. Men can really "pump and dump" after "courting" you for so long. If you've met these men online then that increases the risk of detachment from seeing you as a person > picture :(

Crafty-Particular998 · 2022-06-09T08:46:04+00:00

This is a good thing, you’re effectively weeding out the sex obsessed fucktards.

kinhk · 2022-06-09T16:35:43+00:00

Telling them upfront probably isn’t a good idea.

emmalai85 · 2022-06-08T23:29:57+00:00

I didn't put a "date" for when we'd have sex. He kissed me our first date. We had chemistry. Since we had talked non-stop on and off for a year vetting each other for the future of *marriage* and not dating, I slept with him on the second date. I would not move in with him unless we were married, since he was in the process of buying a new house. He married me the day before our house closed.

It's been over 16 years of marriage. We are retired together now. (me at 36 and him at 50.)

If a man is willing to commit, talking about the long term goals, how long you want to wait for stuff, meaning *marriage* if you are compatible, moving in together, those talks will negate most of the sex conversation because if they won't even have a conversation about long-term goals about what a life together could look like to see if you match up long-term, they aren't on the same page anyways.

He wanted kids. I was young enough to give him a large family. He wanted a stay at home wife who wouldn't feel like she was loosing out on her career or college education by staying home. I dropped out of college to marry him, I got other certifications and helped run a homebusiness and worked from home on and off over the years, but my formal education and high-powered career was very not on his list of requirements because he wanted someone who was always there for him, home, available for his children, and that when he was ready to retire, kept herself in good enough shape to keep up with him.

We got married 8 weeks after our first date - keep in mind we met with the intention to see if we had the chemistry for marriage at that point, since the "dating" phase was emailing and vetting with the goal of marriage in mind as the end result.

I doubt most people would feel comfortable doing it that way, but for me, it took most of the players off the table, and the pressure and stress of "if I want to have sex after we meet, when it feels right, I can just act on it."

gd_reinvent · 2022-06-09T04:31:12+00:00

Don't be aggressive about it.

When a man invites you up to his apartment, smile, give him a kiss and then say, 'I'm not ready for that yet.'

If he argues, say, 'I'm just not. I'll be ready soon enough.' Then smile.

If he practically begs you for it, ask him, 'Well... Am I your girlfriend? No? Oh well then, I guess I'm still not ready for it.'

'Answers still the same. Asked and answered.'

'But... Maybe... I might be ready for this... just a little...'

Kisses him again, looks him in the eye, slides his hand down to your ass and lets him touch for exactly two seconds

'Or maybe not... If I'm not your girlfriend... Not yet... See you soon... Very soon...'

Blows kiss and smiles and leaves

If a guy still walks after that, then he's an ass who probably would have dumped you after getting laid and wouldn't have given you sex with commitment in any case. Don't worry about him, if he still dumps you, he can't appreciate a fine woman staring him in the face and he doesn't deserve one.

Powell__ · 2022-06-09T07:44:28+00:00

I don’t know what to say, other than I think you are on the right path. Men who can’t delay gratification or be in a committed relationship aren’t the ones you want to spend your time on anyway. When you meet a HVM. He will respect your discipline and chastity

VasiliyZaitzev · 2022-06-09T14:45:43+00:00

I am wondering whether I am playing this all wrong by telling them up front?

You are going to have to tell them eventually, and then you will have the same issue. You are just kicking the can down the road. Plus, depending on how long you wait to tell the guy that he's going to have to wait even longer, he might feel deceived and get pissed off. You are wasting his time and yours by deferring.

I’m going for men who do well with women

In other words, men with options. While you are not "wrong" you have to bear in mind that men look at the world differently. Every man has a countdown clock in his head for how long he's willing to wait, and when the clock strikes midnight, he's going to cut his losses and move on.

What guys are thinking is, "OK, I have invest my time and resources in you, give you 'girlfriend privileges', roll the boulder up the hill, and then...maybe...at some indeterminate time in the future...I might get sex?" That's high-risk for men. There's no guarantee that after 3,4,5 or however many months you might not say, "Hey, thanks for all the dates, but we're just not compatible," and then go bang some guy you just met - there is a cautionary tale on TRP about a guy who had a gf (they were teenagers) for four years, moms were sorority sisters, families did everything together, future all planned out - but she wanted to "save" her v-card for marriage.

Cue the falling anvil.

She goes away to summer camp and gives it up to some guy she knew for less than a week. He found out because his (female) cousin (aka "The Real MVP") saw it unfold and dropped a dime on the cheating gf). The gf realized she effed up bad - about 24 hours later when the guy at camp said "Thank you, Miss" and moved on - and then offers to bang the bf...I guess she thought it was ok bc she only lost her virginity to Chad once. So that's the Nightmare Scenario.

Also, the men you are dating are also thinking, "What if the sex is awful? What if I get 'prude' sex? What if she tells me 'Oh, btw, I don't give head'?" I'd want to know all that up front, so we wouldn't waste each other's time.

Plus the men you are dating, while they are rolling the boulder up the hill watch other guys, chilling on their patios, maybe with an Aloha shirt and a little umbrella drink, getting visits from the Sex Fairy on zero effort and they think, "Why am I not that guy? Why am I not 'good enough'? Why am I getting tortured?"

All I’m asking for is exclusivity, consistency, and the mutual desire for a LTR.

LOL. Yeah, only that. "Hey, guy, I expect you to go without for however long I say, and if you make it that far you still only get to have sex when I DECIDE you do. And you'd better be GRATEFUL." You see why you aren't getting any takers?

Is part of maturing picking the safest option, even if that feels like settling?

Except you're not "settling". You can't close the deal you want with the guys you want. You are trying to dictate terms to guys with options, who therefore cannot be dictated to.

There are certainly men out there who will give you what you want, but it turns out you evidently don't want them. "Sure, he's a good guy and passed all my tests....but he's 5'9"...."

Anyway, good luck.

jayval90 · 2022-06-08T22:56:00+00:00

How are you meeting these guys?

FineDevelopment00 · 2022-06-10T05:35:32+00:00

I don’t want to get caught in a situationship

Then you're doing the right thing to make it clear that you're waiting. This is the most straightforward way to weed out jerks. It's not foolproof ofc, but it'll definitely get rid of the pump-and-dumpers if you remain consistent with it. You should consider all of those guys bullets dodged... As you've found out, unfortunately there are a lot of bullets to watch out for. Keep your self-respect!

aslanhatessmeagol · 2022-06-10T09:52:22+00:00

I prefer to have commitment before having sex.I almost did a one night stand once but I am glad I didnt do it because he was not worth it. That would be the biggest mistake ever.

My fiance never force me about sex and willing to wait.(i prefer to do it after marriage,not because religious thing.i t is just my preference)

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2022-06-09T13:21:48+00:00

Your SMV as a woman is relatively much higher than your RMV and it looks like you're running into that reality.

Before I made some lifestyle choices, I was a bit too promiscuous. During that time, I'd put women into one of three categories, in ranked order - date, sex, no sex.

sunpattern · 2022-06-21T16:29:45+00:00

A better approach may be “if you want to continue having sex with me, we have to become boyfriend and girlfriend”. When there isn’t sex by the 3rd date, it sends a signal that sex likely won’t be good enough to be worth the wait. That is something no HVM would accept unless they aren’t a HVM.

sunglasses90 · 2022-06-09T03:12:25+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Ok-Employ9862 · 2022-06-09T15:39:33+00:00

You are doing right, men here, the best way to find good men is to repel the bad ones

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2022-06-09T15:06:26+00:00

If you can’t get the people you’re dating to give you the commitment you want; you’re dating out of your league.

This has happened 10-15 times in ONE year. The men you’re going after are not interested enough in you outside of sex to continue talking to you. They’re out of your league, I’m sorry.

Look for a little lower class men, they’ll probably be more willing. Either that or join a church.

KGmagic52 · 2022-06-09T16:35:13+00:00

What that most recent guy told you is basically straight from Red Pill: If she makes you wait for sex, the sex is never worth it. Why will it be worth the wait for you? What makes you so special? Whatever it is, that's what you should lean into since you're essentially taking the "s" out of your smv from the get go.

You are high smv and sexless for a year after meeting 10-15 hvm. How much do you like and value sex in a relationship yourself? Because these facts tell men that their hot future wife can go a year or more without sex. It tells them you view it more as a tool to get your own way instead of a way to connect with them and show your desire. It tells them you are not as interested in the human being in front of you as you are in the checklist in your mind. Men want someone who complements them, not someone who competes with them. You are talking out loud about your sexual strategy, basically announcing that it's a competition. That's a huge turn off. If you continue using that strategy, at least be more subtle about it.

Imagine a pickup artist narrating to you why he's doing and saying the things he does. That would totally turn you off, right?

RoleplayPete · 2022-06-09T14:01:33+00:00

Its a simple matter. I am traditional and conservative and of faith. But here is the end of it.

I am not in high school. You either like me or you dont. There isnt an arbitrary checkpoint to determine that. We dont have to wait three days to call back. If I want to call you, I am going to call you. If I want to kiss you, I am going to do so, rather that is at home watching TV or in a mall parking lot.

The same goes for sex. You are either attracted to me, want me, or you dont. If we are hanging out and smooch a little and our bodies are reacting the way they should, you stopping is never, ever about some higher purpose, its about you wanting me or not. And clearly, you dont, or else the moment and momentum would take us there.

Now why would you have sex with someone out of a relationship is valid. Why did we even go on a date or end up on the couch to be in this situation if we werent in the first stages of a relationship is the better question.

As the guy, I must stop here and say "why would I invest my time and energy here for someone who doesn't want me?" If you arent physically feeling it now you definitely arent going to be 8 years in.

As an even more horrifying thought, the seed is planted, if you can, and will, hold out sex now, you definitely see it as a power struggle and a token, and will certainly use holding out sex later in the relationship as a punishment, retribution, and negotiating piece. Sex is when we are most connected, most intimate, and most in love, and if you are able and willing to turn those things on and off like a faucet, we are never going to make it. Holding it out at the beginning is this red flag, even if every guy doesn't see or verbalize it that way, deep inside them you are triggering that.

Men arent running because they arent getting nookie. They are running because you are telling them a) your attraction and desire to be intimate is not there because you can freely engage or not, and b)sex is a tool and concept of power for you, and you are using it now before we even get started, so you are definitely going to down the road.

You want to be wanted. So do we. I dont let my bosses lord power over me. I dont let my government. I wont let you, either.

dazedwombat · 2023-11-23T19:16:31+00:00

This may be an unpopular opinion..lol but first off, I don’t think your rule is wrong. Everybody has different requirements and especially if you get emotionally attached via sex easily, you should be protective of your heart. That being said, I think most men view sex as a means of physical satisfaction/release..so even if they’re not in love with you, it’s something they are craving from a physical standpoint. Most of us women also get horny and desire sexual gratification but we’re also more conditioned to put an emotional/spiritual weight to it as well..and also a lotta times women don’t even orgasm through penal-vaginal sex so that emotional closeness is what a lot of us are holding onto. All that is to say that sex means something different for a lot of men than it does for a lot of women. Here’s the unpopular part: a lot of guys, even those who are looking for a serious partner, are not going to want to commit to you without knowing what the sex is like. Especially if sex and that intimacy/release is important to him. If sex is a really important factor to him, he is going to want to know you two are sexually compatible before going through all the motions to make it official only to possibly find out it’s not a good match. Again, if you KNOW you will get very emotionally attached if you have sex without an official title, you’re not wrong. But also it seems you view sex as something that is taking from you instead of a fun, intimate thing to do for mutual pleasure, so maybe it’s best if you try to gravitate towards men with lower sexual appetites. That way it’s not as important to them and you’re both on the same page.

Title	Men walk after they learn about my commitment before sex requirement
Author	LeashAggression
Upvotes	74
Comments	84
Date	June 8, 2022 10:03 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/v817t3/men_walk_after_they_learn_about_my_commitment/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/men-walk-after-they-learn-about-my-commitment.1116739 https://theredarchive.com/post/1116739

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