If a girl is gonna have casual sex, what kind of guy and why?

C4yourshelf · 2022-07-02T05:02:58+00:00

Casual stuff is easy, although the guy has to be attractive and not just looks. A good personality/vibe is important to me for chemistry during sex even if there's no attachment. Like, I want someone who is going to be fun/exciting in bed. They don't have to be smart or make good life choices. They don't even have to be that great to talk to.

To be relationship worthy, I want a guy that has similar goals/values as well as someone to talk to. Spending time with them should be a net positive. Their presence should generally improve my life. Looks will only get a guy in the door here, his behavior and beliefs will seal the deal. I personally have a big value on humor, and have fallen in love with unattractive men who could make me laugh.

overthinkerbby99 · 2022-07-02T06:22:09+00:00

It depends. Lol some hot girls have hooked up with some ugly ass dudes tbh. So you never know.

If I was into hookups the guy would have to be extremely attractive like a 10 or close to in my opinion. He would have to be outside my social circle and industry completely. He’d have to feel safe and be financially stable. I don’t like tattoos or signs of danger I.e. drugs.

It’s a waste of time though. Between working full time, studying and my close friends legit cbf. I also don’t trust most men to get tested lol nor feel they are safe. I’m only really down for sex if I love the other person.

Lysa_Bell · 2022-07-02T06:47:02+00:00

Hook-up - relaxed to be around, calm, attractive. Can be stupid. Stupid people tend to be better at sex because they don't overthink. If you really horny even an ugly dude will do as long as you can feel relaxed and safe with him. It's not like you gonna introduce him to your parents.

The threshold for a relationship is much higher. You don't want to spend the rest of your life with a hot idiot that needs instructions to tie his shoes and doesn't care about anything. Who wants to be embarrassed of their long term partner?

SignalThanks6766 · 2022-07-02T08:33:02+00:00

I have had casual sex twice. I didn’t enjoy it and wouldn’t do it again if I was single but here’s what had to happen for me to want to.

His friends were already flirting/dancing with my friends. The fact that the two groups had sort of moulded made it feel safer some what. No idea why. Safety in numbers?
I had to be the right level of drunk. Not too sober or I wouldn’t have done it. Not too drunk or my friends would have made sure I got home ok.
He had to be attractive or I had to at least think he was through a dark room while drunk. Both were dressed well, had nice hair cuts. Guy 1 when I woke up the next day was truly unattractive to me and not my type at all.
The guy had to WANT it. Guys that just had a bit of a dance with me then walked away got nothing. Guys that danced up close, offered to get me a drink, moved in for a kiss, asked if I wanted to go somewhere private got sex. You need to be ok making the first move, making her feel desired etc. you can’t be passive.

I have no idea what girls who more readily have casual sex look for. But for someone less into it, those were my criteria.

IcarusKiki · 2022-07-02T10:06:01+00:00

its less about the guy and more how the girls feeling at the time

Marzipan-Happy · 2022-07-02T05:02:04+00:00

Non threatening, attractive . Slightly muscular, but not crazy built because that's scary. Dresses well.

2022-07-02T14:19:48+00:00

I had casual sex at a time that I didn’t want a partner for various reasons. The men I had casual sex with were men that I was already friends with. They didn’t need to be particularly attractive, though a few were. They just needed me to feel comfortable, safe, and a certain level of affection for them.

rhumel · 2022-07-02T18:37:25+00:00

I dated a girl and we had sex at the second date.

That same girl confide to me that she didn’t do that often. So I was curious and asked why. She told me that the first time we dated I kissed her and I just went straight for the sexual kind of kissing.

She liked it and then she figured I was up only for sex because of it. Like the date was nice but I wasn’t taking the time to get to know each other, just “went for it”. So since she was attracted to me she also went for it, taking it as casual from the very beginning.

Couple of months later she told me she stopped dating another guy who she was dating but things were more “serious”. She dated the guy for 3 months without sex. They were getting to know each other so she wanted to be sure if she liked him to go long term before having sex, which in her eyes would expose her to maybe be broken hearted.

That was logical in her eyes: “this guy is up for sex and like him, will have sex” vs “this guy is up for a relationship and I’m kind of liking him, will wait for sex”.

So the guy had zero sex while I was having sex with her because he was ltr material in her eyes. I’m sure he wouldn’t be happy about that deal.

Anyway, if you’re for casual sex just go for the sex. She will be on for it and woohoo or she won’t and just move on.

The only alternative is to lie and manipulate. Don’t be that person.

ashpr0ulx · 2022-07-02T09:02:34+00:00

the men i have had casual sex with are men that pass the threshold on what i find attractive and who i feel comfortable around. i need those basic things and more to enter a relationship, and a lot of the men i had casual sex with did not quite align with my preferences for a relationship.

for me, the relationship material men are more attractive. it’s a bigger priority- if you’re trying to successfully stay happy with someone for years on end, you can’t feel “meh” about your attraction toward them.

1Here4Bach · 2022-07-02T12:39:00+00:00

One that’s hot, confident, charming and I don’t get the sense that he’ll chop me up and throw me in a vat of acid when we’re done.

overthinkerbby99 · 2022-07-02T17:03:33+00:00

I think for casual sex (not 1 night stand) must be someone you trust and feel comfortable around. So it’s not always going to be a hot guy it might be a friend you are not physically attracted to (but also don’t find ugly) but more about they way you feel around them.

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GlowingAsItDazzles · 2022-07-02T11:04:24+00:00

I had casual sex to find a boyfriend. not exclusively to find a boyfriend, but that was the general goal. I only caught chemistry with the ones I found most attractive. the discussion of this here has always baffled me.

oniialiani · 2022-07-02T11:35:39+00:00

for like a one night stand, you just need to be hot and not offensive. for fwb, you need to be hot or close to hot and have an okay personality. for a relationship, preferably be hot with a good personality but i will be more lenient on the hotness part if your personality is really good and we connect

thankfully my bf is hot and an amazing person :P my ideal

Willow-girl · 2022-07-02T11:56:11+00:00

Is there a difference between a guy you'd date, and a guy you'd sleep with casually?

The guy I'd consider for a serious relationship would have to be compatible in other areas of life besides in the sack.

TheElusivePeacock · 2022-07-02T19:08:46+00:00

Hot and chemistry. I don’t do relationships so I don’t particularly care about his “personality”, just that he looks good and is good in bed tbh. I am one of the very few lucky women where casual sex has been more fun and more orgasms than relationship sex, which is why I engage in it. I do have friends who have done casual with men that I don’t find attractive but they do. Every woman is different.

overthinkerbby99 · 2022-07-02T19:16:48+00:00

for me, i don’t think there’s really a difference attraction wise between the guys i’d have casual sex with and the guy i’d date. the metrics to get me to have casual sex are pretty similar to the metrics a guy has to meet to date me (though dating metrics have more of an emphasis on values, morals, and personality). as someone else in the thread said, it’s purely based on how i’m feeling at the time. when i was having casual sex, i didn’t want a relationship and wasn’t looking for one. the guys i have dated just caught me at the right time.

DXBrigade · 2022-07-02T19:39:17+00:00

The 2 guys I had ONS with, were average-looking and social.

RinoaRita · 2022-07-03T16:45:48+00:00

I wouldn’t be into a complete met at the bar that night level casual but I would be open to a guy I’ve seen around the bar a few times or a guy that I’ve been chatting with online for a bit. The bar is higher for physical attractiveness because that’s the basis for it. But the ability to hold a conversation and be interesting is important too. I wouldn’t place much value on jobs or big life goals.

With a guy I’m dating for a long term thing I would look for life style/goals compatibility. I would be more lenient on looks but there is still a certain minimum threshold.

You can’t really compare which is more attractive.

plumtastic · 2022-07-02T04:51:57+00:00

IF I was ever to do it (which I am not going to on principle but that's another topic) easy going, non judgemental, fit, handsome, and a nice dick would be my preferences. Also a bit of social proof that he's safe while at the same time not too closely intertwined with my social circles. How this differs from relationship material is he needs to be more physically attractive than otherwise but also less committed/serious. But even with all of that available to me, I'm just not into casual sex.

wtknight · 2022-07-02T05:45:37+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Academic_Snow_7680 · 2022-07-02T12:00:00+00:00

Women do not have a single taste in men.

But most of them don't like assholes.

Siukslinis_acc · 2022-07-02T05:45:54+00:00

The guy you sleep casually with gives tingles from the first few minutes.

wtknight · 2022-07-02T09:30:25+00:00

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OkLeading4918 · 2022-07-02T13:28:15+00:00

First, someone extroverted, dumb, with low IQ, tattooed and loud. Also someone with friends and is “fun” (aka, a clown), and has the traits of a bad boy. Also someone tall or at least 5’10. They’d never have casual sex with an introverted, nice, respectful smart man. Worse if he’s short.

AdChemical190 · 2022-07-02T10:33:20+00:00

A guy who actually prefers small boobs and is not afraid to say it loudly or compliment me.

ruboyuri · 2022-07-02T18:20:17+00:00

Hot, rich, talented or famous

2022-07-02T18:53:20+00:00

The venn diagram of people I would sleep with and people I would date is a pair of concentric circles with the casual circle being the much larger one.

Casual dates just have to be attractive, fun to hang out with, and good at sex. Actual dates need all those things and a whole lot more. We need a much higher degree of emotional connection and longterm compatibility.

All my serious relationships started as hookups.

AngelCrumb · 2022-07-03T14:02:58+00:00

I’ve never had casual sex (many reasons for this) but for me it’d have to be with a long time friend. Almost hooked up with a ‘friend’ once but he was basically just a lying classmate not an actual friend. Thankfully I didn’t but the whole situation put me off hook ups

toasterbreadgirl · 2022-09-03T00:21:33+00:00

Okay, so I'm going to give an unpopular opinion in that I think most women don't know what they want in a casual sex partner. So many of my friends go off on this whole "if I'm just going to have sex with him I want the hottest guy available," and this is why most women don't enjoy casual sex. I love casual sex, (I'm also very attractive) but the number 1 trait I look for is not being judgmental. If he thinks I'm a slut for putting out, I'm not going to enjoy it. I also like a guy that's not quite as attractive as me, but is confident in himself. I want someone who I can actually enjoy the sex with.

How do I meet these men? I buy a pack of cigarettes and go to a bar and I stand out side and talk to them. The cigarettes are key though, it's how you send the message you're down with casual sex.

If a girl is gonna have casual sex, what kind of guy and why?

Comments

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Title	If a girl is gonna have casual sex, what kind of guy and why?
Author	overthinkerbby99
Upvotes	8
Comments	123
Date	July 2, 2022 4:45 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/vpjqzw/if_a_girl_is_gonna_have_casual_sex_what_kind_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-a-girl-is-gonna-have-casual-sex-what-kind-of.1121755 https://theredarchive.com/post/1121755