Q4W- How long have most of you known your male friends?

YaKnowEstacado · 2022-09-21T23:50:37+00:00

Since grade school. One since college. None of them have ever tried anything.

Acaciduh · 2022-09-21T23:52:39+00:00

All 10 years plus. A friend since I was in middle school, the rest college and one I met through work. All married or in LTR I don’t have any that tried to make any moves on me.

wintergreen233 · 2022-09-22T00:05:17+00:00

My oldest friendships with (straight) men are over 20 years, and my most recent are within the last year. None have ever tried to be more than friends, just not the vibe we have, which is why we’re friends.

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2022-09-22T00:09:50+00:00

Some since childhood, some since college, most within my career, so anywhere from years to a few months.

MicrospathodonChrys · 2022-09-22T03:02:29+00:00

I have 3 going back to junior high school and 1 going back to high school. So these friendships go back ~18 years. Of those 4, i went to college with 2 of them. Two (or three? Honestly i forget now) of them tried to turn the friendship into more at various times in high school, but when it didn’t happen we were able to resume the friendship, honestly pretty easily.

I did have male friends in college that made moves, and one i dated for a while, but those friendships faded away.

I also have male friends from grad school, so friendships going back about 5-7 years. Even though i spent a ton of time with them, even traveling to remote locations for research, there was never any sexual tension with any of them except one. I’m married to him now.

And I have current male colleagues that i consider friends.

risdeveau · 2022-09-21T23:48:43+00:00

I’ve kept about 1-2 male friends from each stage of my life — Pre-college, college, and each job I had. No I will not tell you how old I am other than over 30

Please note that at least a quarter of them are gay, and if a man expresses feelings I dump the friendship, because he has chosen his dick over friendship and cannot be trusted

urbangoth · 2022-09-22T01:50:32+00:00

Known one since age seven. So 18 years, almost. Have some other from high school I've known almost 7-8 years. The former once had a crush on me but I'm pretty sure that's not the case anymore. We both have partners now and are still friends.

I personally don't date within my social circles because it can ruin the dynamic. I've always preferred OLD because of the compartmentalization. If something goes wrong or ends, the rest of your life is untouched by it.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-09-22T05:50:56+00:00

It ranges from nearly my whole life to a couple of weeks. I have significantly less female friends than male. I've asked a few out in my time, and got a yes once. One asked me out once (actually the one I've known the longest) which we tried but didn't work out as it turns out we really just like being friends.

AutoModerator · 2022-09-21T23:46:36+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

CandyCaneCollectress · 2022-09-22T00:16:33+00:00

19 years, 7 years, 7 years, 6 year, 3 years.

One of them is now my bf. All other guy friends who wanted “something more” are no longer my friends.

Novadina · 2022-09-22T00:17:56+00:00

I have male friends spanning from new to 22 years for the longest.

My oldest male friend I made a move on when I was 18 (we were friends for about a year) and we dated for a few years. Another friend asked me out when I was 23 and I’m married to him now.

None of my other friends have made a move, but I haven’t been single since I was 23, and was rarely single before that.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-09-22T00:22:54+00:00

I have 3 very close male friends that go back to 6th grade (I’m 51). It used to be 4 but one died. I dated one of them, but it was junior high stuff, not real dating.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2022-09-22T00:41:49+00:00

I cycle through friends every 3-5 years, both male and female. I change friends about every few years, associates every few months, and acquaintances are what they are. I have male social connections I maintain from networking for a variety of reasons. They are rent-a-friend for the event type of friends; call on a friend for a favor. If we need a foot in the door. Some I met traveling, some I met at work, or an event, or where ever. It really depends on what male you are talking about, and I'll be able to say what he is. There are some males in my life that've been around for years, but what are they? Friends? Hell if I know, all I know is they are there and don't give me hassle.

My best friends are basically family, all female, there since birth. We don't socialize everyday, but we will kill for each other.

I have some boys from the neighborhood I grew up in I used to run the streets with that I still keep in touch with since I was little, but wouldn't call them friends. Like brothers I never talk to. They are good people honey. Not friends. I'll give them the clothes off my back and vice versa; but our dialogue isn't platonic. They've got their own life.

No, I have never dated a genuine male "friend" and absolutely have never once considered it and 0 attraction to any male friend. I have dated A MALE within my co-ed friend group - a connection of a connection, but not a personal 'friend of mine'.

ConstanceVigilante · 2022-09-22T00:43:57+00:00

I was in a STEM field in college and am now a programmer, which means that most of my peers were (and still are) male. As a result, I have mostly male friends. I think there are about 4 people I could really call close "friends" at this point, and 3 of them are guys. I've known 2 of them for about 4-5 years. I don't care if friends are interested in me. If I don't return their feelings, I tell them firmly and they get over it and move on. I do the same if I am interested in someone -- I tell them and get a clear answer. So far, feelings have never ruined any of my close platonic friendships. The ones which did fall out of touch (friends from high school) did so for different reasons.

chalkandapples · 2022-09-22T00:54:16+00:00

2-10 years. No one ever really tried to make it into anything more. A few men did befriend me then showed interest later, but usually ended the friendship after we realized that's not going anywhere. So they are no longer friends.

bunnakay · 2022-09-22T01:05:48+00:00

The longest friendships are 15 years old, give or take a year (high school friends). The more recent is probably 5-6 years.

A few tried, and only one I wasn't attracted to. In most cases we dated, or at least hooked up.

roseonyxa · 2022-09-22T03:16:32+00:00

How do you women keep male friends that long, even as male I have a hard time. Tell me your secret please

FightMeCthullu · 2022-09-22T06:50:46+00:00

My best group of guy friends, the ones I’ve known for 10 years, have not once tried to cross a boundary. I met them in high school when my now partner had a crush on me so I think I’m some way shape or form I’ve always been a little off limits which has probably helped a bunch with that. I will say that my partner and I have a fairly ‘open’ relationship and even though these men know this they’ve never done anything beyond complimenting how I look. So I am very confident that even if any of them have had a thing for me, they never once tried to act on it in any way and were always happy being my friend before anything else.

That is not to say I haven’t had any friends try it.

My very best childhood friend who I’d known for 7 years asked me out when I was 13. We went on a date and I told him afterwards I wasn’t feeling it. He was totally fine, took a little space, and then kept being my friend once he got past the crush. We were friends until I was around 15 or so when we fell out of touch (different schools). I credit his ease of getting over it with the fact that we were so young and exploring the idea of relationships and didn’t have any real expectations.

At 16, a good guy friend of mine asked me out. I’d known him for 2 years at that point. I didn’t realise he liked me romantically and thought that he just wanted to hang out the same way we had a bunch of times before. So I said yes and when I realised I awkwardly told him I’d misunderstood and didn’t feel the same way. Like the guy before him, he took it well. I gave him over a month to deal with it and apologised for getting his hopes up. He and I remained close friends until we grew apart at around 22.

At 18, a workmate Id known for perhaps 6 or so months asked me out. I considered us good friends at the time, good enough that we talked a few times a week outside of work. I said no and he never spoke to me again. Only addressed me if he needed something on shift. Haven’t spoken to him since, not even a ‘bye’ when I quit.

At 20, I started casually seeing my now partner. We’d dated just out of high school, broken up, and got back together two years later. I still knew all his friends and considered them mine. One of our friends at the time id known for….at least 3 years? Possibly 4? Anyway I was at a party at my partners house, it was winding down and I was in my partners bed wearing one of his shirts, just about to go to sleep. Our friend had flirted with me a couple times that night but id chalked it up to him being a little drunk and stupid. I did NOT expect this man to come into my partners room and proposition me. Like…..Im in another guys bed, wearing his shirt. But whatever. I turned him down and texted my partner about it straight away. My partner tore into him (half-joking, half serious) and my partner and him don’t really talk anymore. Not just because he hit on me, but also because of differences in values and morals. I don’t talk to him either except for a quick hi or bye.

I think developing crushes on friends is pretty easy and common. You get on well, and if they’re cute then it seems like a no brainer. But if you’re not prepared to gracefully accept a ‘no’, don’t ask. You don’t have to stay friends with someone if you feel hurt or upset by their behaviour, but if you’re cutting them off entirely forever because they didn’t like you back….like, did you really value the friendship at all? It makes me wonder.

Infinite_Signal90 · 2022-09-22T09:25:53+00:00

Some since High school, some since uni, some since I started working with them in my career.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2022-09-22T14:52:21+00:00

I don’t have many male friends, but I would say 4-8 years.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-09-22T16:29:54+00:00

Depends,? Some 15+ years. Some more recent who are couples friends.

I've always made it very clear I had zero interest. Haven't been any problems. They've said I'm attractive and whatnot but nothing serious.

LadyofTheGreyPath · 2022-09-22T19:18:02+00:00

The longest I've known one of my friends is 13-years, the other is 8-years and I could ask for better friends. Most of my hobbies are predominantly male-centric so most of the people I interact with on a friendly level are men.

The guy I knew for a couple years though is the one that tried something while I was in a relationship at the time, have not spoken to him for almost three years.

Eavenne · 2022-09-22T20:17:31+00:00

I have...no close male friends, haha. I only really gained a group of friends that included some guys when I was in university (I'm still studying so that means the friendships are like 3 years old), and I only actually have one-on-one conversations with one dude, and that's because he's older than me so he's sort of a career mentor. So, I have male friends, but distant ones. Well, if you count my ex-boyfriend, then he was a male friend who became my boyfriend after 8 days of knowing each other, but now we don't talk anymore though we're still in the same friend group.

I considered asking out a female friend I had feelings for, but decided that since she said she was straight, I really shouldn't bother lmao and it would ruin the friendship

darkvalleys · 2022-09-22T21:02:16+00:00

I collect them like I collect most female friends — they winnow down over time but I still have a few

ruboyuri · 2022-09-22T21:43:44+00:00

About the same as my female friends obviously

mnsphrpstrychf · 2022-09-24T20:52:36+00:00

I have a few old friends, true friends. I’ve known them for over 20 years in some cases, some close to 10. All of the friendships were established in nonsexual settings (school, work).

I have a few “orbiters.” I keep them at arms length and sometimes they talk slick and I shut them down. If I’m in a relationship, I don’t interact with them. Those are people I’ve met within the last 5 years or so.

Title	Q4W- How long have most of you known your male friends?
Author	Miserable_Yam4778
Upvotes	7
Comments	32
Date	September 21, 2022 11:46 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xkl27y/q4w_how_long_have_most_of_you_known_your_male/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-how-long-have-most-of-you-known-your-male.1132168 https://theredarchive.com/post/1132168

Comments