The primary difference between an umarried and married couple is the shared equity of assets enforced by the state. It's important to remember that this only applies to assets acquired during the marriage. Without a prenuptial agreement, who is responsible for generating the asset is not relevant. Because men often make more money than women, RP feel that marriage is a cost with no benefit. They can only hope to leave with less than what they would have if they remained single.

There is actually an extremely similar type of financial agreement: A cofounders contract. When more than one person starts a business they agree to fairly split equity. Regardless of who does more or less valuable work, assets are allocated based on ownership. In the same way, cofounders often enter businesses with more or less valuable skills. A great software engineer might make $500K on the free market, but their business cofounder may only make $100K. Therefore it stands to reason the engineer should always operate solo...why give up equity if you don't have to...right?

Any founder can tell you that cofounders are amazing because it is two people operating primarily off of belief, incentivized to work incredibly hard towards an uncertain outcome with a future potential payoff. These people typically have complementary skills to reduce the amount of work managed by each person which allows for specialization and an application of expertise. The premise is the exact same for marriage, except the end goal is to have a partner invested in your life, and the life of your children that is incentivized to stick through all the pain and hardship that comes with radically increasing the value of your equity.

Marriage is extremely good for men if:

  • There is a clear plan on how to grow equity facilitated by both parties
  • Both parties have a strong incentive to remain invested (financial return)
  • You measure your progress, reward victories together, and set goals
  • Both parties have diverse skillsets that can contribute meaningfully to the marriage
  • Both parties have mapped out how to work and live together. Everyone should know what sorts of things they need to do to remain their relationship while maintaining forward progress
  • There is a clear plan on inheritance / children / etc
  • You are measurably increasing your assets

Marriage is not good for men if:

  • There is no focus on asset generation or equity building
  • The incentive to remain married is weak (emotions)
  • No goals, no forward progress, just 'existing'
  • Non-differentiated skillsets for equity building (overlap and arguments abound)
  • No clear plan on children

Some common replies I've heard

  • "People change bro." Same thing happens with cofounders. Sometimes folks move on. If they helped you meaningfully increase the value of your equity then it hurts, but you're still up.
  • "How many women like this are out there?" Lots. I've found women are very willing/excited to work on something like this as long as they have their emotional needs filled.
  • "Doesn't this seem too business oriented?" No. It's just strategic.
  • "What about love?" Love is important for a good relationship. It's separate from marriage.
  • "I just want to be happy." Then don't get married, you'll be happier. Happiness is not the goal.

If my 'should' bullets are true, marriage is an awesome option for two people to take joint equity in the business called 'your life.' If not, you are probably better off staying her boyfriend.