I Have A Fear Of Working With Women After This Happened To Me

heyyy-kiddo · 2022-11-11T22:36:42+00:00

What can we say here. Just make sure to take precautions ahead of time next time.

Also if a woman shows strange interest in you at work just think about why.

Harpua81 · 2022-11-12T02:11:14+00:00

Had a flirty consensual relationship with a colleague. We were working on projects together 12hrs/day for months and it just accidentally transformed that way, but it was during covid and everything was virtual so nothing physical.

Once the projects wrapped up and we were delegated to work on other stuff, naturally we weren't talking as much.

Months later I get a disturbing email from an internal investigations group that I was reported for code of conduct violations. I go into the meeting with them completely baffled what it could have been. They tell me who reported and why and drill me as if I'm a monster. After which I sent 55 pages of texts showing how consensual it was.

Fast-forward to the follow up meeting, I'm completely exonerated once they saw how consensual it really was, and told me she was mad that we weren't talking as much and felt used.

I was also advised to not do anything that'd appear retaliatory, meaning, I had to keep having ONE ON ONE weekly syncs with this person who tried really hard to get me fired. How fucking uncomfortable.

A month later she quit. Good riddance!

I'm one of the few lucky ones where an honest investigations group did the right thing, but it could have easily gone the other way. Ever since then I stay clear of any conversation that could remotely be considered flirtatious, look at the floor if standing in an elevator alone with a woman, do my best to stay in my lane and minimize interactions with women, and pretend to be an inferior species just to get a paycheck. It sucks, but that's modern day society now.

Good luck OP at your next gig. Lessons learned I guess?

IoSonCalaf · 2022-11-11T22:47:06+00:00

It’s best to never be alone with any women at work.

Dalebreh · 2022-11-12T06:39:50+00:00

I worked at a fine dining kitchen once, i was a line cook. One day they hired a new prep cook and i was assigned to train her with the recipes and shit. Started off well, she was nice, and i kept it strictly just about the training, no small talk at first.

After a few days of training her, she began to attempt small talk and i went along with it moderately. Around the end of the week, i noticed she was having some trouble with the knife, so i taught her some knife cutting techniques to help her prep more efficiently. Along with this and for the final recipes she had to learn, i helped her out on how to do it, and how to use the knife the best way. After her training ended, she started to have attitudes with the rest of the kitchen staff, and i found out from someone there that she complained about me to the head chef that i was being "creepy and too touchy" with her.

Really pissed me the fuck off, when i was just doing my job in training her and she knew that. The head chef came to me and told me that he found this weird and for me to be careful, so i asked him to not to put me with her again. After 3-4 weeks, she made enemies with EVERYONE in the kitchen (mostly guys) and quit the job, it was a huge relief.

Stilltryin4gold · 2022-11-11T22:49:09+00:00

Covert cellphone video is your friend.

__removed__ · 2022-11-12T01:37:18+00:00

I knew a guy who was investigated by HR and had to change jobs because he was assigned to work with a woman and when they were in the car, the radio was on some random station and the song that was playing was some random pop song and she didn't like the lyrics of the song on the radio and accused him of sexual harrassment.

Sankdamoney · 2022-11-12T00:53:37+00:00

“…she was my best friend.” That was your first mistake.

Violator34 · 2022-11-12T01:33:29+00:00

After MeToo and the Brett Kavanaugh hearings, I take no chances.

Theou_Xeir · 2022-11-12T17:12:36+00:00

Never associate with women in the workplace unless it is absolutely necessary and always in a professional setting. I once slept with a female that worked at the finance department at my job after a party thrown by the company. She did so with other colleagues on different occasions. Weeks go by and people found out(not from me). As you can imagine she was looked at as the town bicycle. Since I was the last one from the job that she slept, she started spreading rumours that she was drunk and did not consent. Basically that I SA'ed her. Lucky for me, people that knew what she was like told her that she was literally witnessed pulling from the party trying to take me home. You can only imagine what could have happened.

peter_venture · 2022-11-11T22:46:35+00:00

Sorry, but if you quit without setting the record straight you didn't walk away with your dignity. I'm not judging because I don't have all the facts, but if you left with everyone believing her lies then they probably believe you left because you're a horrible person and were caught at it. Me, if I was quitting, I'd expose this bitch for her lies, or at least try to. You'd have nothing to lose.

windowsfrozenshut · 2022-11-12T08:08:44+00:00

Dude this exact thing literally happened to me too last year, except I never got close enough to her to consider her a bestie.

She was always very friendly, always seemed excited to talk, reassured me that she was there for me whenever I needed anything, used to bring me drinks and candy. We would talk about real shit and open up. I got back into cooking and would make big batches of stuff to bring to work and share with everyone, including her. Then I found out that she had been browbeating me with other dudes any time I wasn't around and consistently going to HR about me perpetrating me as a harasser. She even went to HR about me bringing her food, saying that I was trying to groom her. She is by far the biggest two face snake I've ever experienced in my life. One day management randomly pulled me into the office and started berating me for bad behavior and making all these totally ridiculous accusations of things from left field. I was like.. what just happened. Thought they got the wrong person. It was her making accusations against me. They couldn't prove that I said or did anything they were throwing at me, though. Later on one of the guys I work with told me all about it.

It makes me sick to my stomach to think back about how close I probably was to losing my job over it. Fellas, stay away from women at work!

grahamcookiefart · 2022-11-11T23:23:45+00:00

Hey OP, I wouldn't dwell too much on what "could" have been done at the time. I'm very sorry you were emotionally and socially abused this way and I really hope you get compensated for this in another aspect of life. Having said that - you could look at remote job options, much less interaction. What is your field of work if I may ask? You said you were a key worker in Covid (thank you for your support during that time!!) So I suppose something more hands-on?

GloryToChadlantis · 2022-11-12T03:44:24+00:00

I'm never alone with women in a workplace because of this.

Always stand next to cameras in plain veiw. Say nothing until I have vetted them out.

lastlaugh100 · 2022-11-12T01:32:00+00:00

First rule is female coworkers are not your friend. Watch Mean Girls

Moonlight_Submissive · 2022-11-12T00:59:47+00:00

Always carry on easy place recording device. Put the recorder app on your phone home screen if you can.

That freak you encountered clearly shouldn't walk free among society in the first place. Pathetic.

Now because of such unstable, insufferable creatures men feel uneasy working with women. Well done, feminists, you ruined women and you continue to ruin them! And tormenting men! Congratulations!

Women need ethics education on how to treat men in the workplace and in life. This should be involved in their education timetable and they must pass it flawlessly. Because modern women completely forgot how to respect men and how Not to be insufferable.

I am very ashamed and embarrassed.

yashspartan · 2022-11-12T05:46:15+00:00

Hard lesson to learn, keep relationships at work strictly platonic and work-related.

Kenneth-76 · 2022-11-12T09:32:02+00:00

Consider yourself Lucky.

You learned a valuable lesson at an early time in your work life. Not everything at work, or in life are as it would seem. And colleagues does not always have your best interests as their priority. Regarding women, they can sometimes be quite calculating, and seem to make use of the system in a way that lets them win, with no regards to the ones left behind.

Proceed with caution.

RoryTate · 2022-11-12T00:08:21+00:00

I had a very similar thing happen to me, and it was extremely difficult to venture back into a workplace after I was forced out of a company where I worked. Unlike you, I was able to prove – shortly after I learned she was spreading rumours about me, once I noticed major conflict out of nowhere with former colleagues – that she was only making things up because of her own words saying exactly that in electronic form, but afterwards I was still punished by the company. So I can understand why you just left, and cut your losses early. Going to therapy did help me to understand my own fears about interacting with people in a workplace, and I was able to get over it enough to return. I would recommend seeking some counseling, as it can be good for your mental health, even outside of helping you adjust to a workplace again.

Just be careful of who you get. Someone who follows Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and its techniques is what you want. Other "professionals" may seek to blame your difficulties on you, and want you to learn about your "male privilege", so watch out for that and avoid it like the plague.

bruh_bro_dude · 2022-11-12T08:08:57+00:00

One thing I have learned is to never be alone with a woman at work no matter how much you trust her. Keep hanging out around men bro, they're better friends.

dekadoka · 2022-11-12T11:35:03+00:00

Unfortunately this is pretty common. Women can be extremely emotionally manipulative and cruel for selfish reasons.

hawkeyepitts · 2022-11-12T03:59:27+00:00

It fucking sucks man. You think you’ve met somebody who makes work a little less sucky, and it soon turns out they’re the main reason work sucks.

Sometimes I’ll meet bros who are awesome colleagues. A lot of guys aren’t, but I’ve found many guys are at least reasonable and respectful even if we aren’t friends at work.

But I can count on one had the number of women who were not pieces of shit at work. And of course, everything was in place to protect them. Like I’m the bad guy for having the nerve to stand up to manipulation and bullying from a low self-esteem female bully bitch.

I’ve realized women like that are just a loser who has to lie and manipulate to feel “equal.” Like chill out lady, I’d like and respect you if you pulled your own weight and didn’t act like a victim instead of admitting you’re incompetent and lazy at your job.

AndyBrown65 · 2022-11-11T23:58:29+00:00

Women hurt others by interrupting relationships

Donrigoberto7 · 2022-11-12T07:52:58+00:00

Just separate your work life from your non work life. Like... i act friendly at work but they aren't my friends.... i ask them questions like "how was your day" etc.. but i don't really care about it. No beers after work and yea problem solved.

LegendOfSoccer · 2022-11-12T07:39:27+00:00

Damn bro. Hope she rots in hell for what she did to u.

A_British_Villain · 2022-11-12T03:50:34+00:00

He was smart. Not often the man escapes intact!

GF1386 · 2022-11-12T10:38:28+00:00

Similar experience with a subordinate. We weren’t friends but she decided I was somehow harassing her. You weren’t there so I can’t prove I wasn’t but it literally came out of the blue. 40 year career and it never happened before or since. She was literally not well. Scary when someone targets you for their personal amusement. She was fired after she started working for a woman manager after I left the organization. I joined a team 1500 miles away. Darned if she wasn’t there. The engagement manager told me on the first day she said I was trouble. We did not work together. She got fired from that team too. My theory is that some people bring unresolved issues they had with their fathers into adulthood. They are unbelievably dangerous.

Izalias · 2022-11-12T17:43:00+00:00

Document everything, do not let yourself become the victim of repeated incidents.

Ciobanesc · 2022-11-12T08:55:28+00:00

That is the way women monetize their sexual experience. A somewhat similar thing happened to me, too...What I thought was a decent person turned out to share intimate information with some people that owe us small amounts of money, so they tried to blackmail me with this info to upset my wife. So, a big nono to loaning money money to people, even if they are hurting, they will turn around and bite you hard. Especially to women. When they can't monetize you anymore, they'll hate your guts and hate you.

Lrellok · 2022-11-12T03:27:17+00:00

If you have not run someone over and killed them while drunk, i personally assure there is a trucking compsny who will hand you the keys to their truck.

I am saying this becouse 1) ALL interactions with drivers are recorded, so no one can give instructions then deny it later and 2) the companies are terrifued of loosing actual good drivers anyone pulling anything in the office gets the boot FAST.

MusicFinal · 2022-11-12T10:45:52+00:00

Too bad you didn't call her out on her shit in front of everyone she involved. Don't allow ppl to drag your name.

Lolaindisguise · 2022-11-12T12:10:52+00:00

There is no excuse for any of this persons actions. As the economy worsens I fear we will see more opportunists like this. Sounds like she was setting you up for a sexual harassment suit against company or maybe just to get you fired since you didn't give her money

hottake_toothache · 2022-11-12T14:39:17+00:00

I advise keeping your relationships with women at work very perfunctory. Just communicate as needed, about the work.

Society allows them to be comfortable, loose and casual, knowing that the world inherently sees them in a positive light. But, for us men, it is the opposite.

Night_Panda95 · 2022-11-12T05:04:18+00:00

I'm sorry this happened to you, it's wrong. I just wanted to provide some insight into that manipulative backstabbing behavior, aka. Jekyll and Hyde. Sounds like basic girl fighting, dirty and passive AF. Rumors, making themselves out to be the victim instead of you the actual survivor, turning others in a group against you... Somehow you got on her bad side and so she choked you out of the environment. When you don't have experience battling in that kind of realm of bitchery it can be completely life sucking. Also add the hormonal crazy elements and if the age is close to teenage the deregulated emotions, aka crying. I have found that the best thing to do is keep a distance socially and let any attempts at shots/manipulative behavior to "bounce" off you and or clarify on the spot pointing out their rudeness. Basically making them embarrassed for acting a fool and not being a decent human being. Lastly, there are girls out there that are not like this. They tend to be down to earth, sweet, and kind. I hope you find that chill zone, where highschool type behavior is nowhere near present.

RatDontPanic · 2022-11-12T15:41:13+00:00

Come on, guys. There's no reason to be afraid of working with women any more than there is a reason for women to fear working with men. We can't start acting like the feminists.

kanaka_maalea · 2022-11-12T04:34:55+00:00

She wanted the dilsnick, and you didn't give. A woman scorned..., etc. Etc.

Agile-Fee-8826 · 2022-11-12T14:53:57+00:00

Never establish non professional relationships with any female colleagues and you are good to go. If you are looking for intimate relationships with women, look outside your workplace.

WinTheDell · 2022-11-12T09:00:55+00:00

Firstly, I’m really sorry about your negative experience. It does happen with some regularity that you run into a workplace psycho. It’ll end up catching up with them and they’ll end up having to “do a geographic” to carry on their psychotic ways. It’s also unfortunate that when the workplace psycho is a woman, they usually get a lot more leeway and can carry on their behaviour for a bit longer

Having said this, your negative experience is not the norm and you need to be careful about how this impacts your life going forward. Whilst I suspect most people will at least know of something like this happening, most workplaces are nothing like this. I work in a department of 12 women and 3 men and it’s a really great place to work. A nutter will come in every once in a while and they’re quickly spotted!

Jordan Peterson said something about working in female dominated fields in his GQ interview about how he avoided problems through careful conduct. You don’t need to go around with a body cam as some have suggested here. Be wary about forming close relationships with people of the opposite sex at work. You should have a better idea of suspicious behaviour in colleagues now. Always try to frame these negative experiences as valuable learning moments in your long and successful life. Suffering is success fuel.

Do consider therapy if you feel this is impacting your career. She’s the one who should be facing a turbulent work-life, not the people she targets.

nooneinteresting-1 · 2022-11-12T10:19:25+00:00

Just keep your phone app recording all the time.

Mammoth_Cut5134 · 2022-11-12T13:42:15+00:00

This is why I just don't interact with female strangers. Better to keep a distance.

spelczech · 2022-11-11T22:50:33+00:00

I feel for you, man. It sucks to feel like you can nothing to defend yourself against false allegations. But just as "not all men" is valid, so is "not all women".

Not all women are as narcissistic and vindictive as your ex-coworker and frankly, if you let this incident keep you from doing what you want to do you've let a person who doesn't deserve the notice to live in your head rent-free.

Don't let this woman change you or what you want. Don't let the shitty people you will encounter in life win. Learn from this and move on. Good luck to you, brother.

GeheimerAccount · 2022-11-12T00:38:38+00:00

why didnt you confront her with it? like not in a way of "ha got you" or something but rather just ask her why she did it and tell her how it makes you feel.

Magician-West · 2022-11-12T11:29:31+00:00

Sounds like she had some kind of personality disorder, that's disgusting that happened to you. You should have taken it up with management and sued her for slander, without evidence she is just being malicious and causing office drama. No company wants that either. Most women arnt like this.

noidea3838 · 2022-11-12T01:35:43+00:00

So you let her win ?

Yaronbi_2 · 2022-11-12T07:29:33+00:00

idk why but on girl mind: some of them believe all men are catfish.. after that stop answer and rude to men ;-; idk why this happened

Anih1list · 2022-11-12T09:26:19+00:00

This just one crazy person. Most women are not like that. But you knew that already didn’t you?

atsimas · 2022-11-12T09:37:58+00:00

It's best to be typical and nothing will come against you. Thankfully, in our system you still are needed to be proved wrong. Don't flirt and you'll be allright. You'll be named as weird, I admit, but you'll be a weird one with a work.

SnooShortcuts7206 · 2022-11-11T21:41:13+00:00

Just FYI, men do this to each other too. I think it’s part of why men isolate themselves and sink into depression. There’s an old saying that has something to do with managing perceptions at all cost. False friends and professionally jealous men and women will be a constant in your work life.

SarahC · 2022-11-12T08:45:05+00:00

Hence the song Peppermint Poison.

Lord_of_Entropy · 2022-11-12T12:23:18+00:00

Good luck. It’s because of a potential situation such as this that I keep my distance from all my coworkers and keep conversations about work.

Extension-Leather166 · 2022-11-12T13:05:09+00:00

Its work. Get used to being alone, work orientated, with taking breaks alone.

Mind yourself and get your money. Them people are not your friends. Never date within working environments.

Wolflord-5 · 2022-11-12T16:00:25+00:00

Get evidence and con HR

Soda_BoBomb · 2022-11-12T16:49:36+00:00

Yeah and then she'll go and post about feeling threatened by men when alone and how dangerous they are

Ok_Toe6264 · 2022-11-12T16:58:39+00:00

it’s fair for you to associate that terrible association with female colleagues because it was a girl who did it to you but you should understand that 1 it isn’t very common and 2 it is equally as likely for a guy to do to another guy or a girl according to a study by the Mid-South Sociological Association on “THE INFLUENCES OF GENDER, RACE AND ETHNICITY ON WORKPLACE EXPERIENCES OF INSTITUTIONAL AND SOCIAL ISOLATION”

YesYesYesVeryGood · 2022-11-12T18:21:24+00:00

I work from home. I love it!

kellykebab · 2022-11-12T19:02:07+00:00

Dude, this is one single person.

This has nothing to do with women as a whole. You will perhaps meet guys like this as well. Or maybe not. Thankfully, people like this are generally rare (whether male or female).

I would not leap to broad generalizations based on this one single example. But in the future, maybe be more cautious about immediately developing a close friendship with a work colleague before you know more about their personality and character. And if someone is trying to borrow money after you barely know them, that's usually a big red flag. Even if you didn't meet the person at work.

Basically, just learn to vet people better. This really doesn't seem like a women vs. men issue to me.

Also, no offense, but you really need to brush up on how/when to capitalize when writing. This was a real maze to read.

DaBigVikin · 2022-11-12T19:22:27+00:00

Rule of thumb. Don’t interact with a lass unless you have a trusted work mate nearby. If you don’t have anyone keep your head down and keep going, focus on the task.

Adorable_Collar_9694 · 2022-11-12T20:48:21+00:00

Start your own business.

reading_alot · 2022-11-13T01:53:58+00:00

Unfortunately there is some mandatory minimal quota for the number or percentage of females in the workplace.

equalRights111 · 2022-11-13T10:50:37+00:00

Sorry to hear this happened to you. It’s a tough world for a man. A woman can just tell people that you make her uncomfortable, you are harassing her etc, and it’s game over for you. Even when the story is proven to be false, it’s never quite the same again.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-11-13T23:04:43+00:00

Whay to do when dealing with someone like this, is write down her conversations with you when alone and email it to them.

Title	I Have A Fear Of Working With Women After This Happened To Me
Author	Ok_Text5955
Upvotes	684
Comments	155
Date	November 11, 2022 9:18 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/ysnh6n/i_have_a_fear_of_working_with_women_after_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/i-have-a-fear-of-working-with-women-after-this.1138951 https://theredarchive.com/post/1138951

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