Gender relations, and dating for men in particular, would be much improved if there weren’t so much societal pressure for men to get laid

IHateNattyNormies · 2022-11-23T14:57:36+00:00

Learning how to value oneself with a metric that was thoughtfully chosen is how you develop integrity. Whilst society will give you a lot of poor messaging, making that decision for yourself is the ultimate freedom. Who do you want to be, what do you want to do. I don't think eradicating that programming is simple or easy mind.

You say that this is holding you back from a meaningful relationship, and I am inferring that that is what you would ultimately want. If your behaviour and your intentions are misaligned then that's something that therapy is actually really good at, depending on type chosen, individual therapist and relationship with you etc.

Barneysparky · 2022-11-23T14:36:10+00:00

Do you know what I've never heard in conversation outside of online pill places? "That guy Joe, he's impressive because he's had sex with x amount of women".

Are you being asked about your Ncount achievements in a job interview? At family dinners do your relative's harp on at you to raise the amount of women you have sex with? Where is this society?

DerekMorganBAU · 2022-11-23T15:12:15+00:00

No a lot of men don’t think like you lol

The “pressure” isn’t from having sex it’s from the ability to not be involuntarily celibate. That’s it. That’s the criteria.

A man that has an n count of 3 with beautiful 10/10 women but had been approached by a dozen women that were a 8/10 and turned them down has as much or more bragging rights than a man that has fucked 50 women from the 5-7 range

That’s why I always preach that men need a main girl and two potential back up options when they are in an LTR, and they need three in rotation when they are single

That’s not something any guy can just wake up and do though which is why it’s important to cultivate options as a man that’s the real kicker

NinjaOfTheSouth · 2022-11-23T14:31:24+00:00

I believe it should stop being shamed at this point.

Olipyr · 2022-11-23T16:24:44+00:00

Yeah, it's there for bragging rights and whatnot. I bought into it after my first ended in a big heartbreak and ran through a ton of different women. Once your body count hits >50, you kind of stop caring about it. It becomes routine and kinda boring, for the most part. Sure you'll have the occasional woman who blows your mind, but that's few and far between. At that point, you'll have been looking for a deeper connection, or you should be.

Trust me, there is no difference in contentment between 25 and 100 on the body count scale.

As far as this societal pressure preventing a meaningful relationship, that's bunk. The advent of online dating and many other avenues of attention whoring is the main culprit. Being attractive is still a top priority and always will be. It's what gets your foot in the door. Your personality, along with many other traits, is what gets you farther than just casual fucking.

PMmeareasontolive · 2022-11-23T16:48:57+00:00

I, much to my detriment, very heavily care about my “body count”, and
internalize the concept that higher is better. I strongly associate
that number with my self worth and success as a man. For some reason
deep in my head, I find myself thinking “if I just reach x number, I’ll
finally be content.”

Is this real or someone doing male cosplay?

So many times us guys find ourselves going to approach that girl, or get
that number, or “close the deal”, simply to impress friends, raise the
number, prove it to ourselves, whatever the case may be.

So many times is actually zero times. None of those things you mention has ever been the slightest motivator for me.

I mean, I feel like I can sorta relate because I'm a guy who would like to have several love affairs over the course of a lifetime. I feel that would be the richest life because each partner is like a different world to explore. So in a way I'm the LTR (relatively speaking) version of you. But I cant imagine a guy thinking that about ONSs. How is one different from another even? Unless you mean you'd finally have so many you'd be tired of it and content because you weren't a slave to your desire anymore. But even then; it sounds like your motivation is almost more about what your friends think than actual desire.

Ok_Change_1063 · 2022-11-23T17:21:42+00:00

My own dick exerts more pressure on me to get laid than society does.

hypotenoos · 2022-11-23T14:41:50+00:00

Psst…you could just lie. No one will know.

AGalWithThoughts · 2022-11-23T15:33:24+00:00

Women have this same pressure.

"You're no fun."

"Don't be a prude."

"You don't want to be a 60 year old lady who never got to experience life."

We get these messages from men who want to fuck us, yes, but also from other women and the media as well. A lot of us have to de-program from this mentality that being a strong woman = being an easy lay.

2022-11-23T16:30:38+00:00

Sorry bud, but from your post you sound a little stupid and childish. Nope, there is no societal pressure for men to get laid, only their preference.

I, much to my detriment, very heavily care about my “body count”, and internalize the concept that higher is better. I strongly associate that number with my self worth and success as a man.

Well, then what will you call me as a virgin ? A failure as a man ?

So many times us guys find ourselves going to approach that girl, or get that number, or “close the deal”, simply to impress friends, raise the number, prove it to ourselves, whatever the case may be.

Then at least right now, you are not in the right mindset to date for a long-term relationship. Again, not societal pressure, just your preference.

I think this hypothetical is impossible just due to the nature of men and their evolutionarily hierarchical instincts

Well, if you haven't figured it out yet, I'm a straight man, it's not in my instincts to fuck every other human being that has a vagina. Don't generalize, just live your own life.

szclimber · 2022-11-23T14:41:40+00:00

I disagree. I never cared about society's opinion. I wanted dates, relationships, romance and sex for myself.

Struggiling men won't magically become successful either in your scenario.

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obviousredflag · 2022-11-23T15:27:43+00:00

It's not society telling you to have sex to feel good about yourself. It's your genes. Therefore you are correct in saying: this hypothetical is impossible.

2022-11-23T15:49:38+00:00

Too much of our private lives are made public, it is the normal thing now to be a rampant exhibitionist. No wonder perhaps former normal people look weird.

MistyMaisel · 2022-11-23T17:05:02+00:00

I love this idea that society has one message. It doesn't. There's all kinds of messages out there. You could have chosen a different message. You chose the message that bestowed meaningless sex. No one put a gun to your head or trapped you into that.

You could have sought meaningful relationships and not tried to just fuck a bunch. Lots of guys who are well-thought of do. If anything, I'd argue all the paths of society at their end most lionize and respect the man who is happy and loyal with one woman whom he loves and loves him in return. You can even see this in a lot of rap culture and other largely promiscuous cultures.

Choosemyusername · 2022-11-23T17:10:18+00:00

“not so much out of genuine interest” there is plenty of genuine interest. Maybe not from you. But from most of us.

Bikerbats · 2022-11-23T17:35:14+00:00

Yeah, I'm not seeing this one. If there was any societal pressure for me to have sex, it was drowned out by the thunderous sound of my own hormones. That didn't slow down at all until my mid 40's, and even now it exerts substantial pressure.

West-Ad-9697 · 2022-11-23T17:48:52+00:00

All through my life I’ve found myself wanting to have sex, date, and interact with women not so much out of genuine interest, but rather the societal benefits and expectations bestowed upon me from success in these interactions.

I think you might have some wierd socialization issue. How would other people even know you had sex? Are you planning a big reveal after the act?

I, much to my detriment, very heavily care about my “body count”, and internalize the concept that higher is better. I strongly associate that number with my self worth and success as a man. For some reason deep in my head, I find myself thinking “if I just reach x number, I’ll finally be content.”

Dude, that's a feminist cliche, no man thinks like that. Are you trolling or genuinely never talked to guys? We "idealize" having the ability to score, but even idealize is too much - it's like girls having cleavage - she might not want to tit fuck anyone but she wants all the guys to know she could, and it would feel great. That's all male machismo is. Ego.

So many times us guys find ourselves going to approach that girl, or get that number, or “close the deal”, simply to impress friends, raise the number, prove it to ourselves, whatever the case may be.

My (wo)man, I think you're trolling. It's like saying - I wanna eat cake to impress diabetics. This is not how the mind of a man works. It's freaking awesome to talk to a girl. So awesome we literally forget our bros are there cheering for us.

but if it WERE the case that society no longer cared how many girls you slept with (or how attractive she/they are, for that matter)

It doesn't. Anything beyond 7 is weird to admit to. Also, reputation does the talking for you in most small cities. Also, the confidence you get beyond 20 oozes out and your brain stops panicking when not everything is going perfectly. And the third ALSO: MEN DON'T CONFESS!!! Men brag, and are cheeky but we don't talk to other dudes about what and how much we fuck. It's a implied - everyone'\s a chad they just might have off days - kind of like girls say all bodies are beautiful - but everyone knows who can get any at the end of a night.

I, and many others, could probably find a much more meaningful relationship.

How? How does wanting to get laid affect you getting a "meaningful" relationship? In your idealized world, body count is just male neuroticism - so why would it matter to a woman that you want to take it slow? Unless - that woman is the one that expects to get some, even when not asking for it, whenever she wants it, and it's your job to make it happen otherwise you're a wimp.

I think you're either on a spectrum and very self isolated or a woman that is very isolated and only learned about men from feminist academia and it's fetishization of stereotypes.

I will give you that men need to stop caring as much of how succesful they are with women or how good they are in bed. But, when you face such high standards of smoothness and sexual expectations, there's a high barrier of entry to the level where you stop caring and that barrier of entry can become obsessive.

Title	Gender relations, and dating for men in particular, would be much improved if there weren’t so much societal pressure for men to get laid
Author	IHateNattyNormies
Upvotes	18
Comments	83
Date	November 23, 2022 2:21 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/z2qd9d/gender_relations_and_dating_for_men_in_particular/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/gender-relations-and-dating-for-men-in-particular.1140470 https://theredarchive.com/post/1140470

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