What makes a physical preference valid or fair in your opinion?

MyLastBestChance · 2022-11-29T00:33:01+00:00

People can have absolutely any preferences that they want. Seriously, anything at all.

Individual preferences only become problematic when the preference holder tries to inflict that preference on others, assert that their particular preferences are, or should be, universal or derides those who don’t fit those preferences.

As an example:

Person A prefers men over 6’4”. Absolutely their right and they should feel free to only date those who meet that preference. Unless…they also attempt to justify their personal preference by asserting that men under 6’4” are all pathetic manlets who shouldn’t reproduce and should be avoided by all women.

Or: Person B prefers women with limited sexual experience. Absolutely his right and he should feel free to only date women who meet that preference. Unless…he attempts to justify that personal preference by asserting that women with more sexual experience are used up, ran through and unworthy of love or relationships and should be avoided by all men.

See how that works?

localmicrodosechamp · 2022-11-29T00:23:16+00:00

any preference people want to have is fair and valid.

SmilesLikeMardiGras · 2022-11-29T00:24:18+00:00

how could any preference not be "valid", whatever that means

gofigure62 · 2022-11-29T00:53:04+00:00

I think all physical preferences are valid as long as they don't involve children or actual animals.

I find it absolutely ridiculous that men and women feel entitled to tell people what they should be sexually attracted to. Date someone who finds you sexually attractive and leave everyone else alone.

People are allowed to like and what whatever or whoever they want. Who cares if their preferences are unrealistic. Let them exist in their delusion and be by themselves for eternity if no one wants to date them. Leave people alone.

northernlights190 · 2022-11-29T00:33:44+00:00

I think almost all physical preferences are valid. At the end of the day a lot of it isn’t in your conscious control, and nobody is entitled to you being attracted to them.

The only one I can think of where I personally tend to take a dim view is blanket racial preferences on a purely looks basis. I get why someone would prefer to date someone from their own ethnic / cultural background; but a hard physical preference for or against any one race (“I’m not attracted to X girls / I’m only attracted to X guys”) often seems tied up in stereotyping baggage that IMO reflects poorly on that person.

Still, I mean, they’re free to have those attraction parameters. And especially if there is racial baggage tied up in it, it’s for the best if people don’t date people they aren’t into, so it all works out as it should.

Also, I think it’s unfortunate the way so many women are about short men, but I can’t say the preference is unfair or invalid. I think it sucks that some women cling to that preference, but it is what it is. It’s not invalid.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-11-29T01:07:22+00:00

If you aren't attracted, you aren't attracted. Now if you look like the common basement dweller meme and want to bag a Victoria's Secret model, you should probably temper your expectations with reality. But if you genuinely aren't attracted, you can't force it. Just be polite about it and nobody will care.

Oli_love90 · 2022-11-29T01:13:04+00:00

I think all are preferences no matter how “bad” they may seem are valid as long as you don’t make others feel bad because of your preference. For example purposes, suppose I prefer a tall guy with brown hair. As long as I don’t shame, make fun of or excessively push my preferences onto guys who don’t fit that it’s fine.

That being said I think people tend to talk aloud about their preference too much, it really feels like they just want to very slightly insult those who don’t fit in their own standards while getting validation for whatever they like. I have a set of preferences that literally no one knows because I don’t need to say them out loud.

MistyMaisel · 2022-11-29T03:28:35+00:00

So, I think people can have any preference they want on the face of it (outside of children and animals). But with that said, I think we can add in a few things that would make it suspicious, not recommended, or potentially harmful and bad.

1st: I think it's really obvious, but, don't be a dick with your preferences. Having them doesn't make them necessary to say and it doesn't make it necessary to put down anything which isn't that preference. You don't have to call fat people landwhales or beach balls. You don't have to call tall people skyscrapers or insult their feminine essence. You don't have to call short people children, insult their masculinity, or such. The list is endless, but basically, be a little thoughtful as to how you word your preference if you can. You don't have to pull the punch every time, but if all your words are doing is punching people, maybe stop.

2nd: Why is this a preference. Is it really finding something attractive and beautiful for pure reasons...or is an exploitation thing.

You know like, if someone said they had a preference for the elderly...that's fine and allowed...but it becomes something to demonize if the reason you like elderly people is they're weak and can't fight back or are more likely to be desperate and lonely and not have boundaries.

And that's always true. Is it a preference for those particular traits and appearances, or is it a preference for a weakness you see that can be exploited to your benefit. If so, you don't have a real preference, you're a predator disguising that by saying: I'm just really into old folks.

3rd: do you adhere to your preference so strongly that you make people you're dating who don't meet it feel badly in themselves?

I remember I knew a guy who had a preference for really short, like basically shaved headed women (not very common to find in most places). And when he theorized about dating, I pointed out he may not find that and asked out of pure curiosity what he'd do since he insisted he'd date normal haired women. His answer was that they could always wear a bald cap at least in the bedroom and maybe around the house...that's not great. Either hold out for your preference or don't make others you're in a relationship with feel bad for not being your preference.

Miserable_Yam4778 · 2022-11-29T06:25:40+00:00

So long as it's safe, sane and consensual, and there's no children or animals involved, you can have whatever preferences you wish.

If you feel the need to DECLARE your preferences, for whatever reason, you're opening yourself up to criticism. Because however universal or bland your preferences might be, somebody out there disagrees with you.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-11-29T02:45:42+00:00

A preference does not need to be “valid” or “fair.” It is what it is. Now, that doesn’t mean all preferences are reasonable or realistic. You know your preference is unrealistic if you’re consistently not able to get it. Furthermore, nobody really wants to hear about your preferences if they didn’t ask. Constantly talking about how you only like 6ft+ men or only date skinny Asian women is just annoying. Nobody cares.

lolthankstinder · 2022-11-29T04:37:25+00:00

I judge physical preferences based on gender symmetry, popularity, invariance, shallowness, and consistency with one’s self.

Some examples: - Eye color. Gender symmetry: high [+2]. Popularity: high [+2]. Invariant: yes [0]. Shallowness: high [0]. Consistency with self: (depends on your own eye color). Acceptance score: 6/10, 4/10 if inconsistent with one’s own eyes. - Obesity/fitness. Gender symmetry: high [+2]. Popularity: high [+2]. Invariant: mostly not [+2]. Shallowness: moderate (reflects lifestyle) [+1]. Consistency with self (depends). Score: 9/10, 7/10 if inconsistent with one’s own obesity. - Height. Gender symmetry: moderate (research shows most guys tend to care less) [+1]. Popularity: high [+2]. Invariant: yes. Shallowness: high. Consistency with self: often low. Score 5/10, 3/10 if inconsistent. - Boob size. Gender symmetry: no. Popularity: high [+2]. Invariant: yes. Shallowness: high. Consistency: N/A. Score 4/10. - Tattoos. Gender symmetry: yes [+2]. Popularity: high [+2]. Invariant: sorta [+1]. Shallowness: moderate (reflects lifestyle/personality) [+1]. Score: 8/10, 6/10 if inconsistent with self.

Notes: my acceptance of the examples is scored obesity > tattoos > eye color > height > boob size which checks out. I think judging someone by their level of fitness/obesity, within reason, is quite fair if you are healthy and active yourself. It’s something most people have the power to control. I’d MUCH rather have someone judge me by physical features I have control over rather than something I don’t. Same goes for tattoos. People can choose after they’re born to get tattoos so I think it’s a decent physical filter if you like/dislike them. Height and boob size are the lowest. Height is just slightly better because, despite it being a very common filter used by women, it’s also used by men.

I am also ADAMANTLY consistent with physical preferences. For example, I don’t wish to be judged for my height or dick size, so I don’t judge women for their boob size or height. I do wish for my level of physical fitness to be factored in, so I also admire physical fitness in women.

FlexodusPrime · 2022-11-29T06:00:35+00:00

A preference is what it is, a preference, which means there is some wiggle room.

My preference for women were 5'6, blonde hair and blue eyes but willing to take an exception for red hair with green eyes. But life happens and I ended up marrying a 5'0 Asian with black hair and brown eyes.

All is fair when it comes to preferences. Think of it as a Christmas wish list, we want what we want but should be happy with whatever we get.

AstuteBlackMan · 2022-11-29T00:28:42+00:00

I think any and everything is a preference. But I’ve noticed that people will call other people racist(or any thing else) if you don’t want to date a specific race. I don’t quite understand that and never will.

I have and will date anyone if they are attractive and look good. So while I think it’s weird to not want to date a certain race of people I don’t personally care.

So to answer your question I think anything is valid and no one can stop you from chasing what you want. You can be critiqued though if your standards are obscenely weird. Example you only date 19 year olds and you’re 33 years old. Kinda weird and you’ll be judged but it’s your preference.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-11-29T00:46:08+00:00

You cannot force yourself to be attracted to someone you're not. Nor should you. Faking being interested in someone just to get a date, virtue signal, or get laid is shitty, unethical, unprincipled behavior and will result in a resentful, unhappy situation that's not healthy for anyone.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2022-11-29T02:15:03+00:00

All physical preferences are valid as long as they're achievable.

A 22 year old smoking hot smart sexy confident woman can want a billionaire. She can want a 6ft4 man with abs and 6figure income. Etc. She could also not care about money and want a dude with a huge d. Or huge Ds could hurt her and she wants an average D guy but one who loves to travel.

However an obese unpleasant woman wanting those same characteristics, while morally valid, is not societally valid, and is incredibly rarely successful.

Flip the genders, and it's the same.

A 6/6/6/6 man can prefer younger women, thinner women, women of certain races, nationalities, or heights, boob size, whatever.

But an incel or unconfident introverted average man, (again while morally valid) has invalid societal preferences if he's going for much beyond the mentioned obese girl

E: someone else brought up some preferences that ARE immoral, so I'll qualify with

"All preferences are morally valid assuming the other person is a consenting human adult with full mental faculties"

SolidPuzzleheaded984 · 2022-11-29T02:29:20+00:00

If you are ugly/avg man.

You can get with fat or chubby women.

If you are hot guy:

You get thin, gymmed out women, slim thick/busty

250umdfail · 2022-11-29T01:44:57+00:00

All is fair in love, and war. And I'm not sure about the second part.

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SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-11-29T00:46:05+00:00

As long as you can find partners who fit your preferences (and they commit to you) then nobody should care.

Smitten_Squire · 2022-11-29T00:58:51+00:00

Ur in a similar range then its okay. But if ur morbidly obese and unkempt and want a partner with amazing body and face, that isn't valid

MuchMethod7039 · 2022-11-29T02:04:07+00:00

Tbh, I feel odd judging peoples physical preferences. People are attracted to what they are attracted to, and nothing can change that even if it goes against societal standards for morals. People are quick to point out flaws and dipole someone in when we are all so flawed.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-11-29T17:06:36+00:00

My preference is valid because it's what I want and it's for you know: it's not illegal or creepy. Bring me your thick thighs and dark hair. It's not fair, it doesn't have to be.

badsign12 · 2022-11-29T20:11:21+00:00

I agree that it's not about valid or fair so much as it is about demeaning people who lack the trait you prefer, overtly or even a bit covertly like entering a discussion where a woman is sensitive about her weight and stating that you prefer thin women, or where a man sensitive about his height and you prefer tall men. Sometimes your preference is hurtful if stated.

Also considering is how your preference functions? Do you find yourself attracted to people who don't have that preferred trait or status yet you hold out for someone who does? Does that serve you? Are you maybe accepting conventional ideas of beauty and attractiveness that aren't really that important to you, but treating them like they matter? It's worth taking a critical look at.

HighestTierMaslow · 2022-11-30T03:59:42+00:00

People can have their preferences, but some people's preferences are aiming too high in the opposite sex and they are too entitled about what is realistic for them. Some of these people also shame others for having different preferences.

Also some preferences society deems acceptable are pretty harmful to society (35 year olds dating 18 year olds for example)

Alert_Many_1196 · 2022-11-30T04:19:52+00:00

One that you match.

Equinox147909 · 2022-12-01T00:40:17+00:00

Every single physical preference is valid. Any man or woman who tells you otherwise is trying to guilt you. This works both ways. Women say they want a taller man? Perfectly fine, as a man if you can’t change height so focus on bettering yourself and becoming attractive in other ways. Men don’t like obsese women? Perfectly fine, that woman should lose weight and work on becoming more attractive. The issue that comes up a lot is the double standard set by women. Its become a meme at this point how women prefer height “ short kings” etc. we all accept and laugh about. But God Forbid a man makes a fat joke or openly states his preference for skinny women and suddenly he is the bad guy, shallow, etc.

Title	What makes a physical preference valid or fair in your opinion?
Author	bootsthehoused0wn
Upvotes	0
Comments	73
Date	November 29, 2022 12:18 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/z7dpl8/what_makes_a_physical_preference_valid_or_fair_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-makes-a-physical-preference-valid-or-fair-in.1141461 https://theredarchive.com/post/1141461

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