Women frequently treat men in ways that would be considered emotional abuse if the genders were reversed. But it's okay for the double standard to exist.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-11-28T21:02:39+00:00

Contrary to popular belief, abuse is not just any particular “mean” behavior but a whole system of control and fear and intimidation. Most of these things can really be done by either gender in an abusive way, or a non-abusive way. Women are capable of being abusive toward men, but it is relatively rare due to physical size and traditional power dynamics in relationships. We need to acknowledge when this happens and offer the proper resources to men in these situations, but we don’t need to pretend men and women are “equal” in this regard.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-11-28T21:03:00+00:00

I think you have a very valid point on many of these issues however you lose nuance on others.

Chores? Ever hear of weaponized incompetence?

Clothing? There's a difference between "babe you can't wear jeans and a t-shirt to my grandmother's funeral" vs. "you're dressed like a fucking slut go change."

2022-11-28T21:10:21+00:00

Take it on the chin.

A MAN IS BORN TO DIE OR WIN.

GOOD LUCK FUCKERS

Podlubnyi · 2022-11-28T20:24:18+00:00

And you know what? It's okay.

TIL that abuse is ok provided you're a woman and your victim is a man.

gymbro718nyc2 · 2022-11-28T20:23:39+00:00

2022-11-28T20:38:40+00:00

Woman criticizes her man for the way he dresses

I'll say she can do this but respectfully.

Man criticizes his woman for the way she dresses

I'll say I can also do this as well but respectfully.

Woman giving the man the silent treatment

If a major argument has happened, then staying silent for sometime is alright, but if it is done in a toxic manner, I'll throw her out of my house and out of my life for good. No place for bullshit drama in my life.

Man giving a woman the silent treatment

The same applies to me as well. It shouldn't be done in a toxic way. It can be accepted for a little while after a major argument.

Woman criticizes her man because the way he does household chores is not up to her liking

Again she can criticize respectfully.

Man criticizes his woman because the way she does household chores is not up to his liking:

Again I can criticize respectfully as well.

Woman trying to make her man jealous

Depends on what you mean by "jealous". If you mean it in a toxic way, like her going to other men to make me jealous. Again I'll throw her out of my house and out of my life. No time and emotions for toxic people in my life.

Man trying to make his woman jealous

Again if I do it in a toxic way, it's still wrong of me. So I shouldn't do it and I won't do it.

Woman screaming at her man

A few stern warnings to have a civilized conversation with me. If she understands, great. Else I'll throw her out of my house and out of my life.

Man screaming at woman

I don't shout. But if I do, it'll be wrong of me.

a woman literally physically assaults a man

After reading all my answers above, what do you think my answer to this question will be ? If you guessed I'll throw her out of my house and out of my life, Congratulations 🎉.

a man physically assaults a woman.

I won't. But if it happens, I will be ashamed of myself and will accept each and every consequence heading my way.

UninterestingFork · 2022-11-28T20:42:45+00:00

Men and women are not the same, we are not treated the same and it's not expected the same from either of us.

That's why "if roles were reversed" usually shows those differences.

For example, a guy screaming at a woman is scary because men are stronger and statistically more prone to hit their partners. A woman screaming at a man statistically doesn't scalate to violence.

ThePleasureIsAllMind · 2022-11-28T20:33:17+00:00

Have you considered the possibility that you deserve all this treatment because you’re a massive crybaby?

chalkandapples · 2022-11-28T20:42:41+00:00

This is true, and I really dislike how some women treat men, and I think they're taking advantage of men's socialization in these situations. Although as you said, when it comes to physical threats, a woman doing the same thing is just not as threatening, so it's objectively less of a danger. At the same time, that doesn't mean this attitude should transfer to non-physical stuff.

Lots of other double standard stuff, like controlling how to dress, comes from instinctive fear of a controlling man abusing power. We still feel like men have a lot of power, and can force women into abusive / oppressive situations, so we preemptively try to protect against that. Although power dynamics changed a lot, there is still lingering fear and concern that men can overpower women physically and socially, while it's very unlikely for a woman to force a man into an oppressive situation. Most people subconsciously think that if a man is in that bad of a situation, he has more freedom to leave. I don't think this is completely true, especially to the extent we fear it, but the lingering fear from past events probably plays a role in some of these double standards. I don't think it's right though, and women should be more considerate of men here and not just act out because they can get away with it.

abaxeron · 2022-11-28T21:09:49+00:00

But it's okay for the double standard to exist.

What double standard is okay to exist because a woman can get knocked up by her side guy, never tell her beta hubby, and threaten him with divorce if he insists on paternity test?

Cult_of_Chad · 2022-11-28T21:13:03+00:00

This is fallout from male disposability/empathy gap.

People will pay lip service to concepts like equality and universal compassion but they don't really feel those things towards males. No one cares if men suffer or die as long as they do it quietly.

Barely-moral · 2022-11-28T20:23:51+00:00

As long as women want equal rights I will oppose this kind of thinking. If women want to be treated with kid's gloves they can sit at the kid's table.

old_new_age · 2022-11-28T20:39:59+00:00

This sentiment is echoed a lot and women don't seem to care usually, just another man "crying" online. I think I've experienced all of these except the "trying to make her man jealous" one. A lot of these probably aren't inherently abusive (physical assault is and maybe screaming, but the others would probably have to be reoccurring imo), but it is funny to me when women I've known will go full silent treatment several times then lose their shit if I don't want to respond to their texts. Lots of criticisms would get thrown at me with the expectation of kowtowing, but any criticisms thrown at them would just create more problems (i.e. "wow I must be such a bad partner"). Just my experience, though.

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AstuteBlackMan · 2022-11-28T20:53:49+00:00

It’s not that they’re never seen as bad but they get more chances. If a woman hits a man people will look at her weird and think that’s wrong but they won’t ever view it the same as a man doing it.

Both are deemed bad. One just more bad.

Ultimately men are the leaders and we need to act better. It’s almost like an adult/child scenario in a sense.

I’m not going to say I fully agree but I understand.

Treacle-Flimsy · 2022-11-28T20:59:59+00:00

I mean... equal rights, equal fights.

Chemical_Major_1403 · 2022-11-28T21:02:12+00:00

You are what we call a pick me , if you think women have the right to beat men cause it doesn't hurt them, you should be ok with men catcalling women cause it doesn't hurt them too

lolthankstinder · 2022-11-28T21:07:11+00:00

I agree there are double standards, but I don’t think they are that pronounced. It’s more of a subtle toxic bias in favor of women or, conversely, a subtle toxic bias against men. It’s also important to distinguish emotional and physical abuse.

When it comes to emotional abuse, that subtle bias comes from the belief that men have (or should have) a tougher resolve when it comes to feelings. If you believe that then you will tend to favor women (thinking they are more emotionally fragile or vulnerable or whatever).

When it comes to physical abuse, there is always a bias against whoever is “bigger”, even in non-heteronormative relationships. Since men tend to be bigger than women in general, that bias will always persist. Due to the size difference it’s less of a double standard and more of a general size-bias for physical abuse. So it’s sort of a half-doubl standard?

Breaking the antiquated denigration of mens’ emotional expression and vulnerability should help with the emotional abuse double standard, but the physical abuse bias probably isn’t going away.

External-Bass7961 · 2022-11-28T21:14:39+00:00

Idk, I feel like my partner does some of these to me and I do not do many back to him. I have a problem with his behavior, but I also would totally understand if he had a problem with me stonewalling or yelling at him. As someone on the receiving end of stonewalling, it is emotionally damaging and hurtful.

I think there are variations to this. If someone is sexually assaulted, going no contact makes complete sense. If someone is merely asking for the trash to be taken out, stonewalling is an insane overreaction.

Edit: also, I know it’s not definitely always true, but a majority of female partners really do more housework and seem to be more considerate and timely.

TheRedPillRipper · 2022-11-28T21:16:25+00:00

they're not better ~~partners~~

People. Anyone who thinks it's okay to act that way, towards anyone else, has issues.

Godspeed and good luck!

CimZim · 2022-11-28T21:17:53+00:00

Uh, no. It is not fair or equal for double standards to exist. If everyone wants the same benefits of society then everyone needs to be civilized. These behaviors are abusive, ergo uncivilized.

2022-11-28T21:24:15+00:00

This is totally fair. Every time I do something aggressive and destructive I blame it on my man hormones so I can’t be held responsible.

crumblesnatch · 2022-11-28T21:25:47+00:00

Woman criticizes her man for the way he dresses: Normal and common. See it all the time.

Man criticizes his woman for the way she dresses; Huge red flag, probably an abuser.

Can you give me an example of the criticism you imagine the man and woman saying? Do a little roleplay of the scenario in your head and tell me the line. E.g., "Brad, your tee shirt is ugly." Are the man and woman saying the exact same words and the response is different?

Title	Women frequently treat men in ways that would be considered emotional abuse if the genders were reversed. But it's okay for the double standard to exist.
Author	Novel-Tip-7570
Upvotes	12
Comments	67
Date	November 28, 2022 8:11 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/z76zvn/women_frequently_treat_men_in_ways_that_would_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-frequently-treat-men-in-ways-that-would-be.1141492 https://theredarchive.com/post/1141492

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