I was on another subreddit where people ask if their behavior was right. A high school girl said she’s thin and so’s most of her friend group, but she has one large friend who always has something to say about everyone else’s bodies, esp. the OP. This day, the large friend was needling the OP and kept insisting the OP needed to “eat more” and the OP replied ‘what and start to look like you? No thanks’. Now whether you think the OP was right or wrong, I found it fascinating she got down voted for not being the “bigger person.” I’m confused. If someone steps to you and you step back, what did you do wrong? Then it hit me. Men do this all the time, (and so do people like this “friend” who secretly have an issue with us but are too mealy-mouthed to be honest about it).

Men set you up by saying or doing something completely inappropriate. For example, if you’re at work and a coworker says, “nice ass.” He’s 100% wrong and he knows it, but now the onus is on you! However you react all eyes are on you and you are going to suffer the consequences so much more than him. You report it? You’re called a troublemaker, you don’t know how to take a compliment. You’re told YOU are making the environment uncomfortable, he was just joking. You don’t report it and later it escalates? Clearly he thought you liked it, how it he supposed to know you don’t if you don’t speak up. Men are just reading your signals, cOMmUnIcATe. You tell him to stop, you’re an uptight prude, again making everyone uncomfortable, and you still have to go on working with this guy. Now he’s got a built-in excuse of why he doesn’t want to team with you or give you necessary information. And if you say you don’t want to work with him or you go to HR, you get the reputation as the difficult one. The whole world tone polices how a victim responds but never has anything to say to the guy who violates boundaries to start with.

Someone else on the post said the OP should’ve spoken up. How was her large friend supposed to know she didn’t like those comments? They said it was like poking someone repeatedly and then them punching you out of nowhere. I’m guessing this is a man. Sounds like a boundary stomper. I replied: “But common sense ought to tell you not to poke someone, without them having to say it out loud. You may justify it by saying, "it doesn't really hurt, I'm just teasing," but what is your intent when you poke? To bother, to annoy. You may be having fun, but it's not fun for your target and you know it. Pretending not to understand that until they ask you to stop or snap and retaliate is just a way to throw a rock and hide your hand. Nobody wants someone to literally come up and poke them out of nowhere. Nobody wants someone else to make unsolicited, REPEATED, non-complimentary public comments on their body. And someone who is sensitive about their own body knows that better than anyone.”

Yes, the OP set a boundary harshly AFTER her friend crossed her boundaries repeatedly. I'm of the belief boundary stompers get what they get. If you trespass on my property, it'd be nice if you just encountered a fence, but if you stumble into an electric fence, that's your business. No one is obligated to make sure you have a pleasant experience when you cross their boundaries. That's too much responsibility on the victim. You don't like the outcome? Don't violate boundaries. Otherwise, all bets are off. When a man tests you like this, he’s taking your temperature. Many experts have said definitively rapists with often push boundaries first to see your response. You say no, you don’t want a drink, no, you don’t want him to come inside, no, you don’t want to be spoken to like that. They INTENTIONALLY keep going and if you take it, they’ve found a quality they like. PUSH BACK. Don’t take that mess lying down. They will go and look for easier prey.