How do I know a woman enjoys doing things with me and isn't just pretending out of fear that I'll assault her or something?

politicsthrowaway230 · 2023-05-06T19:03:41+00:00

Question: have you read this on Reddit, or have people told you this? Have you upset/offended women in the past over your behaviour, to your knowledge?

It sounds like you have developed some pretty debilitating social anxiety and you should see a professional for that. This amount of care is not healthy and may actually make women uncomfortable or fearful in itself by making you act very weird and twitchy.

Ppdebatesomental · 2023-05-06T21:40:00+00:00

From what I understand from life experience and reading online, women don't turn down men

And this is somewhere outside of planet earth? Are you holding a knife to their throat when you ask them for a date?

Slipthe · 2023-05-06T18:12:58+00:00

Women absolutely turn down men they are revolted by.

It's only when women feel trapped, like at some dude's house, they they might freeze or fawn out of fear. But if you just approach her at the book store or some shit, she's gonna walk away from you and that situation ASAP.

ashleyrose56 · 2023-05-06T19:55:16+00:00

Are you on the spectrum?

kochIndustriesRussia · 2023-05-06T21:56:54+00:00

Ummmm.....they have no problem turning you down. Go try it...with this type of game its a guarantee. Just approach one...see what happens? I guarantee she won't go to the movies with you lol

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-05-06T22:19:07+00:00

Women turn down plenty of men. Sometimes it's a blunt ''no'', sometimes you try to be a lot more polite and cautious about it, but we turn down people we aren't interested in. If someone agrees to hang out with you and they go through with hanging out with you, they don't just say ''suuure, let's hang out'' but never take you up on it, they're at least interested in spending time with you. Now, that doesn't mean they're interested in you in terms of dating, maybe they just like you as a friend and think you're cool to hang out with.

eefr · 2023-05-06T22:27:02+00:00

It sounds like you're really struggling a lot right now, and I'm sorry to hear that.

It's good that you are aware that sometimes women, if they fear violent retaliation, might be reluctant to say no directly.

But usually we show hesitation in other ways. We might avoid the topic or avoid you, or we might seem really reluctant and never initiate anything. You'll see avoidance and reluctant acquiescence, but never enthusiasm.

I think the standard of enthusiastic consent is really helpful in situations like this. If she's texting you wanting to meet up, asking if you want to come over; if she's touching you, if she kisses you back, if she's the one unbuckling your belt ... that's how you know that she's really into you.

I can tell you're a caring and conscientious person, which is why you're worried about this. I didn't read all the comments here but I read a few, and it sounds like you've had some really negative experiences in the past that have left you very worried and unable to move forward.

I would describe this as trauma. You've had experiences so distressing in the past that you're thinking about them all the time, you're scared they'll happen again, you're avoiding romantic situations entirely to prevent them from happening again, you're unable to move on with your life... that's trauma.

I think doing your best to process the trauma is going to help you move forward in this area of your life without fear and negative thoughts.

Some people find therapy to be a very helpful way to process trauma, and I would recommend it -- not because you're crazy and I don't want to talk to you about this, but because I know that it's hard to unravel that tangle of emotions inside of you and it helps to have some guidance and to do it in a safe and psychologically manageable way.

If you don't want to try therapy, you might try some other ways to get some distance from and perspective on all these negative emotions. I have found mindfulness meditation to be helpful. I use the Headspace app.

I think you're a really good guy and a caring person. I really want you to be able to date again without fear. If you ever need to talk about what you're going through, please feel free to DM me.

I'm sending you big virtual hugs. ❤️

UnusualInjury5506 · 2023-05-06T22:53:40+00:00

In my experience women don’t typically date guys they don’t like. What your talking about does happen but I think it’s far from the norm. There are also other reasons they do it. Sometimes they’re just not sure. Sometimes they just want to give you a chance. Sometimes they change their mind about you. It’s not all about fear of being assaulted.

Are you making it clear from the beginning that you’re interested? It sounds like you’re asking women to hangout with you but not making your intentions known. Maybe they think you’re just trying to be friends with them and then when they realize you’re not trying to be friends that’s when they tell you that they have a boyfriend. I used to friend zone myself a lot by doing that. A lot of women seem to really enjoy my company but not in a romantic way. Just because they want to spend a time with you or enjoy your company doesn’t mean they’re interested in dating you. The best thing for you to do is to just make your intentions known and see how they respond. It’s the only way to know for sure how they feel about you.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-05-06T18:15:39+00:00

Women turn down men all the time. Anyway, if she seems engaged, interested, happy, flirtatious, she’s enjoying herself. If she seems reserved, annoyed, aloof, and doesn’t respond to flirtation, she probably is not enjoying herself, or she could just be really shy. Generally speaking though, she would find an excuse if she simply didn’t want to be there.

houstongradengineer · 2023-05-06T23:33:19+00:00

She'll tell you when she's sure, so long as you can be open and speak to her long enough. Start in groups. She won't say YES directly, either, not the first time and not happily, unless she does want to do something romantic with you. I would make it very clear what your romantic intentions are... If they're romantic instead of purely sexual, that is.

AngeCruelle · 2023-05-06T18:28:37+00:00

Basic social cues. I find it pretty easy to understand when another person is just timidly going along with what I want and when they're enthusiastic. Now apply that to sex.

If you're the type of person who can do that in any other area of life but suddenly struggles when pussy is on the line then maybe you should not in fact speak to women.

MrHustleTopG · 2023-05-06T19:20:07+00:00

damn if females this scared of everything men should be avoiding them ain’t nobody game time for scaredy ass bitch.

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TheLonerCoder · 2023-05-06T20:27:55+00:00

Alot of people will gaslight you but I've personally have seen my female friends (and their friends) purposely lead on guys knowing 100% those men are interested in them. I think the only way you can know is how often a woman initiates contact and asks to do stuff. Like, if you're always the one asking to hang out and it's always platonic (never flirtatious), she's not genuinely interested in you and it's time to move on...

No-Composer-4196 · 2023-05-07T01:26:22+00:00

Dude if you're getting women easily you're probably getting something right.

Safinated · 2023-05-07T02:47:25+00:00

You know that’s not true in most cases, otherwise there’d be way more men in prison and also way more men getting laid through rape

MistyMaisel · 2023-05-07T02:47:59+00:00

I tell men no in mild ways generally with the ability to escalate to bitchy and aggressive. Sometimes, when I'm tired, we go straight to bitchy and aggressive.

Women interacting with you regularly and agreeing to go places with you alone probably somewhat like you.

Zombombaby · 2023-05-07T03:49:08+00:00

I love hanging out with men and some of my best friends are men. If we were scared of you then we wouldn't be hanging out with you. Unless you're genuinely blackmailing or coercing us to be there, we probably just enjoy your company.

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