Unless You’re Content with Mediocrity: Dating When You Aren’t The Best Version Of Yourself Is Mostly A Waste of Time

januaryphilosopher · 2023-06-24T20:17:31+00:00

Is anyone ever going to be ideal or the best version of themselves? Not being perfect doesn't mean being mediocre. Accepting that and not putting off dating until you've reached some unattainable standard but meeting your dating goals and growing together as part of your development will make you live life much better.

Former_Molasses_7073 · 2023-06-24T20:31:31+00:00

Hmmmm, what do you define as not being your best though ? Is it a phase of life ? A state of looks ?

As a man , I think focusing heavily on dating in early college is a waste of time because the odds are stacked against guys not in a fraternity or not an athlete . Your time being used to get a better job or start a business or something life changing would benefit you more .

However after college , I think it’s important to keep dating because you have to gain dating experience . You need to not feel anxious or thirsty . You need to feel like women aren’t lacking or the number one priority either

Pale-Fish-8599 · 2023-06-24T20:50:40+00:00

I disagree. Part of becoming an attractive man is developing social confidence. Sitting on the sidelines until you consider yourself good enough is not the answer. You can read about pickup and other techniques, however, the ability to apply it in real life has a learning curve and is another matter. Is this not true for every part of life?

symbolsalad · 2023-06-24T20:51:47+00:00

First of all, you're never "The best version of yourself" - there's always something that can be improved, you can always be more attractive. Even if we allow some amount of leeway, how do you know you're good enough to start dating? The clear line does not exist.

Second, it doesn't really matter how great you are, if you get older with zero relationship experience it's going to go against you significantly.

Finally:

Mediocre people choose to be that way through their actions and life choices

I strongly disagree. It's been my personal experience that some people are just born mediocre. At least for my definition of mediocre.

ThrowAwayHuman122333 · 2023-06-24T20:55:36+00:00

I disagree. Being in a relationship involves growing with your partner. You don't have to "be the best version of yourself" already because:

That's not likely to happen at a young age, implying that nobody should date until they're much older.
Nothing to grow or improve on could also mean stagnation in your relationship as well.

One thing you learn about life as you grow older and gain more experience is that not much is going to be ideal. There's never going to be a perfect time to do anything that you can math out on a piece of paper. Everyone is winging life because they don't know what to do, and they learn from their experiences (mostly the negative ones caused by bad choices) and take that experience forward with them.

So, unless you're a highly intuitive person that is always in the right place and making the right decisions in life, you're not going to have an ideal life. Better to make the best with what you have, even if it's nothing.

Preme2 · 2023-06-24T21:19:22+00:00

Dating when you aren’t the best version of yourself is mostly a waste of time.

If you’re waiting until you’re the best version of yourself then you’ll be waiting forever. I get what you’re saying but people will fall into the trap of needing the next thing. “Once I get this job, car, apartment, house, weight goal, degree, then I’ll start dating”. Today, you’re also keeping with social media or a fantasy.

Be content and search, but if you’re waiting to check off every box at 22 or 25 then it won’t happen.

WilliamWyattD · 2023-06-25T07:53:35+00:00

Better is on a continuum. Your are never your best self forever. That said, you have to decide if you are in the 'monk mode' part of the continuum or not. Sometimes you should stay celibate and improve until you get to a certain level.

Friendly_Business_62 · 2023-06-25T13:50:44+00:00

I don’t know, sometimes finding a woman at your worst is the better scenario. If she sticks around after you accrue some wealth and get your shit together, you can rest easy knowing she loved you at your worst. You find someone when you’re doing exceptionally well, then you’ve set the bar much higher and likely this woman will leave at the first sign of you sliding back.

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2023-06-24T20:28:40+00:00

You can improve yourself so far, but you can't continue to improve yourself if you don't know what else there is, which needs to be done by dating.

Ciabatta_Scoober · 2023-06-24T20:58:42+00:00

Self improvement is a trap for men: as a man improves his standards rise faster than the quality of woman he can attract.

Getting fit would be fine if there were enough fit women for every fit man, but there aren’t.

Being financially stable would be great if there were enough financially stable women for every financially stable man, but there aren’t.

Having a wide social network would be great if women had similarly wide social networks, but they don’t.

Self improvement for men just breeds resentment.

wtknight · 2023-06-24T21:24:02+00:00

Being the best version of myself is too much work. I prefer to be with someone who has a similar relaxed vision of life as I do.

Unnecessary-Training · 2023-06-24T21:29:43+00:00

Of course. Entering into a relationship without your own house in order will only lead to tragedy.

El_Don_94 · 2023-06-24T21:41:06+00:00

What is with the extremes? Most people aren't exceptional but neither are they totally out of shape or financially struggling hugely.

PMmeareasontolive · 2023-06-25T00:13:33+00:00

You seem to regard mediocrity as basically worthless, and enshrine others as the winners of life. On something like a black and white, pass/fail basis. In reality we are all clustered somewhere on that functionality spectrum nearer the middle, somewhat higher in some areas, lower in others.
As long as you aren't really failing in some area (which would be below anything considered mediocrity) you can still find happiness in dating. You can still fall in love and experience great sex.

Your portrayal of mediocre people is like they are severely dysfunctional and unable to experience any of that.

Dizzy_Television6179 · 2023-06-25T02:22:08+00:00

You seem to view dating as game where there's a scoreboard displaying the sum of you and your partners "stats", and the objective of the game is to get as high of a score as possible. This is a very weird and shallow way of viewing interpersonal relationships. People date because generally speaking, a strong, romantic bond with another person is enjoyable and enhances your life.

But okay, let us assume you are right. I have three questions.

1) No one is the best version of themselves (not even remotely close), yet most people date. How do you explain this? If what you said were true -- that it really is a waste of time -- then why do most people date?

2) You've stated that you believe dating as a loser is futile, and that the ball should be rolling in one's favor before they date. How would a hypothetical "loser" determine when the ball rolls in their favor? How do they know they are their best self?

3) How should a "loser" gain the relationship skills necessary to navigate their future, ideal relationship? Let's say Jeffrey retreats into the cocoon of self-improvement, comes out as his best possible self years later, and then finds his "ideal" girl. He inevitably fucks up because he has no prior relationship experience. Is it not better for Jeffrey to date and grow as a person simultaneously? That way, in the future he'll have both his "ideal" girl AND the know-how of navigating romantic relationships.

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-06-25T02:52:48+00:00

Everyone could always be better. That's what life is, a process of (hopefully) trying to be the best you. The right match will meet you where you are, and if things go toward a longer-term angle, will grow with you into their own path.

plumtastic · 2023-06-24T20:16:32+00:00

Spending years on self improvement while not having any relationship or dating experience is also not particularly ideal for men either. You can't develop relationship and pick up skills in a vacuum.

stats135 · 2023-06-24T21:09:38+00:00

We really need to drop the whole "best version of yourself" bullshit.

If the "loser version" of a person is someone we loses games playing CS:GO all day, the "best version" of them would simply be someone wins games on CS:GO all day. In both cases, they ain't getting laid. What would need to happen is to stop playing games, or to put it bluntly, to stop being themselves when being themselves ain't working.

Unique_Shoe · 2023-06-25T06:30:23+00:00

Most men, and that definitely includes you, are mediocre. Why are you giving dating advice if you're just mediocre?

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Pussy-is-queen · 2023-06-25T01:39:29+00:00

I have news for you - you don’t have that many years to be young, and it also takes years for people to change. Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

odd_cloud · 2023-06-25T16:37:37+00:00

People are never in their best shape.

Title	Unless You’re Content with Mediocrity: Dating When You Aren’t The Best Version Of Yourself Is Mostly A Waste of Time
Author	Sabrepill
Upvotes	5
Comments	93
Date	June 24, 2023 8:01 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/14i2520/unless_youre_content_with_mediocrity_dating_when/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/unless-youre-content-with-mediocrity-dating-when.1223369 https://theredarchive.com/post/1223369

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