I (20m) just found out my wife (19f) went on a date with another man

sicrm · 2023-07-23T07:24:54+00:00

get DNA, STD tests, and talk to a lawyer to see what a divorce would look like while you wait on the results.

you have to respect yourself or they’ll always be disrespect even if you start a new relationship later on.

Long-Review-1861 · 2023-07-23T08:31:52+00:00

Why are you married at 20??? Way too young

boltmaker12 · 2023-07-23T12:48:29+00:00

I remember getting married at 23 and my wife was 9 months older. I was so you and was soon hit with the realization that I wasn't ready for what hit me. My problem was that we live in a world where men were tough men and ruled the home many years ago. In more recent years there has been a lot of activism for equality.

My wife had a very strong willed personality and was not interested in me calling any of the shots. She found many ways to talk down to me and criticize me. One of the critiques that I often heard was that I need to be a man and grow up. It never seemed to make any sense to me as she wanted to call the shots and then would turn on me for not calling the shots.

I think in hind sight had I waited until I was say 30ish and married a 24 year old I would have been better suited, would have been respected more, and would've grown into being the man I needed to be regardless of anyone's criticism.

My point is that you both are very young and this one might be doomed just because you guys are both still learning about the young adult life. A lot of people feel that when they become an adult that they are old enough to be married only to find out they still want to fit somewhere in between an old teenager and a young adult. She may be going through this right now and it may take her further down this course of leaving you.

I'm sure right now you are feeling a lot of pain with her wanting to leave. That is natural. It does hurt. Even for me when my ex wife left it hurt just because of the familiarity that we had built for many years. In my time of healing after she left I soon realized what a jerk she was all those years and what a relief it was to be away from her.

You will find healing o e day at a time. You will learn to make better decisions as you go. Don't be so quick to jump back into the dating game that you take the next bad decision that co.es your way. Allow time by yourself and your little one to grow into the adult you know you want/need to be. You can't hardly find someone you know you want to be with when you are still learning about the adult you and how you want to live life.

Character_Hippo90 · 2023-07-23T12:18:51+00:00

You can’t fix what you didn’t break, so stop trying. Now would be a perfect time to derail it all, file for divorce, collect a DNA specimen for your child, and send her to the concrete pavement she craves.

FUMoney · 2023-07-23T11:12:45+00:00

Too young for this. You and she are not equipped with the life experience to put each other’s — and the child’s — needs first. Nor does it sound like the female is mature enough for motherhood. Too much, too soon, too fast. Being married, and especially being parents, requires a fuckton of sacrifice. Sacrifice. And I’m not being critical — at your age, holy hell was I unequipped to be married, let alone a father, nor would I ever agree to sacrifice even a single hour, or dollar, watching a kid. But you now have some very serious responsibilities.

As for what to do? My friend, this marriage is already eleven broken eggs in a rotten dozen. I think you are going to have multiple serious issues to confront, including divorce, custody, child support, and possibly even alimony. This is going to be a lot for a young military member. A lot. I don’t even know where to begin, but I guess your question is indeed a good first step.

If, however, your spouse is telling new romantic partners she is divorced — your marriage is doomed. A female undertaking this course of action, this subterfuge, is screaming she is done with the marriage and the relationship. Proceed accordingly.

Training_Ad1368 · 2023-07-23T10:21:31+00:00

Yes, why are you married this young anyway? There is so much you are missing. End that relationship in good terms and mess around for at least 15 more years, then find a a new 20 years old wife.

You are going thru a very intense drama way to young. Life is beautiful make it easy.

And get a lawyer for a DNA test.

Bluetoes1 · 2023-07-23T12:40:38+00:00

I’m sorry this is happening to you. You need to protect yourself. She sounds like she is already gone. You are going to go through some pain, but you probably need to divorce her and move on. It sounds like she has some issues and you can’t fix them. I agree with the guy who said get a std test and then a paternity for your child.

I’m going to tell you something else, she is not the love of your life. She is a woman you love right now. But you deserve better, and you will find her. You don’t deserve to be treated this way by anyone no matter how you feel about them.

You have a long life ahead of you and you deserve to be happy.

Cowfootstew · 2023-07-23T15:39:09+00:00

Get tested and get the baby tested. High likelihood she went on a date with a dude that already smashed. Get lawyered up and don't tip your hat. Don't say anything.

hpsportsfanatic · 2023-07-23T19:10:59+00:00

Honestly don’t go digging not worth it. End it. And move on king

steelgripphoenix · 2023-07-23T19:12:27+00:00

she wants a divorce to be alone and heal from a past relationship

Your wife wants to heal from a past relationship? 💀

I feel so betrayed and broken sometimes I wanna fight her jokingly but also not jokingly

You aren't joking. You need to cut your losses before you end up assaulting her and destroying your own future. You can't fix people. Do better vetting moving forward, and if you're in he military doing get married again. The benefits aren't really benefits when you take into consideration how military marriages tend to go.

DucatiDrew · 2023-07-23T21:13:14+00:00

Complete lack of respect and will not improve. Get a lawyer, get therapy and lots of it, get help from family and custody if possible. Wishing you the very best brother.

koolaidkid12345 · 2023-07-23T23:33:40+00:00

Punctuation when posting is very helpful to help us readers formulate what you are trying to say.

If you think it is salvageable.. seek therapy.

You guys are crazy young.. 20 and a kid.. I can't even fathom what that is like with the world it is today. Hopefully you both are still in college and/or building a career of some sort.

But at this age.. it is WAY WAY too easy to just walk away.

If you only been married not even a year, get an annulment. At least alimony wont be very long.. but child support will be expensive so make sure if you go that route you get 50/50 custody.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-07-24T00:50:31+00:00

R

U

N

warrior_up · 2023-07-24T18:32:42+00:00

Bro. Bounce - you're 20yrs old and have learned a VERY valuable lesson for a reason. You've been let off easy, quit putting your trust and love into females or anyone else for that matter.

Get rich, the rest will follow

Sorry just seeing you share a kid together...still same advice above, just that kid is #1 priority now Dad. You need more $$, figure out how to do that - replace her with your drive to regret losing you

Adventurous-Box-745 · 2023-07-25T02:34:39+00:00

Stop saying she is the love of your life. She's not one in a million. She's just one of the millions.

1Koala1 · 2023-07-23T13:47:46+00:00

No offense but this story seems fake af.

kungraco · 2023-07-23T16:32:57+00:00

My gut feeling is that she checked out awhile ago. You need to understand this for yourself. Until you do you will be bouncing around in a vacuum of false hope and denial. My personal approach would be to find a way to distance myself from her emotionally and put all your resources into the child. That is where your responsibility lies. Sorry brother but you are young and you will survive this.

helloworld2389023 · 2023-07-23T17:12:47+00:00

Dude move on asap. Don’t settle for someone like that, trust me.

Worried_Baker_9462 · 2023-07-23T19:03:10+00:00

You can't fix it. She doesn't want to fix it. So you can't.

redragtop99 · 2023-07-23T19:19:49+00:00

It’s over OP… get an attorney and go NC!

redragtop99 · 2023-07-23T19:23:30+00:00

Low contact then, excuse me, you are correct

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2023-07-23T19:47:56+00:00

Cut your losses asap

ballzdeepinbacon · 2023-07-23T23:47:17+00:00

Yes. You do. Run and salvage what you can. I’m sorry this is happening. While you’re at it, you’re young, if you can get some counselling through the military - help you figure out it’s not your fault and past as quickly and easily as possible.

joemoorcarz · 2023-07-24T01:28:35+00:00

Seriously the possibility that she has been unfaithful all along. So get a STD and DNA test done. Then please start the divorce proceedings started. She's is not the love of your life because she's not who you think she is. You've been fooled and taken advantage of.

Fact the love of your life wouldn't be doing this to you.

sonyshooter52 · 2023-07-24T02:38:43+00:00

Its over. Leave her unless she rich

dnbndnb · 2023-07-25T04:52:40+00:00

You’re 20 yrs old. Cut your losses immediately. She is absolutely untrustworthy. If you think you can change this you can’t.

Title	I (20m) just found out my wife (19f) went on a date with another man
Author	Sea-Consideration884
Upvotes	18
Comments	57
Date	July 23, 2023 6:31 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/15774nq/i_20m_just_found_out_my_wife_19f_went_on_a_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-20m-just-found-out-my-wife-19f-went-on-a-date.1226185 https://theredarchive.com/post/1226185

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